Do women expect a ring at 1 year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say year 2 is when women expect a ring.

I really don't think living together helps you know the person much more than anything else.

OP here. This is more my timeline. I would like to live together in the next 6 months and be engaged by 2 years. Then a year of engagement. Maybe 1 year of marriage and then kids.

Perhaps share this timeline with your girlfriend to see if she’s on the same page.

OP said the girlfriend just turned 28. So he's not even going to propose until she's 30. Then she'll be 31 before they marry. Then she'll be 32 before they even start trying to have a baby. So 33, at best. Second baby at 35, at best, so she's advanced maternal age. If she wants a third kid, it might be dicey.

And the big risk here is that the girlfriend is putting her prime childbearing years at risk for a man who is avoidant and may or may not ever propose and may or may not be willing to have a baby when the time comes.

What's your philosophical belief on IVF, by the way, OP? Since you're headed for fertility trouble at the rate you're going.

OP here. You are wrong and can’t do simple math.

She’s 28. Engagement in a year at 29. Married at 29/30 depending on engagement length. First kid at 31 and maybe second at 33/34. She doesn’t want kids before 30.

We are fine with IVF if we have to go that route.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If you are 35, devout Catholic, unmarried, and don't feel any sense or need of progress toward marriage and kids, I don't think you being completely honest with yourself.

OP here. I wouldn’t say I’m a devout catholic. I just don’t believe in divorce.

I hope you are planning on going to premarriage counseling if you decide to eventually pop the question. I think you've got some baggage there you need to unpack.

OP here. We likely will.

I don’t think I have baggage because I don’t believe in divorce. Too many people go into marriage with the mindset they can just divorce in 10 or 20 years after having kids. I value marriage and want more than that for my future kids. I honestly think lack of marriage and two parent households are why the youth are failing miserably. They have nothing but bad examples and little guidance.

I also don't believe in divorce, or at the least "divorce as the last resort", but that still didn't make me panicky about marriage.

Why not just get engaged then, and wait two years before marriage? Why even bothered getting engaged if you are willing to live together? What does she think? Does she think getting engaged right now is important?

FWIW, DH was 39 when we got married, had kids at at almost 41 and 44. Our kids are teens now. Your age is not the problem. Your fear and hesitancy is the problem.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If you just want to be DINKs then who cares. Also at your age, she might be best you'll ever be able to do. Let's say she hits 30 and all her friends start hitting their major life milestones and you're still not ready, but she is, and dumps you. You're now back in the dating pool with a different, older crowd of women.

OP here. Most older men always find younger women. They almost always pass up the older women for younger. Not saying it’s right but I think men my age still go for 23-30 year old women.

My point is that they are less likely to go for you as you age.

OP here. I don’t agree with that. Many men my age still date younger women and I think they can always get that. It’s women over 35 that have a harder time of ever finding a partner because men my age won’t date them.

OP, you’re gross and have cultish ideas about things. It took some prodding with these comments, but you’ve surely revealed yourself.

OP here. I’m merely speaking facts. Most women over 35+ have a much harder time finding a partner than a man 35+. Most men will date younger women instead of a woman their age. Don’t be upset because you can’t accept reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We talked last month about marriage and she said she is in no rush. If it happens, it happens, but she doesn’t need a timeline of for her life.

She just turned 28. I’m 35.

The two couples I know who got married quickly after meeting instead of the 2-3 year courtship are now headed for divorce. It makes me nervous because it’s a lifelong commitment.

It sounds like you are both on the same page, and both want more time to continue dating, which is the important thing. Tune out the noise of friends and relatives. Nothing good will come of rushing an engagement before you both are ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say year 2 is when women expect a ring.

I really don't think living together helps you know the person much more than anything else.

OP here. This is more my timeline. I would like to live together in the next 6 months and be engaged by 2 years. Then a year of engagement. Maybe 1 year of marriage and then kids.

Okay, so you'll be 37 by the time you're engaged. 38 by the time you marry. 39 before you start TRYING for a baby. 40 when the baby is born. 42 at best when the second baby is born.

I dunno, man, honestly I would not choose that for my children.

OP here. I just turned 35 in April. I will be 37 when married and first kid at 38/39.

I find it funny so many people are commenting on age when this forum is filled with couples who waited until 35+ to marry and have kids. So many other threads encouraging people to have kids at my age and saying it’s not too late.

No, you said live together within the next 6 months, be engaged within 2 years, then a year of engagement before marriage. So you will likely be older than 37 when married and 38/39 when the baby is born. Assuming fertility goes well, which it might not.

It's not too late, but it's also a greater chance of having trouble. Waiting because you haven't met the right person is different from waiting because you're indecisive or risk-averse.

OP here. That a a typo. My apology. I meant to write that we will be engaged by second anniversary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say year 2 is when women expect a ring.

