Predicting spousal support

[Anonymous]

DH is pursuing divorce. Not what I wanted, but it doesn’t matter.

I am nervous about spousal support. We’ve been married for over 20 years and I have been employed part-time for most of that. He makes roughly 10 times what I make. We are in VA. My attorney has told me what I might expect for temporary support and child support but I’m wondering what that will ultimately translate to in terms of what is decided in the final settlement. I held back in my career to handle the kids and the household. My understanding is that over 20 years can often result in indefinite support.

I’m interested to know what others have received, and if there was much differentiation between the temporary support versus the final settlement. It’s making me very anxious.

[Anonymous]

Be honest, you didn't really want to work all that much and preferred being home with the kids rather than enduring corporate or office drudgery. It's a totally fine and understandable preference, but own it. You were relieved that husband's high salary could accommodate that lifestyle preference even if it could potentially end up in a result like this. Well, welcome to the result...

Time to start taking accountability for your choices and preferences and, ultimately, life by probably getting a job now rather than fretting too much over a spousal support settlement.

[Anonymous]

After 20 years you will get alimony for life.

[Anonymous]

Your attorney will know best.

This is one of the risks with your situation, which was a choice. But see what your attorney says.

[Anonymous]

OP here. His travel and work commitments made it impossible for me to do the work I do full time. And trust me, he wasn’t trying to mitigate that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. His travel and work commitments made it impossible for me to do the work I do full time. And trust me, he wasn’t trying to mitigate that.

I'm in the middle of this! Married almost 30 years. I have Google calendars going back decades showing his extensive work travel and also showing all the overlap with me doing the heavy lifting child rearing appointments etc...I cut back to part time and didn't pursue career opportunities so he could have the flexibility to travel whenever and wherever. I'm curious too - my temporary support still hasn't been determined. I'm not in DC area but I should find out next month. Don't let people trash you here. I can't give you a number but you could plug the facts into ChatGPT and see what it says. Your lawyer also gave you a number. Good luck and I hope this works in your favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. His travel and work commitments made it impossible for me to do the work I do full time. And trust me, he wasn’t trying to mitigate that.

I'm in the middle of this! Married almost 30 years. I have Google calendars going back decades showing his extensive work travel and also showing all the overlap with me doing the heavy lifting child rearing appointments etc...I cut back to part time and didn't pursue career opportunities so he could have the flexibility to travel whenever and wherever. I'm curious too - my temporary support still hasn't been determined. I'm not in DC area but I should find out next month. Don't let people trash you here. I can't give you a number but you could plug the facts into ChatGPT and see what it says. Your lawyer also gave you a number. Good luck and I hope this works in your favor.

OP here. How are you able to access your Google calendar going back decades? I’ve only been able to figure out the last couple of years I think going back to like 21 or 22. It doesn’t seem to go back further than that, but I can’t figure out why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. His travel and work commitments made it impossible for me to do the work I do full time. And trust me, he wasn’t trying to mitigate that.

I'm in the middle of this! Married almost 30 years. I have Google calendars going back decades showing his extensive work travel and also showing all the overlap with me doing the heavy lifting child rearing appointments etc...I cut back to part time and didn't pursue career opportunities so he could have the flexibility to travel whenever and wherever. I'm curious too - my temporary support still hasn't been determined. I'm not in DC area but I should find out next month. Don't let people trash you here. I can't give you a number but you could plug the facts into ChatGPT and see what it says. Your lawyer also gave you a number. Good luck and I hope this works in your favor.

OP here. How are you able to access your Google calendar going back decades? I’ve only been able to figure out the last couple of years I think going back to like 21 or 22. It doesn’t seem to go back further than that, but I can’t figure out why.

Did you change Gmail accounts at some point? I was able to print mine out from 2009 on. I had a moment of clarity the day I was served with papers and went and printed everything before he could go in and edit or delete his stuff, which he did a few days later.... I also have date books. Gather whatever documentation you have access to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. His travel and work commitments made it impossible for me to do the work I do full time. And trust me, he wasn’t trying to mitigate that.

I'm in the middle of this! Married almost 30 years. I have Google calendars going back decades showing his extensive work travel and also showing all the overlap with me doing the heavy lifting child rearing appointments etc...I cut back to part time and didn't pursue career opportunities so he could have the flexibility to travel whenever and wherever. I'm curious too - my temporary support still hasn't been determined. I'm not in DC area but I should find out next month. Don't let people trash you here. I can't give you a number but you could plug the facts into ChatGPT and see what it says. Your lawyer also gave you a number. Good luck and I hope this works in your favor.

OP here. How are you able to access your Google calendar going back decades? I’ve only been able to figure out the last couple of years I think going back to like 21 or 22. It doesn’t seem to go back further than that, but I can’t figure out why.

Did you change Gmail accounts at some point? I was able to print mine out from 2009 on. I had a moment of clarity the day I was served with papers and went and printed everything before he could go in and edit or delete his stuff, which he did a few days later.... I also have date books. Gather whatever documentation you have access to.

No - same account since even before 2009.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be honest, you didn't really want to work all that much and preferred being home with the kids rather than enduring corporate or office drudgery. It's a totally fine and understandable preference, but own it. You were relieved that husband's high salary could accommodate that lifestyle preference even if it could potentially end up in a result like this. Well, welcome to the result...

Time to start taking accountability for your choices and preferences and, ultimately, life by probably getting a job now rather than fretting too much over a spousal support settlement.

Sounds like someone is a little salty because they couldn't do what the op did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be honest, you didn't really want to work all that much and preferred being home with the kids rather than enduring corporate or office drudgery. It's a totally fine and understandable preference, but own it. You were relieved that husband's high salary could accommodate that lifestyle preference even if it could potentially end up in a result like this. Well, welcome to the result...

Time to start taking accountability for your choices and preferences and, ultimately, life by probably getting a job now rather than fretting too much over a spousal support settlement.

Ignore this troll.

Your lawyer doesn't have any idea what you might expect?

[Anonymous]

In my state, theres a calculator and its largely a pre-determined equation

[Anonymous]

Married 20 years and got alimony for 10 years, until youngest was 16. The decision we made TOGETHER for me to do majority of parenting was honored. Also got over 50% of his retirement and full ownership of home.
Aim high.

[Anonymous]

There is a very specific formula posted online for this exact question.

[Anonymous]

I got ten years alimony after 25 year marriage in Maryland.