Are you lucky parents blessed with great kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no formula that works for all children.

You can try your hardest and shit happens life happens.

No one is a perfect parent

If you bring at child into this world at this moment in time you are a shitty human. Especially in the US.

Have some perspective, travel to a third world country and report back. Also maybe some SSRIs are in order

Is your suggestion to leave the child in the third world country? That might work.

[Anonymous]

Nah, my kids are lucky though, they got me as a GREAT MOM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If so...how much is family culture, nature vs nurture, community, luck, SES?

What makes your kids great IYO?

Age, gender and birth order of your kids.

Hi op !

Your thread title mentions “blessed.” Seldom mentioned thus far is: church.

Faith provided our 2 with the spiritual foundation for life. Without faith, the common tween/ teenage question of “why?” is left completely unanswered, and too often, faithless teens conclude on their own:

“why bother? What does any of this matter?”

Faith has been a consistent part of our children’s lives since birth (and we come from a multicultural/ multi faith Christian background). We opted to raise them Lutheran rather a Catholic (although we affirm our belief in one, holy, catholic church). We have embraced the family values which come along with our Christian faith traditions.

It’s been an effort. Yes, it “cost” us so many Sunday mornings. And often they were in school 7 days per week (including Saturday language school).

But now as teens, it is all paying off. They get it. They know “why.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think genetics plays a major role but I don't believe it's everything. I also think there are things people attribute to genetics that are something else, something that is still passed down from parents but is not DNA coded.

I come from a troubled family with violence and substance abuse. That's a legacy that was definitely handed down to me from both sides of my family, and that appears to go back at least several generations, to when both sides of my family immigrated to the US. The impact on me of those generations of poor parenting, domestic violence, and alchohol abuse is quite apparent. I'll probably never be completely free of it even though I've worked hard on my own and in therapy to process nd deal with it.

However, my own kid has not experienced any abuse. Never been hit or even yelled at. Two parents, intact family, zero substance abuse issues. Nurturing home, good communication, authoritative but not authoritarian parenting. Good peer group, lots of academic and enrichment opportunities. Good nutrition and healthy lifestyle.

I see myself in my kid all the time. I also see my parents. People in my family are generally very bright and academically adept -- I see that in her. She's also physically slight and not very athletic, also family traits. But I also see differences -- she is more confident in her self, not insecure. She accepts criticism more easily. She doesn't worry so much. She is emotionally steady and not prone to mood swings. She's easy to be around, well liked by classmates and teachers, intellectual curious, and funny. She's one of those great kids OP mentioned.

So it's like an experiment on nature versus nurture. She's only 10. Will she really escape the legacy of violence and abuse that I was born into? Are my choices and efforts enough to save her from that, or is it actually genetically coded. I believe, obviously, that in our case, the troubles are nurture, not nature. That several generations removed from whatever the original source of the violence and abuse was (poverty? war? oppression? I truly don't know), I can break a chain of generational violence through effort.

My experiment isn't over yet, but I do think it's nature AND nurture, and that the parenting choices you make are of central importance to the kind of kid you raise and how you send them out into the world. And a lot of what some might chalk up to genetics might be a different kind of legacy, one you actually have the power to change if you are so motivated.

I'd love to see you change autism.

PP here and this comment is really ironic because both my DD and I are on the spectrum. And no, you can't change autism -- I didn't say there aren't fixed genetic traits that people must find a way to live with. I said, genetics do matter. But I can tell you that my child is having a really different childhood experience with ASD than I did, because where I was constantly punished and ridiculed by my own family for my neurodivergence and provided with no treatment whatsoever (and treated always like my ND behavior was willful misbehavior on my part instead of just the way my brain works), my DD is loved and embraced by her parents and provided with therapy and other supports, and has been taught to love herself and not to apologize for the ways in which her brain doesn't work the way other brains do. So it's always nature and nurture.

The fact that you're able to write in complete sentences tells me your experience with ASD is nothing like mine.

I know many people with ASD and they can all write in complete sentences. It sounds like your situation is a more extreme case, and for that you have my sympathy, but many autistic people live good, productive lives.

“many autistic people live, good productive lives”. I urge you to understand that 1. many people who talk about their Autism don’t actually have it. 2. You should spend some time in schools that have dedicated Autism classes and see if you come out with the same conclusion.

