Social Peers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is high stats and has zero desire to attend college with a bunch grinders on the spectrum. These are the kind of classes that the T20 have cultivated with their excessive EC requirements and focus on "pointy".

+1000 We see this over and over when we visit the top 20 schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is high stats and has zero desire to attend college with a bunch grinders on the spectrum. These are the kind of classes that the T20 have cultivated with their excessive EC requirements and focus on "pointy".

WTF are ”grinders in the spectrum?”

DP. Half the Ivy kids. Tons in Silicon Valley.

I wish I knew as much as people on here, to have such astute observations and firsthand knowledge of literal percentages of a student bodies at eight different schools.

Or, your kid is just average. It’s okay, mine is too.

I think you just need to go on a few top20 college tours to see this played out in front of you. It's pretty obvious when you see the kids.
It's even more apparent at accepted student events. My kid committed to an Ivy and we recently went to an accepted student summer reception and I would say that 75% of the kids I talked to were on the spectrum.

This is what the AOs want, this is what they get. We saw it too. There was no way my DC would have been happy at one of these schools. We visited many top 20 schools. Dartmouth was one of a handful of top 20 schools that had more of a “normal, smart kid” vibe, but the rural isolation was just too much. My social, really smart kid opted for a top public flagship. I wonder of the professors and AOs notice how the school population and vibe has changed so drastically?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much has been made of wanting kids to be at a place where they are with a cohort of intellectual peers. With the poor mental health epidemic on college campuses, where’s the discussion on the kids’ mental health? My kid is surrounded by very driven peers at their T-25 but I constantly remind them they cannot function well without balance and perspective. I want my kid to be challenged but I also want them surrounded my classmates who are kind, thoughtful and well-adjusted. It’s sad how campus communities are now seen more as professional networks instead of a source of social/emotional support not just during college but beyond as well.

Warm weather schools also help with mental health as opposed to cold, grey and long winter schools. A consideration for many considering colleges.

This often is a very important factor for some, but not all, students.

Check sunbelt suicide rates.

The weather is important, but I place more emphasis on the surroundings of the school.

Based on my observations and experiences, I prefer a school that is in a big & safe city, or at least very close to one.
Having social opportunities outside of academic time in the city is a huge plus.

After a long day of intense academic work, even a quick engagement with the city's infrastructure can be a great relief, enjoyable, and offer insights into adult life. The city makes all of this easier, without needing to plan a dedicated trip.

My daughter hates cities. She hates the smells, the crowds, and the noise. See how that works?

It sounds like she has sensory issues and is probably on the spectrum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social was our #1 priority in choosing schools. This is what people mean by "fit."

+1

Same. There are highly intellectual kids at most schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much has been made of wanting kids to be at a place where they are with a cohort of intellectual peers. With the poor mental health epidemic on college campuses, where’s the discussion on the kids’ mental health? My kid is surrounded by very driven peers at their T-25 but I constantly remind them they cannot function well without balance and perspective. I want my kid to be challenged but I also want them surrounded my classmates who are kind, thoughtful and well-adjusted. It’s sad how campus communities are now seen more as professional networks instead of a source of social/emotional support not just during college but beyond as well.

Warm weather schools also help with mental health as opposed to cold, grey and long winter schools. A consideration for many considering colleges.

This often is a very important factor for some, but not all, students.

Check sunbelt suicide rates.

The weather is important, but I place more emphasis on the surroundings of the school.

Based on my observations and experiences, I prefer a school that is in a big & safe city, or at least very close to one.
Having social opportunities outside of academic time in the city is a huge plus.

After a long day of intense academic work, even a quick engagement with the city's infrastructure can be a great relief, enjoyable, and offer insights into adult life. The city makes all of this easier, without needing to plan a dedicated trip.

My daughter hates cities. She hates the smells, the crowds, and the noise. See how that works?

It sounds like she has sensory issues and is probably on the spectrum.

Not the PP, but wth? My entire family hates cities and we have no "sensory issues". What a leap. Some people simply enjoy space and fresh air as opposed to crowded, dirty, noisy cities.

[Anonymous]

University of Michigan has been terrific for these very reasons. Fun, positive social life combined with strong academics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is high stats and has zero desire to attend college with a bunch grinders on the spectrum. These are the kind of classes that the T20 have cultivated with their excessive EC requirements and focus on "pointy".

+1000 We see this over and over when we visit the top 20 schools.

Are you guys talking about the Asian nerds that dominate top 10 campuses? Yeah they're grinders and have taken over most of the clubs too.

[Anonymous]

Well, looks like there are tons of options, and if you have the $$$ to spend on your kid’s tuition, then they even have more options to find a good fit.

We are lucky here in the US, where finding a good “fit” can be a priority. Students in other countries just go to the best /closest / highest ranked / affordable university and make the best of it. “Will my child be happy, find friends?” is usually not a concern. And yes, I am aware, students tend to live at home or on off campus housing, and they don’t have athletics, so the colleges are usually not selling an “experience” as much as they do here.

