Teen boys and portion sizes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s totally reasonable to say there’s a limited amount of some foods. If it’s an almost every night thing, it does sound like your kid wants more food. I’m sure he’s looking at it like “she gets unlimited servings of her dish, why can’t I get more of mine”.

If it was me, I’d avoid the issue by serving more meat when that’s what you’re making punctuated by days where everyone eats vegetarian. Also, avoid serving meat on its own. Mixing it into a stir fry or pasta will make it feel like your son gets more of “his” meal.

From the perspective of reducing whining and accusations of favoritism, serving vegetarian isn't a solution. He will see that as I made a whole meal for her, and nothing for him. I still do sometimes serve a whole meal that's vegetarian. It just isn't a solution to this problem. I'm also not sure how a meal of unlimited vegetarian lasagna, unlimited soup and unlimited salad is a reasonable meal, but as soon as I throw some Italian sausage on a sheet pan, the lasagna suddenly becomes "hers".

I do serve meat mixed with other things sometimes, but that can make it harder to accommodate the vegetarian. It's easier for me to serve the meal deconstructed. So, on a weeknight, I might put out pasta, marinara, ricotta, meatballs, and salad and let the kids combine the foods how they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s totally reasonable to say there’s a limited amount of some foods. If it’s an almost every night thing, it does sound like your kid wants more food. I’m sure he’s looking at it like “she gets unlimited servings of her dish, why can’t I get more of mine”.

If it was me, I’d avoid the issue by serving more meat when that’s what you’re making punctuated by days where everyone eats vegetarian. Also, avoid serving meat on its own. Mixing it into a stir fry or pasta will make it feel like your son gets more of “his” meal.

From the perspective of reducing whining and accusations of favoritism, serving vegetarian isn't a solution. He will see that as I made a whole meal for her, and nothing for him. I still do sometimes serve a whole meal that's vegetarian. It just isn't a solution to this problem. I'm also not sure how a meal of unlimited vegetarian lasagna, unlimited soup and unlimited salad is a reasonable meal, but as soon as I throw some Italian sausage on a sheet pan, the lasagna suddenly becomes "hers".

I do serve meat mixed with other things sometimes, but that can make it harder to accommodate the vegetarian. It's easier for me to serve the meal deconstructed. So, on a weeknight, I might put out pasta, marinara, ricotta, meatballs, and salad and let the kids combine the foods how they want.

NP. But this post is nothing but excuses. Everyone can eat vegetarian. Tell daughter that the entire vegetarian meal is NOT just for her. Be a parent. This isn’t hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s totally reasonable to say there’s a limited amount of some foods. If it’s an almost every night thing, it does sound like your kid wants more food. I’m sure he’s looking at it like “she gets unlimited servings of her dish, why can’t I get more of mine”.

If it was me, I’d avoid the issue by serving more meat when that’s what you’re making punctuated by days where everyone eats vegetarian. Also, avoid serving meat on its own. Mixing it into a stir fry or pasta will make it feel like your son gets more of “his” meal.

From the perspective of reducing whining and accusations of favoritism, serving vegetarian isn't a solution. He will see that as I made a whole meal for her, and nothing for him. I still do sometimes serve a whole meal that's vegetarian. It just isn't a solution to this problem. I'm also not sure how a meal of unlimited vegetarian lasagna, unlimited soup and unlimited salad is a reasonable meal, but as soon as I throw some Italian sausage on a sheet pan, the lasagna suddenly becomes "hers".

I do serve meat mixed with other things sometimes, but that can make it harder to accommodate the vegetarian. It's easier for me to serve the meal deconstructed. So, on a weeknight, I might put out pasta, marinara, ricotta, meatballs, and salad and let the kids combine the foods how they want.

NP. But this post is nothing but excuses. Everyone can eat vegetarian. Tell daughter that the entire vegetarian meal is NOT just for her. Be a parent. This isn’t hard.

She isn't claiming that the vegetarian food is just for her. Where are you getting that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s totally reasonable to say there’s a limited amount of some foods. If it’s an almost every night thing, it does sound like your kid wants more food. I’m sure he’s looking at it like “she gets unlimited servings of her dish, why can’t I get more of mine”.

