SAHM to working mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread has gone off the rails. I do not think OP meant to offend anyone. I think her goal was actually to NOT offend. I interpreted her post as wanting to be sure her explanation for her gap doesn’t come off as sounding like she thinks all kids need to have a mom at home.

Yes, this is exactly how I interpreted her post as well.

Unlike many PPs, OP is aware that some working moms (not all!) wish that they could stay home for at least a few years, and she wants to explain her resume gap in a way that is not offensive to that group.

The level of vitriol on this thread against SAHMs and moms who work part time is really sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

This. Here’s my bias as a working mom:

1. You don’t really want to work
2. You didn’t value your career
3. You don’t have a spouse who does his share at home
4. Your spouse is now used to you doing everything and all sick days will fall on you
5. You’ll talk about your kid all the time because it’s been your life and you don’t understand other people don’t care about your kids anymore than someone’s pet or vacation

Who cares what you think unless you are hiring manager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you interviewed, is there a way to explain your absence in a way that doesn't offend the working moms who wish they could be SAHMs?

Step one - don’t assume they “wished” they could have be SAHMs. I have never wanted to be a SAHM and that is why I advanced in my career that I love which lets me afford a great life for my kids. My DH does at least 50% of childcare so don’t even start with “the poor neglected kids” attitude. One of us is always available for them. You already sound insufferable

Stick to why you want the job and why your qualifications meet what the employer is looking for

You guys fed the troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

This. Here’s my bias as a working mom:

1. You don’t really want to work
2. You didn’t value your career
3. You don’t have a spouse who does his share at home
4. Your spouse is now used to you doing everything and all sick days will fall on you
5. You’ll talk about your kid all the time because it’s been your life and you don’t understand other people don’t care about your kids anymore than someone’s pet or vacation

You may want to humbly acknowledge that your mindset is terrible and inaccurate, and then get started doing the work to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

This. Here’s my bias as a working mom:

1. You don’t really want to work
2. You didn’t value your career
3. You don’t have a spouse who does his share at home
4. Your spouse is now used to you doing everything and all sick days will fall on you
5. You’ll talk about your kid all the time because it’s been your life and you don’t understand other people don’t care about your kids anymore than someone’s pet or vacation

You may want to humbly acknowledge that your mindset is terrible and inaccurate, and then get started doing the work to change.

It reeks of jealousy to me. Most people I know don’t like their jobs, including those in prestigious / well-paid positions. I would love not to work, and by no means am I lazy. Making other people rich is totally overrated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

This. Here’s my bias as a working mom:

1. You don’t really want to work
2. You didn’t value your career
3. You don’t have a spouse who does his share at home
4. Your spouse is now used to you doing everything and all sick days will fall on you
5. You’ll talk about your kid all the time because it’s been your life and you don’t understand other people don’t care about your kids anymore than someone’s pet or vacation

You may want to humbly acknowledge that your mindset is terrible and inaccurate, and then get started doing the work to change.

It reeks of jealousy to me. Most people I know don’t like their jobs, including those in prestigious / well-paid positions. I would love not to work, and by no means am I lazy. Making other people rich is totally overrated.

Or people don’t want to hire someone who isn’t going to be good at their job.

[Anonymous]

OP is a troll. Her post meant to be divisive and it worked.

Anyone who can't see that it was thinly veiled insult is not paying attention.

[Anonymous]

It reeks of jealousy to me. Most people I know don’t like their jobs, including those in prestigious / well-paid positions. I would love not to work, and by no means am I lazy. Making other people rich is totally overrated.


Please just speak for yourself. There are some of us who want to contribute to society and like being productive and clearly you don't know may people with prestigious and/or high paying jobs.

But this is a troll post deliberately stirring up s**t.
Nothing more to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It reeks of jealousy to me. Most people I know don’t like their jobs, including those in prestigious / well-paid positions. I would love not to work, and by no means am I lazy. Making other people rich is totally overrated.

Please just speak for yourself. There are some of us who want to contribute to society and like being productive and clearly you don't know may people with prestigious and/or high paying jobs.

But this is a troll post deliberately stirring up s**t.
Nothing more to say.

NP

What do you contribute to society, exactly? IME most people who say this have careers society would be better off without…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

This. Here’s my bias as a working mom:

1. You don’t really want to work
2. You didn’t value your career
3. You don’t have a spouse who does his share at home
4. Your spouse is now used to you doing everything and all sick days will fall on you
5. You’ll talk about your kid all the time because it’s been your life and you don’t understand other people don’t care about your kids anymore than someone’s pet or vacation

This always cracks me up - SAHM have spent enough time with the kids and aren’t interested in talking about them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's always a good rule of thumb to avoid assuming people are jealous of you.

Lol, so true, bestie

Think OP’s problem is not her gap, it’s her attitude

-former SAHM who loved it but also understands not everyone wants the same thing and NO ONE is jealous of me because they are managers and I report to them. that said, they are really good managers and I suspect really good parents (that may be what makes them good managers)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

This. Here’s my bias as a working mom:

1. You don’t really want to work
2. You didn’t value your career
3. You don’t have a spouse who does his share at home
4. Your spouse is now used to you doing everything and all sick days will fall on you
5. You’ll talk about your kid all the time because it’s been your life and you don’t understand other people don’t care about your kids anymore than someone’s pet or vacation

Exhibit A as to how terribly women treat other women.

Yup. I work in a male dominated field and it’s been a breeze getting time off whenever I need even to *gasp* care for children! They also don’t mind me talking about my kids and even talk about their own kids, if you can imagine it.

