Was I out of line at the grocery store with a shrieking toddler?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is autistic. People intervene when she's melting down in public ALL THE TIME. They think they are being helpful, either to me, or to themselves, as you thought. They are not. People need to mind their own business.

You tried to parent another person's child. A stranger's child. Without knowing what was going on. You felt entitled because you were uncomfortable. You were very much in the wrong.

+1
OP you were completely out of line not to approach the parent first if you really thought you had to intervene. My child has apraxia and will often shriek and squeal. She also has huge anxiety. I try to never bring her to places where judgey people like you will make the situation worse, but sometimes it’s unavoidable (cancelled sitters, etc). If that had been my dd you would have missed the 30 minute prep in the car before she’d even enter the store, the hour we would have spent on a social story with photos and videos before getting in the car, and then what would look like me turning a blind eye to her shrieks bc that’s the only way she could get through it. You also wouldn’t know that this was remarkably better than the last visit and each one was an improvement, and that we had a plan with her ABA and OT therapists to desensitize her to everyday things such as a store that should be no big deal but are to her. Guess what, if you had gotten in her face and corrected her like that, it would have set her back months and reinforced everything she was anxious about, so you bet I would have sworn at you. To the other judgey people, this isn’t a result of bad parenting or junk food or anything else. Her siblings are not like this and she was born this way. Everyday tasks are hard enough without encountering know it alls like you.

Your sob story really doesn't matter. When you go out in public you know people are going to be unpredictable. Your own kid is unpredictable. Buckle up, it can be wild out there. Or leave your kid at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a young child is with an adult in public you address the adult, not the toddler.

You weren’t wrong to say something but out of line to say it to the child.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound crazy OP to yell at a toddler.

She didn't yell. And what she said is perfectly acceptable.

No, it's not. It's strange that OP didn't say something to the parent.

[Anonymous]

Stop correcting other people's children, OP. Speak to the parent, if you must. But mostly stop being so judgey in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is autistic. People intervene when she's melting down in public ALL THE TIME. They think they are being helpful, either to me, or to themselves, as you thought. They are not. People need to mind their own business.

You tried to parent another person's child. A stranger's child. Without knowing what was going on. You felt entitled because you were uncomfortable. You were very much in the wrong.

+1
OP you were completely out of line not to approach the parent first if you really thought you had to intervene. My child has apraxia and will often shriek and squeal. She also has huge anxiety. I try to never bring her to places where judgey people like you will make the situation worse, but sometimes it’s unavoidable (cancelled sitters, etc). If that had been my dd you would have missed the 30 minute prep in the car before she’d even enter the store, the hour we would have spent on a social story with photos and videos before getting in the car, and then what would look like me turning a blind eye to her shrieks bc that’s the only way she could get through it. You also wouldn’t know that this was remarkably better than the last visit and each one was an improvement, and that we had a plan with her ABA and OT therapists to desensitize her to everyday things such as a store that should be no big deal but are to her. Guess what, if you had gotten in her face and corrected her like that, it would have set her back months and reinforced everything she was anxious about, so you bet I would have sworn at you. To the other judgey people, this isn’t a result of bad parenting or junk food or anything else. Her siblings are not like this and she was born this way. Everyday tasks are hard enough without encountering know it alls like you.

Your sob story really doesn't matter. When you go out in public you know people are going to be unpredictable. Your own kid is unpredictable. Buckle up, it can be wild out there. Or leave your kid at home.

Or perhaps those of us that can control our behavior give grace to this family that are struggling. This is not permanent impact OP. This was a brief disturbance and required patience rather than confrontation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That child’s future kindergarten teacher thanks you. There are way too many kids in elementary school who have parents that actually don’t really “parent. They let their kids do whatever they want and they just ignore it and think everyone else just needs to be inconvenienced. It used to be if your kid was screaming you left the store or other people helped convince the child not to scream.

Something happened between covid and screens that people are now living in bubbles where they don’t consider how their actions and the actions of others affect those around them. And at the same time it became unacceptable to point this out.

This is why so many teachers quit and why so many kids aren’t learning at school. There is a subset of 10-20% of students who are incorrigible. They have never been corrected.

Right?

OP didn’t insult the parenting, didn’t scold the kid, she simply walked up and spoke truth: you’re hurting my ears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound crazy OP to yell at a toddler.

She didn't yell. And what she said is perfectly acceptable.

No, it's not. It's strange that OP didn't say something to the parent.

Why? It would fall on deaf ears. If the parent wasn't addressing it they weren't going to after a reprimand. Maybe that parent will do better next time having learned the lesson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is autistic. People intervene when she's melting down in public ALL THE TIME. They think they are being helpful, either to me, or to themselves, as you thought. They are not. People need to mind their own business.

You tried to parent another person's child. A stranger's child. Without knowing what was going on. You felt entitled because you were uncomfortable. You were very much in the wrong.

If your child is shrieking in the store to the point of disturbing others, maybe it’s time to take them home. It doesn’t matter that they have autism, frankly.

I reply too soon. One of the ways that kids learn how to behave in public when they have challenges is to be in public. They have as much a right to be out in the world as you do. We’re not hiding autistic children at home for your comfort.

No, you shouldn’t hide autistic children. But both your child and you will be confronted for their behavior in public. It goes both ways when living in a society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is autistic. People intervene when she's melting down in public ALL THE TIME. They think they are being helpful, either to me, or to themselves, as you thought. They are not. People need to mind their own business.

You tried to parent another person's child. A stranger's child. Without knowing what was going on. You felt entitled because you were uncomfortable. You were very much in the wrong.

