I can't handle the competition at K

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So here's what we have:

OP's child goes to a school that gave out an award to children, but not to her child.

OP think her child's school focuses too much on behavior.

Somehow we drifted into...

* the school only values good behavior and doesn't value individuality.

Well, the award was not given for academics. But for being a good girl. In the eyes of the teacher the good girl is the one that's best behaved and compliant. This is not the values that I'm teaching my DD. I'm not raising sheep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So ... the other girl is better at standing in lines facing forward? Using whatever the "proper" grip is on a pencil these days?

Who gives a shit? It's KINDERGARTEN.

It's for "students who try their best in both academics and good citizenship".

What about kids who are not people pleasers, who don't try hard to please the teacher?

My DD's school had a monthly assembly when the principal highlighted students selected by their teacher for "showing model citizenship." (ie - being nice)
My DD is quite shy and has a HUGE heart. She was always helping others but in a "behind the scenes" type way so she was never acknowledged for her kindness.
This sounds like it will be the same for your DD.

As for the competition between girls, when spring comes along and the school starts thinking about class placement for 1st grade, put something like this in writing, "Lara and Laura are such close friends outside of school and the families spend a lot of time together. I would like to request that Lara be placed in a different 1st grade class so she can develop and expand new friendships."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Well, the award was not given for academics. But for being a good girl. In the eyes of the teacher the good girl is the one that's best behaved and compliant. This is not the values that I'm teaching my DD. I'm not raising sheep.

Given that you're not raising a sheep, and given that the award is for being a sheep, it follows that you should be happy that your daughter did not win the award. You don't seem happy, though.

[Anonymous]

-- any fool can despise what he cannot get

Aesop

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It does not sound like behavior has anything to do with the reason your daughter wasn't chosen. You describe her as not as verbal, ok academically as opposed to advanced, and not a child who discloses what she knows.

She's quiet. She knows quite a bit, but will not shout out the answer, not trying to impress the teacher.
. The chosen girl is very competitive, pushy, tries very hard to be perfect, to win and to receive praise. Just different personalities.

Just the fact that a teacher has favorites makes me cringe.

Wait. Didn't you say there's too much emphasis on walking in straight lines, being compliant, keeping your hands behind your back? Then how is this "chosen girl" (horrible label, by the way, OP) succeeding if she is more like a squeaky wheel? Wouldn't that upset the idea that the school is creating robot students who aren't curious or imaginative or different?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did we not just start the school year? My DD is in K and there have been no awards given. How would they even know who to give awards to at this point. Op you can't handle the competition and you are the one creating the competition!

OP here. Yes, just started. And awards in K is ridiculous. WTF? So you see the kids just started and they're already creating competition and segregating kids into the good ones and bad ones. I know there is at least one "bad" boy in class who is in time-out all the time. So we just started and there are already the teacher's favorites and teacher's least favorites.

And EVERYTHING is about behavior. All the criticism and praise are about behavior, nothing else. They get stickers and gifts for good behavior, reprimanded for any minor thing, talking at lunch break, for example. Again, WTF? Reward them for being curious, for trying hard, for being creative, for meaningful things, not for holding their hands behind their backs.

Yes, it is more about behavior and social skills in K then it is about academics.

This is why so many parents dislike K because it's their child's first time in school and their child is essentially not brilliant at it. It's the parents realization that their kid is not perfect and that even though little Larla can recite the multiplication tables -in French and Mandarin as well as English - that little Larla actually does need K and needs to learn quite a bit before 1st grade.

My child is in 4th. I don't know any parent who looks back now and says they wish their kid had skipped K. They all now realize that their child did learn a lot and needed to learn and what they learned wasn't necessarily academic.

And it may be the first time that someone doesn't think that Everest or Fern is the most incredible little life full of wonder and spiritual joy if only he/she were allowed to express it in a way that captures their true essence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Well, the award was not given for academics. But for being a good girl. In the eyes of the teacher the good girl is the one that's best behaved and compliant. This is not the values that I'm teaching my DD. I'm not raising sheep.

Given that you're not raising a sheep, and given that the award is for being a sheep, it follows that you should be happy that your daughter did not win the award. You don't seem happy, though.

She wants the school's reward system reorganized around the stuff that her daughter happens to be good at -- which is, of course, the only important stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did we not just start the school year? My DD is in K and there have been no awards given. How would they even know who to give awards to at this point. Op you can't handle the competition and you are the one creating the competition!

OP here. Yes, just started. And awards in K is ridiculous. WTF? So you see the kids just started and they're already creating competition and segregating kids into the good ones and bad ones. I know there is at least one "bad" boy in class who is in time-out all the time. So we just started and there are already the teacher's favorites and teacher's least favorites.

And EVERYTHING is about behavior. All the criticism and praise are about behavior, nothing else. They get stickers and gifts for good behavior, reprimanded for any minor thing, talking at lunch break, for example. Again, WTF? Reward them for being curious, for trying hard, for being creative, for meaningful things, not for holding their hands behind their backs.

Yes, it is more about behavior and social skills in K then it is about academics.

