Teen stepdad won’t pay for college

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Well that happened to me but it was my own dad who wouldn’t pay anything even though he could. He bought a new more expensive house, a new luxury car and retired early in the span of time l put myself through college and didn’t qualify for loans because he had money.

Is it really that uncommon for step parents (and parents) to expect “bootstraps”? I have a few co-workers who are also refusing to help their kids with college even though it seems like they could afford to help.

What makes it unreasonable is that our system presumes a parental contribution, whether the parent is willing to pay or not. They are free to make that choice, but they are not free to say it is okay. Their kids are demonstrably worse off than low income kids when it comes to paying for college and the parents are making the choice to do that to their children.

This was my father. In divorce my addict mother was getting screwed and my well off father was hiding assets (risky from a legal perspective but such is domestic relations court). His cadre of 20 year old women were expensive as plying them with vacations to Italy and fancy watches was expensive. I was admitted to Princeton but soon saw the future as being kicked out for lack of payments. My father was very well off so no chance of getting financial aid. My brother and I knew the score and opted for D1 athletic scholarships, which we relied on being completely on our own since age 18. My father would brag about our achievements and I don’t think he ever figured the odds of having two great students who were also in the top 10 in the nation in their sport. He didn’t care. I was no victim though. I was poor but had absolute freedom and learned to be accountable only to myself. I loved being so independent and surviving by really putting it out there effort-wise. The lesson learned for young people is to be very skeptical of parents who are not open, transparent and committed to a specific level of commitment. It caused issues later in life with my father. He thought we didn’t respect him, which to a degree was accurate. But not because he didn’t pay for college - no - it was his lack of honesty surrounding the matter. In his social circles he could not admit to abandoning his kids. The relationship furthered soured when I sent my kids to Princeton, all paid for with no debt. He was furious as if somehow I was doing it to make him feel bad. I admire the parents who support, but set limits. The transparent way to go about it.

My god that was a long and boring post. You should have saved some cash for actual therapy. No one on DCUM cares about this shit.

I enjoyed it. If you don't care, don't post.

Good for you PP, glad you were able to build success and take care of your own despite a selfish Dad.

+1000 what many parents who pull this crap don’t realize is the dishonesty is the most poisonous. You then add on bragging about kid’s accomplishments as if you funded them to look good and it’s appalling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why there is a presumption of parental contribution from the stepdad. He is not the student’s father and since he did not adopt her he is not her father. The college’s presumption that an adult without any type of legal parental relationship needs to contribute is outrageous.

he is married to her mother and she is a minor. His income is a part of her house hold income. HHI. It all gets combined when you remarried if you are asking someone else to pay for something or trying to get a loan.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Take a gap year or two, work, become independent, then apply & seek need-based financial aid.

Or attend local community college for two years.

One reason I want to help this teen is that I don’t think she feels fully safe and secure in the home with her mom and stepdad. It would be best if she could get away from that.

Can they afford two years of community college then guaranteed transfer to UMD or whatever the state college is? If she works part-time, she could pull it off with a little help from her mother.

And about feeling safe... come on. Is this going to turn into an anti-immigrant screed, OP? Are you saying he's a pedo? A violent drunk? If she really wants to make this work, she needs to save money and live at home while going to college.

This has nothing to do with their national origin. If you can’t imagine a scenario where a teen would feel less than secure and happy in a home where she is, at minimum, treated like an unwanted extra by the stepdad, then you must live a pretty charmed life.

Why should the stepdad take on this financial burden? He may have spousal support to a prior wife or kids of his own (and those college obligations by court order).

She's not asking him to pay. But his income will count against her when she applies for financial aid. Period. Imagine if it didn't count just because he didn't want to pay? Everyone would claim they refuse to pay so the kids can get more aid. What makes him special that his refusal should have no consequences?

Also, if he has spousal support and court ordered college obligations, that goes in the aid application and will be used to lower the "parents' expected contribution." Note: expected, not required.

