Predicting spousal support

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, OP implied that DH didn't take steps to keep himself home so that could imply DH didn't want his wife working as much or maybe set her up to not work as much. OP, if DH set you up to be the default parent taking care of all of these things while he was off doing his thing you need to bring that up in the divorce. that can get you more money

OP here. Yes - all true.

And there was cheating.

Men don’t leave without a place to land.

Cheating is a criminal offense in VA so that alone should give you more alimony, or at least ensure that you get it indefinitely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, OP implied that DH didn't take steps to keep himself home so that could imply DH didn't want his wife working as much or maybe set her up to not work as much. OP, if DH set you up to be the default parent taking care of all of these things while he was off doing his thing you need to bring that up in the divorce. that can get you more money

OP here. Yes - all true.

And there was cheating.

Men don’t leave without a place to land.

Cheating is a criminal offense in VA so that alone should give you more alimony, or at least ensure that you get it indefinitely.

But get a PI so you have evidence of it. DH won't admit to it and can invoke his fifth amendment protection since it is a criminal offense in VA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it's scary. I'm sorry. Consult a few well-respected lawyers. They'll know better than us.

I'm in VA and I've shared this before on here. Keep in mind my ex offered this. He makes close to 7 figures and has a lot clients who have divorced. He said that anything over 16 or 17 years usually gets lifetime alimony so he just offered it -- we were married just shy of 20 years when we separated.

$10k/month lifetime alimony
$2.5k/month child support for two kids, drops to $1.8k for one
$4k month paying off my mortgage

Plus my half of the assets, some of which are rental properties that will some day make good money (but right now all the equity is sucked out by loans my ex took out -- he was always borrowing from Peter to pay Paul)

You've been married 20 years and he makes 10x as much as you do. I really don't believe a judge is going to tell you to suck it up. You are the poster child for spousal support. Fight for the support you have earned by investing in this marriage. Don't listen to the noise that is designed to make you keep sweet and obey. You were involved in a business arrangement -- marriage -- and there is a standard way to dissolve this that honors your non-monetary contributions.

I think it’s disgusting that a minor child, unable to work and with whom he shares blood, is entitled to only a quarter of the entitlement of a grown adult who could be working but chooses not to. I’m embarrassed for these women.

If you think that this mom spends 10k on herself and only 2,500 on her child, then you don’t understand how moms work.

But the alimony is indefinite. So kid leaves for college and mom still banks $10k a month. Your view is exactly why alimony shouldn’t exist, at least not beyond child rearing years. That is, if we think mom is spending a chunk of the alimony on raising kids then she doesn’t need it once they’re gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, OP implied that DH didn't take steps to keep himself home so that could imply DH didn't want his wife working as much or maybe set her up to not work as much. OP, if DH set you up to be the default parent taking care of all of these things while he was off doing his thing you need to bring that up in the divorce. that can get you more money

OP here. Yes - all true.

And there was cheating.

Men don’t leave without a place to land.

Get 50% of everything and maximize your CS and alimony.as well as kids college funds. His new partner and new set of babies won’t give a f….k about your and your kids wellbeing

[Anonymous]

OP, do not listen to any of the people here that are telling you you don't deserve at least half of marital assets and alimony for a very, very long time. Also, if you spent any time resources or energy supporting DH while he was training, doing education, or advancing his career in any way you need to document that. And, if he was using marital money, even if it was his own salary, to pay for any cheating expenses, you can be reimbursed for that.

VA courts generally will not look too well on a cheating DH that set his wife up to deal with the household while he did his own thing. You have the upper hand here. If your attorney does not see that, get a different attorney.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, OP implied that DH didn't take steps to keep himself home so that could imply DH didn't want his wife working as much or maybe set her up to not work as much. OP, if DH set you up to be the default parent taking care of all of these things while he was off doing his thing you need to bring that up in the divorce. that can get you more money

OP here. Yes - all true.

And there was cheating.

Men don’t leave without a place to land.

Get 50% of everything and maximize your CS and alimony.as well as kids college funds. His new partner and new set of babies won’t give a f….k about your and your kids wellbeing

100% this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it's scary. I'm sorry. Consult a few well-respected lawyers. They'll know better than us.

