Would it be weird to ask to be reimbursed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, DD13 and two of her friends, amongst themselves, planned a little outing/activity, but they needed someone to drive them. I agreed to pick them all up from school and take them, but I asked DD to let them know they needed money. It was $30 a person. She assured me she told them and they would have money. When we got there, neither of the girls had any money, so I ended up paying. Yes, it was only $30 a girl, but that came to $90 out of my pocket. I can’t think of a tactful way to ask the parents for the money. Should I just cut my losses or do you have any ideas?

I would have said oh too bad I guess you all will have to do something else that is free.

[Anonymous]

I always pay for all of the kids that I have with me. Even if they have money I insist, although some insist back that their parents told them they must pay and in that case I will let them. I love all of my kids’ friends and treat them as if they were my own when they are with me, and their parents do the same. As a single parent, being out that money is hard for me too, but many other families have been so kind and generous with my kids (taking them on vacations, treating them to movies, sports games, dinners), I can’t imagine asking for reimbursement from anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Hi, I took Sara to ice skating on Wed but she didn’t have the $30 for admission/rental so I loaned it to her. My Venmo is Xxx when you get a chance.”

I would fine-tune this a bit, to make it clear that you were just the Uber driver and not the host. (“I took Sara skating” could sound like you invited her as a guest.)

“Last Saturday, the girls decided they wanted to go ice skating. When I dropped them off, Sara realized she had forgotten her money so I loaned her $30 to cover her admission and rental. My Venmo is xxxxx when you get a chance.”

This. I think it’s important for OP’s role to be clear. She was just a carpool parent, not a host.

At that age, the carpool parent is the host. She and her daughter choose the activity and OP is driving. That is the host. You need to ask the parents, not the kids. At that age, mine didn't have money and it came from us.

No at that age the OP is just the driver. When your kids get to this age you will understand

I have older kids and when we take the kids friends we pay as it’s our invitation. Op is not just the driver. She should ask the parents for money prior to taking the kids to give the parents the option to say no. Stop being cheap when you take kids places or don’t take them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you guys asked me for $30 I would think you were incredibly weird and cheap.

It’s not even remotely weird. Why does someone else need to cover the cost of your kid?

OP invited the kids, usually you pay if you invite. We always pay when we invite, other family pays when they invite. We always offer money. They generally only accept on really expensive things which are rare.

OP did not specify invite or initiate the outing. It was concocted by DD and friends. 13 is old enough to know that you don’t mooch off people.

At that age if you are with an adult the adult always pays.

[Anonymous]

Maybe give your daughter 1 more try to ask her friends and then text the parents (I would not be offended if I got this request).

One other possibility, the girls pocketed the money their parents gave them…

I had a similar experience with my daughter—she offered to buy prizes for school project that she was going with girls she is friendly with —each of the girls was supposed to pay $5ish and the 3-4 others didn’t. I was annoyed that she immediately volunteered to be the shopper and that the others didn’t pay. I did use it as a chance to talk about an intentional “treating a friend” and people being flaky/taking advantage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Hi, I took Sara to ice skating on Wed but she didn’t have the $30 for admission/rental so I loaned it to her. My Venmo is Xxx when you get a chance.”

I would fine-tune this a bit, to make it clear that you were just the Uber driver and not the host. (“I took Sara skating” could sound like you invited her as a guest.)

“Last Saturday, the girls decided they wanted to go ice skating. When I dropped them off, Sara realized she had forgotten her money so I loaned her $30 to cover her admission and rental. My Venmo is xxxxx when you get a chance.”

This. I think it’s important for OP’s role to be clear. She was just a carpool parent, not a host.

At that age, the carpool parent is the host. She and her daughter choose the activity and OP is driving. That is the host. You need to ask the parents, not the kids. At that age, mine didn't have money and it came from us.

