Kids without tutors

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC is surrounded by peers and classmates who have had tutors since literally 3rd/4th grade. Now a sophomore, literally everyone has multiple tutors, neighbors would openly talk about having to drop off their sophomore at the tutor’s house b/c kid has a paper due next day, or taking SAT prep classes every Sat, things like that. It literally feels like DC is the only one with no tutor, and I already see group texts among parents asking around for best tutor to help with college essays.

Have we done our DC a disservice not to provide him with a tutor, or will he somehow benefit from it long term to do it all on his own? Not trying to be a martyr or to humble brag; we wanted him to develop a sense of pride that he earned his own accomplishments. He is great with seeking help from teachers at school when he needs help, but he has never done a paper, project, essay anything with a ghost writer or even editor. Are we just naive and doing him a disservice with college and other opportunities?

No one cares how you got there, just that you are there. He should not hold any special stigma for asking for help.

In fact, asking for help is a skill. Knowing when and how to use the support available is essential to success in every aspect of life. "I did it all by myself" is not always a badge of honor, which is why so many schools are incorporating peer to peer reviews, group work, etc.

Did the student ask for help or did mom "assign"?

[Anonymous]

The tippy top have tutors because the school can’t teach to their potential. But in that case a lot of them get free tutoring for merit or financial charity reasons.

A friend of mine who got one of the youngest PhDs in history was tutored by a professor (for free) to develop his talent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Following this thread it seems to me that tutoring has become like redshirting: some parents want to give their kids extensive academic support, without facing any of the stigma associated with such supports. The mere fact that some kids exist who can achieve the same results without tutors (or redshirting) feels to them like criticism.

It’s true that some parent are insecure about the social cost of morons like you stigmatizing education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We use it based on teachers. My DS took Spanish 5 and got 100% on every single assignment. I doubt this given his track record in past years. So we hired the tutor knowing that when he goes to AP Spanish, with the department head teaching, it will be a wake-up call.

I think it's fair to have a tutor if your child is in public school. Resources are skimpy and not all public school teachers, as hard as they try and even if they are superb, are able to help every student with proper feedbacks.

+1.

To the people that are trying to stigmatize tutoring: shame on you. I only care if the kid learned something. Does it matter how?

I really hate the attitude: my kid is so smart he doesn't need help and finds every class he took easy.

Why? It’s the truth. Many kids are really smart and don’t need any help. You seriously have a problem with that statement?

My son has a learning disability and had tutors off and on. My daughter’s not too bright friends have tutors to help pass their classes. My daughter does fine at her college level classes. I’m not going to get a tutor to try and push her into AP classes. She’s right where she should be ability wise.

What happens to these kids who have tutors with every single class and a tutor editing every single paper?

Sorry, but this really rubs me the wrong way. My kids and their friends have tutors to stay ahead on their accelerated tracks. Not because they couldn't hack it without tutors. But to make sure it's an easy A and stress-free.

I think this thread is a confrontation of two cultures. One that views tutoring as beneficial for intellectual rigor, addressing certain notions not taught in schools, and ensuring that kids do well in the most advanced classes; and one that cannot let go of the outdated notion that tutoring is somehow shameful, only for the kids who struggle and won't come to anything, and that if you use it to get ahead, you're somehow cheating and have poor work ethic.

Tutoring is WORK. My kids build work ethic when they do their homework the tutor gives them and when they attend their sessions. The tutors never do the school homework FOR them! That would defeat the entire purpose of the instruction! I used to tutor them myself, when they were little. But now they're in high school, and my derivatives are rusty, I prefer to pay someone who does calculus every day

" . . . and one that cannot let go of the outdated notion that tutoring is somehow shameful, only for the kids who struggle and won't come to anything, and that if you use it to get ahead, you're somehow cheating and have poor work ethic."

I don't think anyone said this, the statement mischaracterizes the argument. I see it more as social and economic privilege, you can help your kids get to a place educationally that others can't because they lack the resources you have. But kids that rely upon tutoring to develop knowledge that other kids possess without intensive tutoring will have to be able to eventually learn without them, there is an inevitable transition.

I work as an attorney, we have no tutors.

I’m an exec. We tutor others and get tutored constantly, and have all the way through our careers. When you are an elite it’s called mentoring, not tutoring,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No tutoring here—and definitely no shaming. A lot of students who have had extensive tutoring throughout middle and high school do not automatically develop strong study skills or independent learning habits once they get to college. My kid is a STEM major and tutors both through the college and privately. He sees firsthand how many students, including those who were heavily supported with tutoring for classes, SATs, and APs, still struggle once they are on their own.

The kids without using tutors are far stronger than those do. This is not so obvious in high school. Once they begin college, a lot of them will struggle now that the whole support system is not there to babysit them. This is particularly problematic with STEM students who were pampered throughout the high school. Many end up changing majors to humanities or stem adjacent majors. It's not about pride or shame. The sooner your kid learnt how to challenge herself, the better the outcome in the colleges.

My kid and their friends winning national awards have tutors.

[Anonymous]

If a kid is struggling and could benefit from help of a tutor, I understand that.

