SAHM to working mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was a stay at home mom for 20 years and went back to work full time.

She basically said I like to fully devote to what I do whether being a mom or being at work. Now that kids are older I can devote myself to work.

I love this!

I was a SAHM until my kids went to high school. I addressed my gap briefly at the top of my resume where I also highlighted my skills. It only came up
in one of my interviews, and I explained my gap in one succinct sentence and returned the focus to the skills and experience I bring to the table. I really like what your Mom said though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can speak only for myself, but I dare say that the feisty comments from the working moms is reaction to OP's reference to "moms who wish they could be SAHMs."

I believe each family makes that decision based on what's best for the family. It has to do with complex number of factors surrounding resources, time, job flexibility, personalities, on and on.

I do not think that a SAHM is lesser of a person than a working mom or vice versa. For example, I've known smart researchers who took a break from their career because the cost of childcare is so high that it just does not make sense. And it doesn't all have to be about $$. If my child had special needs, I would certainly prioritize that over my job.

OP's comment had inherent bias and judgment, and that is what feedback she will get.

I also work in a male dominated field.
My colleagues and I get along well and work together well.
I've had male and female mentors, and in turn mentor males and females.
No chips on my shoulder.

Well if you are talking about SAHMs married to rich husbands who can hire nanny + house keeper and spend half the day at Barry’s boot camp, yes I admit I am jealous.
But if you live in avg house in an avg neighborhood and have to think twice about getting a $600 dress then I don’t wish to be you at all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's always a good rule of thumb to avoid assuming people are jealous of you.

Yes, OP, get over yourself. You need to be around some working people. You will quickly learn that there are many scenarios for parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's always a good rule of thumb to avoid assuming people are jealous of you.

Yes, OP, get over yourself. You need to be around some working people. You will quickly learn that there are many scenarios for parents.

I mean we’re all jealous of the Sahm married to a guy who makes 1m and she has a housekeeper and nanny. Not so jealous of those whose husbands make 200k and they had to pull back on retirement funding college and travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

This. Here’s my bias as a working mom:

1. You don’t really want to work
2. You didn’t value your career
3. You don’t have a spouse who does his share at home
4. Your spouse is now used to you doing everything and all sick days will fall on you
5. You’ll talk about your kid all the time because it’s been your life and you don’t understand other people don’t care about your kids anymore than someone’s pet or vacation

Exhibit A as to how terribly women treat other women.

Yup. I work in a male dominated field and it’s been a breeze getting time off whenever I need even to *gasp* care for children! They also don’t mind me talking about my kids and even talk about their own kids, if you can imagine it.

My boss even let me go part time when I requested it, even though my “excuse” was simply that I wanted more time with my kids.

So advice for the “biased” working mom: get that chip off your shoulder and stop acting like an AH.

Interesting point. I’ve had two phases to my career, both in male-dominated industries. Both have been family-friendly and understanding to moms and dads when childcare needs have arisen or for me when I wanted to scale back to part-time. I think women can be prone to treat other women horribly, and I’ve seen the most obnoxious statements on the issue here on dcum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I chose to take some time off to care for young children, but they are older now and I’m really looking forward to re-entering the workforce.” No need to say more.

I don’t like this. “I chose to take some time off” sounds like a luxury option. You don’t have to say it like that and it’s often not even true. It’s often more like “the math” or “the reality of our child’s needs” didn’t make it possible for both parents to work the way they had before.

Yeah, it's not time off. It's a period of time when you were not paid for your time or work. It's not like you were on a beach smoking weed for years.

[Aside]: Unpaid work is an underestimated part of the economy, simply because we choose not to value it with actual dollar figures in economic models. For example, some nonprofit organizations will put a dollar figure to their volunteer labor, but most will not (for good reasons; we'd never want a tax on the value of volunteer labor). Schools never do; they don't even record the hours. But there is an economic impact of doing work though not being, just as there is for mowing your own lawn and not paying others to manage the domestic work. For this reason, it really should not be viewed as a gap in a resume. The skill set being used and developed may be different and not always relevant to the job sought, but it isn't actually a gap for most people who will then seek to renter the workforce (i.e., we aren't talking about the rare SAHM with two nannies, a housekeeper, and a driver... and a pool boy).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

Your assumption about husbands is false and sexist. You must be projecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you interviewed, is there a way to explain your absence in a way that doesn't offend the working moms who wish they could be SAHMs?

