Adoption Not working

[Anonymous]

We are in a similar situation as you, OP. Our kids are quite a bit younger though, only 7 and 8. Totally get what you’re going through. It’s a really tough road. Have you looked into long-term residential treatment facilities that specialize in developmental trauma? Chaddock (IL) and Calo (MO) come to mind. But there are others as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meanwhile we want to ban abortions and contraception. To produce more traumatized kids with no capacity to live happy, whole lives. Unconscionable.

I honestly think we should criminalize drinking during pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...I don’t think the sister’s story is accurate. It doesn’t make sense. Schools do a neuropsych test (the better schools do) to assess the child’s strengths and weaknesses with regard to learning. There is no testing to predict mental health diagnoses. It’s not like epilepsy.

You don't think my (the older sister) story is accurate? Do you really think public schools in the mid 70s were doing neuropsych tests on kids who presented as normal? Remember, my sister behaved "normal" from age 7 to 12. It was only when she started acting out at age 12 that my mother requested the state adoption agency's records and learned that the state had a neuro workup that indicated issues. That is how my parents won their lawsuit against the state for the state to pay for residential treatment. I think there is a blurring between neuropsych findings and mental health issues - probably one and the same, when you are talking about neglecting and abusing a 3 yo who doesn't get adopted until age 7. But I was also 19 and am now reporting from the memory of person on the sidelines who was trying to make sense of a crazy, scary, stressful situation.

This isn’t about you or her. If adopted in foster care, child had Medicaid and it will pay.

PP, please ignore this troll. I'm sorry you went through what you went through and I absolutely think your experience is relevant to the OP's post.

Not a troll. If the child was adopted from foster care, they come with medicaid and that pays for mental health treatment and residential. If you were in the adoption community, you'd know this. And, that poster needs to stop making things about her and stop slamming her sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...I don’t think the sister’s story is accurate. It doesn’t make sense. Schools do a neuropsych test (the better schools do) to assess the child’s strengths and weaknesses with regard to learning. There is no testing to predict mental health diagnoses. It’s not like epilepsy.

You don't think my (the older sister) story is accurate? Do you really think public schools in the mid 70s were doing neuropsych tests on kids who presented as normal? Remember, my sister behaved "normal" from age 7 to 12. It was only when she started acting out at age 12 that my mother requested the state adoption agency's records and learned that the state had a neuro workup that indicated issues. That is how my parents won their lawsuit against the state for the state to pay for residential treatment. I think there is a blurring between neuropsych findings and mental health issues - probably one and the same, when you are talking about neglecting and abusing a 3 yo who doesn't get adopted until age 7. But I was also 19 and am now reporting from the memory of person on the sidelines who was trying to make sense of a crazy, scary, stressful situation.

This isn’t about you or her. If adopted in foster care, child had Medicaid and it will pay.

PP, please ignore this troll. I'm sorry you went through what you went through and I absolutely think your experience is relevant to the OP's post.

Not a troll. If the child was adopted from foster care, they come with medicaid and that pays for mental health treatment and residential. If you were in the adoption community, you'd know this. And, that poster needs to stop making things about her and stop slamming her sibling.

Not necessarily. I have one that came through foster care and did not get Medicaid. My others were not through foster care and also don’t have Medicaid. You do not know everyone’s situation. Just because it worked that way for you and because maybe it works that way most of the time doesn’t mean everyone has that experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents adopted my sister at age 7 in the 70's. She had been neglected - her drug addicted mother left her home alone at age 4 to babysit 2 younger brothers ages 1&2. All three were with a foster family from age 4-7, then the family adopted the youngest boy and said they couldn't take my sister and the older boy.

She was "fine" until about age 12, which is also when my parents divorced. She never was able to trust and truly bond with anyone and basically did not have a conscience. She was a nightmare until age 15 - lying, stealing and very violent. I was a commuter college student and would hide the kitchen knives every night. Sometimes I came home and she had my mom pinned to the ground and wouldn't let her go.

My (divorced) parents sued the state adoption agency and won in court. The state had neuro testing done that showed issues but they never informed my parents. So they wasted 5 years not getting treatment.

The state was ordered to pay $30K per year for a special residential school (this was in early 80's). She was there for 3 years and they did "fix" her.

She married at 19 and they are still married. She became a vet tech and has been a socially responsible person.

Several other families in my parents local adoptive group also adopted older kids. Everyone dealt with the same issues. One kid tried to burn down their house, another tried to stab the mother. My sister's 2 brothers have been in prison for decades for drugs and other crimes.

I believe the term now is Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Oprah did a show on these types of kids decades ago that I saw and I said - that's my sister!

