Parents of Bullies

[Anonymous]

I was an elementary school teacher and now a middle school teacher. I have seen all types of bullies; racist bullies, physical bullies, bullies that come from money, bullies that are on a kindergarten level but in the 7th grade. Honestly, there is not much a teacher can do. Our job is to teach the curriculum. We are not trained in handling bullies. That is a counselor issue. I will direct you to them.

[Anonymous]

There are some children that are genuine sociopaths. But mostly, bullying is a reflection of parenting. Awful mothers will have awful daughters. And awful fathers will have awful sons. These kids are reflecting learned behavior. Schools don't do anything anymore when it comes to bullying. So it's a tough spot for everyone else. But fundamentally, the bullies became bullies because of their parents. And I have no idea how to deal with that since schools are checked out from punishing students for cruelty. The parents are useless. There doesn't appear to be any recourse anymore. It's sad.

[Anonymous]

The meanest girl in my child’s grade has very nice parents. She is very whiny and demanding to her somewhat passive parents. I don’t think they can control her. The girl is not nice at all and always seems angry. I’m assuming her parents know she has a difficult personality.

My son has a friend whose friend can be a bully to some other kids. He is a popular kid. His parents are also very nice, at least at a surface level. Parents are smart, good looking and successful. The boy picks on little boys. I don’t think it is extreme bullying, just enough for kids to think he is a bully.

[Anonymous]

What about teaching them the Golden Rule? Do they lack empathy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are some children that are genuine sociopaths. But mostly, bullying is a reflection of parenting. Awful mothers will have awful daughters. And awful fathers will have awful sons. These kids are reflecting learned behavior. Schools don't do anything anymore when it comes to bullying. So it's a tough spot for everyone else. But fundamentally, the bullies became bullies because of their parents. And I have no idea how to deal with that since schools are checked out from punishing students for cruelty. The parents are useless. There doesn't appear to be any recourse anymore. It's sad.

I think this is only partly true. If your kid is one of the queen bee's ten followers, then you probably feel like your kid is a bully victim while others quite logically see your kid as one of the bullies. I was in a situation like this with my fifth grade daughter and while, yes, I was sympathetic to the ways in which she was mistreated, I was horrified by what she allowed to happen/participated in passively. I came down really hard on her. I think acknowledging her role was harder for her to get over - but so so important - than having been bullied herself. But as for the other parents, none of them recognized anything. Not one of them. These are really sweet, friendly, generous people . I think the queen bee's parents are a little afraid of her but there others just don't see anything. And the little they do see, they write off as "girl drama."