I'm an Orthodox Jew. Ask me anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If one of your children married a non-Jew would you cut off contact with him/her or be intentionally mean/dismissive to the non-Jewish spouse?

You didn't answer my question.

I think I'd be heartbroken but I dont think I'd ever cut off communication with my child and I would never be intentionally mean/dismissive to anyone. I probably would encourage conversion of the spouse and/or grandchildren. I have friends who intermarried and that also makes me sad.

I know parents who have said that theoretically they would cut off communication with a child who intermarried. However, when it actually happened, they couldnt go through with it. One family in particular has 3 sisters. 2 (A&B) are very devout orthodox and 1 (C) intermarried and is non-observant. A&B maintain a relationship with C but with restrictions, i.e. she cannot sleep with her husband in their house and some other things. The restrictions are based on Jewish law, rather than in their own prejudices or feelings, so A&B feel like they have no choice in the matter. The relationship is obviously strained but C understands a little bit, bc she grew up with it. To them, it is no different than someone asking them to eat pork. Rules are not to be broken. In A,B&C's case, the parents went to C's wedding but the sisters did not.

The restrictions they impose - based on Jewish law as applied to whom? To them, or to their sister?

Why didn't they go to C's wedding? Also because of Jewish law? And if so, why did the parents go?

Honestly, I am not too familiar with all the laws pertaining to intermarriage and the resulting relationships, but it was explained to me as rule on A&B not to sanction an impermissible relationship, which allowing them to sleep together in their house would be. they did offer for them to stay at a hotel and eat at their house. I think this was the same reason they didnt go to the wedding, though I am not sure. The parents went bc they made a choice to be there for their daughter.

There are 613 Jewish laws and many are difficult to follow. Even the most devout orthodox person makes choices daily and may not follow them all. The parents chose to support their daughter regardless of their disagreement with her choice of spouse. The sisters made a different choice. Sister C was hurt, but also understood their dilemma.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for posting this Q&A session.

I am a previous poster whose Orthodox neighbors do not communicate or notice non-Orthodox neighbors. What can the Orthodox community do to have better community relations? Is there anything you can do to encourage the Orthodox community to be less rude?

Do they even know they are rude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for posting this Q&A session.

I am a previous poster whose Orthodox neighbors do not communicate or notice non-Orthodox neighbors. What can the Orthodox community do to have better community relations? Is there anything you can do to encourage the Orthodox community to be less rude?

Do they even know they are rude?[/quote]

Catholic married to a Jewish man here.

I don't think they know they are rude. If they do know, they don't care (based on my observation and personal experience).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think Reform Judaism is still real Judaism?

I think if you are born jewish, you are jewish. Those practicing Reform Judaism are not observing Jewish law. IMO, its better to practice something rather than nothing, but when you dilute the rules of the religion to a point that little defines you as "jewish," it makes it very difficult to maintain for future generations.

So basically, you look down on Reform Jews?

Not the OP, but everyone looks down on other practices to some degree. I am Conservative -- I am not comfortable at Reform synagogues, the service is just strange to me, too much English. I'm sure the Orthodox feel the same about Conservative services.

I once went to a relative's bar mitzvah at a Reconstructionist synagogue and my brother and I were called to do an aliyah. When we sat down after saying the blessings, the rabbi leaned forward and said, "that was very nice, but I can tell you boys were raised Conservative ... here, we say xyz" (they'd changed the blessing, but we'd chanted it from memory). Everyone's most comfortable with their own practices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for posting this Q&A session.

I am a previous poster whose Orthodox neighbors do not communicate or notice non-Orthodox neighbors. What can the Orthodox community do to have better community relations? Is there anything you can do to encourage the Orthodox community to be less rude?

Do they even know they are rude?

I dont know that its rude, as much as they are just being insular if they dont associate with the other neighbors. But, if you have been friendly to them but they have still ignored you, then its rude and IMO totally wrong.

When we moved into our current, heavily orthodox, neighborhood, only our orthodox neighbors came by to say hello. The neighbors on both sides and across the street all are not Orthodox and doubtfully jewish (guessing based on all the Christmas lights). DH went around with the kids and introduced himself to all the neighbors, jewish or not, but the non-jewish neighbors were not really interested and rarely even wave hello.

