What is "wife material"?

[Anonymous]

OP here. These are all such great responses and made me feel a lot better. You guys are great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All kidding aside: an advanced degree. I have a doctorate and would not have considered marrying someone with less than an MA.

I graduated from Harvard. Princeton and Yale wives would be good enough, but no state university graduates. May as well pick up a community college student.

WTF is this ignorant bullshit?

[Anonymous]

Perfect wife material --

"Nova" (Charlton Heston's wife in Planet of the Apes).

She's smoking hot, and she can't talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perfect wife material --

"Nova" (Charlton Heston's wife in Planet of the Apes).

She's smoking hot, and she can't talk.

winner

[Anonymous]

I'm a female and recall guys in college characterizing sororities as made up of "party girls" or "girls you'd want to marry."

The group of "girls you'd want to marry" were pretty, bordering on more natural, friendly, smart, campus leaders and not focused on getting drunk and sleeping around. These girls were most guys' dream girls and crushes and were generally the "nice" women.

[Anonymous]

[guardian]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why my thread has received such hostile replies...

Hello, OP. I responded to you. I have no idea, but millennial posts get so much hate. Both Boomers and gen-x'ers, of which I am one, seem to gang up on you guys.

You came of age during a recession. I don't know why people need to dump on you even more.

Because OP, your post reflects your immaturity. I don't mean that as an insult, just that you may not have lived long enough yet to have discovered that a) you can't control everything, b) emotional maturity is the key to a successful relationship, ad c) "wife material" reflects a shallow perspective on human relationships. I wish you luck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What cynics!

OP, u have it backwards. U need to be the person you want to be. And you need to be with the person who shares the same core beliefs with you.

Agree. Also, OP, maybe you have to examine your own motives. I know for years I sabotaged myself and avoided serious relationships. I thought it was because the good guys were taken but when anyone was actually available it scared the bejeezus out of me. Once I started understanding this and working on my fears of intimacy things changed. I got married in my 30s to a guy with whom I am well-matched -- but I am most definitely not "wife material" as you are describing it. Good luck, OP, I hope things work out for you.

[Anonymous]

"For most men the best things you can do to improve your appeal: be fun-loving, sexually enthusiastic, and non-critical."

+1. I would also add be emotionally supportive, as others have said. And according to studies I've see, education and earning power generally don't add much value if you're a woman.

(I'm a female lawyer, btw.)

[Anonymous]

Only date marriage-minded guys if you want to get married.

Otherwise just be yourself because someone out there is made just for you, and perhaps even more than one.

I do think there are a few factors with universal appeal:

- kindness
- compassion
- good relationships with your own family
- don't yell
- positive, non-critical attitude most of the time. Everyone has issues or things they don't like, but it helps to come across as an essentially happy person.

Also, people are going to disagree with me on this but I do think any signs of "slutty" behavior in public will keep quality guys from thinking of you as wife material. Things like overly revealing clothes, getting drunk in public, cursing loudly and often, discussing sexual matters too openly.

Also, if you are naturally witty, try to not be overly sarcastic all the time. People will laugh with you when you make fun of other people, but inside they may wonder if you will be as acerbic talking about them with others.

[Anonymous]

PP - also, don't give advice to guys unless they specifically ask you. If you are on a date with a man and he talks about something negative that happened to him, just say something compassionate (like "this must be unpleasant. I feel for you") and encouraging ("we all have days like this. Don't beat yourself up.") Don't tell him how to correct the problem until he explicitly asks for your opinion.

[Anonymous]

Dear OP: I am an almost 40-year old lawyer, and in hindsight this is what I think: and sorry if this is un-PC: go get hair extensions, a great personal shopper (she can shop at Marshalls or TJ Max, whatever your budget is, but keep you looking fabulous), personal traniner, and take vacations with girlfriends in fabulous places where there are men that are husband material - always be upbeat and fabulous -as life is short adn you will be dead for a long time -- and the moer interesting you are in your own life, the more you will attract others.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a female and recall guys in college characterizing sororities as made up of "party girls" or "girls you'd want to marry."

The group of "girls you'd want to marry" were pretty, bordering on more natural, friendly, smart, campus leaders and not focused on getting drunk and sleeping around. These girls were most guys' dream girls and crushes and were generally the "nice" women.

And guys like that aren't husband material....hypocrites who would sleep with a woman but expect 'good girls.'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What cynics!

OP, u have it backwards. U need to be the person you want to be. And you need to be with the person who shares the same core beliefs with you.

YES. What do you like about yourself? Find someone who values those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"For most men the best things you can do to improve your appeal: be fun-loving, sexually enthusiastic, and non-critical."

But only if that is who you really are. Don't fake it. You'll just end up divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I am a successful wife. I have been happily married for more than 15 years, and am still head over heels for my DH. We have kids, dogs, a house and a comfortable lifestyle.

I am in no way what anyone would consider "wife material" if you are going by physical appearances and being a perfect cook, homemaker or hostess. I am, however, wife material in that I understand my DH and respond to his emotional needs. I put our relationship first, above everything else, including our kids (which gets me flamed on here). We are partners in life and for life, which extends so far beyond your limited "wife material" notion.

Forget about becoming something you are not in order to attract a husband. Be emotionally healthy and look for someone else who is emotional healthy. Believe me, maturity, mutual respect and communication are far more paramount to any relationship than your teeth, skin and hair could ever be. Indeed, if you meet a man who loves you for your teeth, skin and hair, you are in for a terrible shock, because your looks will not last forever. Be loved for who you are, not what you look like.

I agree with you. I however, can cook from scratch Both DH and I put our relationship first. We are partners and we compensate for each others' "weakness" so we make a great team. I agree- looks will fade. You need to find someone who will love you for YOU.

My DH has a potbelly. I never thought I'd be attracted to a man who had one. We were friends and then once I began to develop feelings for him, his imperfect body didn't matter. I wouldn't be considered pretty by most male standards, but DH thinks I am and that's all that matters. I've known women who are beautiful and have countless dates, who get married and divorced fairly quickly. Why? Because they were superficial. Find someone you can connect with on a deeper level and he will think you are the perfect "wife" for him. Actually, I read this great book, called Finding The ONE by Diana Persaud. It's FREE on smashwords dot com and Barnes and Noble (I have a nook). It might be on amazon too. I think it will give you some insight. It helped a couple of my girlfriends.