I'm in VA and I've shared this before on here. Keep in mind my ex offered this. He makes close to 7 figures and has a lot clients who have divorced. He said that anything over 16 or 17 years usually gets lifetime alimony so he just offered it -- we were married just shy of 20 years when we separated.

$10k/month lifetime alimony
$2.5k/month child support for two kids, drops to $1.8k for one
$4k month paying off my mortgage

Plus my half of the assets, some of which are rental properties that will some day make good money (but right now all the equity is sucked out by loans my ex took out -- he was always borrowing from Peter to pay Paul)

You've been married 20 years and he makes 10x as much as you do. I really don't believe a judge is going to tell you to suck it up. You are the poster child for spousal support. Fight for the support you have earned by investing in this marriage. Don't listen to the noise that is designed to make you keep sweet and obey. You were involved in a business arrangement -- marriage -- and there is a standard way to dissolve this that honors your non-monetary contributions.

I think it’s disgusting that a minor child, unable to work and with whom he shares blood, is entitled to only a quarter of the entitlement of a grown adult who could be working but chooses not to. I’m embarrassed for these women.

If you think that this mom spends 10k on herself and only 2,500 on her child, then you don’t understand how moms work.

But the alimony is indefinite. So kid leaves for college and mom still banks $10k a month. Your view is exactly why alimony shouldn’t exist, at least not beyond child rearing years. That is, if we think mom is spending a chunk of the alimony on raising kids then she doesn’t need it once they’re gone.

How would a 55 year old woman who hasn't worked in 30 years support herself? Do you want to support her thru taxes with welfare so her DH can live it up?

[Anonymous]

I've seen this same thing before and it pisses me off, which is why I'm taking the time out of my day to reply to this.

Your higher earning DH may try to rush the proceedings and get you to agree to something quickly so things are not dragged out. But remember, he's trying to control the narrative. You have to take control of the narrative and tell your story of what really happened. Do not act quickly or be pressured to do so which DH will likely try to get you to do. Drag it out and get as much as you possibly can.

They are going to try to make you believe that he has the strong case cause he made more money. That's complete BS. You have a much stronger position here but they don't want you to see that so don't be rushed into trying to get this thing done quickly. Drag it out and get as much money as you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a SAHM, let me just say that my DH wanted me to stay home. It was very important to him, and very important to me. If he decides he wants a divorce and won’t do anything to fix our marriage, I don’t think I should get screwed financially. I have been out of work the last 20 years. He had been able to travel, go to work functions, network, etc. He has never had to miss a night of sleep, to take care of a sick kid, never had to go to a dr apt, school conference or playdate. He doesn’t do our lawn care, clean, pay our taxes, or pay any bills. He doesn’t cook, grocery shop, or do laundry. He doesn’t buy a single gift, plan a party, or keep track of social obligations. So yes, I have no monetary value, but my life made his life possible and because of that investment I made, I deserve half.

Girllllllllllll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it's scary. I'm sorry. Consult a few well-respected lawyers. They'll know better than us.

I'm in VA and I've shared this before on here. Keep in mind my ex offered this. He makes close to 7 figures and has a lot clients who have divorced. He said that anything over 16 or 17 years usually gets lifetime alimony so he just offered it -- we were married just shy of 20 years when we separated.

$10k/month lifetime alimony
$2.5k/month child support for two kids, drops to $1.8k for one
$4k month paying off my mortgage

Plus my half of the assets, some of which are rental properties that will some day make good money (but right now all the equity is sucked out by loans my ex took out -- he was always borrowing from Peter to pay Paul)

You've been married 20 years and he makes 10x as much as you do. I really don't believe a judge is going to tell you to suck it up. You are the poster child for spousal support. Fight for the support you have earned by investing in this marriage. Don't listen to the noise that is designed to make you keep sweet and obey. You were involved in a business arrangement -- marriage -- and there is a standard way to dissolve this that honors your non-monetary contributions.

I think it’s disgusting that a minor child, unable to work and with whom he shares blood, is entitled to only a quarter of the entitlement of a grown adult who could be working but chooses not to. I’m embarrassed for these women.

If you think that this mom spends 10k on herself and only 2,500 on her child, then you don’t understand how moms work.

But the alimony is indefinite. So kid leaves for college and mom still banks $10k a month. Your view is exactly why alimony shouldn’t exist, at least not beyond child rearing years. That is, if we think mom is spending a chunk of the alimony on raising kids then she doesn’t need it once they’re gone.

