What is "wife material"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Wife material" varies by man. I feel like every man has one specific thing they want in a wife. An ex-boyfriend told me I was wife material except for one thing...I was not from the country he was from (he was an immigrant).

My DH told me I was wife material while we were making out about 5 weeks after I met him.

To, him, "wife material" was someone who was financially successful on her own and never wanted to be a SAHM.

My dad always wanted someone who wanted to be a SAHM. He got my mom.

My brother wanted someone that was uber smart and he married a Harvard trained scientist.

My friend wanted someone young with great skin and he married someone 18 years his junior.

My uncle wanted a woman with a family with a certain cultural background...he married my aunt.

My ex married someone with an ethnic background from his country. It proved to me that all men have something in mind that they think is "wife material."

Be yourself. Every one is different in what they want in a spouse.

Married 4 years, one child. My husband material was trustworthy, intellectual curiosity, educated and good with money (meaning not a spender but a saver).

+1 Well put!!

never wanted to be a SAHM is wife material for weak men

You are wrong. I am currently a SAHM because it made financial sense for me to stay home and raise our kids rather than work a full time job and pay someone else to take care of them. He made more money that I did (though when we were married, I made more.) I was a teacher, so raises were pathetic (raises are on a step system, based on years of experience and the degree you have, not how well you can teach.) He was in the business world and had better raises since raises are based on performance.

Plus, his insurance was MUCH better than the ones offered by the school system. So for economic reasons, I stayed home. I'm glad I'm raising our kids rather than a stranger.

.

Wow, totally with you until that last sentence.

I guess in your view your husband isn't raising your kids, since he works?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious to see if we can articulate this further and get into specifics. I'm a single woman in her mid twenties, working in a white collar job where I earn in the low six figures. I decided to write this thread after reading the Female Lawyers in New York thread. I'm similar to that OP in that it's very hard for me to meet a man. I'm good looking and well spoken but I just can't flirt. So I decided that this year I am just going to start working on improving myself in every way until I am "wife material". Can men chime into this thread with input, and successful wives also?

Obviously, it goes without saying that physical fitness and maintaining your looks in every way (skin, hair, teeth, nails, etc) is paramount. And so is having your own income and enjoying your work.

Do you also need to be really financially savvy? A perfect cook and homemaker and hostess? I admit these are things I need to work on. I'm "financially savvy" in the sense that I live within my budget and save every month, but I definitely don't know how to follow the stock market. And I'm a decent cook but by no means an amazing one, and I honestly am not that great at throwing parties - I never had much practice because I'm a raging introvert.

What are other traits that make a woman more desirable as a wife? And what are good ways to learn those traits?

I am a successful wife. I have been happily married for more than 15 years, and am still head over heels for my DH. We have kids, dogs, a house and a comfortable lifestyle.

I am in no way what anyone would consider "wife material" if you are going by physical appearances and being a perfect cook, homemaker or hostess. I am, however, wife material in that I understand my DH and respond to his emotional needs. I put our relationship first, above everything else, including our kids (which gets me flamed on here). We are partners in life and for life, which extends so far beyond your limited "wife material" notion.

Forget about becoming something you are not in order to attract a husband. Be emotionally healthy and look for someone else who is emotional healthy. Believe me, maturity, mutual respect and communication are far more paramount to any relationship than your teeth, skin and hair could ever be. Indeed, if you meet a man who loves you for your teeth, skin and hair, you are in for a terrible shock, because your looks will not last forever. Be loved for who you are, not what you look like.

+1... Beauty is not a passport to success. It's a visa and it expires.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious to see if we can articulate this further and get into specifics. I'm a single woman in her mid twenties, working in a white collar job where I earn in the low six figures. I decided to write this thread after reading the Female Lawyers in New York thread. I'm similar to that OP in that it's very hard for me to meet a man. I'm good looking and well spoken but I just can't flirt. So I decided that this year I am just going to start working on improving myself in every way until I am "wife material". Can men chime into this thread with input, and successful wives also?

Obviously, it goes without saying that physical fitness and maintaining your looks in every way (skin, hair, teeth, nails, etc) is paramount. And so is having your own income and enjoying your work.

Do you also need to be really financially savvy? A perfect cook and homemaker and hostess? I admit these are things I need to work on. I'm "financially savvy" in the sense that I live within my budget and save every month, but I definitely don't know how to follow the stock market. And I'm a decent cook but by no means an amazing one, and I honestly am not that great at throwing parties - I never had much practice because I'm a raging introvert.

What are other traits that make a woman more desirable as a wife? And what are good ways to learn those traits?

Hello OP. You remind me of me from so many moons ago.

My mom always said that every shoe has its mate. Unless you want to be a Stepford wife and end up divorced in 8 years, don't try to sculpt yourself into some "good wife" stereotype.

The good husbands-to-be are all looking for their personal perfect fit of the perfect wife, and the perfect wife is someone who let's you know that she will love you and take care care of you and be your unwavering lover and friend. But this takes on different meaning for different people. You can't possibly be this for all the men you meet.

So, just be your happy self, go out there and date, and have self-respect. If you want to sleep with a guy on the first date, then by all means do so, but please don't do it to try to make him like you.

