So many mistakes. So much disappointment.

[Anonymous]

We were in a similar situation but decided to
let DD go. Our cashflow is super tight (like, we are having fights about the water bill) and we will likely need to work a few more years to make up the difference. She is doing her part, taking on $27k in unsubsidized loans and working to cover $15k/year. It’s tough. In the end I don’t know if it will have been worth it especially considering how AI is changing what it even means to be educated. But we didn’t want to regret having taken this chance away from her. And it’s not like our retirement is in danger, it just made everything a bit tight for comfort.

[Anonymous]

OP - take a look at these two videos. Maybe they will give you another perspective:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7J-wCHDJYmo&pp=ygUwbWFsY29sbSBnbGFkd2VsbCB3aHkgeW91IHNob3VsZG4ndCBnbyB0byBoYXJ2YXJk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sxv5tSWTPUU

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Flagship ranking is around 150. She got a scholarship so cost is 5K tuition plus housing (10K). 15K total.

T10 school. She got 20K in financial aid which would bring tuition down to 50K. Housing is about 15K. 65K total.

Engineering major.

The difference is only 50k!

Of course she can work part time to pay for the difference. Waitress, tutoring, etc. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to earn 50k per year.

If you are willing to pay additional 10k, that really helps.

I mean it’s one banana Michael. How much could it cost, $10?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest DD is a senior this year and we’ve made so many mistakes.

Her dream school is a T10 that we can’t afford. We’ve been upfront with her about it being too expensive. She said she just wanted to see if she could get in. Well, she got in and it’s been emotionally exhausting to deal with. The school keeps sending letters and packages. They recently offered to pay for her and a parent to fly out for their admitted student day, which she desperately wants to do.

She applied to another school T50 and applied for a prestigious full ride scholarship. She started getting excited about it and saying she would likely go to the school because of the scholarship program. She made it to the final round, had an interview, took a test, etc. Tonight she found out she didn’t get it. She’s been in tears. Says she’s no longer interested in the school. I get it. It put a bad taste in her mouth.

It’s looking like her best option is our state flagship school. We actually live in the town with the school, so this is not exciting to her.

As a parent I feel like we’ve made so many mistakes and the experience has been pretty negative overall.

My parents let me apply to any school I wanted and when I got in then said I couldn’t go (for me it was age, not money). I ended up at a state school. I was a little bitter about it at first, but I got over it. I loved college and have an amazing life. I now understand my parents’ position of not crushing my dreams but also not wanting their 16 yo to go out of state.

This is a long way of saying your DC will have a great, successful life even if she goes to your state school. And she will realize that in time (if not immediately).

In your case, the obvious solution seems to be a gap year!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Flagship ranking is around 150. She got a scholarship so cost is 5K tuition plus housing (10K). 15K total.

T10 school. She got 20K in financial aid which would bring tuition down to 50K. Housing is about 15K. 65K total.

Engineering major.

How much can you afford per year? Does she not have other options between 15k and 65k per year?

[Anonymous]

Try renegotiating financial aid. There’s a good podcast out there on what to do.

[Anonymous]

I went to a highly selective magnet high school. I remember one of our classmates was telling us that his top choice was our high school. But to prove his ability, he also applied to a very elite private school (and got in). In his case, he had zero intention of attending that more prestigious school, though money was not a concern as he would likely receive a very generous financial package. So there’re people out who just apply for fun to test their ability 😉

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, trying to give you the benefit of the doubt but a few things sound off. Only mentioning a T10, T50 and T150, fly-in's are for the truly needy, and "lots of letters and packages."

NP. Colorado College is flying my DD in. We’re not rich by DCUM standards, but certainly not “truly needy” (or needy in any way!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely a troll post. These schools don’t fly you out to visit for free unless you are really poor. (And even questionable is at all for admitted student day visits). 20k in need based aid at T10 is not poor.

We don’t qualify for aid yet Denison and Kenyon offered fly in and hotel for admitted students day. We didn’t go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest DD is a senior this year and we’ve made so many mistakes.

Her dream school is a T10 that we can’t afford. We’ve been upfront with her about it being too expensive. She said she just wanted to see if she could get in. Well, she got in and it’s been emotionally exhausting to deal with. The school keeps sending letters and packages. They recently offered to pay for her and a parent to fly out for their admitted student day, which she desperately wants to do.

She applied to another school T50 and applied for a prestigious full ride scholarship. She started getting excited about it and saying she would likely go to the school because of the scholarship program. She made it to the final round, had an interview, took a test, etc. Tonight she found out she didn’t get it. She’s been in tears. Says she’s no longer interested in the school. I get it. It put a bad taste in her mouth.

It’s looking like her best option is our state flagship school. We actually live in the town with the school, so this is not exciting to her.

As a parent I feel like we’ve made so many mistakes and the experience has been pretty negative overall.

HPY and MIT are the only schools this could be and they do not fly students out to admitted days UNLESS the student qualifies for need based aid.
Troll post. Go away.

My kid was offered a flight to Admitted Students Day because she was an underrepresented minority, and those kids were all in tied to a dinner in advance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am not a troll.