I understand very well. My 20 year old Autistic nephew will never mature past the elementary school age and can’t carry on a conversation. School systems will create collaborative programs for children diagnosed with autism and bus them to the that school. Some kids can’t speak, some can’t write, most are doing school work many grades below where they should be. There are also residential schools for children who have more severe symptoms.

It drives me crazy how misused the very serious disorder is. It’s also stealing resources from kids who really need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think genetics plays a major role but I don't believe it's everything. I also think there are things people attribute to genetics that are something else, something that is still passed down from parents but is not DNA coded.

I come from a troubled family with violence and substance abuse. That's a legacy that was definitely handed down to me from both sides of my family, and that appears to go back at least several generations, to when both sides of my family immigrated to the US. The impact on me of those generations of poor parenting, domestic violence, and alchohol abuse is quite apparent. I'll probably never be completely free of it even though I've worked hard on my own and in therapy to process nd deal with it.

However, my own kid has not experienced any abuse. Never been hit or even yelled at. Two parents, intact family, zero substance abuse issues. Nurturing home, good communication, authoritative but not authoritarian parenting. Good peer group, lots of academic and enrichment opportunities. Good nutrition and healthy lifestyle.

I see myself in my kid all the time. I also see my parents. People in my family are generally very bright and academically adept -- I see that in her. She's also physically slight and not very athletic, also family traits. But I also see differences -- she is more confident in her self, not insecure. She accepts criticism more easily. She doesn't worry so much. She is emotionally steady and not prone to mood swings. She's easy to be around, well liked by classmates and teachers, intellectual curious, and funny. She's one of those great kids OP mentioned.

So it's like an experiment on nature versus nurture. She's only 10. Will she really escape the legacy of violence and abuse that I was born into? Are my choices and efforts enough to save her from that, or is it actually genetically coded. I believe, obviously, that in our case, the troubles are nurture, not nature. That several generations removed from whatever the original source of the violence and abuse was (poverty? war? oppression? I truly don't know), I can break a chain of generational violence through effort.

My experiment isn't over yet, but I do think it's nature AND nurture, and that the parenting choices you make are of central importance to the kind of kid you raise and how you send them out into the world. And a lot of what some might chalk up to genetics might be a different kind of legacy, one you actually have the power to change if you are so motivated.

I'd love to see you change autism.

PP here and this comment is really ironic because both my DD and I are on the spectrum. And no, you can't change autism -- I didn't say there aren't fixed genetic traits that people must find a way to live with. I said, genetics do matter. But I can tell you that my child is having a really different childhood experience with ASD than I did, because where I was constantly punished and ridiculed by my own family for my neurodivergence and provided with no treatment whatsoever (and treated always like my ND behavior was willful misbehavior on my part instead of just the way my brain works), my DD is loved and embraced by her parents and provided with therapy and other supports, and has been taught to love herself and not to apologize for the ways in which her brain doesn't work the way other brains do. So it's always nature and nurture.

The fact that you're able to write in complete sentences tells me your experience with ASD is nothing like mine.

I know many people with ASD and they can all write in complete sentences. It sounds like your situation is a more extreme case, and for that you have my sympathy, but many autistic people live good, productive lives.

“many autistic people live, good productive lives”. I urge you to understand that 1. many people who talk about their Autism don’t actually have it. 2. You should spend some time in schools that have dedicated Autism classes and see if you come out with the same conclusion.

I understand very well. My 20 year old Autistic nephew will never mature past the elementary school age and can’t carry on a conversation. School systems will create collaborative programs for children diagnosed with autism and bus them to the that school. Some kids can’t speak, some can’t write, most are doing school work many grades below where they should be. There are also residential schools for children who have more severe symptoms.

It drives me crazy how misused the very serious disorder is. It’s also stealing resources from kids who really need it.

The worst are the autism activists who try to say autism isn't a problem. It's absolutely a huge problem for people with autism and their families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^
Two things I forgot to acknowledge.

-Yes, of course money can help. The music lessons alone costs thousands every thousands every year.

-He is only 9 and I know we have a long way to go, but just sharing what’s been helpful so far.

99% of 9 year olds are great kids

That’s not been my experience, and I work at an elementary school so I have seen hundreds of little kids over the past few years. That is, most 9 year olds are great kids sure, but their behavior is NOT great.

