Moms with older sons - do you still get to see them often?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have two adult children not married. Never hear from them. When they visit has to be something in it for them. No cards no calls. I just keep going over it in my head. What happened ???

You have to have expectations and let them know before they leave the house. At least that is what I did. After they are gone, it is still OK to bring up the conversation from time to time, let them know you miss them and want to see them. Just express your wish, they can choose to ignore or do something about it.

I make all of the effort to maintain ties with my busy adult child.

When she “let” me visit (me staying in hotel, paying for all meals), I found myself thanking her.

Upon reflection this felt rather pathetic (on my part).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your grown children don’t miss seeing you, you probably are the reason.

I wouldn’t be that harsh. Life is changing quickly nowadays and it is hard to stay up to date, and it’s boring for young adults to hang out with ppl “stuck in the past” as they see it.

I loved my (great) parents dearly, but when I was in my twenties I pretty much only saw them when I had no better options (socially).

Remembering this is a comfort to me. We should not take it personally. (We know that we won’t always be here, but I don’t think they realize that)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH's mom is in his life still. She's a good MIL in general, and she respects his and my boundaries. That's key-- I know I can trust her to do that at all times.

Same. We live about an our away from MIL and see her sometimes twice a month but other times it goes on for a few months based on schedules/vacations. He makes a point to have lunch with her once a quarter.

omg that's the most depressing line i've ever read.
You make a person and raise them and then they 'make a point to have lunch with you once a quarter' in similar manner to a financial advisor.

+1 And she thinks that's a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Our boy keeps in touch, shares what's happening in his life, and calls often and visits when convenient (4 hour drive away). Our daughter on the other hand, we rarely hear from unless we reach out first, and even then, it's like pulling teeth for her to share anything