Teen stepdad won’t pay for college

[Anonymous]

I think the PP who said to aim below her level for college had it right. Figure out where she could get a full ride. Go there. Be done with this parental drama except for the first summer after first year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does she want to be?? Due to AI many current majors will be useless. The military would be a great choice to get the GI bill!

Have you been enlisted military? Not a great choice. Hard life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well that happened to me but it was my own dad who wouldn’t pay anything even though he could. He bought a new more expensive house, a new luxury car and retired early in the span of time l put myself through college and didn’t qualify for loans because he had money.

Is it really that uncommon for step parents (and parents) to expect “bootstraps”? I have a few co-workers who are also refusing to help their kids with college even though it seems like they could afford to help.

What makes it unreasonable is that our system presumes a parental contribution, whether the parent is willing to pay or not. They are free to make that choice, but they are not free to say it is okay. Their kids are demonstrably worse off than low income kids when it comes to paying for college and the parents are making the choice to do that to their children.

Please. Every parent would refuse parental contribution if it meant their kid could be considered low income and eligible for free tuition. Of course the expectation that BOTH parents, including stepparents, are expected to contribute.

Step parents should not be responsible for college as they are not legal parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does she want to be?? Due to AI many current majors will be useless. The military would be a great choice to get the GI bill!

Have you been enlisted military? Not a great choice. Hard life.

With Alcohol Pete in charge no way kids should not be chosing the military right now with MR "losers and suckers" as comander in chief.

[Anonymous]

You sound kind, OP. The advice about aiming for a full ride at a school lower than her level is the best bet. If there’s a place like that with an honors college, so much the better. She can be a big fish in that pond.

I feel sorry for her. I had two bio parents, and they did not pay for me to go to college. So I know what it feels like to have the household income not match the reality of the kind of financial support the student will actually get. Are you an aunt or a family friend or what is your relation to the student? She is lucky you care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why should stepdad pay for it when mom has a high income? Thats a bizzare expctation.

Mom does not have a high income. The concern is that stepdad's income will be considered in allocating need-based aid and then she will not qualify--because of step-dad's income even though he will not contribute.

Step dad did nothing to cause that. It’s a part of the way the system works. Stepdad is right. MYOB

He is causing it, because he married the mom and colleges expect the family, stepdad included, to contribute.

He should have not married the mom if he didn’t want to be a step father. They can cohabitate, own property together, or whatever arrangement except marriage.

We don’t know if the immigration issue was with the mom or dad, but they should have discussed beforehand.

+100

I feel bad for the girl, but this is completely on the step dad and mom. Step dad shouldn't have married the mom if he didn't want to be a parent to her child and the mom should not have made that agreement.

Honestly it is pretty much like the rich (bio) parents who don't want to pay for their kids college. It happens, but schools shouldn't be giving financial aid to these kids because their parents don't want to pay when they could.

[Anonymous]

This was me 30+ years ago. HS boyfriend and I went to city hall and got a marriage license. Our parents were scandalized but since we were technically adults there wasn't anything they could do. This gave me independent status and a much better financial aid package. I don't advocate this strategy - it was a desperate move and I think the independence criteria are much tighter these days, but it may be worth exploring if nothing else is available.

By the way - we are still married - but in those days neither of us expected our relationship to last and we fully expect to divorce when I no longer needed the marriage for financial aid purposes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was me 30+ years ago. HS boyfriend and I went to city hall and got a marriage license. Our parents were scandalized but since we were technically adults there wasn't anything they could do. This gave me independent status and a much better financial aid package. I don't advocate this strategy - it was a desperate move and I think the independence criteria are much tighter these days, but it may be worth exploring if nothing else is available.

By the way - we are still married - but in those days neither of us expected our relationship to last and we fully expect to divorce when I no longer needed the marriage for financial aid purposes.

I actually think stories like yours are the most romantic.