Yeah, um, go to Baltimore where the 9 year Olds assault adults to get into gangs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think genetics plays a major role but I don't believe it's everything. I also think there are things people attribute to genetics that are something else, something that is still passed down from parents but is not DNA coded.

I come from a troubled family with violence and substance abuse. That's a legacy that was definitely handed down to me from both sides of my family, and that appears to go back at least several generations, to when both sides of my family immigrated to the US. The impact on me of those generations of poor parenting, domestic violence, and alchohol abuse is quite apparent. I'll probably never be completely free of it even though I've worked hard on my own and in therapy to process nd deal with it.

However, my own kid has not experienced any abuse. Never been hit or even yelled at. Two parents, intact family, zero substance abuse issues. Nurturing home, good communication, authoritative but not authoritarian parenting. Good peer group, lots of academic and enrichment opportunities. Good nutrition and healthy lifestyle.

I see myself in my kid all the time. I also see my parents. People in my family are generally very bright and academically adept -- I see that in her. She's also physically slight and not very athletic, also family traits. But I also see differences -- she is more confident in her self, not insecure. She accepts criticism more easily. She doesn't worry so much. She is emotionally steady and not prone to mood swings. She's easy to be around, well liked by classmates and teachers, intellectual curious, and funny. She's one of those great kids OP mentioned.

So it's like an experiment on nature versus nurture. She's only 10. Will she really escape the legacy of violence and abuse that I was born into? Are my choices and efforts enough to save her from that, or is it actually genetically coded. I believe, obviously, that in our case, the troubles are nurture, not nature. That several generations removed from whatever the original source of the violence and abuse was (poverty? war? oppression? I truly don't know), I can break a chain of generational violence through effort.

My experiment isn't over yet, but I do think it's nature AND nurture, and that the parenting choices you make are of central importance to the kind of kid you raise and how you send them out into the world. And a lot of what some might chalk up to genetics might be a different kind of legacy, one you actually have the power to change if you are so motivated.

I'd love to see you change autism.

PP here and this comment is really ironic because both my DD and I are on the spectrum. And no, you can't change autism -- I didn't say there aren't fixed genetic traits that people must find a way to live with. I said, genetics do matter. But I can tell you that my child is having a really different childhood experience with ASD than I did, because where I was constantly punished and ridiculed by my own family for my neurodivergence and provided with no treatment whatsoever (and treated always like my ND behavior was willful misbehavior on my part instead of just the way my brain works), my DD is loved and embraced by her parents and provided with therapy and other supports, and has been taught to love herself and not to apologize for the ways in which her brain doesn't work the way other brains do. So it's always nature and nurture.

The fact that you're able to write in complete sentences tells me your experience with ASD is nothing like mine.

I know many people with ASD and they can all write in complete sentences. It sounds like your situation is a more extreme case, and for that you have my sympathy, but many autistic people live good, productive lives.

“many autistic people live, good productive lives”. I urge you to understand that 1. many people who talk about their Autism don’t actually have it. 2. You should spend some time in schools that have dedicated Autism classes and see if you come out with the same conclusion.

I understand very well. My 20 year old Autistic nephew will never mature past the elementary school age and can’t carry on a conversation. School systems will create collaborative programs for children diagnosed with autism and bus them to the that school. Some kids can’t speak, some can’t write, most are doing school work many grades below where they should be. There are also residential schools for children who have more severe symptoms.

It drives me crazy how misused the very serious disorder is. It’s also stealing resources from kids who really need it.

It's a spectrum. Yes there are people who are severely disabled by it, but there are also people who can attend mainstream school and even go to college and have regular careers. I agree with you that there are many people who misuse the terms autism and ASD, especially people who armchair diagnose any mildly socially awkward person they meet, but that doesn't mean that austism is completely defined by only the most extreme cases.

Also as a parent of an autistic child, it is not my experience that kids with milder forms of ASD "steal resources" from kids with greater challenges. Not least because kids with milder forms rarely need the same kinds of interventions, and are more likely to be mainstreamed anyway. It's not like there are schools or classes for autistic children that kids with severe disability can't get access too because they are filled with kids who have what would have once been called Aspergers. I also don't think it's harder to get access to OT (though it can be prohibitively expensive and there are always waitlists for the best therapists) and I think there may be a small benefit to the more inclusive diagnostic range because it has increased demand overall which seems to have resulted in there being more therapists overall (though in my opinion still not enough, still more than there once was when the autism diagnosis was more narrow).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think genetics plays a major role but I don't believe it's everything. I also think there are things people attribute to genetics that are something else, something that is still passed down from parents but is not DNA coded.

