Kids without tutors

[Anonymous]

There are the kids who have tutors because they are truly floundering in one or more subjects and there are the kids who have tutors who are so far ahead of their classmates, that the school’s resources aren’t enough. No one seems to have an issue with tutoring in either one of those situations. It’s that gray middle where a B can keep them out of a T-10….I don’t know what the solution for that is. Everyone hits their ceiling at some point- college, grad school, job- when they realize that they’re aren’t the “top” or “elite” and have to admit to needing help and feel comfortable asking for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We use it based on teachers. My DS took Spanish 5 and got 100% on every single assignment. I doubt this given his track record in past years. So we hired the tutor knowing that when he goes to AP Spanish, with the department head teaching, it will be a wake-up call.

I think it's fair to have a tutor if your child is in public school. Resources are skimpy and not all public school teachers, as hard as they try and even if they are superb, are able to help every student with proper feedbacks.

+1.

To the people that are trying to stigmatize tutoring: shame on you. I only care if the kid learned something. Does it matter how?

I really hate the attitude: my kid is so smart he doesn't need help and finds every class he took easy.

Why? It’s the truth. Many kids are really smart and don’t need any help. You seriously have a problem with that statement?

My son has a learning disability and had tutors off and on. My daughter’s not too bright friends have tutors to help pass their classes. My daughter does fine at her college level classes. I’m not going to get a tutor to try and push her into AP classes. She’s right where she should be ability wise.

What happens to these kids who have tutors with every single class and a tutor editing every single paper?

Sorry, but this really rubs me the wrong way. My kids and their friends have tutors to stay ahead on their accelerated tracks. Not because they couldn't hack it without tutors. But to make sure it's an easy A and stress-free.

I think this thread is a confrontation of two cultures. One that views tutoring as beneficial for intellectual rigor, addressing certain notions not taught in schools, and ensuring that kids do well in the most advanced classes; and one that cannot let go of the outdated notion that tutoring is somehow shameful, only for the kids who struggle and won't come to anything, and that if you use it to get ahead, you're somehow cheating and have poor work ethic.

Tutoring is WORK. My kids build work ethic when they do their homework the tutor gives them and when they attend their sessions. The tutors never do the school homework FOR them! That would defeat the entire purpose of the instruction! I used to tutor them myself, when they were little. But now they're in high school, and my derivatives are rusty, I prefer to pay someone who does calculus every day

Then they are not as smart as the ones who stay ahead and get all A without any tutors ever. It is a simple fact. There is zero need for tutors to stay on an accelerated track unless you do not belong there or have diagnosed learning disabilities such as dyslexia, dyscalcul. Some kids can spend less time on homework than other kids and get better grades. Other kids get tutors and spend a lot of extra time on homework and also get As. Barring a diagnosed learning disability, the latter is not as smart as the former. And I never had to tutor mine myself either. If they did not understand they asked the teacher and got help.

You don't know what you're talking about. My kid has a math tutor this summer. She will leave high school with Calculus 3. She took AP Calc BC in 10th.

She likes math. If she had no tutor, she'd do fine, but this is better. None of it is necessary for her grades, her college admissions, etc. It's to stay busy working her brain on something that's interesting.

So again. Don't talk about what you quite literally cannot grasp: that some of us get tutors because we appreciate more learning. This isn't about preventing a crash and burn. It's about the joy of learning.

I know exactly what i am talking about I am trained in multiple ares that relate to this thread. I have two super accelerated math kids, that the school accelerated early on , not me--and have gotten to know many other parents in the same boat--no tutors, ever, not needed--it comes naturally to them. They learned on their own and kept their own brains busy without tutors.

[Anonymous]

Following this thread it seems to me that tutoring has become like redshirting: some parents want to give their kids extensive academic support, without facing any of the stigma associated with such supports. The mere fact that some kids exist who can achieve the same results without tutors (or redshirting) feels to them like criticism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We use it based on teachers. My DS took Spanish 5 and got 100% on every single assignment. I doubt this given his track record in past years. So we hired the tutor knowing that when he goes to AP Spanish, with the department head teaching, it will be a wake-up call.

I think it's fair to have a tutor if your child is in public school. Resources are skimpy and not all public school teachers, as hard as they try and even if they are superb, are able to help every student with proper feedbacks.

+1.

To the people that are trying to stigmatize tutoring: shame on you. I only care if the kid learned something. Does it matter how?