This is why so many parents dislike K because it's their child's first time in school and their child is essentially not brilliant at it. It's the parents realization that their kid is not perfect and that even though little Larla can recite the multiplication tables -in French and Mandarin as well as English - that little Larla actually does need K and needs to learn quite a bit before 1st grade.

My child is in 4th. I don't know any parent who looks back now and says they wish their kid had skipped K. They all now realize that their child did learn a lot and needed to learn and what they learned wasn't necessarily academic.

And it may be the first time that someone doesn't think that Everest or Fern is the most incredible little life full of wonder and spiritual joy if only he/she were allowed to express it in a way that captures their true essence.

Lovely names, PP!
I second your comment in its entirety.

[Anonymous]

You know,OP, it's not uncommon for schools to give awards monthly with kids taking turns getting them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So here's what we have:

OP's child goes to a school that gave out an award to children, but not to her child.

OP think her child's school focuses too much on behavior.

Somehow we drifted into...

* the school only values good behavior and doesn't value individuality.

Well, the award was not given for academics. But for being a good girl. In the eyes of the teacher the good girl is the one that's best behaved and compliant. This is not the values that I'm teaching my DD. I'm not raising sheep.

Yes, you have convinced me completely. You can't handle the competition at K.

[Anonymous]

This is not the values that I'm teaching my DD. I'm not raising sheep.

So, you'd rather have an ill behaved child that no one likes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, the award was not given for academics. But for being a good girl. In the eyes of the teacher the good girl is the one that's best behaved and compliant. This is not the values that I'm teaching my DD. I'm not raising sheep.

Neither am I. But ideally I am raising kids who will be appropriately behaved in a variety of different environments and obedient to legitimate authority when appropriate. Being a well behaved person/student is important and beneficial because learning cannot occur in an atmosphere of chaos, poor behavior, and disrespect. The rules in K are things like keep your hands to yourself, don’t interrupt when someone is talking, use polite words at an appropriate volume, pay attention to the teacher when she’s teaching, and do your work without distracting others. Are those really such bad things to learn, or bad rules to follow?

And I’m not sure what’s so objectionable about teaching kids a foundation of obedience to legitimate authority. Don’t (most) adults obey laws, follow instructions from their boss at work, take directions from the facilitator of classes they’re attending, follow the rules/policies of businesses and other public places, etc.? Otherwise we would end up with some sort of a state of anarchy. I think kids need to learn that there will be people in life who will give them instructions that need to be obeyed.

We teach our kids how to know whether someone is a legitimate authority figure. And we teach them that instructions from a legitimate authority figure are to be obeyed UNLESS they violate our family’s rules and/or values. Their teacher is an authority figure in their life, and so far nothing a teacher has told them to do has been sufficiently objectionable that we believe they would have been justified in disobeying.

Disobeying a bad/wrong rule can be a good thing after some consideration about why the rule is inappropriate; deciding to disobey or ignore all rules because “following rules is for sheep” (which seems like OP’s attitude) is defiance for the sake of defiance and no more virtuous or beneficial than the obedience OP seems to disdain.

Even Picasso, who I think was a pretty creative, interesting person and hardly a “sheep” had a quote something to the effect of (paraphrasing): you need to know the rules and be able to follow them before you can decide which ones you should break.

There are awards for lots of things in a child’s life. Academic success, academic effort, athletics. Why is it a bad thing if there’s some sort of "good citizenship" type award for politeness and following the rules of the classroom community that help create an environment conducive to learning? We had this when I was in school and I don't recall it being a big deal or controversial at all.

OP, your strong feelings about this (and against the other little girl) honestly kind of baffle me here. This award/club thing isn’t a big deal, and it doesn’t seem like some sort of slight against your daughter either. If the criteria of the award are things you don’t value, why in the world would you care about your daughter not receiving it? It sounds like your DD is a very smart and creative young girl who will have plenty of success in her life, so why begrudge recognition to another student who is successful in a different area that you don’t consider important?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My DD's school had a monthly assembly when the principal highlighted students selected by their teacher for "showing model citizenship." (ie - being nice)
My DD is quite shy and has a HUGE heart. She was always helping others but in a "behind the scenes" type way so she was never acknowledged for her kindness.
This sounds like it will be the same for your DD.

As for the competition between girls, when spring comes along and the school starts thinking about class placement for 1st grade, put something like this in writing, "Lara and Laura are such close friends outside of school and the families spend a lot of time together. I would like to request that Lara be placed in a different 1st grade class so she can develop and expand new friendships."

Can I ask the school to move DD to another class earlier?

To add fuel to the fire my DD came home today and told me that the "model citizen" forces her to play with her and doesn't let her play with other kids, yells at her and calls her names. DD said she's scared of her and she makes her do things she doesn't want to do.

We don't really spend a whole lot of time with them outside the school right now. After the last play date DD said she doesn't want to be around her any more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Given that you're not raising a sheep, and given that the award is for being a sheep, it follows that you should be happy that your daughter did not win the award. You don't seem happy, though.

I don't want the stupid award. I don't want DD to think that she's less than.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know,OP, it's not uncommon for schools to give awards monthly with kids taking turns getting them.

How about no awards? How about just let the children thrive and flourish without constant comparisons and competitions?