Regular counseling is not going to help. You need to find local professionals who can steer you into solutions for RAD. It's probably going to involve institutional care. Hopefully you have funds to pay for it.

I am so sorry for what your family went through. And I am so impressed with their commitment. As hard as the road was, this is an amazing success story and your family is unbelievable.

This is something parents go through with a child with mental illness or other reasons. You can’t return your child due to a “defect “ whether you gave birth or adopted her. She’s your child.

I don’t think too many kids in this situation would have a normal test result. I’m surprised she wasn’t tested at school including a complete neuro work up. Your mother should have insisted when she started having difficulty. The recommendation would probably be a residential school. I’m glad they got her help before it got too bad.

Actually you can. Adoptions can be overturned children can be rehomed. And schools aren’t going to do a complete neuro work up.

I wouldn’t even rehome a dog, how anyone can even think of giving a child away because of a difficult diagnosis is beyond comprehension.

I don’t think the sister’s story is accurate. It doesn’t make sense. Schools do a neuropsych test (the better schools do) to assess the child’s strengths and weaknesses with regard to learning. There is no testing to predict mental health diagnoses. It’s not like epilepsy.

Just in case anyone else is wondering, no school does full neuropsychological assessments. My child has autism and ADHD, and we had to pay for the 5K ourselves at Stixrud. Schools have psychologists on staff, who can only do very short tests, because they don't have 8 hours to devote to one student for the full neuropsych. Also, school psychologists are usually not PhDs, like those in private practice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hospitalize her.

+1
Also, call the police when things cross the line. You need a paper trail unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...I don’t think the sister’s story is accurate. It doesn’t make sense. Schools do a neuropsych test (the better schools do) to assess the child’s strengths and weaknesses with regard to learning. There is no testing to predict mental health diagnoses. It’s not like epilepsy.

You don't think my (the older sister) story is accurate? Do you really think public schools in the mid 70s were doing neuropsych tests on kids who presented as normal? Remember, my sister behaved "normal" from age 7 to 12. It was only when she started acting out at age 12 that my mother requested the state adoption agency's records and learned that the state had a neuro workup that indicated issues. That is how my parents won their lawsuit against the state for the state to pay for residential treatment. I think there is a blurring between neuropsych findings and mental health issues - probably one and the same, when you are talking about neglecting and abusing a 3 yo who doesn't get adopted until age 7. But I was also 19 and am now reporting from the memory of person on the sidelines who was trying to make sense of a crazy, scary, stressful situation.

This isn’t about you or her. If adopted in foster care, child had Medicaid and it will pay.

PP, please ignore this troll. I'm sorry you went through what you went through and I absolutely think your experience is relevant to the OP's post.

Not a troll. If the child was adopted from foster care, they come with medicaid and that pays for mental health treatment and residential. If you were in the adoption community, you'd know this. And, that poster needs to stop making things about her and stop slamming her sibling.

Not necessarily. I have one that came through foster care and did not get Medicaid. My others were not through foster care and also don’t have Medicaid. You do not know everyone’s situation. Just because it worked that way for you and because maybe it works that way most of the time doesn’t mean everyone has that experience.

It’s very rare not to get Medicaid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents adopted my sister at age 7 in the 70's. She had been neglected - her drug addicted mother left her home alone at age 4 to babysit 2 younger brothers ages 1&2. All three were with a foster family from age 4-7, then the family adopted the youngest boy and said they couldn't take my sister and the older boy.

She was "fine" until about age 12, which is also when my parents divorced. She never was able to trust and truly bond with anyone and basically did not have a conscience. She was a nightmare until age 15 - lying, stealing and very violent. I was a commuter college student and would hide the kitchen knives every night. Sometimes I came home and she had my mom pinned to the ground and wouldn't let her go.

My (divorced) parents sued the state adoption agency and won in court. The state had neuro testing done that showed issues but they never informed my parents. So they wasted 5 years not getting treatment.

The state was ordered to pay $30K per year for a special residential school (this was in early 80's). She was there for 3 years and they did "fix" her.

She married at 19 and they are still married. She became a vet tech and has been a socially responsible person.

Several other families in my parents local adoptive group also adopted older kids. Everyone dealt with the same issues. One kid tried to burn down their house, another tried to stab the mother. My sister's 2 brothers have been in prison for decades for drugs and other crimes.

I believe the term now is Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Oprah did a show on these types of kids decades ago that I saw and I said - that's my sister!

Regular counseling is not going to help. You need to find local professionals who can steer you into solutions for RAD. It's probably going to involve institutional care. Hopefully you have funds to pay for it.

