I'm an Orthodox Jew. Ask me anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yikes, just found the above article, did not realize this was still being practiced. SERIOUSLY?

I went to a bris last year where the mohel did this. The mohel (and baby's parents) are Chabadniks (ultra ultra Orthodox). We belong to a modern Orthodox synagogue so obviously know quite a few observant people, but I had never seen this at a bris prior to this one. Needless to say I was pretty shocked.

Thank-you for not being defensive.

[Anonymous]

How do you draw the line between working and not working on the Sabbath? If you drop something can you pick it up? Seems like just about anything can be considered work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How common are the 'purity' ceremonies for women in the orthodox community?

Do you believe that the orthodox Jewish faith is more or less supportive of women's rights than other orthodox denominations?

I've never heard of a "purity ceremony". Married jewish women are required to immerse in a ritual bath after their periods before they can have sex with their husbands. Almost every orthodox married woman I know does this..

Dontcha think that indicates that there's some kind of.... hangup? Going on there? I mean a religion that actually requires washing your "hoo-hoo" (to borrow a phrase from the political forum) before sex? Because, menstuation, ick!

While a good idea and one I personally engage in, having a religion dictate it? Really?

Ritual baths are not to remove physical impurities, but rather to remove spiritual impurities. Before immersing, one must already be completely clean having soaked in a bath and removed all make-up, dirt, nail polish, etc. The concept stems from the spiritual impurity of death. Since every egg is a potential life, every period is sort of a death, in that it was a loss of potential life. The mikvah (ritual bath) cleanses the spirit, not the body.

Orthodox judaism dictates basically every aspect of my life, this is just one more thing.

But when this rule was created, people didn't know about eggs, right? And if it's a spiritual impurity, why doesn't focus solely on prayer or burning incense? Is there any male impurity that requires bathing? And, I recall in Leviticus lots of other rules about mentruation. Do you have to follow all of them? I think there were rules about burning sacrifices after childbirth. Also, why do you think a woman is "ritually unclean" for a longer period of time after giving birth to a female child vs. a male child?

Also is it true the men won't shake a woman's hand because she might be menstruating?


http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/says_about/menstruation.html

http://www.enduringword.com/commentaries/0312.htm

Lots of questions here, I'll try to answer them as best I can.

Many laws in judaism involve a physical act, rather than simply prayer. Since birth and sex are both physical acts, the way to prepare for them is through a physical act and as someone who follows this tradition, I can tell you from personal experience that its a lot more significant and meaningful than a prayer would be. Another example would be that before Yom Kippur, there is a tradition to take a live chicken (or nowadays most people use money) and swing it over your head while reciting a prayer for forgiveness. The physical act makes the prayer more concrete.

There is no current requirement for men to immerse in a mikvah but many do before the High Holidays and some even on a weekly basis before the Sabbath. Back in the time of the Holy Temple, the High Priest 9Cohen Gadol) used to immerse before performing certain sacrifices.

The rule of burning a sacrifice after childbirth is based on the assumption that women often make promises/swear during childbirth, i.e. "I will never do this again!!", and after someone makes a false promise (man or woman), a sacrifice is necessary.

The longer wait after a girl has been explained to me before, but I've never 100% understood it. Here is a link to a Jewish website, which answers the question. http://www.yoatzot.org/question.php?id=5032. The link you posted discussed Original Sin, which is a Christian concept and makes me assume that the explanations were not from a Jewish source.

Regarding shaking hands, there are some orthodox men who will not touch women at all, even to shake their hands. Its not related to menstruation, rather to a belief that no touch is permissible outside of marriage or family. Most men who work in the modern world will shake hands even if they otherwise follow this rule to prevent the embarrassment of the other person, who probably didn't know.

However, when a wife is menstruating or before she has immersed in the mikvah, under strict Jewish law, her husband is not permitted to shake her hand or touch her in any way. This is simply a prohibition against sex taken to an stringency under the premise that husbands and wives cant touch without wanting to have sex (clearly the rabbis hadn't been to my house!)
The separation leading up to the mikvah is said to have many psychological benefits as it gives the couple a chance to miss each other and basically renew their passion on a monthly basis. Its very challenging and when we got married, our rabbi basically told us to "do our best", although many rabbis are much stricter about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you draw the line between working and not working on the Sabbath? If you drop something can you pick it up? Seems like just about anything can be considered work

Work is clearly defined by the oral tradition and its not how we traditionally view work. Moving a couch is not considered work, but flipping a light switch is. There are 37 types of activities that are prohibited. Its not something that people get to define for themselves, but rather, there are objective criteria for the prohibitions.

[Anonymous]

What can I do to make Orthodox Jewish children and parents feel welcome at our house if they come for a birthday party or play date? It sounds like individual families vary, but general guidelines would help. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What can I do to make Orthodox Jewish children and parents feel welcome at our house if they come for a birthday party or play date? It sounds like individual families vary, but general guidelines would help. Thanks!

Really, nothing special is necessary. However, if you know they keep kosher, serve snacks (preferably non-cut up fruit) on paper plates or snacks that are certified kosher. All kosher food bears a certification on the box, most commonly a U with a circle around it. Dont apologize for not having kosher food or not knowing or worrying about offending, orthodox jews do not expect anyone to know about our rules - half the jews we know barely know about the rules. If you are apologetic, I'll feel bad that I've made you uncomfortable. Its really not a big deal, thankfully, we are way more similar than different.

[Anonymous]

Why can't the fruit be cut?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't the fruit be cut?

Assuming the knife has previously been used on non-kosher foods, its not permissible to use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If one of your children married a non-Jew would you cut off contact with him/her or be intentionally mean/dismissive to the non-Jewish spouse?