I met my DH when I was 27. It was abysmal until then. My track record wasn't very good at all. But then, bam! I suddenlt met this guy, and we hit it off amazingly. I had very good career prospects, I was thinner and youthful, and I could cook a mean dinner. But I also drank, smoked and cursed like a sailor. Through it all, he saw someone to love. I quit smoking, only drink socially, and now have house, kids, pets.

Don't worry. Take care of yourself, keep optimistic, and if you fail once, just pick yourself up and continue dating. But you must go out there! You won't meet anyone if you come straight home from work and sit in front of the TV. Date date date. That doesn't mean to sleep around, but meet many men for coffee, join running clubs or whatever, just get out there.

Dating is a number game. Gotta kiss a few frogs to find the right prince for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care how many men women sleep with? Do you even practice what you preach??

No man wants to marry a slut. Young women who want to get married someday should avoid that, and sleep with as few men as possible.

A low number (single digits) means good wife material, it's as simple as that.

Anonymous wrote:Let me know if you have the same concern for yourself or your sons. Somehow I doubt it.

Indeed I do! I am absolutely going to tell my daughter not to sleep with a lot of men, and my son not to marry a woman who has slept with a lot of other men.

They may not heed my advice, but I have to make the effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care how many men women sleep with? Do you even practice what you preach??

No man wants to marry a slut. Young women who want to get married someday should avoid that, and sleep with as few men as possible.

A low number (single digits) means good wife material, it's as simple as that.

Anonymous wrote:Let me know if you have the same concern for yourself or your sons. Somehow I doubt it.

Indeed I do! I am absolutely going to tell my daughter not to sleep with a lot of men, and my son not to marry a woman who has slept with a lot of other men.

They may not heed my advice, but I have to make the effort.

You and your son are gay then? When men bitch about women not sleeping around, it makes no sense. You're a slut but a woman is promiscuous and that's not okay? Smh at your double standard but I guess you are that type of asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care how many men women sleep with? Do you even practice what you preach??

No man wants to marry a slut. Young women who want to get married someday should avoid that, and sleep with as few men as possible.

A low number (single digits) means good wife material, it's as simple as that.

Anonymous wrote:Let me know if you have the same concern for yourself or your sons. Somehow I doubt it.

Indeed I do! I am absolutely going to tell my daughter not to sleep with a lot of men, and my son not to marry a woman who has slept with a lot of other men.

They may not heed my advice, but I have to make the effort.

How sexist can you get?

[Anonymous]

Wife material would be someone who is smart, savvy, good looking and takes care of herself. Smart does not mean know it all, and she should be attentive not to correct or overshadow her husband in front of others. She should have strong mothering instincts (working with children if a good indicator of this). Confident and modern, but ok with being the household's chief operating officer, with the husband more in a chairman/CEO role.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife material would be someone who is smart, savvy, good looking and takes care of herself. Smart does not mean know it all, and she should be attentive not to correct or overshadow her husband in front of others. She should have strong mothering instincts (working with children if a good indicator of this). Confident and modern, but ok with being the household's chief operating officer, with the husband more in a chairman/CEO role.

Are you 80?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife material would be someone who is smart, savvy, good looking and takes care of herself. Smart does not mean know it all, and she should be attentive not to correct or overshadow her husband in front of others. She should have strong mothering instincts (working with children if a good indicator of this). Confident and modern, but ok with being the household's chief operating officer, with the husband more in a chairman/CEO role.

Totally agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife material would be someone who is smart, savvy, good looking and takes care of herself. Smart does not mean know it all, and she should be attentive not to correct or overshadow her husband in front of others. She should have strong mothering instincts (working with children if a good indicator of this). Confident and modern, but ok with being the household's chief operating officer, with the husband more in a chairman/CEO role.

Like a Stepford wife, right? Not being rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care how many men women sleep with? Do you even practice what you preach??

No man wants to marry a slut. Young women who want to get married someday should avoid that, and sleep with as few men as possible.

A low number (single digits) means good wife material, it's as simple as that.

Anonymous wrote:Let me know if you have the same concern for yourself or your sons. Somehow I doubt it.

Indeed I do! I am absolutely going to tell my daughter not to sleep with a lot of men, and my son not to marry a woman who has slept with a lot of other men.

They may not heed my advice, but I have to make the effort.

I sincerely cannot tell if you are stupid or just trying to make your point.

Do you have the same concern for your sons being slutty? Do you tell your sons that they should try to keep it to five or so partners because otherwise, gross?

[Anonymous]

What is wife material? Simple

When in doubt, shut up

Be attractive

Be loving

Work

Don't be a bitch

Don't expect to be pampered financially

I think that's pretty much it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious--how does someone in her mid-twenties, unmarried with no children, making 6 figures find her way to a forum called "DC Urban Moms & Dads" and ask for relationship advice?

Washington City Paper Editor Mike Madden linked to this site the other day, that's how I ended here. Utterly fascinating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
So I guess you did not date teachers, social workers, or public interest lawyers?

Did you need to ask? Those types of guys don't let her not work ERRRRRR be a SAHM in metro DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is wife material? Simple

When in doubt, shut up

Be attractive

Be loving

Work

Don't be a bitch

Don't expect to be pampered financially

I think that's pretty much it.

And what do you have to offer?