At a breaking point in nearly sexless marriage

[Anonymous]

Six pages in and it's still not clear to me why the answer isn't just:

If your wife won't sleep with you, and it matters to you so much, divorce her. If it doesn't matter to you so much, live with it.

What else is there to say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should just let their man go get release through a prostitute. It's not that big of a deal.

Men don’t want prostitutes or “release.” They want connection and desire.

This post sounds like it was written by a woman in any case.

Most of the ones around here complaining about sexless marriages seem completely fine with the concept of having sex with their wives, whether or not their wives are turned on or into it. The decent ones say they want consent, but none seem interested in whether their wives enjoy it.

The tip is when they start talking about their wives making "unilateral" decisions to not have sex wiht their husbands as if the husband has any say in whether his wife will have sex with him.

You sound like a complete nut case. Marriage is a partnership, off course husband will have a say when THEY will have sex. Same goes for wife. Now if the husband or wife are a-hole or if they have gotten too fat, then it is understandable for their spouse not to have any desire.

Husbands don't get to decide whether their wife will have sex. They need to get consent.

Marriage is a partnership which means both partners have a say when they have sex. Asking for permission makes it a master/slave relationship not a partnership

Having sex with someone without their permission makes it rape.

This seems like a completely irrelevant point. How exactly is rape connected to this discussion?

read the thread back—the angry guy said the both partners should get decide if the wife wants to have sex and that by doing it any other way creates a master/slave relationship. consent is key to any sexual encounter. not a debatable thing.

I said BOTH partners decide when THEY have sex in a PARTNERSHIP. Its a MUTUAL decision. Unilaterally withholding sex by one partner is abuse. However if their spouse is an a-hole, abusive or have become very fat then it’s completely not to have any desire.

OMG i can't stop laughing

Laughing is the easy way out if you don’t have an answer

no, i just love the idea that NOT having sex with someone because they're gross is abusive. sorry, i'll try to take you seriously.

You are injecting your own thoughts into other people’s posts. I clearly said if a person is abusive, a-hole or very fat then it’s completely understandable for their spouse to not have any desire for them

no, you said Unilaterally withholding sex by one partner is abuse.

It's so funny.

Off course it is abuse. How else is that person supposed to fulfill their desires? Jerking off or using toys is vastly different from sex with another person. And no marriage is not just about sex, but it is a very important element of a marriage unless both partners are low libido

Gawd. To have a life so simple and free of family, house, work and kid responsibilities that only frequent sex is the end all, be all. Cannot imagine reducing my huge, spinning life, career and family to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Six pages in and it's still not clear to me why the answer isn't just:

If your wife won't sleep with you, and it matters to you so much, divorce her. If it doesn't matter to you so much, live with it.

What else is there to say?

Yes he needs to admit to himself and others his values. Then live by them,
Not be a hypocrite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should just let their man go get release through a prostitute. It's not that big of a deal.

Men don’t want prostitutes or “release.” They want connection and desire.

This post sounds like it was written by a woman in any case.

Most of the ones around here complaining about sexless marriages seem completely fine with the concept of having sex with their wives, whether or not their wives are turned on or into it. The decent ones say they want consent, but none seem interested in whether their wives enjoy it.

The tip is when they start talking about their wives making "unilateral" decisions to not have sex wiht their husbands as if the husband has any say in whether his wife will have sex with him.

You sound like a complete nut case. Marriage is a partnership, off course husband will have a say when THEY will have sex. Same goes for wife. Now if the husband or wife are a-hole or if they have gotten too fat, then it is understandable for their spouse not to have any desire.

Husbands don't get to decide whether their wife will have sex. They need to get consent.

Marriage is a partnership which means both partners have a say when they have sex. Asking for permission makes it a master/slave relationship not a partnership

Having sex with someone without their permission makes it rape.

This seems like a completely irrelevant point. How exactly is rape connected to this discussion?

read the thread back—the angry guy said the both partners should get decide if the wife wants to have sex and that by doing it any other way creates a master/slave relationship. consent is key to any sexual encounter. not a debatable thing.

I said BOTH partners decide when THEY have sex in a PARTNERSHIP. Its a MUTUAL decision. Unilaterally withholding sex by one partner is abuse. However if their spouse is an a-hole, abusive or have become very fat then it’s completely not to have any desire.