Because he is a step parent, not a parent

Is his income a part of the child's household income picture or not? What if he happened to be a great guy who loves his step kids, moves them into a 17 million dollar mansion with him and mom (who has no personal income since her husband is a gazillionaire) and is super wealthy and buys them everything they want. Should his step children be entitled to financial aid over poor kids because mom doesn't work and step dad didn't adopt them?

You see, you are focused on the worst case scenario, a step dad who won't help, but colleges have to look at what's on paper for the child's household(s) -- they can't distinguish between those two step dads and dead beat dads and selfish dads. You can file supplemental information explaining extenuating circumstances, and let the college decide if it matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take a gap year or two, work, become independent, then apply & seek need-based financial aid.

Or attend local community college for two years.

One reason I want to help this teen is that I don’t think she feels fully safe and secure in the home with her mom and stepdad. It would be best if she could get away from that.

Can they afford two years of community college then guaranteed transfer to UMD or whatever the state college is? If she works part-time, she could pull it off with a little help from her mother.

And about feeling safe... come on. Is this going to turn into an anti-immigrant screed, OP? Are you saying he's a pedo? A violent drunk? If she really wants to make this work, she needs to save money and live at home while going to college.

This has nothing to do with their national origin. If you can’t imagine a scenario where a teen would feel less than secure and happy in a home where she is, at minimum, treated like an unwanted extra by the stepdad, then you must live a pretty charmed life.

Why should the stepdad take on this financial burden? He may have spousal support to a prior wife or kids of his own (and those college obligations by court order).

She's not asking him to pay. But his income will count against her when she applies for financial aid. Period. Imagine if it didn't count just because he didn't want to pay? Everyone would claim they refuse to pay so the kids can get more aid. What makes him special that his refusal should have no consequences?

Also, if he has spousal support and court ordered college obligations, that goes in the aid application and will be used to lower the "parents' expected contribution." Note: expected, not required.

Because he is a step parent, not a parent

Is his income a part of the child's household income picture or not? What if he happened to be a great guy who loves his step kids, moves them into a 17 million dollar mansion with him and mom (who has no personal income since her husband is a gazillionaire) and is super wealthy and buys them everything they want. Should his step children be entitled to financial aid over poor kids because mom doesn't work and step dad didn't adopt them?

You see, you are focused on the worst case scenario, a step dad who won't help, but colleges have to look at what's on paper for the child's household(s) -- they can't distinguish between those two step dads and dead beat dads and selfish dads. You can file supplemental information explaining extenuating circumstances, and let the college decide if it matters.

This is a selfish mom. She married a guy not willing to pay and she could work to pay and choose not to.

No, stepdad is not responsible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why there is a presumption of parental contribution from the stepdad. He is not the student’s father and since he did not adopt her he is not her father. The college’s presumption that an adult without any type of legal parental relationship needs to contribute is outrageous.

The stepfather contributes to the HHI, that's why. Mom lived with the kid as a single parent and now she has another adult to help pay the bills. She should have some savings because of it.

It depends on the college. My husband's ex has a live in partner (now husband) and I am sure she didn't declare him as she tried to lie to the court about him when she filed for more child support (he is the AP she moved in with after leaving my husband and been together many years). She also lied to colleges as she refused allow my husband in on the process but demanded he just send a check to her without giving him the school name, financial information or anything else. We think the kids got a full ride (except one choose not to live in the dorm and took out loans to support him and his girlfriend, which she wanted us to fund and we refused as if the kid wanted to live a married life, he can fund his own lifestyle.

Stepparents should not be obligated to pay.

If your ex filed taxes jointly with her husband, his income was included in the expected family contribution.

Nope because she lies which is why she wouldn’t show dad the financial paperwork. We assume she lied about child support, alimony and all the other stuff she got. She was hiding the child support from the kids saying he did not pay and even tried to tell the court, but obviously records proved otherwise.