My boss even let me go part time when I requested it, even though my “excuse” was simply that I wanted more time with my kids.

So advice for the “biased” working mom: get that chip off your shoulder and stop acting like an AH.

Interesting point. I’ve had two phases to my career, both in male-dominated industries. Both have been family-friendly and understanding to moms and dads when childcare needs have arisen or for me when I wanted to scale back to part-time. I think women can be prone to treat other women horribly, and I’ve seen the most obnoxious statements on the issue here on dcum.

Agree. I have seen the same in my workplaces. The female bosses have been horrible bosses and mentors to junior women.

Actually no.
Just the insecure women.
Your comments are clear examples of how women like to tear down other women.

C’mon. Look at the statements in this thread. It’s clear some women will treat other women in the workplace horribly. The best bosses I’ve had have been women, and the worst bosses I’ve had have been women.

But is it really treating someone horribly to not view a woman taking time off from work in a positive way? I’m really not allowed to acknowledge that she likely has a spouse who is used to her doing everything including handling all sick days?

You and some other PPs are attributing it to treating other women horribly and our gender.

I’m not basing it on gender. I think anyone who was a stay at home parent for almost a decade is likely not that interested in working and has a spouse who is used to them doing everything at home. Anecdotally every SAHM I know wants to be at home with children.

Wow, you are so wrong. I am scared to hear your stereotypes about other groups. I hope you have better critical thinking skills in your job than you have displayed here.

I’m so wrong that a woman who stayed home for almost a decade isn’t career focused?

Well, just because she wasn’t then doesn’t mean she isn’t now… depends on the woman. I came back after a significant gap feeling rested and ready to work and hit the ground running.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you interviewed, is there a way to explain your absence in a way that doesn't offend the working moms who wish they could be SAHMs?

I never wished or wanted to be a SAHM.
What you said is absolutely obnoxious.

If SAHM is so great, why are you going back to work?

As a working mom who maintained a career during pregnancies and beyond, I think SAHMs:
- Have low functional capacity and left the work force cause they can't handle things
- Never had much potential career wise
- Are dumb to put all their eggs into one basket (ie their spouse to provide for them)

I am going to be just as obnoxious as you.

Good luck on your interviews.

OR had a high-needs child. 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

This. Here’s my bias as a working mom:

1. You don’t really want to work
2. You didn’t value your career
3. You don’t have a spouse who does his share at home
4. Your spouse is now used to you doing everything and all sick days will fall on you
5. You’ll talk about your kid all the time because it’s been your life and you don’t understand other people don’t care about your kids anymore than someone’s pet or vacation

Exhibit A as to how terribly women treat other women.

Yup. I work in a male dominated field and it’s been a breeze getting time off whenever I need even to *gasp* care for children! They also don’t mind me talking about my kids and even talk about their own kids, if you can imagine it.

My boss even let me go part time when I requested it, even though my “excuse” was simply that I wanted more time with my kids.

So advice for the “biased” working mom: get that chip off your shoulder and stop acting like an AH.

Interesting point. I’ve had two phases to my career, both in male-dominated industries. Both have been family-friendly and understanding to moms and dads when childcare needs have arisen or for me when I wanted to scale back to part-time. I think women can be prone to treat other women horribly, and I’ve seen the most obnoxious statements on the issue here on dcum.

Agree. I have seen the same in my workplaces. The female bosses have been horrible bosses and mentors to junior women.

Actually no.
Just the insecure women.
Your comments are clear examples of how women like to tear down other women.

C’mon. Look at the statements in this thread. It’s clear some women will treat other women in the workplace horribly. The best bosses I’ve had have been women, and the worst bosses I’ve had have been women.

But is it really treating someone horribly to not view a woman taking time off from work in a positive way? I’m really not allowed to acknowledge that she likely has a spouse who is used to her doing everything including handling all sick days?

You and some other PPs are attributing it to treating other women horribly and our gender.

I’m not basing it on gender. I think anyone who was a stay at home parent for almost a decade is likely not that interested in working and has a spouse who is used to them doing everything at home. Anecdotally every SAHM I know wants to be at home with children.

No, you actually aren’t allowed to think any of this, and you certainly aren’t allowed to let it influence or dictate your hiring decisions. Two major reasons: 1) you don’t know any if any of your assumptions are true, and 2) it’s absolutely none of your business anyway.

You know how you can *definitively* tell if someone who was a stay at home parent for a decade is interested in working? If they’re sitting in the room with you INTERVIEWING FOR A JOB.

I guess. I’ve known many SAHMs who reluctantly return to work and don’t have any real interest in working. You even see the posts on here of women wanting very part time or WFH jobs. They don’t want to actually have a career.

OP kind of proves this point. She thinks other women might be JEALOUS of her for staying home. She thinks staying home is better.

Not all families have the same needs. I’d love to work more, as I love my job, but my kid has a ton of medical appointments and I need to manage a chronic condition. That’s just not compatible with full-time work and it won’t be for at least a few years. I’m very grateful that I’ve landed somewhere I can keep my resume current until kid is in remission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“It worked best for my family to have one parent with the kids full time. But now I’m really looking forward to getting back into XYZ.”

Say exactly this. Worked for me OP. Some people on this thread are awful. They don’t want to admit that you can leave the workforce and return to have a great career but trust me, you can do it!!

As long as you show enthusiasm for job and the company's mission, this should be fine.

I do take offense to your perception that working moms are jealous of SAHMs. I do not think you'll find that to be the case across most working parents.