OMG i can't stop laughing

Laughing is the easy way out if you don’t have an answer

no, i just love the idea that NOT having sex with someone because they're gross is abusive. sorry, i'll try to take you seriously.

You are injecting your own thoughts into other people’s posts. I clearly said if a person is abusive, a-hole or very fat then it’s completely understandable for their spouse to not have any desire for them

no, you said Unilaterally withholding sex by one partner is abuse.

It's so funny.

Off course it is abuse. How else is that person supposed to fulfill their desires? Jerking off or using toys is vastly different from sex with another person. And no marriage is not just about sex, but it is a very important element of a marriage unless both partners are low libido

Gawd. To have a life so simple and free of family, house, work and kid responsibilities that only frequent sex is the end all, be all. Cannot imagine reducing my huge, spinning life, career and family to that.

or having such a perfect life that you think not having enough sex is "abuse".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Six pages in and it's still not clear to me why the answer isn't just:

If your wife won't sleep with you, and it matters to you so much, divorce her. If it doesn't matter to you so much, live with it.

What else is there to say?

Yes he needs to admit to himself and others his values. Then live by them,
Not be a hypocrite.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should just let their man go get release through a prostitute. It's not that big of a deal.

If you don’t have an answer, laughing is the easy way out
Men don’t want prostitutes or “release.” They want connection and desire.

This post sounds like it was written by a woman in any case.

Most of the ones around here complaining about sexless marriages seem completely fine with the concept of having sex with their wives, whether or not their wives are turned on or into it. The decent ones say they want consent, but none seem interested in whether their wives enjoy it.

The tip is when they start talking about their wives making "unilateral" decisions to not have sex wiht their husbands as if the husband has any say in whether his wife will have sex with him.

You sound like a complete nut case. Marriage is a partnership, off course husband will have a say when THEY will have sex. Same goes for wife. Now if the husband or wife are a-hole or if they have gotten too fat, then it is understandable for their spouse not to have any desire.

Husbands don't get to decide whether their wife will have sex. They need to get consent.

Marriage is a partnership which means both partners have a say when they have sex. Asking for permission makes it a master/slave relationship not a partnership

Having sex with someone without their permission makes it rape.

This seems like a completely irrelevant point. How exactly is rape connected to this discussion?

read the thread back—the angry guy said the both partners should get decide if the wife wants to have sex and that by doing it any other way creates a master/slave relationship. consent is key to any sexual encounter. not a debatable thing.

I said BOTH partners decide when THEY have sex in a PARTNERSHIP. Its a MUTUAL decision. Unilaterally withholding sex by one partner is abuse. However if their spouse is an a-hole, abusive or have become very fat then it’s completely not to have any desire.

OMG i can't stop laughing

How do you sleep knowing you are a terrible person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should just let their man go get release through a prostitute. It's not that big of a deal.

If you don’t have an answer, laughing is the easy way out
Men don’t want prostitutes or “release.” They want connection and desire.

This post sounds like it was written by a woman in any case.

Most of the ones around here complaining about sexless marriages seem completely fine with the concept of having sex with their wives, whether or not their wives are turned on or into it. The decent ones say they want consent, but none seem interested in whether their wives enjoy it.

The tip is when they start talking about their wives making "unilateral" decisions to not have sex wiht their husbands as if the husband has any say in whether his wife will have sex with him.

You sound like a complete nut case. Marriage is a partnership, off course husband will have a say when THEY will have sex. Same goes for wife. Now if the husband or wife are a-hole or if they have gotten too fat, then it is understandable for their spouse not to have any desire.

Husbands don't get to decide whether their wife will have sex. They need to get consent.

Marriage is a partnership which means both partners have a say when they have sex. Asking for permission makes it a master/slave relationship not a partnership

Having sex with someone without their permission makes it rape.

This seems like a completely irrelevant point. How exactly is rape connected to this discussion?

read the thread back—the angry guy said the both partners should get decide if the wife wants to have sex and that by doing it any other way creates a master/slave relationship. consent is key to any sexual encounter. not a debatable thing.

I said BOTH partners decide when THEY have sex in a PARTNERSHIP. Its a MUTUAL decision. Unilaterally withholding sex by one partner is abuse. However if their spouse is an a-hole, abusive or have become very fat then it’s completely not to have any desire.

OMG i can't stop laughing

How do you sleep knowing you are a terrible person?