I come from a troubled family with violence and substance abuse. That's a legacy that was definitely handed down to me from both sides of my family, and that appears to go back at least several generations, to when both sides of my family immigrated to the US. The impact on me of those generations of poor parenting, domestic violence, and alchohol abuse is quite apparent. I'll probably never be completely free of it even though I've worked hard on my own and in therapy to process nd deal with it.

However, my own kid has not experienced any abuse. Never been hit or even yelled at. Two parents, intact family, zero substance abuse issues. Nurturing home, good communication, authoritative but not authoritarian parenting. Good peer group, lots of academic and enrichment opportunities. Good nutrition and healthy lifestyle.

I see myself in my kid all the time. I also see my parents. People in my family are generally very bright and academically adept -- I see that in her. She's also physically slight and not very athletic, also family traits. But I also see differences -- she is more confident in her self, not insecure. She accepts criticism more easily. She doesn't worry so much. She is emotionally steady and not prone to mood swings. She's easy to be around, well liked by classmates and teachers, intellectual curious, and funny. She's one of those great kids OP mentioned.

So it's like an experiment on nature versus nurture. She's only 10. Will she really escape the legacy of violence and abuse that I was born into? Are my choices and efforts enough to save her from that, or is it actually genetically coded. I believe, obviously, that in our case, the troubles are nurture, not nature. That several generations removed from whatever the original source of the violence and abuse was (poverty? war? oppression? I truly don't know), I can break a chain of generational violence through effort.

My experiment isn't over yet, but I do think it's nature AND nurture, and that the parenting choices you make are of central importance to the kind of kid you raise and how you send them out into the world. And a lot of what some might chalk up to genetics might be a different kind of legacy, one you actually have the power to change if you are so motivated.

I'd love to see you change autism.

PP here and this comment is really ironic because both my DD and I are on the spectrum. And no, you can't change autism -- I didn't say there aren't fixed genetic traits that people must find a way to live with. I said, genetics do matter. But I can tell you that my child is having a really different childhood experience with ASD than I did, because where I was constantly punished and ridiculed by my own family for my neurodivergence and provided with no treatment whatsoever (and treated always like my ND behavior was willful misbehavior on my part instead of just the way my brain works), my DD is loved and embraced by her parents and provided with therapy and other supports, and has been taught to love herself and not to apologize for the ways in which her brain doesn't work the way other brains do. So it's always nature and nurture.

The fact that you're able to write in complete sentences tells me your experience with ASD is nothing like mine.

I know many people with ASD and they can all write in complete sentences. It sounds like your situation is a more extreme case, and for that you have my sympathy, but many autistic people live good, productive lives.

“many autistic people live, good productive lives”. I urge you to understand that 1. many people who talk about their Autism don’t actually have it. 2. You should spend some time in schools that have dedicated Autism classes and see if you come out with the same conclusion.

I understand very well. My 20 year old Autistic nephew will never mature past the elementary school age and can’t carry on a conversation. School systems will create collaborative programs for children diagnosed with autism and bus them to the that school. Some kids can’t speak, some can’t write, most are doing school work many grades below where they should be. There are also residential schools for children who have more severe symptoms.

It drives me crazy how misused the very serious disorder is. It’s also stealing resources from kids who really need it.

It's a spectrum. Yes there are people who are severely disabled by it, but there are also people who can attend mainstream school and even go to college and have regular careers. I agree with you that there are many people who misuse the terms autism and ASD, especially people who armchair diagnose any mildly socially awkward person they meet, but that doesn't mean that austism is completely defined by only the most extreme cases.

Also as a parent of an autistic child, it is not my experience that kids with milder forms of ASD "steal resources" from kids with greater challenges. Not least because kids with milder forms rarely need the same kinds of interventions, and are more likely to be mainstreamed anyway. It's not like there are schools or classes for autistic children that kids with severe disability can't get access too because they are filled with kids who have what would have once been called Aspergers. I also don't think it's harder to get access to OT (though it can be prohibitively expensive and there are always waitlists for the best therapists) and I think there may be a small benefit to the more inclusive diagnostic range because it has increased demand overall which seems to have resulted in there being more therapists overall (though in my opinion still not enough, still more than there once was when the autism diagnosis was more narrow).