How would a 55 year old woman who hasn't worked in 30 years support herself? Do you want to support her thru taxes with welfare so her DH can live it up?

If she provided such an invaluable job in the household, I’m sure she’ll have no problem transitioning to a high paid role where she can be appropriately compensated for her work. /s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why 50/50 on assets plus child support isn’t what you should expect. Alimony is an injustice to any person. The marriage is over, but then financially everyone pretends like it isn’t?

You made a family decision for one spouse to give up earnings and do the unpaid labor of staying home and caring for the children. The alimony represents the lost earning potential from having been out of the workforce for so long.

Yea. My ex was insisting that I quit law practice for a less time demanding job. He achieved career heights and cheated caked me “nobody”. Why did you marry a “nobody” and had kids with them, lived under same roof for 20 years?

Alimony is to equalize the households for children when ex wife is too old to start anew

I didn’t get any alimony but I welcome it when other women get it as it’s only fair

Why didn’t you get any alimony?

He hid future income behind stock options

That has nothing to do with allimony.

It does. Because disparity in future income is a factor in awarding spousal support.

It is future income, but it was actually earned when it was awarded during the course of the marriage. So it does count as earned during them marriage.

[Anonymous]

Indefinite alimony is absurd. Most SAHMs are completely useless to begin with. Divorced women should just re-enter the workforce.

[Anonymous]

I think most middle age men in 6 figure plus corporate jobs are useless. You telling me a young college grad couldn't do that job for a fourth the income? What about AI?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why 50/50 on assets plus child support isn’t what you should expect. Alimony is an injustice to any person. The marriage is over, but then financially everyone pretends like it isn’t?

Except that one spouse is forced to absorb all the downside of supporting and sacrificing for the other’s career opportunities while the other harvests all the upside. You can’t make it be over unless you have a magical time machine that resets the spouse’s age and opportunities to where they were before they had to stop working. Alimony recognizes the impossibility of that.

How does Dad get compensated for the time and relationship he gave up with his children? I think of my own DH who did give up career opportunities when our kids were young to coach their sports teams by limiting travel and work dinners. He had to manage his schedule to do take on his share of pick ups/drop offs/ doc appts. All of this has made him an equal parent to me and the kids turn to both of us when they need stuff as college kids. I think he would have lost a lot if he didn’t put in the work to build this relationship with them (which didn’t actually come naturally to him). I am not unsympathetic to the argument that women who stayed home gave up opportunities for the family and should be acknowledged in a divorce. But how do you calculate the effect on the other spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it's scary. I'm sorry. Consult a few well-respected lawyers. They'll know better than us.

I'm in VA and I've shared this before on here. Keep in mind my ex offered this. He makes close to 7 figures and has a lot clients who have divorced. He said that anything over 16 or 17 years usually gets lifetime alimony so he just offered it -- we were married just shy of 20 years when we separated.

$10k/month lifetime alimony
$2.5k/month child support for two kids, drops to $1.8k for one
$4k month paying off my mortgage

Plus my half of the assets, some of which are rental properties that will some day make good money (but right now all the equity is sucked out by loans my ex took out -- he was always borrowing from Peter to pay Paul)

You've been married 20 years and he makes 10x as much as you do. I really don't believe a judge is going to tell you to suck it up. You are the poster child for spousal support. Fight for the support you have earned by investing in this marriage. Don't listen to the noise that is designed to make you keep sweet and obey. You were involved in a business arrangement -- marriage -- and there is a standard way to dissolve this that honors your non-monetary contributions.

I think it’s disgusting that a minor child, unable to work and with whom he shares blood, is entitled to only a quarter of the entitlement of a grown adult who could be working but chooses not to. I’m embarrassed for these women.

If you think that this mom spends 10k on herself and only 2,500 on her child, then you don’t understand how moms work.

But the alimony is indefinite. So kid leaves for college and mom still banks $10k a month. Your view is exactly why alimony shouldn’t exist, at least not beyond child rearing years. That is, if we think mom is spending a chunk of the alimony on raising kids then she doesn’t need it once they’re gone.

Yes and I’m certain that some of that 10k for life will go towards kids, grandkids, etc. Moms are not selfish people… cheating dads who divorce their wives on the other hand generously are. Her kids will be better with her having the money because it will benefit them, and not his new shiny AP