I really hate the attitude: my kid is so smart he doesn't need help and finds every class he took easy.

Why? It’s the truth. Many kids are really smart and don’t need any help. You seriously have a problem with that statement?

My son has a learning disability and had tutors off and on. My daughter’s not too bright friends have tutors to help pass their classes. My daughter does fine at her college level classes. I’m not going to get a tutor to try and push her into AP classes. She’s right where she should be ability wise.

What happens to these kids who have tutors with every single class and a tutor editing every single paper?

Sorry, but this really rubs me the wrong way. My kids and their friends have tutors to stay ahead on their accelerated tracks. Not because they couldn't hack it without tutors. But to make sure it's an easy A and stress-free.

I think this thread is a confrontation of two cultures. One that views tutoring as beneficial for intellectual rigor, addressing certain notions not taught in schools, and ensuring that kids do well in the most advanced classes; and one that cannot let go of the outdated notion that tutoring is somehow shameful, only for the kids who struggle and won't come to anything, and that if you use it to get ahead, you're somehow cheating and have poor work ethic.

Tutoring is WORK. My kids build work ethic when they do their homework the tutor gives them and when they attend their sessions. The tutors never do the school homework FOR them! That would defeat the entire purpose of the instruction! I used to tutor them myself, when they were little. But now they're in high school, and my derivatives are rusty, I prefer to pay someone who does calculus every day

" . . . and one that cannot let go of the outdated notion that tutoring is somehow shameful, only for the kids who struggle and won't come to anything, and that if you use it to get ahead, you're somehow cheating and have poor work ethic."

I don't think anyone said this, the statement mischaracterizes the argument. I see it more as social and economic privilege, you can help your kids get to a place educationally that others can't because they lack the resources you have. But kids that rely upon tutoring to develop knowledge that other kids possess without intensive tutoring will have to be able to eventually learn without them, there is an inevitable transition.

I work as an attorney, we have no tutors.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on whether your kid needs a tutor, not keeping up with the Joneses. I have two kids. One never needed a tutor so he didn't get one. This kid was always on top of his work and he went to the teacher if he needed help. The other kids started to have trouble in math post pandemic, and wasn't very good at seeking out help from the teacher. Also didn't click with that teacher. So we got a tutor.

[Anonymous]

Tutoring is an equity issue.

[Anonymous]

I suspect for many families tutoring is a form of social-emotional support. The parents are well-educated, but they can’t talk to their kids without stress and conflict. The kids are smart enough, but they lack the social skills to approach teachers or form study groups. Tutors avoid all those problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are the kids who have tutors because they are truly floundering in one or more subjects and there are the kids who have tutors who are so far ahead of their classmates, that the school’s resources aren’t enough. No one seems to have an issue with tutoring in either one of those situations. It’s that gray middle where a B can keep them out of a T-10….I don’t know what the solution for that is. Everyone hits their ceiling at some point- college, grad school, job- when they realize that they’re aren’t the “top” or “elite” and have to admit to needing help and feel comfortable asking for it.

If that keeps them out they were not meant to be there, so be it. I was top in high school and not top in college(but still phi beta kappa) and I did not get a private tutor. I went to office hours and worked with TAs when needed. We all did. That is what my kids at ivies do, and they are not the very top but they are certainly top quarter. They learned to ask teachers for help in middle school. They did not need us as parents to rush in and "fix" or prevent the risk of a slightly lower grade. If a test did not go well they learned to ask for help and figure out why, then when the grade came up they could be very proud. The ones at their colleges who get tutors outside the TAs and professor office hours are the ones who are below the means on tests. They should get tutors, of course, but for some they are so far below the average self-disciplined highly organized gunner peers that even a tutor does not help. They would be better off if they had gone to an easier school ie a peer group they could compete with. Its not just ivies--I have a good friend whose kid is experiencing this at UVA. The finagling to get the kid into the higher rigor courses and months to finally get the 1430 are coming back to haunt them. They have many Cs already. They were pushed by parents who went there and they should have listened to great teacher advice to target somewhere that fit them better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Following this thread it seems to me that tutoring has become like redshirting: some parents want to give their kids extensive academic support, without facing any of the stigma associated with such supports. The mere fact that some kids exist who can achieve the same results without tutors (or redshirting) feels to them like criticism.

Bingo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He will do better in college now that he has learned how to deal without constant tutoring.

You keep repeating that but it's just not true. A, kids who were tutored previously do well in college by themselves, like my kid, and B, if some students struggle, all colleges have support centers.