I am so sorry for what your family went through. And I am so impressed with their commitment. As hard as the road was, this is an amazing success story and your family is unbelievable.

This is something parents go through with a child with mental illness or other reasons. You can’t return your child due to a “defect “ whether you gave birth or adopted her. She’s your child.

I don’t think too many kids in this situation would have a normal test result. I’m surprised she wasn’t tested at school including a complete neuro work up. Your mother should have insisted when she started having difficulty. The recommendation would probably be a residential school. I’m glad they got her help before it got too bad.

Actually you can. Adoptions can be overturned children can be rehomed. And schools aren’t going to do a complete neuro work up.

I wouldn’t even rehome a dog, how anyone can even think of giving a child away because of a difficult diagnosis is beyond comprehension.

I don’t think the sister’s story is accurate. It doesn’t make sense. Schools do a neuropsych test (the better schools do) to assess the child’s strengths and weaknesses with regard to learning. There is no testing to predict mental health diagnoses. It’s not like epilepsy.

Just in case anyone else is wondering, no school does full neuropsychological assessments. My child has autism and ADHD, and we had to pay for the 5K ourselves at Stixrud. Schools have psychologists on staff, who can only do very short tests, because they don't have 8 hours to devote to one student for the full neuropsych. Also, school psychologists are usually not PhDs, like those in private practice.

Children’s, Kennedy and other places take insurance but long waits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents adopted my sister at age 7 in the 70's. She had been neglected - her drug addicted mother left her home alone at age 4 to babysit 2 younger brothers ages 1&2. All three were with a foster family from age 4-7, then the family adopted the youngest boy and said they couldn't take my sister and the older boy.

She was "fine" until about age 12, which is also when my parents divorced. She never was able to trust and truly bond with anyone and basically did not have a conscience. She was a nightmare until age 15 - lying, stealing and very violent. I was a commuter college student and would hide the kitchen knives every night. Sometimes I came home and she had my mom pinned to the ground and wouldn't let her go.

My (divorced) parents sued the state adoption agency and won in court. The state had neuro testing done that showed issues but they never informed my parents. So they wasted 5 years not getting treatment.

The state was ordered to pay $30K per year for a special residential school (this was in early 80's). She was there for 3 years and they did "fix" her.

She married at 19 and they are still married. She became a vet tech and has been a socially responsible person.

Several other families in my parents local adoptive group also adopted older kids. Everyone dealt with the same issues. One kid tried to burn down their house, another tried to stab the mother. My sister's 2 brothers have been in prison for decades for drugs and other crimes.

I believe the term now is Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Oprah did a show on these types of kids decades ago that I saw and I said - that's my sister!

Regular counseling is not going to help. You need to find local professionals who can steer you into solutions for RAD. It's probably going to involve institutional care. Hopefully you have funds to pay for it.

I am so sorry for what your family went through. And I am so impressed with their commitment. As hard as the road was, this is an amazing success story and your family is unbelievable.

This is something parents go through with a child with mental illness or other reasons. You can’t return your child due to a “defect “ whether you gave birth or adopted her. She’s your child.

I don’t think too many kids in this situation would have a normal test result. I’m surprised she wasn’t tested at school including a complete neuro work up. Your mother should have insisted when she started having difficulty. The recommendation would probably be a residential school. I’m glad they got her help before it got too bad.

Actually you can. Adoptions can be overturned children can be rehomed. And schools aren’t going to do a complete neuro work up.

I wouldn’t even rehome a dog, how anyone can even think of giving a child away because of a difficult diagnosis is beyond comprehension.

I don’t think the sister’s story is accurate. It doesn’t make sense. Schools do a neuropsych test (the better schools do) to assess the child’s strengths and weaknesses with regard to learning. There is no testing to predict mental health diagnoses. It’s not like epilepsy.

Just in case anyone else is wondering, no school does full neuropsychological assessments. My child has autism and ADHD, and we had to pay for the 5K ourselves at Stixrud. Schools have psychologists on staff, who can only do very short tests, because they don't have 8 hours to devote to one student for the full neuropsych. Also, school psychologists are usually not PhDs, like those in private practice.

Sometimes school systems will pay for better evaluations but you have to fight for it and it’s rare. County sometimes will private pay if the child is in foster care and there are other programs that can pay but some of her posts make no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...I don’t think the sister’s story is accurate. It doesn’t make sense. Schools do a neuropsych test (the better schools do) to assess the child’s strengths and weaknesses with regard to learning. There is no testing to predict mental health diagnoses. It’s not like epilepsy.

