Was I out of line at the grocery store with a shrieking toddler?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t believe OP for the simple fact that there is no one, and I mean NO ONE, more bothered by a child’s screams than the MOTHER. It’s biologically wired into us to respond to our children screaming. Zero chance in hell the mom was laughing at the screaming. That’s the tell that this is made up or exaggerated.

I can’t even imagine what her blood pressure was. The worst feeling.

So why was she encouraging it and not stopping it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is autistic. People intervene when she's melting down in public ALL THE TIME. They think they are being helpful, either to me, or to themselves, as you thought. They are not. People need to mind their own business.

You tried to parent another person's child. A stranger's child. Without knowing what was going on. You felt entitled because you were uncomfortable. You were very much in the wrong.

If your child is shrieking in the store to the point of disturbing others, maybe it’s time to take them home. It doesn’t matter that they have autism, frankly.

I reply too soon. One of the ways that kids learn how to behave in public when they have challenges is to be in public. They have as much a right to be out in the world as you do. We’re not hiding autistic children at home for your comfort.

Then I guess a sexual deviant has a right to expose himself in public? A kleptomaniac a right to steal? A narcissist the right to verbally attack a cashier? Because their brain is wired differently?

No.

You aren’t allowed to disturb others.

Do you always make stupid bad-faith arguments like this?

PP is one 100% correct. It is possible to parent and correct the behaviour of children who have special needs.

PP is bringing up people exposing themselves and stealing. That isn’t in remotely the same ballpark as this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her being encouraging was your perspective. It may not have been what was going on. Some kids if you can get them laughing and they’ll stop crying. Plus this woman had to endure the same thing and I can guarantee that it was more stressful, knowing that her kid was bothering everyone than anyone that had to listen to it.


I think you’re a complete creep for talking to someone’s kid without checking in with them first. Just because you think you know what’s going on doesn’t mean you have the right to do that.

Also, you made the kid cry. You are stranger danger of course they were quiet and then fell apart.

Don’t parent other people‘s children. Even if you think you know what’s better or best.

Talking to children IN FRONT of their parents is acceptable and normal. Don't bring your f-ed up cultural norms here where they don't belong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love that you did that. Expletive that mom.

+1
More people should intervene. And for what it's worth I would have given that mom a strong stink eye too.

Oooh, terrifying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yesterday late afternoon I went to the grocery store and almost immediately heard a child letting out loud, ear-piercing shrieks, the kind that reverberate through the aisles and make people wince. Every time it happened, I noticed other shoppers grimacing or exchanging uncomfortable looks.

This went on throughout my trip. Eventually, I ended up in the same aisle as the child, a little girl, maybe 2 or 2.5 years old, and her mom. What surprised me most was that the mom was laughing and clearly encouraging the shrieking, not trying to redirect or stop it. I was frustrated, not just by the noise, but by what felt like a complete disregard for others in the store. I walked up to their cart, looked at the child, covered my ears, and said “Ouch! Your shouting is really hurting my ears!” The little girl immediately burst into tears. The mom called me an expletive and told me I was rude. For the record, the shrieking stopped after that.

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I didn’t yell or scold, I tried to speak calmly but honestly. Still, I’m wondering, was I out of line? Should I have just ignored it? How do others handle this kind of situation?

You're a creep.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her being encouraging was your perspective. It may not have been what was going on. Some kids if you can get them laughing and they’ll stop crying. Plus this woman had to endure the same thing and I can guarantee that it was more stressful, knowing that her kid was bothering everyone than anyone that had to listen to it.


I think you’re a complete creep for talking to someone’s kid without checking in with them first. Just because you think you know what’s going on doesn’t mean you have the right to do that.

Also, you made the kid cry. You are stranger danger of course they were quiet and then fell apart.

Don’t parent other people‘s children. Even if you think you know what’s better or best.

Talking to children IN FRONT of their parents is acceptable and normal. Don't bring your f-ed up cultural norms here where they don't belong.

1000 percent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yesterday late afternoon I went to the grocery store and almost immediately heard a child letting out loud, ear-piercing shrieks, the kind that reverberate through the aisles and make people wince. Every time it happened, I noticed other shoppers grimacing or exchanging uncomfortable looks.

This went on throughout my trip. Eventually, I ended up in the same aisle as the child, a little girl, maybe 2 or 2.5 years old, and her mom. What surprised me most was that the mom was laughing and clearly encouraging the shrieking, not trying to redirect or stop it. I was frustrated, not just by the noise, but by what felt like a complete disregard for others in the store. I walked up to their cart, looked at the child, covered my ears, and said “Ouch! Your shouting is really hurting my ears!” The little girl immediately burst into tears. The mom called me an expletive and told me I was rude. For the record, the shrieking stopped after that.

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I didn’t yell or scold, I tried to speak calmly but honestly. Still, I’m wondering, was I out of line? Should I have just ignored it? How do others handle this kind of situation?

They realize that people are human and have tough moments. They don’t interject themselves.

I will not validate you

It's not validation of OP; it's validation of the whole community in which we live. OP, rock on!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love that you did that. Expletive that mom.

+1
More people should intervene. And for what it's worth I would have given that mom a strong stink eye too.

Oooh, terrifying

What's terrifying is that so many parents feel it is completely acceptable to disturb others while out in public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the kindest things that happened to me was a day that I was wearing my daughter at the grocery store. She was in a back carrier, maybe a year and a half old and not consolable. Her dad had been overseas for two weeks and I needed to get groceries. An older woman looked at me and said, honey you’re doing great. We’ve all been there.

