Would you be upset if parent's inheritance went to your kids instead of you?

[Anonymous]

I think there are lots of issues going on. First is if you are concerned about money and wanted to stay at home why are you paying 160K for the first of three kids to go to college? There are state colleges, small privates listed as good bargains, scholarships, loans etc. Second, why is daughter only to go to grandma for designer purses? A long time ago there should have been a discussion about not overly spoiling the kids and how spending time with them and event/experiences with grandma is what you want for your kids. If you had that discussion and mom is trying to undermine you I would have an issue with that. Third, you are living the lifestyle you can afford to live.. you shouldn't be dependent on an inheritance to live it. My kids can pick any career they want in life but I feel very strongly they need to own those choices. There is no I want to be an artist but my parents are paying for my rent in a really nice apartment in NYC post college. Any inheritance should be an unexpected gift. Fourth, why would friends and family be in your business to know what you may or may not have inherited from your mom and if she left money to your kids? As I'm offering condolences to a friend I would never even think to ask if their parent left them money. The only way that topic would come up is if you brought it up.

So to answer the initial question I would not be hurt if my parents left money to the kids. I feel they raised me to support myself and at this point any money would be spent on the kids anyway. I would be upset if they left it to them outright and not in a trust because I would feel it could undermine my parenting and I would worry about the judgement a 20 year old with unexpected money as far as what they would spend it on, guys they would attract, friendships that may form because of what they have etc. The 20 year old me would make very different choices than the 30 year old me if given large sums of money. You sound like you have a conflicted relationship with your mom. One thing I will say is you need to set your boundaries with your mom if she has been outright mean and nasty to you. The thing I've learned is if you bend over backgrounds and let family treat you like dirt, it never changes, they don't respect you, and you don't respect yourself. Don't look back and day but I took all this crap from her but she left all her money to her pet. She can leave her money to whomever and you can't control that. You can control how you allowed yourself to be treated and how you allow yourself to be manipulated with money.

[Anonymous]

OP's mom seems to have silly reasoning, but since I'd spend 100% of any inheritance my parents leave me on my kids anyway, I don't see the point in getting offended.

[Anonymous]

The best way to live life is to expect nothing and try to make it on your own. yes, the emotional parts are hard, but peace comes from rising above it. i say this as one of two children; my parents have spent tens of thousands on my sibling and pretty much minimal on me. from school...to weddings.. and beyond. hanging on to resentment will only destroy your spirit. all the best, OP.

[Anonymous]

Really? My parents are waving money to the grand kids. That's what they want and we all respect it. Now what My DH and I are pissed about is DH's mom's stupidity. His grandmother left everything to her two daughters and DH's mom just gave her half to her sister (spinster aunt) who didn't need it and has already told us she is going to leave everything to charity. Way to think about your own children and grandchildren MIL! I guess it's a good thing my DC have my parents or else they'd have lited college choices. DH and I are frugal and savers but do not have your typical DC area incomes.

[Anonymous]

Sorry waving should read giving!!

[Anonymous]

@11:07 post is my exact life story too. I wouldnt be hurt at all if they left it for my kids, but in all honesty, I don't expect them to leave anything to anybody who's in my immediate family. I've always been the outcast of the family and you would think I'm a horrible person by the way they treated me vs. my sibling. Just the opposite, I've given them a lot more and spent a lot less on myself compared to my sibling, but somehow I'm the black sheep from very young. There's no changing your parents, they do as they please with their own money. So should you. Focus on yourself and immediate family and just let it go. Be glad your kids will benefit from it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the PP - her money and her choice, and you've said that you understand her feelings about your DH (a situation which sucks for you, BTW, and I'm sorry).

I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to talk with your mother and tell her how much you appreciate what she'll be giving to your daughter, but express your concerns and ask if there's a way for you to work with your mother to make the gift the most beneficial to her granddaughter in the long run.

Could be put in a trust, could be provided over time based on your daughter meeting certain criteria (or it goes to charity or some other recipient) and so on.

This is your mother's legacy to your daughter - don't make it something that divides you and your mother.

And, even more importantly, don't make it something that divides you and your daughter.

[Anonymous]

There are also tax advantages of generation skipping trusts. If done the right way, this is a true gift to your children.

I was cut out too, but look at it this way - my father died suddenly so I never got to ask why. At least you have had the opportunity to discuss with your mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really? My parents are waving money to the grand kids. That's what they want and we all respect it. Now what My DH and I are pissed about is DH's mom's stupidity. His grandmother left everything to her two daughters and DH's mom just gave her half to her sister (spinster aunt) who didn't need it and has already told us she is going to leave everything to charity. Way to think about your own children and grandchildren MIL! I guess it's a good thing my DC have my parents or else they'd have lited college choices. DH and I are frugal and savers but do not have your typical DC area incomes.

So you were banking on your parents' money to pay for college?

That's responsible.

[Anonymous]

My husband just spent the weekend signing over any proceeds he should receive from his father's death to his brother to make sure he'll always have a paid off home to live in plus money to keep him in food and paid utilities. My FIL was grateful and will no longer worry about what might happen.

Hubby then signed over the proceeds he may receive from his grandmother's death to split amongst the other grandkids so they can fight it out.

We made our way alone and don't need or want anything. We took care of our kids so they won't need anything either.

[Anonymous]

Definitely yes

[Anonymous]

My husband just told me his parents are leaving their money to his sister and our four children. I'm beyond upset. Why? Probably because they hate me. Why does his sister get an inheritance but my husband does not? His sister has two kids. I want nothing to do with my in laws anymore.

[Anonymous]

Did anyone post about the man who killed his son because his mother decided to skip him and pass her estate to her grandson instead of her son?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband just told me his parents are leaving their money to his sister and our four children. I'm beyond upset. Why? Probably because they hate me. Why does his sister get an inheritance but my husband does not? His sister has two kids. I want nothing to do with my in laws anymore.

Apparently they want nothing to do with you.

[Anonymous]

I think some people use their will to manipulate their family members. If it's not meant to influence how you act toward them, then why don't they just keep quiet about how they plan to allocate their estate? I see this with my mother and step-father. Their will changes based on their relationship with their children, and I'm apprised of every little change.