If it was me, I’d avoid the issue by serving more meat when that’s what you’re making punctuated by days where everyone eats vegetarian. Also, avoid serving meat on its own. Mixing it into a stir fry or pasta will make it feel like your son gets more of “his” meal.

From the perspective of reducing whining and accusations of favoritism, serving vegetarian isn't a solution. He will see that as I made a whole meal for her, and nothing for him. I still do sometimes serve a whole meal that's vegetarian. It just isn't a solution to this problem. I'm also not sure how a meal of unlimited vegetarian lasagna, unlimited soup and unlimited salad is a reasonable meal, but as soon as I throw some Italian sausage on a sheet pan, the lasagna suddenly becomes "hers".

I do serve meat mixed with other things sometimes, but that can make it harder to accommodate the vegetarian. It's easier for me to serve the meal deconstructed. So, on a weeknight, I might put out pasta, marinara, ricotta, meatballs, and salad and let the kids combine the foods how they want.

NP. But this post is nothing but excuses. Everyone can eat vegetarian. Tell daughter that the entire vegetarian meal is NOT just for her. Be a parent. This isn’t hard.

Dp sounds like the son is claiming that. When in fact all of the food is available to him in unlimited quantities until it runs out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s totally reasonable to say there’s a limited amount of some foods. If it’s an almost every night thing, it does sound like your kid wants more food. I’m sure he’s looking at it like “she gets unlimited servings of her dish, why can’t I get more of mine”.

If it was me, I’d avoid the issue by serving more meat when that’s what you’re making punctuated by days where everyone eats vegetarian. Also, avoid serving meat on its own. Mixing it into a stir fry or pasta will make it feel like your son gets more of “his” meal.

From the perspective of reducing whining and accusations of favoritism, serving vegetarian isn't a solution. He will see that as I made a whole meal for her, and nothing for him. I still do sometimes serve a whole meal that's vegetarian. It just isn't a solution to this problem. I'm also not sure how a meal of unlimited vegetarian lasagna, unlimited soup and unlimited salad is a reasonable meal, but as soon as I throw some Italian sausage on a sheet pan, the lasagna suddenly becomes "hers".

I do serve meat mixed with other things sometimes, but that can make it harder to accommodate the vegetarian. It's easier for me to serve the meal deconstructed. So, on a weeknight, I might put out pasta, marinara, ricotta, meatballs, and salad and let the kids combine the foods how they want.

NP. But this post is nothing but excuses. Everyone can eat vegetarian. Tell daughter that the entire vegetarian meal is NOT just for her. Be a parent. This isn’t hard.

Dp sounds like the son is claiming that. When in fact all of the food is available to him in unlimited quantities until it runs out.

Exactly, and his equally hungry brothers are sitting there happily eating multiple portions of lasagna, plus soup, salad, and sausage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This OPs future daughter in law will probably be thr poster of a future epic dcum Thanksgiving post.

She is the younger version of the mil that won't feed anyone, cant believe you are still hungry and makes you wait all day for food etc. Her future daughter in law will be hiding food gift baskets in luggage so her kids dont starve .

Oh this is an absurd jump. Yes he’s a growing boy, but if after school he’s already had “2 turkey and cheese sandwiches, an apple with peanut butter, a banana, some chips and guacamole, and a large slice of baked oatmeal.” and THEN for dinner he has two hamburgers with buns plus unlimited sides, this kid is far from starving. I have a teen boy at home and he wouldn’t be demanding extra meat if he’s already had two servings. This is an issue of a bratty kid, not a starved one.

If it isn't a financial impossibility, feed your child. Teenagers are growing and developing at a rapid rate. Not just physically, but emotionally and intellectually. They need food and sleep. Feed your effing kid as much as they need. Why is this so difficult? It's not like the kid wants junk food. The kid wants meat.

Frankly meat, especially beef, is bad for you. Serving a child unlimited red meat is a terrible idea.