You don't think my (the older sister) story is accurate? Do you really think public schools in the mid 70s were doing neuropsych tests on kids who presented as normal? Remember, my sister behaved "normal" from age 7 to 12. It was only when she started acting out at age 12 that my mother requested the state adoption agency's records and learned that the state had a neuro workup that indicated issues. That is how my parents won their lawsuit against the state for the state to pay for residential treatment. I think there is a blurring between neuropsych findings and mental health issues - probably one and the same, when you are talking about neglecting and abusing a 3 yo who doesn't get adopted until age 7. But I was also 19 and am now reporting from the memory of person on the sidelines who was trying to make sense of a crazy, scary, stressful situation.

This isn’t about you or her. If adopted in foster care, child had Medicaid and it will pay.

PP, please ignore this troll. I'm sorry you went through what you went through and I absolutely think your experience is relevant to the OP's post.

Not a troll. If the child was adopted from foster care, they come with medicaid and that pays for mental health treatment and residential. If you were in the adoption community, you'd know this. And, that poster needs to stop making things about her and stop slamming her sibling.

Not necessarily. I have one that came through foster care and did not get Medicaid. My others were not through foster care and also don’t have Medicaid. You do not know everyone’s situation. Just because it worked that way for you and because maybe it works that way most of the time doesn’t mean everyone has that experience.

It’s very rare not to get Medicaid.

I agree. But apostates that it was an absolute and it is not. Most is not all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meanwhile we want to ban abortions and contraception. To produce more traumatized kids with no capacity to live happy, whole lives. Unconscionable.

I honestly think we should criminalize drinking during pregnancy.

Criminalize drinking for men too.
Latest research suggests that drinking affects sperm too and FAS could be the caused by the father

[Anonymous]

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20240801-fetal-alcohol-syndrome-the-overlooked-risk-of-fathers-who-drink

[Anonymous]

I see this all the time as a school administrator. I call it "buyers remorse".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...I don’t think the sister’s story is accurate. It doesn’t make sense. Schools do a neuropsych test (the better schools do) to assess the child’s strengths and weaknesses with regard to learning. There is no testing to predict mental health diagnoses. It’s not like epilepsy.

You don't think my (the older sister) story is accurate? Do you really think public schools in the mid 70s were doing neuropsych tests on kids who presented as normal? Remember, my sister behaved "normal" from age 7 to 12. It was only when she started acting out at age 12 that my mother requested the state adoption agency's records and learned that the state had a neuro workup that indicated issues. That is how my parents won their lawsuit against the state for the state to pay for residential treatment. I think there is a blurring between neuropsych findings and mental health issues - probably one and the same, when you are talking about neglecting and abusing a 3 yo who doesn't get adopted until age 7. But I was also 19 and am now reporting from the memory of person on the sidelines who was trying to make sense of a crazy, scary, stressful situation.

This isn’t about you or her. If adopted in foster care, child had Medicaid and it will pay.

PP, please ignore this troll. I'm sorry you went through what you went through and I absolutely think your experience is relevant to the OP's post.

Not a troll. If the child was adopted from foster care, they come with medicaid and that pays for mental health treatment and residential. If you were in the adoption community, you'd know this. And, that poster needs to stop making things about her and stop slamming her sibling.

Adoption assistance came into existence in 1980. So PP’s sister would not have had it in the 70’s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...I don’t think the sister’s story is accurate. It doesn’t make sense. Schools do a neuropsych test (the better schools do) to assess the child’s strengths and weaknesses with regard to learning. There is no testing to predict mental health diagnoses. It’s not like epilepsy.

You don't think my (the older sister) story is accurate? Do you really think public schools in the mid 70s were doing neuropsych tests on kids who presented as normal? Remember, my sister behaved "normal" from age 7 to 12. It was only when she started acting out at age 12 that my mother requested the state adoption agency's records and learned that the state had a neuro workup that indicated issues. That is how my parents won their lawsuit against the state for the state to pay for residential treatment. I think there is a blurring between neuropsych findings and mental health issues - probably one and the same, when you are talking about neglecting and abusing a 3 yo who doesn't get adopted until age 7. But I was also 19 and am now reporting from the memory of person on the sidelines who was trying to make sense of a crazy, scary, stressful situation.

This isn’t about you or her. If adopted in foster care, child had Medicaid and it will pay.

PP, please ignore this troll. I'm sorry you went through what you went through and I absolutely think your experience is relevant to the OP's post.

Not a troll. If the child was adopted from foster care, they come with medicaid and that pays for mental health treatment and residential. If you were in the adoption community, you'd know this. And, that poster needs to stop making things about her and stop slamming her sibling.

Adoption assistance came into existence in 1980. So PP’s sister would not have had it in the 70’s.

Which makes her comments and experiences not relevant.