Laugh myself to sleep at the idea that men think they are being abused when women don't want to sleep with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should just let their man go get release through a prostitute. It's not that big of a deal.

Men don’t want prostitutes or “release.” They want connection and desire.

This post sounds like it was written by a woman in any case.

Most of the ones around here complaining about sexless marriages seem completely fine with the concept of having sex with their wives, whether or not their wives are turned on or into it. The decent ones say they want consent, but none seem interested in whether their wives enjoy it.

The tip is when they start talking about their wives making "unilateral" decisions to not have sex wiht their husbands as if the husband has any say in whether his wife will have sex with him.

You sound like a complete nut case. Marriage is a partnership, off course husband will have a say when THEY will have sex. Same goes for wife. Now if the husband or wife are a-hole or if they have gotten too fat, then it is understandable for their spouse not to have any desire.

Husbands don't get to decide whether their wife will have sex. They need to get consent.

Marriage is a partnership which means both partners have a say when they have sex. Asking for permission makes it a master/slave relationship not a partnership

Having sex with someone without their permission makes it rape.

This seems like a completely irrelevant point. How exactly is rape connected to this discussion?

read the thread back—the angry guy said the both partners should get decide if the wife wants to have sex and that by doing it any other way creates a master/slave relationship. consent is key to any sexual encounter. not a debatable thing.

I said BOTH partners decide when THEY have sex in a PARTNERSHIP. Its a MUTUAL decision. Unilaterally withholding sex by one partner is abuse. However if their spouse is an a-hole, abusive or have become very fat then it’s completely not to have any desire.

OMG i can't stop laughing

Laughing is the easy way out if you don’t have an answer

no, i just love the idea that NOT having sex with someone because they're gross is abusive. sorry, i'll try to take you seriously.

You are injecting your own thoughts into other people’s posts. I clearly said if a person is abusive, a-hole or very fat then it’s completely understandable for their spouse to not have any desire for them

no, you said Unilaterally withholding sex by one partner is abuse.

It's so funny.

Off course it is abuse. How else is that person supposed to fulfill their desires? Jerking off or using toys is vastly different from sex with another person. And no marriage is not just about sex, but it is a very important element of a marriage unless both partners are low libido

have you ever tried calling the police to report that you're too gross for your wife to have sex with and you think it's abusive that she won't?

Notice how u didn’t address directly any points I mentioned, instead u spewed more nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys, the OP is a woman. But it’s pretty funny watching the frigid queens with their dried up quims wringing their hands and muttering misandrist slurs.

The OP doesn't say what they are. By the language it's clearly a man though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should just let their man go get release through a prostitute. It's not that big of a deal.

Men don’t want prostitutes or “release.” They want connection and desire.

This post sounds like it was written by a woman in any case.

Most of the ones around here complaining about sexless marriages seem completely fine with the concept of having sex with their wives, whether or not their wives are turned on or into it. The decent ones say they want consent, but none seem interested in whether their wives enjoy it.

The tip is when they start talking about their wives making "unilateral" decisions to not have sex wiht their husbands as if the husband has any say in whether his wife will have sex with him.

You sound like a complete nut case. Marriage is a partnership, off course husband will have a say when THEY will have sex. Same goes for wife. Now if the husband or wife are a-hole or if they have gotten too fat, then it is understandable for their spouse not to have any desire.

Husbands don't get to decide whether their wife will have sex. They need to get consent.

Marriage is a partnership which means both partners have a say when they have sex. Asking for permission makes it a master/slave relationship not a partnership

Having sex with someone without their permission makes it rape.

This seems like a completely irrelevant point. How exactly is rape connected to this discussion?

read the thread back—the angry guy said the both partners should get decide if the wife wants to have sex and that by doing it any other way creates a master/slave relationship. consent is key to any sexual encounter. not a debatable thing.

I said BOTH partners decide when THEY have sex in a PARTNERSHIP. Its a MUTUAL decision. Unilaterally withholding sex by one partner is abuse. However if their spouse is an a-hole, abusive or have become very fat then it’s completely not to have any desire.

OMG i can't stop laughing

Laughing is the easy way out if you don’t have an answer

no, i just love the idea that NOT having sex with someone because they're gross is abusive. sorry, i'll try to take you seriously.

You are injecting your own thoughts into other people’s posts. I clearly said if a person is abusive, a-hole or very fat then it’s completely understandable for their spouse to not have any desire for them

no, you said Unilaterally withholding sex by one partner is abuse.