You really need to stop trolling.

Apparently, you aren't from California and aren't familiar with UCs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are the kids who have tutors because they are truly floundering in one or more subjects and there are the kids who have tutors who are so far ahead of their classmates, that the school’s resources aren’t enough. No one seems to have an issue with tutoring in either one of those situations. It’s that gray middle where a B can keep them out of a T-10….I don’t know what the solution for that is. Everyone hits their ceiling at some point- college, grad school, job- when they realize that they’re aren’t the “top” or “elite” and have to admit to needing help and feel comfortable asking for it.

If that keeps them out they were not meant to be there, so be it. I was top in high school and not top in college(but still phi beta kappa) and I did not get a private tutor. I went to office hours and worked with TAs when needed. We all did. That is what my kids at ivies do, and they are not the very top but they are certainly top quarter. They learned to ask teachers for help in middle school. They did not need us as parents to rush in and "fix" or prevent the risk of a slightly lower grade. If a test did not go well they learned to ask for help and figure out why, then when the grade came up they could be very proud. The ones at their colleges who get tutors outside the TAs and professor office hours are the ones who are below the means on tests. They should get tutors, of course, but for some they are so far below the average self-disciplined highly organized gunner peers that even a tutor does not help. They would be better off if they had gone to an easier school ie a peer group they could compete with. Its not just ivies--I have a good friend whose kid is experiencing this at UVA. The finagling to get the kid into the higher rigor courses and months to finally get the 1430 are coming back to haunt them. They have many Cs already. They were pushed by parents who went there and they should have listened to great teacher advice to target somewhere that fit them better.

The Malcolm Gladwell argument! We targeted schools with some of that in mind: where would they need to be based on their natural ability as best estimated by non-prepped PSAT or CTP scores (percentiles).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suspect for many families tutoring is a form of social-emotional support. The parents are well-educated, but they can’t talk to their kids without stress and conflict. The kids are smart enough, but they lack the social skills to approach teachers or form study groups. Tutors avoid all those problems.

True but the tutor doesn’t solve the real issue: learn to self advocate and talk to teachers. It is a necessary life skill.

[Anonymous]

You have a choice how to spend your money and time. Tutoring is a higher cost lower time way of educating someone. Education is one of the best things to spend money on. The question is, if you don’t tutor, what is your child’s time and your money going? If it’s video games and shopping for hours a week, tutoring is better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect for many families tutoring is a form of social-emotional support. The parents are well-educated, but they can’t talk to their kids without stress and conflict. The kids are smart enough, but they lack the social skills to approach teachers or form study groups. Tutors avoid all those problems.

True but the tutor doesn’t solve the real issue: learn to self advocate and talk to teachers. It is a necessary life skill.

Teachers do not have the time to offer free tutoring. Study groups aren’t useful if you don’t have helpful available peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are the kids who have tutors because they are truly floundering in one or more subjects and there are the kids who have tutors who are so far ahead of their classmates, that the school’s resources aren’t enough. No one seems to have an issue with tutoring in either one of those situations. It’s that gray middle where a B can keep them out of a T-10….I don’t know what the solution for that is. Everyone hits their ceiling at some point- college, grad school, job- when they realize that they’re aren’t the “top” or “elite” and have to admit to needing help and feel comfortable asking for it.

If that keeps them out they were not meant to be there, so be it. I was top in high school and not top in college(but still phi beta kappa) and I did not get a private tutor. I went to office hours and worked with TAs when needed. We all did. That is what my kids at ivies do, and they are not the very top but they are certainly top quarter. They learned to ask teachers for help in middle school. They did not need us as parents to rush in and "fix" or prevent the risk of a slightly lower grade. If a test did not go well they learned to ask for help and figure out why, then when the grade came up they could be very proud. The ones at their colleges who get tutors outside the TAs and professor office hours are the ones who are below the means on tests. They should get tutors, of course, but for some they are so far below the average self-disciplined highly organized gunner peers that even a tutor does not help. They would be better off if they had gone to an easier school ie a peer group they could compete with. Its not just ivies--I have a good friend whose kid is experiencing this at UVA. The finagling to get the kid into the higher rigor courses and months to finally get the 1430 are coming back to haunt them. They have many Cs already. They were pushed by parents who went there and they should have listened to great teacher advice to target somewhere that fit them better.

1430 gets you in UVA?