No at that age the OP is just the driver. When your kids get to this age you will understand

I have older kids and when we take the kids friends we pay as it’s our invitation. Op is not just the driver. She should ask the parents for money prior to taking the kids to give the parents the option to say no. Stop being cheap when you take kids places or don’t take them.

And this is why there are so many entitled brats in the world.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t think twice if you asked me for the money. I would be embarrassed that my kid forgot it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Hi, I took Sara to ice skating on Wed but she didn’t have the $30 for admission/rental so I loaned it to her. My Venmo is Xxx when you get a chance.”

I would fine-tune this a bit, to make it clear that you were just the Uber driver and not the host. (“I took Sara skating” could sound like you invited her as a guest.)

“Last Saturday, the girls decided they wanted to go ice skating. When I dropped them off, Sara realized she had forgotten her money so I loaned her $30 to cover her admission and rental. My Venmo is xxxxx when you get a chance.”

This. I think it’s important for OP’s role to be clear. She was just a carpool parent, not a host.

At that age, the carpool parent is the host. She and her daughter choose the activity and OP is driving. That is the host. You need to ask the parents, not the kids. At that age, mine didn't have money and it came from us.

No at that age the OP is just the driver. When your kids get to this age you will understand

I have older kids and when we take the kids friends we pay as it’s our invitation. Op is not just the driver. She should ask the parents for money prior to taking the kids to give the parents the option to say no. Stop being cheap when you take kids places or don’t take them.

Maybe try not buying friends for your kids. Eventually those friendships fall apart because they are based on what one family is willing to do for friends. Better offers will come along, and those “friends” move on. Encoursge your children to develop relationships not based on favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Next time ask them for the money in advance or take them back home if you don’t want to pay. Don’t go begging parents for $30.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Hi, I took Sara to ice skating on Wed but she didn’t have the $30 for admission/rental so I loaned it to her. My Venmo is Xxx when you get a chance.”

I would fine-tune this a bit, to make it clear that you were just the Uber driver and not the host. (“I took Sara skating” could sound like you invited her as a guest.)

“Last Saturday, the girls decided they wanted to go ice skating. When I dropped them off, Sara realized she had forgotten her money so I loaned her $30 to cover her admission and rental. My Venmo is xxxxx when you get a chance.”

This. I think it’s important for OP’s role to be clear. She was just a carpool parent, not a host.

At that age, the carpool parent is the host. She and her daughter choose the activity and OP is driving. That is the host. You need to ask the parents, not the kids. At that age, mine didn't have money and it came from us.

No at that age the OP is just the driver. When your kids get to this age you will understand

I have older kids and when we take the kids friends we pay as it’s our invitation. Op is not just the driver. She should ask the parents for money prior to taking the kids to give the parents the option to say no. Stop being cheap when you take kids places or don’t take them.

And this is why there are so many entitled brats in the world.

Not really the issue. The issue is just that people don't have manners or decorum anymore. My 14yo DS wanted to do a nice sit down dinner for his birthday. He picked the place, got a head count and coordinated a menu within his budget, paid for everything.

[Anonymous]

I’d get it from my kid, not the parents. I would not drive my kid and friends (even different friends) anywhere else until I got the money.

[Anonymous]

You paid for something that you weren't comfortable paying for without checking with the parents first that they would reimburse you. If you are very close with the parents, I think you can discuss reimbursement with them now. If you are not, I think you need to take this as a lesson and say no next time. It's not as if you failed to make clear to your child that you were not going to be funding this activity. It is ok for kids to feel some disappointment or have to reset plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t think twice if you asked me for the money. I would be embarrassed that my kid forgot it.

Same (if my kid was the guest). But in your shoes, I’d work with DD on this-this is something she has to learn.

[Anonymous]

It's easy enough when you drop them off to ask that they bring the $30 out to the car

[Anonymous]

This was a communication issue. Next time direct your kids words so there’s no misunderstanding. I’d dictate a text that my kid would send to their friends saying something along the lines of, hey, my mom can drive us - make sure you bring your $30 entrance fee. Then no one’s left wondering.