Why are so many parents fumbling raising boys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are boys all being raised badly or are girls simply more resilient and adaptable? Why do we make so many excuses for males?

Our society is hyper optimized around sitting in front of plastic boxes all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are boys all being raised badly or are girls simply more resilient and adaptable? Why do we make so many excuses for males?

Girls mature faster and earlier. That is a biological fact. School, college, the work force etc is geared to a system that rewards early maturity and penalizes those that need more support and time to mature. In a nutshell that’s it, on the macro level. Individual exceptions of course.

"Girls mature faster and earlier" is dangerous rhetoric. That's probably a big part of the problem for why men are lagging behind- how many families that you know expect the female family members to all get up and help mom with the dishes at the holidays? Whereas the men are allowed to play outside or chill on the couch? How many girls are strictly punished for breaking curfew or staying out late whereas with boys it's "oh well, boys will be boys!" We dont hold men accountable or ask much of them, and that's exactly why their stats around school and work are so dismal. There is no woman around to coddle and prop them up during a standardized test, so they flounder and fail.

This is a stupid take.

NP. I think the PP is spot on. Girls and boys are both equally capable, but the internalized expectations of girls are far, far greater.

Maturing faster =/= more capable

[Anonymous]

My son is fantastic. He’s 20 now and I raised him by myself as a single mom. He was raised to be a decent human being and he is. It takes effort.

[Anonymous]

I'm lucky in that my 2 boys have role models in my husband, my own dad, and my father in-law. All 3 of them model what it's like to be a good man...which is actually not much different from what it's like to be a good woman.


This^^^^ Single mom who posted before. My son didn’t have too many role models except for a coach and counselors at an all boys summer camp. I taught him to be a good person and he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, women were left behind for millennia. Women are still victims of mass rape, assault, murder at the hands of men. When a woman gets raped, it's very common to excuse the actions of the man by worrying about HIS future.

No one cares at all when women struggle or go through pain, but the second men lag behind or have a "loneliness epidemic" it's a crisis and everyone needs to fix it. How about men deal with these adversities the same way women have had to for millennia? Oh well!

Both men and WOMEN do horrible things to each other. Why do women get a free pass? Many men deal with adversities.

No, they do not. Women are not raping/murdering/ assaulting men en masse the way men are to women.

I often wonder how underreported this really is. I bet it's a lot.

Probably. Either out of shame by the man/boy or because they liked it in a twisted way.

[Anonymous]

I do think physical activity is very important for boys, but I dont neccessary think sports are important. If your boys aren't sporty just buy them bikes, scooters, take them swimming or hiking, let them find ways to enjoy movement.

My son is very in to scouts and music, both of which have wonderful community and build confidence and keep him busy. He spends lots of time outside, but not always playing sports. He hangs out in the woods and collects sticks and rocks and plays on playgrounds, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one of each - boy and girl. By the time they were 2 or 3, they were well aware of stereotypes.

I appreciate the comments on the lack of good role models for boys. Look at our current administration and their values and behavior.

While I believe that there are very minor biological differences between the two, it is exacerbated by how we parent. For instance, boys are born slightly better with spatial skills. They are given more toys like legos that enhance those skills and play with them more and get more practice. Over time, the difference snowballs into a significant gap. While the boys were playing with the legos, the girls were given dolls, so they were practicing their social emotional skills. Again, over time, the minor biological difference turns into something quite significant when they enter kindergarten.

This is true but I think kids gravitate towards certain toys as well.

+1

My DD has two older brothers. She definitely gravitates towards traditionally girly things, loves pink, etc. despite being exposed to all the legos, sports, monster trucks, etc. And FWIW I signed my boys up for dance and gymnastics, checked out stereotypically girl books at the library, etc. for exposure and they still ended up loving all the boy things.

Of course there are exceptions but at least in our family the stereotypes have held.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are boys all being raised badly or are girls simply more resilient and adaptable? Why do we make so many excuses for males?

Our society is hyper optimized around sitting in front of plastic boxes all day.

Plastic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, women were left behind for millennia. Women are still victims of mass rape, assault, murder at the hands of men. When a woman gets raped, it's very common to excuse the actions of the man by worrying about HIS future.

