Social Peers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is high stats and has zero desire to attend college with a bunch grinders on the spectrum. These are the kind of classes that the T20 have cultivated with their excessive EC requirements and focus on "pointy".

+1000 We see this over and over when we visit the top 20 schools.

My son is a freshman at a HYP and he’s having the time of his life socially. Working his butt off but playing even harder. I’m awake at 3am because my uber family just buzzed that he’s in a car on the way back to the dorm. This is typical for nights Thursday-Saturday. And, during the week he’s busy with clubs, the gym, his new job, eating out. He’s too busy in his opinion but having too much fun to slow down.

Maybe this is just a unicorn class of well rounded kids but it was something he sensed at revisit days and it’s what convinced him to commit and he hasn’t looked back.

Social fit is really important. My only point is not to slap a label on top schools as being full of “grinders on the spectrum.” In his case, if they are in fact grinders on the spectrum, they like to have a good time.

Why is he working?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is high stats and has zero desire to attend college with a bunch grinders on the spectrum. These are the kind of classes that the T20 have cultivated with their excessive EC requirements and focus on "pointy".

WTF are ”grinders in the spectrum?”

DP. Half the Ivy kids. Tons in Silicon Valley.

I wish I knew as much as people on here, to have such astute observations and firsthand knowledge of literal percentages of a student bodies at eight different schools.

Or, your kid is just average. It’s okay, mine is too.

I think you just need to go on a few top20 college tours to see this played out in front of you. It's pretty obvious when you see the kids.
It's even more apparent at accepted student events. My kid committed to an Ivy and we recently went to an accepted student summer reception and I would say that 75% of the kids I talked to were on the spectrum.

This is what the AOs want, this is what they get. We saw it too. There was no way my DC would have been happy at one of these schools. We visited many top 20 schools. Dartmouth was one of a handful of top 20 schools that had more of a “normal, smart kid” vibe, but the rural isolation was just too much. My social, really smart kid opted for a top public flagship. I wonder of the professors and AOs notice how the school population and vibe has changed so drastically?

Dartmouth was one of a handful of top 20 schools that had more of a “normal, midwit kid” vibe (emended)

IQ~130+ would appear to common denizens as on the spectrum… it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is high stats and has zero desire to attend college with a bunch grinders on the spectrum. These are the kind of classes that the T20 have cultivated with their excessive EC requirements and focus on "pointy".

+1000 We see this over and over when we visit the top 20 schools.

My son is a freshman at a HYP and he’s having the time of his life socially. Working his butt off but playing even harder. I’m awake at 3am because my uber family just buzzed that he’s in a car on the way back to the dorm. This is typical for nights Thursday-Saturday. And, during the week he’s busy with clubs, the gym, his new job, eating out. He’s too busy in his opinion but having too much fun to slow down.

Maybe this is just a unicorn class of well rounded kids but it was something he sensed at revisit days and it’s what convinced him to commit and he hasn’t looked back.

Social fit is really important. My only point is not to slap a label on top schools as being full of “grinders on the spectrum.” In his case, if they are in fact grinders on the spectrum, they like to have a good time.

Why is he working?

At least at H, it's very possible to get good part time jobs/internships term time in Boston/Cambridge that convey actual experience. Not like washing dishes in the cafeteria or cleaning toilets, but substantive jobs. It would be crazy not to take one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is high stats and has zero desire to attend college with a bunch grinders on the spectrum. These are the kind of classes that the T20 have cultivated with their excessive EC requirements and focus on "pointy".

+1000 We see this over and over when we visit the top 20 schools.

My son is a freshman at a HYP and he’s having the time of his life socially. Working his butt off but playing even harder. I’m awake at 3am because my uber family just buzzed that he’s in a car on the way back to the dorm. This is typical for nights Thursday-Saturday. And, during the week he’s busy with clubs, the gym, his new job, eating out. He’s too busy in his opinion but having too much fun to slow down.

Maybe this is just a unicorn class of well rounded kids but it was something he sensed at revisit days and it’s what convinced him to commit and he hasn’t looked back.

Social fit is really important. My only point is not to slap a label on top schools as being full of “grinders on the spectrum.” In his case, if they are in fact grinders on the spectrum, they like to have a good time.