Serving your kid unlimited pasta is just as terrible even if they don't have celiac.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This OPs future daughter in law will probably be thr poster of a future epic dcum Thanksgiving post.

She is the younger version of the mil that won't feed anyone, cant believe you are still hungry and makes you wait all day for food etc. Her future daughter in law will be hiding food gift baskets in luggage so her kids dont starve .

Oh this is an absurd jump. Yes he’s a growing boy, but if after school he’s already had “2 turkey and cheese sandwiches, an apple with peanut butter, a banana, some chips and guacamole, and a large slice of baked oatmeal.” and THEN for dinner he has two hamburgers with buns plus unlimited sides, this kid is far from starving. I have a teen boy at home and he wouldn’t be demanding extra meat if he’s already had two servings. This is an issue of a bratty kid, not a starved one.

If it isn't a financial impossibility, feed your child. Teenagers are growing and developing at a rapid rate. Not just physically, but emotionally and intellectually. They need food and sleep. Feed your effing kid as much as they need. Why is this so difficult? It's not like the kid wants junk food. The kid wants meat.

Frankly meat, especially beef, is bad for you. Serving a child unlimited red meat is a terrible idea.

Serving your kid unlimited pasta is just as terrible even if they don't have celiac.

I do not think there is any food or food group that is healthy if it’s all your kid eats.

[Anonymous]

Send kid to a therapist who deals with disordered eatimg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you’re doing nothing wrong. If he wants more meat, he can get a job and use his own money to buy himself a rotisserie chicken every night. You are clearly offering a huge variety of healthy, filling foods. Having backup foods in the freezer like the burritos, etc, goes to show that you aren’t starving any of your children. I see no evidence of you depriving your children of enough calories to feel satisfied. Don’t let DCUM make you feel insecure, some people enjoy being angry and making others feel worse about themselves because then they can pretend that they aren’t as unhappy as they are.

I agree with you, though I would probably just buy rotisserie chicken and leave it in the fridge and point to that when he wanted more meat. I also like to do a pot of beans with greens and ham chunks or leftover bacon that I offer. You could make a vegetarian version then just add meat to half of it.When we do something like burgers, we make a bigger patty for the teen boy. That might actually be more satisfying than two regular size burgers.

We serve family style. It is way easier for me to put out 2 trays of burgers (veggie and meat) and toppings that are reasonably sized for the people with the smaller appetites, and encourage people with larger appetites to take more than one, than to short order cook a different size for each person.

I think some of this is larger family dynamics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This OPs future daughter in law will probably be thr poster of a future epic dcum Thanksgiving post.

She is the younger version of the mil that won't feed anyone, cant believe you are still hungry and makes you wait all day for food etc. Her future daughter in law will be hiding food gift baskets in luggage so her kids dont starve .

OP here,

This is interesting, because I'm a regular participant in those threads. I grew up in a household where my mother put food on plates, and you could neither leave food unfinished, or ask for seconds. Other than that, the kitchen was closed. The portion size didn't change, and by middle and high school we were all starving. She had a rule of not eating or drinking between meals, including water. You would literally get in trouble if you messed up the kitchen by filling a glass of water and drinking, or took a cup to the bathroom so you could get a drink after you brushed your teeth.

So, I've got some hang ups about underfeeding my kids. It's always been important to me that they can eat their fill, and that the food tastes good.

But this pattern of just choosing one food and wanting unlimited quantities of that food, is pushing my buttons. It's expensive. It isn't healthy. And the accusation that I'm being unfair hurts me, because showing favoritism is another pattern from my family of origin that I try hard to avoid.

That is really messed up. No wonder you are trying to correct the horrible controlling environment you grew up in.

I still think you should take the feedback from your son and try to let him listen to his body, rather than you imposing control over the ratio of foods you think he should eat. He is old enough to have agency over this, and he’s not asking for unlimited donuts. Examine why it is pushing your buttons that he wants more meat. As an outside observer he just sounds like a hungry teen male athlete, not a manipulator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This OPs future daughter in law will probably be thr poster of a future epic dcum Thanksgiving post.