I feel here, in the US, we have to help our kids know who they really are, how they socialize (if at all), what kinds of extracurriculars are they drawn to, will they handle very cold/hot weather. I think some students are just caught up in the rat race to outperform their HS peers in the acceptance game, and loose sight of finding a good fit. I believe as parents, we should guide them but also, how much is too much? Then again, they can always transfer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This suggestion will naturally strike many as gross, but I would try to find out via discreet googling if the school has a "phantom s***er" problem. Let me explain.

When I was in college, I had a friend at one of the Seven Sisters who would complain to me about how someone (or someones) would defecate in the middle of hallways in the dead of night as some kind of sick revenge on the college community.

I didn't think much of it, but when I told the story to some of my study abroad classmates, about a third of them said the same thing happened at their colleges. Apparently, at least in the 00s, this was A Thing at some institutions.

So, if you can avoid schools where this happens, that would be a good idea.

One of the better pieces of advice I’ve seen on here

My kid read similar reports from Cornell when she was applying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is high stats and has zero desire to attend college with a bunch grinders on the spectrum. These are the kind of classes that the T20 have cultivated with their excessive EC requirements and focus on "pointy".

+1000 We see this over and over when we visit the top 20 schools.

Are you guys talking about the Asian nerds that dominate top 10 campuses? Yeah they're grinders and have taken over most of the clubs too.

It is not just top 10 schools. It most of the top 20.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is high stats and has zero desire to attend college with a bunch grinders on the spectrum. These are the kind of classes that the T20 have cultivated with their excessive EC requirements and focus on "pointy".

+1000 We see this over and over when we visit the top 20 schools.

Are you guys talking about the Asian nerds that dominate top 10 campuses? Yeah they're grinders and have taken over most of the clubs


It couldn't be that they are deserving and smart, but rather that they are grinders and aspergerish?? These stereotypes and negativd generalizations of a race is precisely what we don't need in this divisive country.

[Anonymous]

My student is very social, the president type in HS, and at an Ivy. We toured our share of T20 privates and some did have a current as I call of intensity. I do not in any way agree with the offensive Asperger and grinder type comments. It is more of highly motivated and dialed in. My kids friends are incredibly impressive and well-spoken. They are just passionate and going places. It’s not the environment for everyone, but perhaps that is what some are reacting to. The ones that make these blanket statements with no ability to see nuance just seem like coping to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much has been made of wanting kids to be at a place where they are with a cohort of intellectual peers. With the poor mental health epidemic on college campuses, where’s the discussion on the kids’ mental health? My kid is surrounded by very driven peers at their T-25 but I constantly remind them they cannot function well without balance and perspective. I want my kid to be challenged but I also want them surrounded my classmates who are kind, thoughtful and well-adjusted. It’s sad how campus communities are now seen more as professional networks instead of a source of social/emotional support not just during college but beyond as well.

Warm weather schools also help with mental health as opposed to cold, grey and long winter schools. A consideration for many considering colleges.

My kid is the opposite -- melts (and hides in the AC) when it gets anything approaching hot, but is invigorated by cold weather. He's looking at northern schools with access to winter sports.

This is why fit is important -- there is no best.

I agree. People with extreme reactions to weather should consider location. I can’t tolerate humidity, it’s so uncomfortable I hide in the AC too. Others love the hot humid weather so they should take that into consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Catholic schools tend to have kinder people. Mine is only applying to Catholic schools.

BC and Harvard are night and day with regard to how the students dress, what the campuses look like. I don’t know if one has kinder students but the vibes are so different. The Catholic school kids dress like when preppy clothes from the 1980s were in style. Their campus is green and leafy and it appears so calm. Even though the campuses are only a ten minute drive apart you can see the differences. Harvard is grittier and most students don’t worry about what they’re wearing, they aren’t as homogeneous. It’s much more diverse. Harvard Square is safe but there are drug crowds and homeless congregate right outside the campus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is high stats and has zero desire to attend college with a bunch grinders on the spectrum. These are the kind of classes that the T20 have cultivated with their excessive EC requirements and focus on "pointy".

+1000 We see this over and over when we visit the top 20 schools.

My son is a freshman at a HYP and he’s having the time of his life socially. Working his butt off but playing even harder. I’m awake at 3am because my uber family just buzzed that he’s in a car on the way back to the dorm. This is typical for nights Thursday-Saturday. And, during the week he’s busy with clubs, the gym, his new job, eating out. He’s too busy in his opinion but having too much fun to slow down.

Maybe this is just a unicorn class of well rounded kids but it was something he sensed at revisit days and it’s what convinced him to commit and he hasn’t looked back.

Social fit is really important. My only point is not to slap a label on top schools as being full of “grinders on the spectrum.” In his case, if they are in fact grinders on the spectrum, they like to have a good time.