Why is he working?

At least at H, it's very possible to get good part time jobs/internships term time in Boston/Cambridge that convey actual experience. Not like washing dishes in the cafeteria or cleaning toilets, but substantive jobs. It would be crazy not to take one.

Sounds like one of the new poor kids at HYP. Good for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is high stats and has zero desire to attend college with a bunch grinders on the spectrum. These are the kind of classes that the T20 have cultivated with their excessive EC requirements and focus on "pointy".

WTF are ”grinders in the spectrum?”

DP. Half the Ivy kids. Tons in Silicon Valley.

I wish I knew as much as people on here, to have such astute observations and firsthand knowledge of literal percentages of a student bodies at eight different schools.

Or, your kid is just average. It’s okay, mine is too.

I think you just need to go on a few top20 college tours to see this played out in front of you. It's pretty obvious when you see the kids.
It's even more apparent at accepted student events. My kid committed to an Ivy and we recently went to an accepted student summer reception and I would say that 75% of the kids I talked to were on the spectrum.

This is what the AOs want, this is what they get. We saw it too. There was no way my DC would have been happy at one of these schools. We visited many top 20 schools. Dartmouth was one of a handful of top 20 schools that had more of a “normal, smart kid” vibe, but the rural isolation was just too much. My social, really smart kid opted for a top public flagship. I wonder of the professors and AOs notice how the school population and vibe has changed so drastically?

Dartmouth was one of a handful of top 20 schools that had more of a “normal, midwit kid” vibe (emended)

IQ~130+ would appear to common denizens as on the spectrum… it is what it is.

Exhibit A.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like attracts like. If your kid manages to get into a top 10 college- and through the process remains mentally stable, doesn’t need a therapist, SSRI and a stimulant- then they will be fine in college. They will make friends with other mentally stable people and avoid the ones that are spiraling

Why can't some parents accept that the bro, frat culture isn't someone's thing? He barely studied throughout his time at his top private, took the SCT once, got 35+, refused to take again, and has no sense of competing with his peers, just loves his passions (non sports), wasn't a legacy, and got top15. Most of the kids I see that are his peers are the same, love their unique passions, and are naturally very smart, and not competitive. If you want to sell yourself the lie that they are striving since birth, it is so not true, you either have one of these kids or you don't, can't manufacture them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My student is very social, the president type in HS, and at an Ivy. We toured our share of T20 privates and some did have a current as I call of intensity. I do not in any way agree with the offensive Asperger and grinder type comments. It is more of highly motivated and dialed in. My kids friends are incredibly impressive and well-spoken. They are just passionate and going places. It’s not the environment for everyone, but perhaps that is what some are reacting to. The ones that make these blanket statements with no ability to see nuance just seem like coping to me.

100%, see this all the time, don't need comments from the club sport arents that the non sports kids are just needs, it's ridiculous. And spending all the time and money so parents can be social and bask in kids glory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like attracts like. If your kid manages to get into a top 10 college- and through the process remains mentally stable, doesn’t need a therapist, SSRI and a stimulant- then they will be fine in college. They will make friends with other mentally stable people and avoid the ones that are spiraling

Why can't some parents accept that the bro, frat culture isn't someone's thing? He barely studied throughout his time at his top private, took the SCT once, got 35+, refused to take again, and has no sense of competing with his peers, just loves his passions (non sports), wasn't a legacy, and got top15. Most of the kids I see that are his peers are the same, love their unique passions, and are naturally very smart, and not competitive. If you want to sell yourself the lie that they are striving since birth, it is so not true, you either have one of these kids or you don't, can't manufacture them.

Agree, I don’t think many understand that these kids are not grinding like you think, high school came easily on most rigorous classes and they scored perfect to near perfect on act/sat with no prep. They are ambitious in college in their passions as that is how they are wired. They want to be doing something and striving towards a goal, most can’t be idle and thrive on busy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is high stats and has zero desire to attend college with a bunch grinders on the spectrum. These are the kind of classes that the T20 have cultivated with their excessive EC requirements and focus on "pointy".

+1000 We see this over and over when we visit the top 20 schools.