Not everyone does, but some people do it by downplaying the devastating effects of autism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are “great kids” but one has anxiety and the others has adhd and has been through bouts of depression. We have done a lot for them over the years that I think has helped contribute to their success, but I know a lot is luck, too.

This describes a lot of kids and then it comes down to good parents who are on top of any issues that arise and get the needed help.

Having a great kid has nothing to do with being a top student at a top college. It’s a kind decent kid who’s working to the best of their ability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think genetics plays a major role but I don't believe it's everything. I also think there are things people attribute to genetics that are something else, something that is still passed down from parents but is not DNA coded.

I come from a troubled family with violence and substance abuse. That's a legacy that was definitely handed down to me from both sides of my family, and that appears to go back at least several generations, to when both sides of my family immigrated to the US. The impact on me of those generations of poor parenting, domestic violence, and alchohol abuse is quite apparent. I'll probably never be completely free of it even though I've worked hard on my own and in therapy to process nd deal with it.

However, my own kid has not experienced any abuse. Never been hit or even yelled at. Two parents, intact family, zero substance abuse issues. Nurturing home, good communication, authoritative but not authoritarian parenting. Good peer group, lots of academic and enrichment opportunities. Good nutrition and healthy lifestyle.

I see myself in my kid all the time. I also see my parents. People in my family are generally very bright and academically adept -- I see that in her. She's also physically slight and not very athletic, also family traits. But I also see differences -- she is more confident in her self, not insecure. She accepts criticism more easily. She doesn't worry so much. She is emotionally steady and not prone to mood swings. She's easy to be around, well liked by classmates and teachers, intellectual curious, and funny. She's one of those great kids OP mentioned.

So it's like an experiment on nature versus nurture. She's only 10. Will she really escape the legacy of violence and abuse that I was born into? Are my choices and efforts enough to save her from that, or is it actually genetically coded. I believe, obviously, that in our case, the troubles are nurture, not nature. That several generations removed from whatever the original source of the violence and abuse was (poverty? war? oppression? I truly don't know), I can break a chain of generational violence through effort.

My experiment isn't over yet, but I do think it's nature AND nurture, and that the parenting choices you make are of central importance to the kind of kid you raise and how you send them out into the world. And a lot of what some might chalk up to genetics might be a different kind of legacy, one you actually have the power to change if you are so motivated.

I'd love to see you change autism.

PP here and this comment is really ironic because both my DD and I are on the spectrum. And no, you can't change autism -- I didn't say there aren't fixed genetic traits that people must find a way to live with. I said, genetics do matter. But I can tell you that my child is having a really different childhood experience with ASD than I did, because where I was constantly punished and ridiculed by my own family for my neurodivergence and provided with no treatment whatsoever (and treated always like my ND behavior was willful misbehavior on my part instead of just the way my brain works), my DD is loved and embraced by her parents and provided with therapy and other supports, and has been taught to love herself and not to apologize for the ways in which her brain doesn't work the way other brains do. So it's always nature and nurture.

The fact that you're able to write in complete sentences tells me your experience with ASD is nothing like mine.

I know many people with ASD and they can all write in complete sentences. It sounds like your situation is a more extreme case, and for that you have my sympathy, but many autistic people live good, productive lives.

“many autistic people live, good productive lives”. I urge you to understand that 1. many people who talk about their Autism don’t actually have it. 2. You should spend some time in schools that have dedicated Autism classes and see if you come out with the same conclusion.

I understand very well. My 20 year old Autistic nephew will never mature past the elementary school age and can’t carry on a conversation. School systems will create collaborative programs for children diagnosed with autism and bus them to the that school. Some kids can’t speak, some can’t write, most are doing school work many grades below where they should be. There are also residential schools for children who have more severe symptoms.

It drives me crazy how misused the very serious disorder is. It’s also stealing resources from kids who really need it.

It's a spectrum. Yes there are people who are severely disabled by it, but there are also people who can attend mainstream school and even go to college and have regular careers. I agree with you that there are many people who misuse the terms autism and ASD, especially people who armchair diagnose any mildly socially awkward person they meet, but that doesn't mean that austism is completely defined by only the most extreme cases.