That’s how you handle it

An inconsolable baby isn’t the same thing as a shrieking toddler and you know it. That mother was not “doing great” and you know it.

My eardrums would say different but since you know better about my kid than I do, please tell me everything I need to know about being a good parent in the world. Truly fascinated by you and your intellect.

There is a whole library of books for people like you to learn. Hopefully you don't have to learn to read first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yesterday late afternoon I went to the grocery store and almost immediately heard a child letting out loud, ear-piercing shrieks, the kind that reverberate through the aisles and make people wince. Every time it happened, I noticed other shoppers grimacing or exchanging uncomfortable looks.

This went on throughout my trip. Eventually, I ended up in the same aisle as the child, a little girl, maybe 2 or 2.5 years old, and her mom. What surprised me most was that the mom was laughing and clearly encouraging the shrieking, not trying to redirect or stop it. I was frustrated, not just by the noise, but by what felt like a complete disregard for others in the store. I walked up to their cart, looked at the child, covered my ears, and said “Ouch! Your shouting is really hurting my ears!” The little girl immediately burst into tears. The mom called me an expletive and told me I was rude. For the record, the shrieking stopped after that.

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I didn’t yell or scold, I tried to speak calmly but honestly. Still, I’m wondering, was I out of line? Should I have just ignored it? How do others handle this kind of situation?

That's your clue that you *&$#ed up. If you are still bothered by it a day later, you should be learning the lesson that speaking to that kid in front of (and instead of) her mother was not, in fact, the right move. If it had been, you would feel fine.

And I'm surprised to make it this far in the thread without anyone mentioning that this whole story sounds like the kid was laughing and you don't know what a toddler laugh sounds like.

[Anonymous]

That child’s future kindergarten teacher thanks you. There are way too many kids in elementary school who have parents that actually don’t really “parent. They let their kids do whatever they want and they just ignore it and think everyone else just needs to be inconvenienced. It used to be if your kid was screaming you left the store or other people helped convince the child not to scream.

Something happened between covid and screens that people are now living in bubbles where they don’t consider how their actions and the actions of others affect those around them. And at the same time it became unacceptable to point this out.

This is why so many teachers quit and why so many kids aren’t learning at school. There is a subset of 10-20% of students who are incorrigible. They have never been corrected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is autistic. People intervene when she's melting down in public ALL THE TIME. They think they are being helpful, either to me, or to themselves, as you thought. They are not. People need to mind their own business.

You tried to parent another person's child. A stranger's child. Without knowing what was going on. You felt entitled because you were uncomfortable. You were very much in the wrong.

+1
OP you were completely out of line not to approach the parent first if you really thought you had to intervene. My child has apraxia and will often shriek and squeal. She also has huge anxiety. I try to never bring her to places where judgey people like you will make the situation worse, but sometimes it’s unavoidable (cancelled sitters, etc). If that had been my dd you would have missed the 30 minute prep in the car before she’d even enter the store, the hour we would have spent on a social story with photos and videos before getting in the car, and then what would look like me turning a blind eye to her shrieks bc that’s the only way she could get through it. You also wouldn’t know that this was remarkably better than the last visit and each one was an improvement, and that we had a plan with her ABA and OT therapists to desensitize her to everyday things such as a store that should be no big deal but are to her. Guess what, if you had gotten in her face and corrected her like that, it would have set her back months and reinforced everything she was anxious about, so you bet I would have sworn at you. To the other judgey people, this isn’t a result of bad parenting or junk food or anything else. Her siblings are not like this and she was born this way. Everyday tasks are hard enough without encountering know it alls like you.

[Anonymous]

Lady, you are creepy. Say something to the mother if you must, don't approach a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is autistic. People intervene when she's melting down in public ALL THE TIME. They think they are being helpful, either to me, or to themselves, as you thought. They are not. People need to mind their own business.

You tried to parent another person's child. A stranger's child. Without knowing what was going on. You felt entitled because you were uncomfortable. You were very much in the wrong.

If your child is shrieking in the store to the point of disturbing others, maybe it’s time to take them home. It doesn’t matter that they have autism, frankly.

Not everyone can afford Instacart

Ok then expect your unruly kids to be kept in line by strangers. It's part of going out in public you take the good with the bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP heres my problem. There was an adult present. Heres the thing you know it would have been crazy to go up to the mom and say hey, your kid is screaming so loud it hurts my ears because duh shes screaming. But you took it upon yourself to address a TODDLER and using exclamation marks indicates you either yelled or said it with strong emphasis as a command.
How was the mom encouraging it? Was she saying keep screaming? Was she giving her kids a thumbs up? Could she have possibly been laughing because of being nervous or trying to get her kid to mimic her? Could she have been laughing out of frustration like FML? Did you know parents have been instructed to ignore age-appropriate behavior unless someone is getting injured? Would it have been better if she was crying or singing opera? Or is it that children should just be quiet when in public? I am just trying to get an understanding of what your acceptance is for children existing at all since most adults nowadays expect children to be compliant and quiet at all times. He1l, some of you probably complain about kids playing outside too loud.
You feel comfortable telling a child how to behave but I bet you wouldnt tell an adult who has their conversation or music on speakerphone to turn it down would you? And a village is not just for correction. Yall loveeeeeeee to be the b-tchy corrector, overseer of all Ps & Qs, but are absent when it comes to actual support. THe only support you want to provide is a being a nosy-know-it-all.

Thank you

It's a toddler. They get corrected by others all the time. It's not the end of the world for them.