I really don't think living together helps you know the person much more than anything else.

OP here. This is more my timeline. I would like to live together in the next 6 months and be engaged by 2 years. Then a year of engagement. Maybe 1 year of marriage and then kids.

Perhaps share this timeline with your girlfriend to see if she’s on the same page.

OP said the girlfriend just turned 28. So he's not even going to propose until she's 30. Then she'll be 31 before they marry. Then she'll be 32 before they even start trying to have a baby. So 33, at best. Second baby at 35, at best, so she's advanced maternal age. If she wants a third kid, it might be dicey.

And the big risk here is that the girlfriend is putting her prime childbearing years at risk for a man who is avoidant and may or may not ever propose and may or may not be willing to have a baby when the time comes.

What's your philosophical belief on IVF, by the way, OP? Since you're headed for fertility trouble at the rate you're going.

OP here. You are wrong and can’t do simple math.

She’s 28. Engagement in a year at 29. Married at 29/30 depending on engagement length. First kid at 31 and maybe second at 33/34. She doesn’t want kids before 30.

We are fine with IVF if we have to go that route.

Okay, but that's not what you said earlier. You said engaged within 2 years, then another year before marrying. You're changing it.

How old a dad do you want to be? At what point will you not be willing to pursue another pregnancy? She deserves to know these things if she wants 3 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you just want to be DINKs then who cares. Also at your age, she might be best you'll ever be able to do. Let's say she hits 30 and all her friends start hitting their major life milestones and you're still not ready, but she is, and dumps you. You're now back in the dating pool with a different, older crowd of women.

OP here. Most older men always find younger women. They almost always pass up the older women for younger. Not saying it’s right but I think men my age still go for 23-30 year old women.

My point is that they are less likely to go for you as you age.

OP here. I don’t agree with that. Many men my age still date younger women and I think they can always get that. It’s women over 35 that have a harder time of ever finding a partner because men my age won’t date them.

OP, you’re gross and have cultish ideas about things. It took some prodding with these comments, but you’ve surely revealed yourself.

OP here. I’m merely speaking facts. Most women over 35+ have a much harder time finding a partner than a man 35+. Most men will date younger women instead of a woman their age. Don’t be upset because you can’t accept reality.

Nobody's disputing that you can find a warm body to date you. The question is what kind of quality tradeoffs you'll have to make as you age. And believe me, they are significant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say year 2 is when women expect a ring.

I really don't think living together helps you know the person much more than anything else.

OP here. This is more my timeline. I would like to live together in the next 6 months and be engaged by 2 years. Then a year of engagement. Maybe 1 year of marriage and then kids.

For this timeline, how old is she going to be when you guys get married?

OP here. She will be 29/30 when we get married.

.

You can't count on having kids easily when a woman is late 20s+. You, she or both of you could have fertility issues that just increase as you age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We talked last month about marriage and she said she is in no rush. If it happens, it happens, but she doesn’t need a timeline of for her life.

She just turned 28. I’m 35.

The two couples I know who got married quickly after meeting instead of the 2-3 year courtship are now headed for divorce. It makes me nervous because it’s a lifelong commitment.

? Then why are you asking the question on this forum? Just live together then.

I really don't understand why you are asking this question if she's ok with no timeline or rush.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you two?

Why do you feel like you’re not ready to make a life long commitment? Is it something about her, or something about commitment?

OP here. I’m in love with and see a future with her. I’ve never thought about marrying a woman before I met her. It’s still just scary because my family doesn’t believe in divorce and it’s a lifelong commitment. I don’t feel like there is a rush when it’s a decision that can determine the rest of your life.

That's baloney. You shouldn't get married because you need to get away from your controlling family. Seek therapy because you are too enmeshed.

OP here. I’m a catholic. They are not controlling. Many people don’t take marriage seriously but I do. Too many people get married with the idea they can just divorce in 10 or 20 years. That’s not what I want for my life or my future kids. They deserve a two parent household with happy parents.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. This changes everything. I hope you aren’t fornicating with this woman. So you’ve been dating chastely for a whole year and still haven’t figured it out? I want to give you the benefit of the doubt, but how can you pull the Catholic card when you want to live with her before marriage? Why are you so worried about divorce when you know it’s not permitted in your religion? Now you seem really, really unserious and immature/confused.

OP here. You can be raised in a religion and not follow it fully. There are many Catholics who still believe in things that most Catholics don’t. Most Catholics don’t believe in premarital sex, same sex marriage, abortion, divorce, etc., but you have many Catholics nowadays who are okay with all of this.

So you take the church’s teaching on marriage seriously (that it’s for life with no divorce), and conveniently none of the other things. I’m telling you now brother, you are not ready for marriage in either the catholic or the secular sense.