You didn't answer my question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If one of your children married a non-Jew would you cut off contact with him/her or be intentionally mean/dismissive to the non-Jewish spouse?

You didn't answer my question.

I think I'd be heartbroken but I dont think I'd ever cut off communication with my child and I would never be intentionally mean/dismissive to anyone. I probably would encourage conversion of the spouse and/or grandchildren. I have friends who intermarried and that also makes me sad.

I know parents who have said that theoretically they would cut off communication with a child who intermarried. However, when it actually happened, they couldnt go through with it. One family in particular has 3 sisters. 2 (A&B) are very devout orthodox and 1 (C) intermarried and is non-observant. A&B maintain a relationship with C but with restrictions, i.e. she cannot sleep with her husband in their house and some other things. The restrictions are based on Jewish law, rather than in their own prejudices or feelings, so A&B feel like they have no choice in the matter. The relationship is obviously strained but C understands a little bit, bc she grew up with it. To them, it is no different than someone asking them to eat pork. Rules are not to be broken. In A,B&C's case, the parents went to C's wedding but the sisters did not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If one of your children married a non-Jew would you cut off contact with him/her or be intentionally mean/dismissive to the non-Jewish spouse?

You didn't answer my question.

I think I'd be heartbroken but I dont think I'd ever cut off communication with my child and I would never be intentionally mean/dismissive to anyone. I probably would encourage conversion of the spouse and/or grandchildren. I have friends who intermarried and that also makes me sad.

I know parents who have said that theoretically they would cut off communication with a child who intermarried. However, when it actually happened, they couldnt go through with it. One family in particular has 3 sisters. 2 (A&B) are very devout orthodox and 1 (C) intermarried and is non-observant. A&B maintain a relationship with C but with restrictions, i.e. she cannot sleep with her husband in their house and some other things. The restrictions are based on Jewish law, rather than in their own prejudices or feelings, so A&B feel like they have no choice in the matter. The relationship is obviously strained but C understands a little bit, bc she grew up with it. To them, it is no different than someone asking them to eat pork. Rules are not to be broken. In A,B&C's case, the parents went to C's wedding but the sisters did not.

Don't you think that C's husband feels that this treatment is intentionally mean and dismissive? There may not be anything that you would do differently in this situation given the restrictions of your religion, but you would not logically be able to pretend that your behavior isn't coming across this way to the non-Jewish son/daughter-in-law.

[Anonymous]

I've heard that many married orthodox men will have sex with non-Jewish, prostitutes, and it's the dirty little secret of the community that this is a fairly common practice. Is this true?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've heard that many married orthodox men will have sex with non-Jewish, prostitutes, and it's the dirty little secret of the community that this is a fairly common practice. Is this true?

I am sure this is true of men in every community, particularly one with restrictive rules, but I am not personally familiar with any of these situations, nor would I call it "common practice."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If one of your children married a non-Jew would you cut off contact with him/her or be intentionally mean/dismissive to the non-Jewish spouse?

You didn't answer my question.

I think I'd be heartbroken but I dont think I'd ever cut off communication with my child and I would never be intentionally mean/dismissive to anyone. I probably would encourage conversion of the spouse and/or grandchildren. I have friends who intermarried and that also makes me sad.

I know parents who have said that theoretically they would cut off communication with a child who intermarried. However, when it actually happened, they couldnt go through with it. One family in particular has 3 sisters. 2 (A&B) are very devout orthodox and 1 (C) intermarried and is non-observant. A&B maintain a relationship with C but with restrictions, i.e. she cannot sleep with her husband in their house and some other things. The restrictions are based on Jewish law, rather than in their own prejudices or feelings, so A&B feel like they have no choice in the matter. The relationship is obviously strained but C understands a little bit, bc she grew up with it. To them, it is no different than someone asking them to eat pork. Rules are not to be broken. In A,B&C's case, the parents went to C's wedding but the sisters did not.

Don't you think that C's husband feels that this treatment is intentionally mean and dismissive? There may not be anything that you would do differently in this situation given the restrictions of your religion, but you would not logically be able to pretend that your behavior isn't coming across this way to the non-Jewish son/daughter-in-law.

I'd do my best to explain the concerns I have about intermarriage and how its not personal, although of course it could/would come across that way. I hope that anyone marrying into an observant jewish family would do their best to understand why the parents might have difficulty with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If one of your children married a non-Jew would you cut off contact with him/her or be intentionally mean/dismissive to the non-Jewish spouse?

You didn't answer my question.

I think I'd be heartbroken but I dont think I'd ever cut off communication with my child and I would never be intentionally mean/dismissive to anyone. I probably would encourage conversion of the spouse and/or grandchildren. I have friends who intermarried and that also makes me sad.

I know parents who have said that theoretically they would cut off communication with a child who intermarried. However, when it actually happened, they couldnt go through with it. One family in particular has 3 sisters. 2 (A&B) are very devout orthodox and 1 (C) intermarried and is non-observant. A&B maintain a relationship with C but with restrictions, i.e. she cannot sleep with her husband in their house and some other things. The restrictions are based on Jewish law, rather than in their own prejudices or feelings, so A&B feel like they have no choice in the matter. The relationship is obviously strained but C understands a little bit, bc she grew up with it. To them, it is no different than someone asking them to eat pork. Rules are not to be broken. In A,B&C's case, the parents went to C's wedding but the sisters did not.

The restrictions they impose - based on Jewish law as applied to whom? To them, or to their sister?

Why didn't they go to C's wedding? Also because of Jewish law? And if so, why did the parents go?