It's so funny.

Off course it is abuse. How else is that person supposed to fulfill their desires? Jerking off or using toys is vastly different from sex with another person. And no marriage is not just about sex, but it is a very important element of a marriage unless both partners are low libido

have you ever tried calling the police to report that you're too gross for your wife to have sex with and you think it's abusive that she won't?

Notice how u didn’t address directly any points I mentioned, instead u spewed more nonsense.

If you're being abused—in any way—you should get help and that starts by calling the police. Get yourself somewhere safe and tell them all about how your wife doesn't want to have sex with you as much as you want, and they'll get you to a shelter.

[Anonymous]

So many women are just tapped out from years of doing most of the heavy lifting with kids and housework and jobs. Resentment kills her sex drive (at least with DH). Sexual complaints sounds like 'I want, I need, do what I want, me me me, I don't care about you, I care about my D'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should just let their man go get release through a prostitute. It's not that big of a deal.

Men don’t want prostitutes or “release.” They want connection and desire.

This post sounds like it was written by a woman in any case.

Most of the ones around here complaining about sexless marriages seem completely fine with the concept of having sex with their wives, whether or not their wives are turned on or into it. The decent ones say they want consent, but none seem interested in whether their wives enjoy it.

The tip is when they start talking about their wives making "unilateral" decisions to not have sex wiht their husbands as if the husband has any say in whether his wife will have sex with him.

You sound like a complete nut case. Marriage is a partnership, off course husband will have a say when THEY will have sex. Same goes for wife. Now if the husband or wife are a-hole or if they have gotten too fat, then it is understandable for their spouse not to have any desire.

Husbands don't get to decide whether their wife will have sex. They need to get consent.

Marriage is a partnership which means both partners have a say when they have sex. Asking for permission makes it a master/slave relationship not a partnership

Having sex with someone without their permission makes it rape.

This seems like a completely irrelevant point. How exactly is rape connected to this discussion?

read the thread back—the angry guy said the both partners should get decide if the wife wants to have sex and that by doing it any other way creates a master/slave relationship. consent is key to any sexual encounter. not a debatable thing.

I said BOTH partners decide when THEY have sex in a PARTNERSHIP. Its a MUTUAL decision. Unilaterally withholding sex by one partner is abuse. However if their spouse is an a-hole, abusive or have become very fat then it’s completely not to have any desire.

OMG i can't stop laughing

Laughing is the easy way out if you don’t have an answer

no, i just love the idea that NOT having sex with someone because they're gross is abusive. sorry, i'll try to take you seriously.

You are injecting your own thoughts into other people’s posts. I clearly said if a person is abusive, a-hole or very fat then it’s completely understandable for their spouse to not have any desire for them

no, you said Unilaterally withholding sex by one partner is abuse.

It's so funny.

Off course it is abuse. How else is that person supposed to fulfill their desires? Jerking off or using toys is vastly different from sex with another person. And no marriage is not just about sex, but it is a very important element of a marriage unless both partners are low libido

Gawd. To have a life so simple and free of family, house, work and kid responsibilities that only frequent sex is the end all, be all. Cannot imagine reducing my huge, spinning life, career and family to that.

You think people with above responsibilities don’t have sex? If you don’t have a libido because of said responsibilities, that’s fine….. don’t expect others to be same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should just let their man go get release through a prostitute. It's not that big of a deal.

Men don’t want prostitutes or “release.” They want connection and desire.

This post sounds like it was written by a woman in any case.

Most of the ones around here complaining about sexless marriages seem completely fine with the concept of having sex with their wives, whether or not their wives are turned on or into it. The decent ones say they want consent, but none seem interested in whether their wives enjoy it.

The tip is when they start talking about their wives making "unilateral" decisions to not have sex wiht their husbands as if the husband has any say in whether his wife will have sex with him.

You sound like a complete nut case. Marriage is a partnership, off course husband will have a say when THEY will have sex. Same goes for wife. Now if the husband or wife are a-hole or if they have gotten too fat, then it is understandable for their spouse not to have any desire.

Husbands don't get to decide whether their wife will have sex. They need to get consent.

Marriage is a partnership which means both partners have a say when they have sex. Asking for permission makes it a master/slave relationship not a partnership

Having sex with someone without their permission makes it rape.