Also as a parent of an autistic child, it is not my experience that kids with milder forms of ASD "steal resources" from kids with greater challenges. Not least because kids with milder forms rarely need the same kinds of interventions, and are more likely to be mainstreamed anyway. It's not like there are schools or classes for autistic children that kids with severe disability can't get access too because they are filled with kids who have what would have once been called Aspergers. I also don't think it's harder to get access to OT (though it can be prohibitively expensive and there are always waitlists for the best therapists) and I think there may be a small benefit to the more inclusive diagnostic range because it has increased demand overall which seems to have resulted in there being more therapists overall (though in my opinion still not enough, still more than there once was when the autism diagnosis was more narrow).

It’s the whole spectrum thing that created the types that self diagnose.

If someone goes through school, graduates college, gets a good job, marriage, kids. Why would they need a diagnosis. What are the symptoms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If so...how much is family culture, nature vs nurture, community, luck, SES?

What makes your kids great IYO?

Age, gender and birth order of your kids.

Hi op !

Your thread title mentions “blessed.” Seldom mentioned thus far is: church.

Faith provided our 2 with the spiritual foundation for life. Without faith, the common tween/ teenage question of “why?” is left completely unanswered, and too often, faithless teens conclude on their own:

“why bother? What does any of this matter?”

Faith has been a consistent part of our children’s lives since birth (and we come from a multicultural/ multi faith Christian background). We opted to raise them Lutheran rather a Catholic (although we affirm our belief in one, holy, catholic church). We have embraced the family values which come along with our Christian faith traditions.

It’s been an effort. Yes, it “cost” us so many Sunday mornings. And often they were in school 7 days per week (including Saturday language school).

But now as teens, it is all paying off. They get it. They know “why.”

That's funny, because I left the Catholic Church because I believed their answer to "why" was fundamentally wrong and damaging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Other people sometimes ask what I’m doing with my son, who is excited to learn, polite to adults, an hard worker and a great reader. I always demure and say “Oh but your kid is great because xyz!” but I will share with DCUM: He was born pretty easygoing and happy. He was always going to be a sensitive and bright kid. He had tantrums and meltdowns like any other kid, but we did not give in to them, and we helped him harness his energy (ADHD?) into appropriate channels.

Things I do think helped:

Having him to join things from a young age including team sports- has taught him how to make friends and be part of a group. He is comfortable in new situations now (which I never am myself!).

Putting him in music and enforcing daily practice. I attend every 40 minute lesson and take copious notes, even have my own copy of the music so we can practice together. - has taught him how to tackle hard things and stick with something in the long term.

Zero screens from birth until preschool, and even now at 9 yo he averages maybe a couple of hours per month. He does work on an iPad at school, nothing I can realistically do about that. Letting him be bored at home, in the waiting room, on airplanes, etc has helped so much.

Filling the house with books. We have over 1,000 books and read a lot. He knows how to sit in silence. He is never bored.

Having one meal, no “kids’ food.” He can and will eat anything. Same with cultural events and restaurants. He can sit through a fancy restaurant 10 course meal or a piano concert and enjoy both, simply because we have exposed him to those things and normalized them.

And because he's a kid who can handle that. Plenty of people have done the same as you with food and events but still ended up with a picky eater and/or a kid who doesn't enjoy concerts and long dinners out.

[Anonymous]

Lucky. Two boys - 13 and 16. It’s mostly because of who they are and only some of it is because of our parenting. They have their challenges (dyslexic/ADHD) and they aren’t perfect but they’re just really good people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If so...how much is family culture, nature vs nurture, community, luck, SES?

What makes your kids great IYO?

Age, gender and birth order of your kids.

Define what you consider 'great' first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My three are now young adults and they are great and we are very proud of them. We took parenting very seriously starting with creating a very happy home life. We have a very loving marriage which I think creates a very good environment to grow up in. I don’t think we ever argued in front of them because we never argue. We always lived below our means and we often talked about the importance of working hard and saving money. We always made time for them in terms of their interests be it sports, dance etc. Both my husband and I grew up in very happy households so we had very good role models.

This part in bold is a central theme in the excellent parenting book, Bady-Wise.

Baby wise has actually been rejected akthough nothing wrong with having a happy marriage