OP here. I’m saying many “ Catholics” on the left say they’re catholic but believe in what I listed. A devout catholic doesn’t believe in birth control, same sex marriage, or abortion. It’s all a sin. Many Catholics these days are not real Catholics.

Well then, any “devout” Catholic that’s killed in a war is a sinner too, by your standards. Can’t win with some people.

OP here. It’s not my standards. People shaming me for not being a devout catholic because I believe in premarital sex and living together before marriage. I’m just pointing out many people who call themselves Catholics believe in things that most true and real Catholics don’t. Most still consider them Catholics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you just want to be DINKs then who cares. Also at your age, she might be best you'll ever be able to do. Let's say she hits 30 and all her friends start hitting their major life milestones and you're still not ready, but she is, and dumps you. You're now back in the dating pool with a different, older crowd of women.

OP here. Most older men always find younger women. They almost always pass up the older women for younger. Not saying it’s right but I think men my age still go for 23-30 year old women.

My point is that they are less likely to go for you as you age.

OP here. I don’t agree with that. Many men my age still date younger women and I think they can always get that. It’s women over 35 that have a harder time of ever finding a partner because men my age won’t date them.

OP, you’re gross and have cultish ideas about things. It took some prodding with these comments, but you’ve surely revealed yourself.

OP here. I’m merely speaking facts. Most women over 35+ have a much harder time finding a partner than a man 35+. Most men will date younger women instead of a woman their age. Don’t be upset because you can’t accept reality.

They’re not facts unless you can show me a peer reviewed studies. Otherwise your statement is just some anecdotal experiences you and your Peter Pan Cath-bros are spouting as truth.

[Anonymous]

The people who keep harping on the fertility thing need to give it a rest. A lot of DCUM folks had kids over the age of 38.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course not. If we are interested in marriage, we will broach the conversation. If she hasn’t or hasn’t advanced the conversation, how presumptuous are you to think she’s even interested in marriage, much less to you?

OP here. We have talked marriage and babies and she wants those things. She doesn’t want kids until at least 30 because of her career. She has said she is no rush. She also values marriage and takes it seriously.

I don't know what you should do, but if she is 28 and wants kids at 30+, you realize that wuold mean if you got engage tomorrow unlikely to have kids before 30 anyway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say year 2 is when women expect a ring.

I really don't think living together helps you know the person much more than anything else.

OP here. This is more my timeline. I would like to live together in the next 6 months and be engaged by 2 years. Then a year of engagement. Maybe 1 year of marriage and then kids.

Perhaps share this timeline with your girlfriend to see if she’s on the same page.

OP said the girlfriend just turned 28. So he's not even going to propose until she's 30. Then she'll be 31 before they marry. Then she'll be 32 before they even start trying to have a baby. So 33, at best. Second baby at 35, at best, so she's advanced maternal age. If she wants a third kid, it might be dicey.

And the big risk here is that the girlfriend is putting her prime childbearing years at risk for a man who is avoidant and may or may not ever propose and may or may not be willing to have a baby when the time comes.

What's your philosophical belief on IVF, by the way, OP? Since you're headed for fertility trouble at the rate you're going.

OP here. You are wrong and can’t do simple math.

She’s 28. Engagement in a year at 29. Married at 29/30 depending on engagement length. First kid at 31 and maybe second at 33/34. She doesn’t want kids before 30.

We are fine with IVF if we have to go that route.

Okay, but that's not what you said earlier. You said engaged within 2 years, then another year before marrying. You're changing it.

How old a dad do you want to be? At what point will you not be willing to pursue another pregnancy? She deserves to know these things if she wants 3 kids.

OP here. It was a typo. I meant engaged within 2 years of our relationship. Meaning by next summer we will be engaged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you just want to be DINKs then who cares. Also at your age, she might be best you'll ever be able to do. Let's say she hits 30 and all her friends start hitting their major life milestones and you're still not ready, but she is, and dumps you. You're now back in the dating pool with a different, older crowd of women.

OP here. Most older men always find younger women. They almost always pass up the older women for younger. Not saying it’s right but I think men my age still go for 23-30 year old women.

My point is that they are less likely to go for you as you age.

OP here. I don’t agree with that. Many men my age still date younger women and I think they can always get that. It’s women over 35 that have a harder time of ever finding a partner because men my age won’t date them.

OP, you’re gross and have cultish ideas about things. It took some prodding with these comments, but you’ve surely revealed yourself.

OP here. I’m merely speaking facts. Most women over 35+ have a much harder time finding a partner than a man 35+. Most men will date younger women instead of a woman their age. Don’t be upset because you can’t accept reality.

They’re not facts unless you can show me a peer reviewed studies. Otherwise your statement is just some anecdotal experiences you and your Peter Pan Cath-bros are spouting as truth.

OP here. You don’t live in real world.