+1
OP you were completely out of line not to approach the parent first if you really thought you had to intervene. My child has apraxia and will often shriek and squeal. She also has huge anxiety. I try to never bring her to places where judgey people like you will make the situation worse, but sometimes it’s unavoidable (cancelled sitters, etc). If that had been my dd you would have missed the 30 minute prep in the car before she’d even enter the store, the hour we would have spent on a social story with photos and videos before getting in the car, and then what would look like me turning a blind eye to her shrieks bc that’s the only way she could get through it. You also wouldn’t know that this was remarkably better than the last visit and each one was an improvement, and that we had a plan with her ABA and OT therapists to desensitize her to everyday things such as a store that should be no big deal but are to her. Guess what, if you had gotten in her face and corrected her like that, it would have set her back months and reinforced everything she was anxious about, so you bet I would have sworn at you. To the other judgey people, this isn’t a result of bad parenting or junk food or anything else. Her siblings are not like this and she was born this way. Everyday tasks are hard enough without encountering know it alls like you.

Your sob story really doesn't matter. When you go out in public you know people are going to be unpredictable. Your own kid is unpredictable. Buckle up, it can be wild out there. Or leave your kid at home.

Or perhaps those of us that can control our behavior give grace to this family that are struggling. This is not permanent impact OP. This was a brief disturbance and required patience rather than confrontation.

You realize you're in public, right? And you can tell a parent laughing and egging bad behavior on isn't struggling. I had a parent once tell her kid to "keep right on kicking, baby" the back of my chair at a game once when I gave a dirty look. This is the type of people out there and the rest of us have to put up with. I would high five OP for doing us all a favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is autistic. People intervene when she's melting down in public ALL THE TIME. They think they are being helpful, either to me, or to themselves, as you thought. They are not. People need to mind their own business.

You tried to parent another person's child. A stranger's child. Without knowing what was going on. You felt entitled because you were uncomfortable. You were very much in the wrong.

If your child is shrieking in the store to the point of disturbing others, maybe it’s time to take them home. It doesn’t matter that they have autism, frankly.

I reply too soon. One of the ways that kids learn how to behave in public when they have challenges is to be in public. They have as much a right to be out in the world as you do. We’re not hiding autistic children at home for your comfort.

No, you shouldn’t hide autistic children. But both your child and you will be confronted for their behavior in public. It goes both ways when living in a society.

This! As someone with a child with differences, you can’t have it both ways: you can’t say, “my child is different and needs accommodation” and simultaneously shout: “my child is a child and should be treated the same as your child”

It’s infuriating, honestly, pick a lane.

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one who finds it strange that a toddler could understand a calm "ouch you're hurting my ears" enough to cry and then stop screaming? It just seems ...a bit far fetched.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who finds it strange that a toddler could understand a calm "ouch you're hurting my ears" enough to cry and then stop screaming? It just seems ...a bit far fetched.

Yes when scary witch lady approaches, the kid probably froze in horror!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is autistic. People intervene when she's melting down in public ALL THE TIME. They think they are being helpful, either to me, or to themselves, as you thought. They are not. People need to mind their own business.

You tried to parent another person's child. A stranger's child. Without knowing what was going on. You felt entitled because you were uncomfortable. You were very much in the wrong.

+1
OP you were completely out of line not to approach the parent first if you really thought you had to intervene. My child has apraxia and will often shriek and squeal. She also has huge anxiety. I try to never bring her to places where judgey people like you will make the situation worse, but sometimes it’s unavoidable (cancelled sitters, etc). If that had been my dd you would have missed the 30 minute prep in the car before she’d even enter the store, the hour we would have spent on a social story with photos and videos before getting in the car, and then what would look like me turning a blind eye to her shrieks bc that’s the only way she could get through it. You also wouldn’t know that this was remarkably better than the last visit and each one was an improvement, and that we had a plan with her ABA and OT therapists to desensitize her to everyday things such as a store that should be no big deal but are to her. Guess what, if you had gotten in her face and corrected her like that, it would have set her back months and reinforced everything she was anxious about, so you bet I would have sworn at you. To the other judgey people, this isn’t a result of bad parenting or junk food or anything else. Her siblings are not like this and she was born this way. Everyday tasks are hard enough without encountering know it alls like you.

Your sob story really doesn't matter. When you go out in public you know people are going to be unpredictable. Your own kid is unpredictable. Buckle up, it can be wild out there. Or leave your kid at home.

Why isn't the flip side true? When you go out in public, yes there can be noise, noisy kids, etc. This isn't some evening show at the Kennedy Center, it's a grocery store. "Buckle up" your delicate sensibilities may be briefly disturbed by the sound of a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t believe OP for the simple fact that there is no one, and I mean NO ONE, more bothered by a child’s screams than the MOTHER. It’s biologically wired into us to respond to our children screaming. Zero chance in hell the mom was laughing at the screaming. That’s the tell that this is made up or exaggerated.

I can’t even imagine what her blood pressure was. The worst feeling.

So why was she encouraging it and not stopping it?

OP was lying about that. That’s my point. The mom was not encouraging her child to scream. OP said that to make herself sound better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who finds it strange that a toddler could understand a calm "ouch you're hurting my ears" enough to cry and then stop screaming? It just seems ...a bit far fetched.

You’re kidding, right? My 2.5yo is potty trained and understands “do you have to poop?” She understands that she doesn’t like the feel of “the pokes” at the doctor’s office. She understands that certain foods “taste yucky”.

I would be concerned if she didn’t similarly understand that loud sounds hurt ears.