But so often this is more likely the scenario, esp in private schools/affluent neighborhoods:
Parents hire multiple tutors for a DC even when DC is not struggling. The kid is tutored all summer to learn next year’s materials ahead of time. The kid shows up in Sep knowing everything and complains they are bored. Parents call the school to demand the kid be put in an advanced track, or if the kid stays in the designated grade, they inflate the bell curve while everyone else who would normally be an A- student is now a B. The family with money gets ahead while everyone else get poorer and become lower performers in comparison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No tutoring here—and definitely no shaming. A lot of students who have had extensive tutoring throughout middle and high school do not automatically develop strong study skills or independent learning habits once they get to college. My kid is a STEM major and tutors both through the college and privately. He sees firsthand how many students, including those who were heavily supported with tutoring for classes, SATs, and APs, still struggle once they are on their own.

The kids without using tutors are far stronger than those do. This is not so obvious in high school. Once they begin college, a lot of them will struggle now that the whole support system is not there to babysit them. This is particularly problematic with STEM students who were pampered throughout the high school. Many end up changing majors to humanities or stem adjacent majors. It's not about pride or shame. The sooner your kid learnt how to challenge herself, the better the outcome in the colleges.

My kid and their friends winning national awards have tutors.

Right. They're winning awards because they are already tutored within one inch of their life. Aren't you exhausted snow-plowing the path for them?

Imagine how much more impressive it is when they win national awards with no outside help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids have always been top students and that is because I have taught them personally at home. Would that be considered tutoring?

That depends. Is your goal to prove that your kid is smarter than anonymous strangers, or is it to prove that you are a smarter and better parent than anonymous strangers?

If you goal is just to educate your child, then it doesn’t matter if it’s considered tutoring, does it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No tutoring here—and definitely no shaming. A lot of students who have had extensive tutoring throughout middle and high school do not automatically develop strong study skills or independent learning habits once they get to college. My kid is a STEM major and tutors both through the college and privately. He sees firsthand how many students, including those who were heavily supported with tutoring for classes, SATs, and APs, still struggle once they are on their own.

The kids without using tutors are far stronger than those do. This is not so obvious in high school. Once they begin college, a lot of them will struggle now that the whole support system is not there to babysit them. This is particularly problematic with STEM students who were pampered throughout the high school. Many end up changing majors to humanities or stem adjacent majors. It's not about pride or shame. The sooner your kid learnt how to challenge herself, the better the outcome in the colleges.

My kid and their friends winning national awards have tutors.

Right. They're winning awards because they are already tutored within one inch of their life. Aren't you exhausted snow-plowing the path for them?

Imagine how much more impressive it is when they win national awards with no outside help.

I’m sorry that you are bitterly envious of higher achievers. Don’t worry, these grapes are sour anyway. You wouldn’t want them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a kid is struggling and could benefit from help of a tutor, I understand that.

But so often this is more likely the scenario, esp in private schools/affluent neighborhoods:
Parents hire multiple tutors for a DC even when DC is not struggling. The kid is tutored all summer to learn next year’s materials ahead of time. The kid shows up in Sep knowing everything and complains they are bored. Parents call the school to demand the kid be put in an advanced track, or if the kid stays in the designated grade, they inflate the bell curve while everyone else who would normally be an A- student is now a B. The family with money gets ahead while everyone else get poorer and become lower performers in comparison.

The only way to achieve equality to prevent learning. Cut down those tall poppies!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The tippy top have tutors because the school can’t teach to their potential. But in that case a lot of them get free tutoring for merit or financial charity reasons.

A friend of mine who got one of the youngest PhDs in history was tutored by a professor (for free) to develop his talent.

If we’re being honest, I don’t think this describes majority of the tutored kids, at least not in the top 25 college applicant pool. In our school, many kids in advanced math class have tutors. Without tutors, they wouldn’t be in advanced math. The parent know this and more importantly, the kids themselves know.

[Anonymous]

This thread is absolutely comical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Following this thread it seems to me that tutoring has become like redshirting: some parents want to give their kids extensive academic support, without facing any of the stigma associated with such supports. The mere fact that some kids exist who can achieve the same results without tutors (or redshirting) feels to them like criticism.

Perfect summary

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a kid is struggling and could benefit from help of a tutor, I understand that.

But so often this is more likely the scenario, esp in private schools/affluent neighborhoods:
Parents hire multiple tutors for a DC even when DC is not struggling. The kid is tutored all summer to learn next year’s materials ahead of time. The kid shows up in Sep knowing everything and complains they are bored. Parents call the school to demand the kid be put in an advanced track, or if the kid stays in the designated grade, they inflate the bell curve while everyone else who would normally be an A- student is now a B. The family with money gets ahead while everyone else get poorer and become lower performers in comparison.

The only way to achieve equality to prevent learning. Cut down those tall poppies!

That's how capitalism works. Takes a commie to ban all tutoring.

[Anonymous]

There seems to be some mythology that heavily tutored kids, regardless of underlying reason, somehow implode when they go to college and don't have access to tutors anymore. My kid had a variety of tutors throughout high school, went on to Harvard where he graduated summa. I am sure someone is going to say the collapse is coming in the workplace, just wait for it...won't hold my breath.