I often feel there is more tension between the Orthodox and other branches of Judaism, than between Jews and non-Jews - particularly when it comes to family. The majority of my extended family is not Orthodox and this created a lot of friction growing up. When we were little, my cousins teased us for not being able to turn on lights on the Sabbath, family events were planned on the Sabbath with no way for us to travel there, kosher-style food would be provided but since it wasnt kosher-certified we couldnt eat it and the family would feel offended that they had gone through the trouble of getting kosher food and it still wasnt good enough. We have since grown up from there but they will always feel like I am judging them bc they are not observant and I will always feel their hostility based on my beliefs. That tension does not exist between Jews and non-Jews.

[Anonymous]

How do you get through life without bacon or lobster?

[Anonymous]

Thank yo for answering all these questions. I have one:

How do you (or would you) treat an adopted child? especially one where his or her birth-parents are unknown. Would that child not be considered jewish until he or she converted themselves or does your faith allow the child to automatically be jewish if the adoptive mother is jewish?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you get through life without bacon or lobster?

I've had beef bacon and lamb bacon and wasnt really impressed with either. Lobsters and shrimp totally freak me out. I would really like to try a cheeseburger and a scallop. I watch all the cooking shows but I'd never be able to even try 99% of the food. Thats the real tragedy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank yo for answering all these questions. I have one:

How do you (or would you) treat an adopted child? especially one where his or her birth-parents are unknown. Would that child not be considered jewish until he or she converted themselves or does your faith allow the child to automatically be jewish if the adoptive mother is jewish?

I know a number of people who have adopted non-jewish children. If you dont know the parents (i.e. closed adoptions), I am pretty sure the preference is to adopt a non-jewish child over a jewish child to prevent the possibility of an incestuous relationship later on, i.e. that child unknowingly meets another child that he/she happens to be related to. If you know the parents, that is not a problem. Otherwise, the child is generally converted at the time of the adoption and then upon Bar/Bat Mitzvah age, they give the child the opportunity to affirm the conversion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you get through life without bacon or lobster?

I've had beef bacon and lamb bacon and wasnt really impressed with either. Lobsters and shrimp totally freak me out. I would really like to try a cheeseburger and a scallop. I watch all the cooking shows but I'd never be able to even try 99% of the food. Thats the real tragedy.

There's nothing like real bacon, unfortunately.


~ a poster who converted to Islam and dearly misses bacon.

[Anonymous]

My BIL and his family are modern Orthodox and live in Israel. The rest of the family (including us) are reform. BIL won't let his kids skype with us or the grandparents during their Shabbat (obviously), but also when it's Saturday here (a different time, since the time change is so great. Obviously, you can't't speak for my BIL, but what is the explanation for is, other than to try to make us feel bad for our different beliefs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My BIL and his family are modern Orthodox and live in Israel. The rest of the family (including us) are reform. BIL won't let his kids skype with us or the grandparents during their Shabbat (obviously), but also when it's Saturday here (a different time, since the time change is so great. Obviously, you can't't speak for my BIL, but what is the explanation for is, other than to try to make us feel bad for our different beliefs?

Bc even if you arent Shabbat observant, they believe its the Shabbat and cannot help/encourage you to violate the Sabbath. When we have non-Orthodox guests over on Shabbat, they will often offer to help - i.e. I'll turn off the light for you, or I'll write that down for you, etc. I wont allow them to help, bc whether or not they choose to follow the law, I still wont aid their transgression. Please dont feel bad about it. Its not a judgment of you, its just their belief that the laws apply to to everyone, even those who choose not to follow them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you get through life without bacon or lobster?

I've had beef bacon and lamb bacon and wasnt really impressed with either. Lobsters and shrimp totally freak me out. I would really like to try a cheeseburger and a scallop. I watch all the cooking shows but I'd never be able to even try 99% of the food. Thats the real tragedy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you get through life without bacon or lobster?

I've had beef bacon and lamb bacon and wasnt really impressed with either. Lobsters and shrimp totally freak me out. I would really like to try a cheeseburger and a scallop. I watch all the cooking shows but I'd never be able to even try 99% of the food. Thats the real tragedy.

Beef bacon is nasty--nothing like pork bacon. I bought it by mistake last week.

Lobster is worth converting...

[Anonymous]

Do you feel that Orthodox women are treated as second-class citizens? They have to sit in the back in synagogue or in a separate room altogether. They must cover their hair and bodies much more completely than men. Most do not work outside the home. Or are these practices so much a part of life that they aren't questioned?