She is the younger version of the mil that won't feed anyone, cant believe you are still hungry and makes you wait all day for food etc. Her future daughter in law will be hiding food gift baskets in luggage so her kids dont starve .

Oh this is an absurd jump. Yes he’s a growing boy, but if after school he’s already had “2 turkey and cheese sandwiches, an apple with peanut butter, a banana, some chips and guacamole, and a large slice of baked oatmeal.” and THEN for dinner he has two hamburgers with buns plus unlimited sides, this kid is far from starving. I have a teen boy at home and he wouldn’t be demanding extra meat if he’s already had two servings. This is an issue of a bratty kid, not a starved one.

If it isn't a financial impossibility, feed your child. Teenagers are growing and developing at a rapid rate. Not just physically, but emotionally and intellectually. They need food and sleep. Feed your effing kid as much as they need. Why is this so difficult? It's not like the kid wants junk food. The kid wants meat.

Frankly meat, especially beef, is bad for you. Serving a child unlimited red meat is a terrible idea.

Serving your kid unlimited pasta is just as terrible even if they don't have celiac.

Point to where I recommended serving unlimited pasta.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds exhausting to me.

I suggest that you don’t need to anything else but have food available for him. And you don’t have to bend over backwards to make a bunch of different meals, when the shrimp runs out, he can make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

I have a kid (also an athlete) who would eat nothing but steak, but that’s not happening.

It's supposed to be exhausting. And they are teens they eat. But you knew that when you conceived kids and kids who are close in age. The kids should be more involved in shopping and cooking if they are teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s totally reasonable to say there’s a limited amount of some foods. If it’s an almost every night thing, it does sound like your kid wants more food. I’m sure he’s looking at it like “she gets unlimited servings of her dish, why can’t I get more of mine”.

If it was me, I’d avoid the issue by serving more meat when that’s what you’re making punctuated by days where everyone eats vegetarian. Also, avoid serving meat on its own. Mixing it into a stir fry or pasta will make it feel like your son gets more of “his” meal.

From the perspective of reducing whining and accusations of favoritism, serving vegetarian isn't a solution. He will see that as I made a whole meal for her, and nothing for him. I still do sometimes serve a whole meal that's vegetarian. It just isn't a solution to this problem. I'm also not sure how a meal of unlimited vegetarian lasagna, unlimited soup and unlimited salad is a reasonable meal, but as soon as I throw some Italian sausage on a sheet pan, the lasagna suddenly becomes "hers".

I do serve meat mixed with other things sometimes, but that can make it harder to accommodate the vegetarian. It's easier for me to serve the meal deconstructed. So, on a weeknight, I might put out pasta, marinara, ricotta, meatballs, and salad and let the kids combine the foods how they want.

NP. But this post is nothing but excuses. Everyone can eat vegetarian. Tell daughter that the entire vegetarian meal is NOT just for her. Be a parent. This isn’t hard.

Dp sounds like the son is claiming that. When in fact all of the food is available to him in unlimited quantities until it runs out.

Okay, so she can tell HIM that. Duh.

Does she always require this much hand holding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds exhausting to me.

I suggest that you don’t need to anything else but have food available for him. And you don’t have to bend over backwards to make a bunch of different meals, when the shrimp runs out, he can make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

I have a kid (also an athlete) who would eat nothing but steak, but that’s not happening.

It's supposed to be exhausting. And they are teens they eat. But you knew that when you conceived kids and kids who are close in age. The kids should be more involved in shopping and cooking if they are teens.

The kids don’t get more of a say unless they’re helping pay for it, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds exhausting to me.

I suggest that you don’t need to anything else but have food available for him. And you don’t have to bend over backwards to make a bunch of different meals, when the shrimp runs out, he can make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

I have a kid (also an athlete) who would eat nothing but steak, but that’s not happening.

It's supposed to be exhausting. And they are teens they eat. But you knew that when you conceived kids and kids who are close in age. The kids should be more involved in shopping and cooking if they are teens.

I'm the OP. The poster you are replying to is not me, and definitely did not conceive my kids.

My kids shop and cook. I've already said that.