No one cares at all when women struggle or go through pain, but the second men lag behind or have a "loneliness epidemic" it's a crisis and everyone needs to fix it. How about men deal with these adversities the same way women have had to for millennia? Oh well!

Both men and WOMEN do horrible things to each other. Why do women get a free pass? Many men deal with adversities.

No, they do not. Women are not raping/murdering/ assaulting men en masse the way men are to women.

I often wonder how underreported this really is. I bet it's a lot.

Women are murdered by men.

Men are murdered by men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The boys are not ok on a societal level and I think it’s too widespread to blame them. It has to be a parental issue.

What are areas of improvement you could’ve done in your own parenting of boys upon reflection?

Cain murdered his brother

#parentingissue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve raised our four boys like you’d raise girls as the social/ emotional skills of girls are more valued in school-aged years. They all play a string instruments and began ballet at 2 (they still all are in dance at 4,6,9,13). They don’t play traditional boy sports so we can avoid the toxic masculine energy. They speak two languages. We require exquisite manners and don’t tolerate rough housing. They also have no access to screens without a parent present.

You're raising a bunch of betas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, women were left behind for millennia. Women are still victims of mass rape, assault, murder at the hands of men. When a woman gets raped, it's very common to excuse the actions of the man by worrying about HIS future.

No one cares at all when women struggle or go through pain, but the second men lag behind or have a "loneliness epidemic" it's a crisis and everyone needs to fix it. How about men deal with these adversities the same way women have had to for millennia? Oh well!

Both men and WOMEN do horrible things to each other. Why do women get a free pass? Many men deal with adversities.

No, they do not. Women are not raping/murdering/ assaulting men en masse the way men are to women.

I often wonder how underreported this really is. I bet it's a lot.

Probably. Either out of shame by the man/boy or because they liked it in a twisted way.

Women do sexually assault, harass, and harm others but their victims are much more likely to be other women, or children, than men.

The basic truth is that when people decide to hurt other people, they choose victims who are physically and socially weaker than they are. So women harming men is not a common problem because, on average, men are physically dominant and also have higher social standing (more likely to be believed and supported, more likely to be forgiven, etc.)

Signed,
A woman who was sexually assaulted by another woman

[Anonymous]

26 years of secondary school teaching. Mainly grade 7, but I’ve taught everything from 6-12. Girls have seldom been disruptive. I can think of three. However, they quietly do devastating things to themselves and each other.

The disruptive boys generally do not encounter any structure outside of school. They live in households where rules don’t exist. There might not be consequences (boys will be boys) or there may be random and capricious punishments without any explanation what the infraction was. They never see self-discipline or self-reflection modeled at home. They crave stimulation and escape from things they feel they are bad at. Free online games are often the only thing they can do to self-medicate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve raised our four boys like you’d raise girls as the social/ emotional skills of girls are more valued in school-aged years. They all play a string instruments and began ballet at 2 (they still all are in dance at 4,6,9,13). They don’t play traditional boy sports so we can avoid the toxic masculine energy. They speak two languages. We require exquisite manners and don’t tolerate rough housing. They also have no access to screens without a parent present.

While kind of extreme, I don’t disagree. If we celebrated “softer” boys things would be better in the classroom and outside it. It’s not fair to girls to be surrounded by toxic masculinity from such an early age.

Again, more hate on the male sex right here with the above poster.

Seriously, why is it always "toxic masculinity" and never "toxic feminity"? Can't you see how your words and attitudes are part of the problem?

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve raised our four boys like you’d raise girls as the social/ emotional skills of girls are more valued in school-aged years. They all play a string instruments and began ballet at 2 (they still all are in dance at 4,6,9,13). They don’t play traditional boy sports so we can avoid the toxic masculine energy. They speak two languages. We require exquisite manners and don’t tolerate rough housing. They also have no access to screens without a parent present.

While kind of extreme, I don’t disagree. If we celebrated “softer” boys things would be better in the classroom and outside it. It’s not fair to girls to be surrounded by toxic masculinity from such an early age.

Again, more hate on the male sex right here with the above poster.

Seriously, why is it always "toxic masculinity" and never "toxic feminity"? Can't you see how your words and attitudes are part of the problem?

+1000

Please. There’s plenty of talk about “toxic femininity.” Why do you think there are only “mean girls,” but not boys? Women know that other women are often their worst enemies.