My mom remarried when I was 17, it screwed me out of a Pell grant. I grew up LMC and was first generation to go to college, none of us knew about the implications until it was too late. I ended up going to a commuter college and living at home a few years. I think it’s great you are trying to help OP. I hope she gets to go and is out of an uncomfortable situation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well that happened to me but it was my own dad who wouldn’t pay anything even though he could. He bought a new more expensive house, a new luxury car and retired early in the span of time l put myself through college and didn’t qualify for loans because he had money.

Is it really that uncommon for step parents (and parents) to expect “bootstraps”? I have a few co-workers who are also refusing to help their kids with college even though it seems like they could afford to help.

What makes it unreasonable is that our system presumes a parental contribution, whether the parent is willing to pay or not. They are free to make that choice, but they are not free to say it is okay. Their kids are demonstrably worse off than low income kids when it comes to paying for college and the parents are making the choice to do that to their children.

This was my father. In divorce my addict mother was getting screwed and my well off father was hiding assets (risky from a legal perspective but such is domestic relations court). His cadre of 20 year old women were expensive as plying them with vacations to Italy and fancy watches was expensive. I was admitted to Princeton but soon saw the future as being kicked out for lack of payments. My father was very well off so no chance of getting financial aid. My brother and I knew the score and opted for D1 athletic scholarships, which we relied on being completely on our own since age 18. My father would brag about our achievements and I don’t think he ever figured the odds of having two great students who were also in the top 10 in the nation in their sport. He didn’t care. I was no victim though. I was poor but had absolute freedom and learned to be accountable only to myself. I loved being so independent and surviving by really putting it out there effort-wise. The lesson learned for young people is to be very skeptical of parents who are not open, transparent and committed to a specific level of commitment. It caused issues later in life with my father. He thought we didn’t respect him, which to a degree was accurate. But not because he didn’t pay for college - no - it was his lack of honesty surrounding the matter. In his social circles he could not admit to abandoning his kids. The relationship furthered soured when I sent my kids to Princeton, all paid for with no debt. He was furious as if somehow I was doing it to make him feel bad. I admire the parents who support, but set limits. The transparent way to go about it.

My god that was a long and boring post. You should have saved some cash for actual therapy. No one on DCUM cares about this shit.

Nothing screams underachieving loser better than your post. Bring it on son. Tell me how accomplished you are.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why there is a presumption of parental contribution from the stepdad. He is not the student’s father and since he did not adopt her he is not her father. The college’s presumption that an adult without any type of legal parental relationship needs to contribute is outrageous.

[Anonymous]

Why did mom marry a man with immigration issues who doesn't love her daughter enough to be an actual father?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does she want to be?? Due to AI many current majors will be useless. The military would be a great choice to get the GI bill!

Have you been enlisted military? Not a great choice. Hard life.

It is a great life for 4 years for a teenager and college aged kid.

[Anonymous]

That’s a really huge cost to ask your child to pay for your marriage.

I think any parent who remarries and ruins their child’s chance of receiving financial aid is a terrible human being. The mom is okay asking her daughter to pay tens of thousands because of her marriage. Yet, the mom isn’t okay with asking her husband to pay anything to offset the cost of their marriage on their stepkid.

Disgusting priorities.

I would completely lose respect for the mom or rather egg donor in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We know a teen whose mom and stepdad seem to have an agreement that the stepdad is not responsible for paying for any of the teen’s college. So it is up to the mom, I don’t think she makes tons of money, but they won’t get as much aid if they have to include the stepdad’s salary.
Is there any way around this? I feel so sorry for this teen. She deserves to go to college.

She can go where she can get merit scholarships. There is always the path to work part time and attend community college for two years to save money. If she is an adult and filing as an independent for two years, she can qualify for better financial aid on her own. Where is her biological dad? May be he can help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My understanding is that all the parents' income and assets will be considered for aid at private universities. That includes stepdad and dad.

That is true for many private schools that use CSS. A lot of schools use the FAFSA rules and if Dad is out of the picture and not paying any money, she might be able to just put down mom and stepdad’s assets.