The T10 school she applied EA so she’s known since December that she was accepted.

Interestingly enough the free flight/hotel offer was sent to her as “merit based” Even though the school awarded her no merit aid for tuition.

many of those schools do not offer merit. its probably just a term of art there, but nothing more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Flagship ranking is around 150. She got a scholarship so cost is 5K tuition plus housing (10K). 15K total.

T10 school. She got 20K in financial aid which would bring tuition down to 50K. Housing is about 15K. 65K total.

Engineering major.

Then you make 220-300k, and can afford 65k. She can take out 5k in loans if you want, and since again this must be HYP or MIT, she can easily get a research position that will pay around 2k a semester, can likely make 5k + each summer.
Let her go.

I need this poster to come and do my budgeting for me. I make $300K a year. I absolutely could not afford to pay $65K for my kid. I have one in private HS at $25K a year, and a senior on their way to college. Two parents on Medicaid whom I support and a husband who is a small business owner and doesn't bring much money in. You have no idea what people's circumstances are! One's salary never tells the full picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Flagship ranking is around 150. She got a scholarship so cost is 5K tuition plus housing (10K). 15K total.

T10 school. She got 20K in financial aid which would bring tuition down to 50K. Housing is about 15K. 65K total.

Engineering major.

The difference is only 50k!

Of course she can work part time to pay for the difference. Waitress, tutoring, etc. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to earn 50k per year.

If you are willing to pay additional 10k, that really helps.

OP, I’m sorry you are getting weird belligerent responses like the one above.

Did she only apply to 3 schools? For engineering I would not take out $200k+ in loans.

Do your local school and then see about transferring. Or the one that puts a bad taste in your mouth, assuming you can afford it.

OP here. Thank you for your kind response. I agree that an engineering degree cannot justify 200K in loans.

I’ve talked to her about potentially transferring schools after two years. She wasn’t open to the idea. I think she just needs some time to be sad.

yes she does need time to be sad. But that's because you led her to believe she might get to attend. If you ran the NPC and you would know you only get $20K, and T10 schools don't give Merit aid (maybe a few but in reality it's less than 2-3% who get any). So you explain that and don't let her apply. If she's truly smart enough to get into a T10 for engineering (or anything), she should be able to understand finances.
It's our job as parents to set realistic expectations for our kids.

We let our kid apply to Syracuse. DC's number one choice. Did NPC before they applied and made it very clear that we would not get aid AND that Syracuse is in no way worth the big bucks that they charge. DC was accepted and knows there's no way they will attend if we don't receive more money. So we are focusing on other schools that gave generous merit, ranked a few pegs lower than Syracuse, and are prepared to jump at Syracuse if they offer more money (which they probably won't).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Flagship ranking is around 150. She got a scholarship so cost is 5K tuition plus housing (10K). 15K total.

T10 school. She got 20K in financial aid which would bring tuition down to 50K. Housing is about 15K. 65K total.

Engineering major.

So you are talking 200k difference. About 170k if she takes out the full government student loan amounts per year. If she only got 20k in grants from a top ten school, then you guys should be able to afford to the extra 170k. I think you should try to make that happen for her. A top ten could offer life changing career opportunities.

Also, try to negotiate the aid.

The fact that you are downplaying $170,000 is insane. Guilting a parent into spending $170,000 more they she can afford is how we ended up with the student loan crisis.

Exactly! Yes, I agree at the likely income (to only get $20K), they most likely "Could" afford that if they made different choices. But they likely are already living an elevated lifestyle that uses all of their income. And that means they cannot afford it.

Obviously they should not pay an extra $170K. They should never have allowed their kid to apply, because a simple NPC check would have told them exactly what they would get. If you cannot afford it, you don't let your kid fall in love, apply and get accepted. THat's a recipe for disaster.

NPC was wrong wrong wrong for two of the schools my kid got admitted to. $30,000 off (in the wrong direction) in one case.

The FAFSA schools all gave generous merit aid, the CSS schools want us to sell our house.

It all worked out in the end, their dream school came through with very generous merit but I could see how someone would get a bad rug pull if they relied on the estimates.

Well if you make $250K+, baring extenuating circumstances you should assume you will be full pay (or very close to it). This isn't a "we need $5k more" situation. It's a "we need $60k more". So yes they could have predicted this and should not have let their kid apply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were in a similar situation but decided to
let DD go. Our cashflow is super tight (like, we are having fights about the water bill) and we will likely need to work a few more years to make up the difference. She is doing her part, taking on $27k in unsubsidized loans and working to cover $15k/year. It’s tough. In the end I don’t know if it will have been worth it especially considering how AI is changing what it even means to be educated. But we didn’t want to regret having taken this chance away from her. And it’s not like our retirement is in danger, it just made everything a bit tight for comfort.

Obviously it's a choice. But most people would be better off with a more affordable option. Imagine if your kid graduated debt free and you had $50k to give them to get started in life (down payment or grad school etc). And if they could be saving that $15k they earn yearly--put it into a Roth IRA and watch it grow.

In reality they will go far no matter where they attend. I cannot imagine having money be that tight for a "top college" experience. It's not really an advantage