This seems like a completely irrelevant point. How exactly is rape connected to this discussion?

read the thread back—the angry guy said the both partners should get decide if the wife wants to have sex and that by doing it any other way creates a master/slave relationship. consent is key to any sexual encounter. not a debatable thing.

I said BOTH partners decide when THEY have sex in a PARTNERSHIP. Its a MUTUAL decision. Unilaterally withholding sex by one partner is abuse. However if their spouse is an a-hole, abusive or have become very fat then it’s completely not to have any desire.

OMG i can't stop laughing

Laughing is the easy way out if you don’t have an answer

no, i just love the idea that NOT having sex with someone because they're gross is abusive. sorry, i'll try to take you seriously.

You are injecting your own thoughts into other people’s posts. I clearly said if a person is abusive, a-hole or very fat then it’s completely understandable for their spouse to not have any desire for them

no, you said Unilaterally withholding sex by one partner is abuse.

It's so funny.

Off course it is abuse. How else is that person supposed to fulfill their desires? Jerking off or using toys is vastly different from sex with another person. And no marriage is not just about sex, but it is a very important element of a marriage unless both partners are low libido

have you ever tried calling the police to report that you're too gross for your wife to have sex with and you think it's abusive that she won't?

Notice how u didn’t address directly any points I mentioned, instead u spewed more nonsense.

If you're being abused—in any way—you should get help and that starts by calling the police. Get yourself somewhere safe and tell them all about how your wife doesn't want to have sex with you as much as you want, and they'll get you to a shelter.

there was no need to call the police. I handled the problem myself by marrying someone compatible

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should just let their man go get release through a prostitute. It's not that big of a deal.

Men don’t want prostitutes or “release.” They want connection and desire.

This post sounds like it was written by a woman in any case.

Most of the ones around here complaining about sexless marriages seem completely fine with the concept of having sex with their wives, whether or not their wives are turned on or into it. The decent ones say they want consent, but none seem interested in whether their wives enjoy it.

The tip is when they start talking about their wives making "unilateral" decisions to not have sex wiht their husbands as if the husband has any say in whether his wife will have sex with him.

You sound like a complete nut case. Marriage is a partnership, off course husband will have a say when THEY will have sex. Same goes for wife. Now if the husband or wife are a-hole or if they have gotten too fat, then it is understandable for their spouse not to have any desire.

Husbands don't get to decide whether their wife will have sex. They need to get consent.

Marriage is a partnership which means both partners have a say when they have sex. Asking for permission makes it a master/slave relationship not a partnership

Having sex with someone without their permission makes it rape.

This seems like a completely irrelevant point. How exactly is rape connected to this discussion?

read the thread back—the angry guy said the both partners should get decide if the wife wants to have sex and that by doing it any other way creates a master/slave relationship. consent is key to any sexual encounter. not a debatable thing.

I said BOTH partners decide when THEY have sex in a PARTNERSHIP. Its a MUTUAL decision. Unilaterally withholding sex by one partner is abuse. However if their spouse is an a-hole, abusive or have become very fat then it’s completely not to have any desire.

OMG i can't stop laughing

Laughing is the easy way out if you don’t have an answer

no, i just love the idea that NOT having sex with someone because they're gross is abusive. sorry, i'll try to take you seriously.

You are injecting your own thoughts into other people’s posts. I clearly said if a person is abusive, a-hole or very fat then it’s completely understandable for their spouse to not have any desire for them

no, you said Unilaterally withholding sex by one partner is abuse.

It's so funny.

Off course it is abuse. How else is that person supposed to fulfill their desires? Jerking off or using toys is vastly different from sex with another person. And no marriage is not just about sex, but it is a very important element of a marriage unless both partners are low libido

have you ever tried calling the police to report that you're too gross for your wife to have sex with and you think it's abusive that she won't?

Notice how u didn’t address directly any points I mentioned, instead u spewed more nonsense.

If you're being abused—in any way—you should get help and that starts by calling the police. Get yourself somewhere safe and tell them all about how your wife doesn't want to have sex with you as much as you want, and they'll get you to a shelter.

there was no need to call the police. I handled the problem myself by marrying someone compatible

great! glad you could join us in this chat!

[Anonymous]

https://www.washingtonpost.com/advice/2024/07/22/carolyn-hax-sexless-marriage-husband/

Better advice than you'll find on a forum . . .