Step one - don’t assume they “wished” they could have be SAHMs. I have never wanted to be a SAHM and that is why I advanced in my career that I love which lets me afford a great life for my kids. My DH does at least 50% of childcare so don’t even start with “the poor neglected kids” attitude. One of us is always available for them. You already sound insufferable

Stick to why you want the job and why your qualifications meet what the employer is looking for

You sound defensive and insufferable as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

This. Here’s my bias as a working mom:

1. You don’t really want to work
2. You didn’t value your career
3. You don’t have a spouse who does his share at home
4. Your spouse is now used to you doing everything and all sick days will fall on you
5. You’ll talk about your kid all the time because it’s been your life and you don’t understand other people don’t care about your kids anymore than someone’s pet or vacation

Your bias is laughably wrong; literally wrong on every point for most women I know. Expand your mind and world view.

Seriously, this could be the worst post admitting ignorance and misogyny I've ever read here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

This. Here’s my bias as a working mom:

1. You don’t really want to work
2. You didn’t value your career
3. You don’t have a spouse who does his share at home
4. Your spouse is now used to you doing everything and all sick days will fall on you
5. You’ll talk about your kid all the time because it’s been your life and you don’t understand other people don’t care about your kids anymore than someone’s pet or vacation

Exhibit A as to how terribly women treat other women.

Yup. I work in a male dominated field and it’s been a breeze getting time off whenever I need even to *gasp* care for children! They also don’t mind me talking about my kids and even talk about their own kids, if you can imagine it.

My boss even let me go part time when I requested it, even though my “excuse” was simply that I wanted more time with my kids.

So advice for the “biased” working mom: get that chip off your shoulder and stop acting like an AH.

Interesting point. I’ve had two phases to my career, both in male-dominated industries. Both have been family-friendly and understanding to moms and dads when childcare needs have arisen or for me when I wanted to scale back to part-time. I think women can be prone to treat other women horribly, and I’ve seen the most obnoxious statements on the issue here on dcum.

Agree. I have seen the same in my workplaces. The female bosses have been horrible bosses and mentors to junior women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom was a stay at home mom for 20 years and went back to work full time.

She basically said I like to fully devote to what I do whether being a mom or being at work. Now that kids are older I can devote myself to work.

I love this!

I was a SAHM until my kids went to high school. I addressed my gap briefly at the top of my resume where I also highlighted my skills. It only came up
in one of my interviews, and I explained my gap in one succinct sentence and returned the focus to the skills and experience I bring to the table. I really like what your Mom said though!

My mom did the same thing, but she had to work until she was 75.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

This. Here’s my bias as a working mom:

1. You don’t really want to work
2. You didn’t value your career
3. You don’t have a spouse who does his share at home
4. Your spouse is now used to you doing everything and all sick days will fall on you
5. You’ll talk about your kid all the time because it’s been your life and you don’t understand other people don’t care about your kids anymore than someone’s pet or vacation

Exhibit A as to how terribly women treat other women.

Yup. I work in a male dominated field and it’s been a breeze getting time off whenever I need even to *gasp* care for children! They also don’t mind me talking about my kids and even talk about their own kids, if you can imagine it.

My boss even let me go part time when I requested it, even though my “excuse” was simply that I wanted more time with my kids.

So advice for the “biased” working mom: get that chip off your shoulder and stop acting like an AH.

Interesting point. I’ve had two phases to my career, both in male-dominated industries. Both have been family-friendly and understanding to moms and dads when childcare needs have arisen or for me when I wanted to scale back to part-time. I think women can be prone to treat other women horribly, and I’ve seen the most obnoxious statements on the issue here on dcum.

Agree. I have seen the same in my workplaces. The female bosses have been horrible bosses and mentors to junior women.

Not at my work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

Your assumption about husbands is false and sexist. You must be projecting.

That’s why you don’t mention these things and interviews because people make assumptions based on statistics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you interviewed, is there a way to explain your absence in a way that doesn't offend the working moms who wish they could be SAHMs?

Why are you assuming they wish they could be SAHMs?

She isn't saying all, but the ones you absolutely will encounter who do -- not defending the question, but OP did provide the nuance. How you would sus this mid interview, I have no idea, so likely a bad approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's always a good rule of thumb to avoid assuming people are jealous of you.

Yes, OP, get over yourself. You need to be around some working people. You will quickly learn that there are many scenarios for parents.

I mean we’re all jealous of the Sahm married to a guy who makes 1m and she has a housekeeper and nanny. Not so jealous of those whose husbands make 200k and they had to pull back on retirement funding college and travel.

Hmm that’s not how I look at it. I’m not jealous of the lifestyle of a rich SAHM. I’m jealous of the fact that SAHPs get to spend more time w their kids than I do. I WISH I could have that time w my kids not that i had a nanny, housekeeper, and could go to the gym during the work day.