SIL just sent out the most obnoxious "coming to visit the new family" e-mail

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the mom is a high strung person who had a difficult delivery. The best thing would be for her to chill out, formula feed, nd get some sleep. But in place of that she is trying to exert control by obsessing over visitor rules. Not that anything she put in there is by itself unreasonable, but put together it just radiates anxiety. Op just play along for now and do what you can to support the family. Sounds like she is having a tough time.

She really is, and I think the majority of it is about control.

Her birth plan didn't go as she wanted, and she absolutely could not handle it. Same thing happened at her wedding, she plans it for mid-April and it rains. Wedding ruined despite the fact that her parents paid for the whole $200,000 thing.

[Anonymous]

Yeah -- I wouldn't go, even if it was my brother's kid. Frankly you can get out of it by saying you had a sniffle 2 weeks ago -- that'll freak her out enough that she'll be relieved that you're declining.

As for the chores -- um, vacuuming? Sounds like she had the baby a few days ago and isn't feel great. Ok fine. Does her home normally get vacuumed every day? In an adult household where no one is crawling, that's a chore that can easily be skipped for several weeks without anyone noticing.

You forgot the list of what they need and enjoy. I'm dying to know.

With family -- whatever, you can be obnoxious and they likely won't disown you. But I can't believe she's asking her friends to reserve time with her but then telling them their time may be pushed back -- so basically they should be waiting by their email for a precious 30 to 60 min with her and if they could whip up a meal in advance and run the vacuum while they were there that would be great!? Does she want to keep her friends or no!?

[Anonymous]

They act like they are the first couple to have a difficult pregnancy and first few days.

[Anonymous]

that email is hysterical! thanks for sharing it.

is this your husband's brother's wife? or your brother's wife?

[Anonymous]

This is so over the top. I would not visit. I would tell your brother and SIL that, given the conditions, you are uncomfortable and will visit when they have chilled out a bit. Also, your brother didn't give birth, so why can't he do dishes and laundry? Asking your guests to do this is ridiculous (although, presumably, some would be willing to help out if it wasn't a condition of seeing the baby).

[Anonymous]

They could have dusted and vacuumed the whole place in the time it too to type that email! I would not respond nor visit. My schedule doesn't allow me to book that much in advance and I need to be doing my own housework - not hers!

[Anonymous]

That email is priceless. I totally believe this - no one could make this up!

[Anonymous]

I would NOT visit her. Ever. Wait until you happen to see them at in laws house for the next famiy event. If they ask you why you haven't visited the baby tell them you wanted to wait until the baby was less fragile.

[Anonymous]

I would send a gift and a note that says something like "looking forward to seeing you all when you are fully recovered. It would be nice to meet for lunch when you feel up to it."

I've got enough errands and cleaning to do. I'm not heading to someone's house to help them do theirs unless they are a single parent with very little or no family in the area to help. DH needs to step up his game. That's what being a parent means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:that email is hysterical! thanks for sharing it.

is this your husband's brother's wife? or your brother's wife?

Brothers wife.

My mom called him and asked why he wasn't helping out more. He is, they just want free maid/cooking service. He is the youngest, so also spoiled rotten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:that email is hysterical! thanks for sharing it.

is this your husband's brother's wife? or your brother's wife?

Brothers wife.

My mom called him and asked why he wasn't helping out more. He is, they just want free maid/cooking service. He is the youngest, so also spoiled rotten.

Don't go. They both need to figure this out. If her parents can afford a $200k wedding, then they can hire them a house keeper and a night nurse.

[Anonymous]

OP your SIL sounds like me only that I don't have a new born but I do have an injured husband who needs total assistance in everything which gets very overwhelming having people come over expectedly and they expect you to feed them and then they leave you all the dishes to clean. Your SIL is most likely going through an adjustment period and once she figures out a routine I am sure she will be okay.

[Anonymous]

I think this is real. I know two people, both had surgery, that sent out a mass email asking for meals with specifics requests, chauffeuring, etc. Both had plenty of money and husbands, meaning they could have ordered take-out and or hired car service.

[Anonymous]

Don't visit her. We had a now former friend pull that on us. Fast forward 6 years later - she's still so high strung that most people from our inner circle have dropped her. She spoon feeds her child, the kid doesn't know how to dress herself, and she wipes her butt. Trust me, it's THAT bad.

[Anonymous]

Call - congratulate them - make them aware that you have not been feeling 100% and will connect when you are.

Or - that you have not had the booster for some vacination and have an appt scheduled for next June.