My son is a freshman at a HYP and he’s having the time of his life socially. Working his butt off but playing even harder. I’m awake at 3am because my uber family just buzzed that he’s in a car on the way back to the dorm. This is typical for nights Thursday-Saturday. And, during the week he’s busy with clubs, the gym, his new job, eating out. He’s too busy in his opinion but having too much fun to slow down.

Maybe this is just a unicorn class of well rounded kids but it was something he sensed at revisit days and it’s what convinced him to commit and he hasn’t looked back.

Social fit is really important. My only point is not to slap a label on top schools as being full of “grinders on the spectrum.” In his case, if they are in fact grinders on the spectrum, they like to have a good time.

Why is he working?

Because life is expensive and this gives him some extra pocket change? What a bizarre question.

He works a few hours a week for the athletic department. Makes money and hangs with the athletes. It’s a win-win.

[Anonymous]

She said he’s “working his butt off’ meaning classes, not sure why everyone is talking about jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like attracts like. If your kid manages to get into a top 10 college- and through the process remains mentally stable, doesn’t need a therapist, SSRI and a stimulant- then they will be fine in college. They will make friends with other mentally stable people and avoid the ones that are spiraling

Why can't some parents accept that the bro, frat culture isn't someone's thing? He barely studied throughout his time at his top private, took the SCT once, got 35+, refused to take again, and has no sense of competing with his peers, just loves his passions (non sports), wasn't a legacy, and got top15. Most of the kids I see that are his peers are the same, love their unique passions, and are naturally very smart, and not competitive. If you want to sell yourself the lie that they are striving since birth, it is so not true, you either have one of these kids or you don't, can't manufacture them.

+1

We know some kids like this at T10 schools. Also know some cut-throat competitive kids. It’s a mix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much has been made of wanting kids to be at a place where they are with a cohort of intellectual peers. With the poor mental health epidemic on college campuses, where’s the discussion on the kids’ mental health? My kid is surrounded by very driven peers at their T-25 but I constantly remind them they cannot function well without balance and perspective. I want my kid to be challenged but I also want them surrounded my classmates who are kind, thoughtful and well-adjusted. It’s sad how campus communities are now seen more as professional networks instead of a source of social/emotional support not just during college but beyond as well.

Warm weather schools also help with mental health as opposed to cold, grey and long winter schools. A consideration for many considering colleges.

I saw an article in the New England Journal of Medicine a while back called something like “The Apparent Positive Correlation Between Male College-Student Mental Health and a Wicked Hot Smoke Show Environment.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, dating pool is very important. Must marry smart kid from good family. Best time to meet one of these is at elite college.

What’s elite

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much has been made of wanting kids to be at a place where they are with a cohort of intellectual peers. With the poor mental health epidemic on college campuses, where’s the discussion on the kids’ mental health? My kid is surrounded by very driven peers at their T-25 but I constantly remind them they cannot function well without balance and perspective. I want my kid to be challenged but I also want them surrounded my classmates who are kind, thoughtful and well-adjusted. It’s sad how campus communities are now seen more as professional networks instead of a source of social/emotional support not just during college but beyond as well.

Warm weather schools also help with mental health as opposed to cold, grey and long winter schools. A consideration for many considering colleges.

This often is a very important factor for some, but not all, students.

Check sunbelt suicide rates.

The weather is important, but I place more emphasis on the surroundings of the school.

Based on my observations and experiences, I prefer a school that is in a big & safe city, or at least very close to one.
Having social opportunities outside of academic time in the city is a huge plus.

After a long day of intense academic work, even a quick engagement with the city's infrastructure can be a great relief, enjoyable, and offer insights into adult life. The city makes all of this easier, without needing to plan a dedicated trip.

+1

What are some examples of schools like this? Not t -20

[Anonymous]

I think social peers is huge. My DD is a HS senior but has friends in college now who want to transfer because the social aspect doesn't jive with theirs. For example, one girl who could've gone to any number of higher ranked schools chose a very high admission rate school for the weather but is having a difficult time because majority of the kids like to party Tuesday to Sunday and academics is an after thought. I'm shocked by some of the stories I hear. And this isn't someone who doesn't like to party. She just happens to be in the minority and care about school too. Lesson learned, be very careful about schools that have super high acceptance rates.