There are the kids who have tutors because they are truly floundering in one or more subjects and there are the kids who have tutors who are so far ahead of their classmates, that the school’s resources aren’t enough. No one seems to have an issue with tutoring in either one of those situations. It’s that gray middle where a B can keep them out of a T-10….I don’t know what the solution for that is. Everyone hits their ceiling at some point- college, grad school, job- when they realize that they’re aren’t the “top” or “elite” and have to admit to needing help and feel comfortable asking for it. |
I know exactly what i am talking about I am trained in multiple ares that relate to this thread. I have two super accelerated math kids, that the school accelerated early on , not me--and have gotten to know many other parents in the same boat--no tutors, ever, not needed--it comes naturally to them. They learned on their own and kept their own brains busy without tutors. |
Following this thread it seems to me that tutoring has become like redshirting: some parents want to give their kids extensive academic support, without facing any of the stigma associated with such supports. The mere fact that some kids exist who can achieve the same results without tutors (or redshirting) feels to them like criticism. |
" . . . and one that cannot let go of the outdated notion that tutoring is somehow shameful, only for the kids who struggle and won't come to anything, and that if you use it to get ahead, you're somehow cheating and have poor work ethic." I don't think anyone said this, the statement mischaracterizes the argument. I see it more as social and economic privilege, you can help your kids get to a place educationally that others can't because they lack the resources you have. But kids that rely upon tutoring to develop knowledge that other kids possess without intensive tutoring will have to be able to eventually learn without them, there is an inevitable transition. I work as an attorney, we have no tutors. |
I think it depends on whether your kid needs a tutor, not keeping up with the Joneses. I have two kids. One never needed a tutor so he didn't get one. This kid was always on top of his work and he went to the teacher if he needed help. The other kids started to have trouble in math post pandemic, and wasn't very good at seeking out help from the teacher. Also didn't click with that teacher. So we got a tutor. |
Tutoring is an equity issue. |
I suspect for many families tutoring is a form of social-emotional support. The parents are well-educated, but they can’t talk to their kids without stress and conflict. The kids are smart enough, but they lack the social skills to approach teachers or form study groups. Tutors avoid all those problems. |
If that keeps them out they were not meant to be there, so be it. I was top in high school and not top in college(but still phi beta kappa) and I did not get a private tutor. I went to office hours and worked with TAs when needed. We all did. That is what my kids at ivies do, and they are not the very top but they are certainly top quarter. They learned to ask teachers for help in middle school. They did not need us as parents to rush in and "fix" or prevent the risk of a slightly lower grade. If a test did not go well they learned to ask for help and figure out why, then when the grade came up they could be very proud. The ones at their colleges who get tutors outside the TAs and professor office hours are the ones who are below the means on tests. They should get tutors, of course, but for some they are so far below the average self-disciplined highly organized gunner peers that even a tutor does not help. They would be better off if they had gone to an easier school ie a peer group they could compete with. Its not just ivies--I have a good friend whose kid is experiencing this at UVA. The finagling to get the kid into the higher rigor courses and months to finally get the 1430 are coming back to haunt them. They have many Cs already. They were pushed by parents who went there and they should have listened to great teacher advice to target somewhere that fit them better. |
Bingo |
Apparently, you aren't from California and aren't familiar with UCs. |
The Malcolm Gladwell argument! We targeted schools with some of that in mind: where would they need to be based on their natural ability as best estimated by non-prepped PSAT or CTP scores (percentiles). |
True but the tutor doesn’t solve the real issue: learn to self advocate and talk to teachers. It is a necessary life skill. |
You have a choice how to spend your money and time. Tutoring is a higher cost lower time way of educating someone. Education is one of the best things to spend money on. The question is, if you don’t tutor, what is your child’s time and your money going? If it’s video games and shopping for hours a week, tutoring is better. |
Teachers do not have the time to offer free tutoring. Study groups aren’t useful if you don’t have helpful available peers. |
1430 gets you in UVA? |