Would it be weird to ask to be reimbursed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, DD13 and two of her friends, amongst themselves, planned a little outing/activity, but they needed someone to drive them. I agreed to pick them all up from school and take them, but I asked DD to let them know they needed money. It was $30 a person. She assured me she told them and they would have money. When we got there, neither of the girls had any money, so I ended up paying. Yes, it was only $30 a girl, but that came to $90 out of my pocket. I can’t think of a tactful way to ask the parents for the money. Should I just cut my losses or do you have any ideas?

At 13 when there is a cost involved, you text the parents and let them know so they know to send the money with their kid

[Anonymous]

The fact that BOTH girls had no money leads me to believe your daughter neglected to tell them it wasn’t your family’s treat. Depending on the girl’s family background, I also suspect their parents weren’t aware of this activity. Even if you were under the impressions another parent was paying, you would definitely send money for snacks/souvenirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not ask your kid to have her friends pay her back rather than you asking?

This

[Anonymous]

TBH, I probably would have assumed from the outset that my son's friends could not cover the cost of a $30 per person outing. His school has a very high percentage of kids on free and reduced lunch, and I don't get the impression that his friends' parents have a lot of extra money. So I would either cover the cost of the activity, or say that they would have to find something else to do together instead. I would absolutely not ask for reimbursement, but my answer might be different if he were in a different environment.

[Anonymous]

This is why parents need to coordinate things like this, especially when a large cost is involved so there is no misunderstanding. You should have texted the parents when you picked up the kids before you took them for consent and money, not demand it afterwards as they probably thought you’d pay if you invited the kids.

[Anonymous]

I think you put this in the lesson learned unless financially you need the money in which case do contact the parents. Next time text with parents about money before the event to ensure they send along funds or if they cannot afford that their child skips the event. When driving kids to event check first they have money before taking them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, DD13 and two of her friends, amongst themselves, planned a little outing/activity, but they needed someone to drive them. I agreed to pick them all up from school and take them, but I asked DD to let them know they needed money. It was $30 a person. She assured me she told them and they would have money. When we got there, neither of the girls had any money, so I ended up paying. Yes, it was only $30 a girl, but that came to $90 out of my pocket. I can’t think of a tactful way to ask the parents for the money. Should I just cut my losses or do you have any ideas?

Are you a poster that claims a $400k income? It’s $60. Calm down and let it go.

[Anonymous]

I’d never ask the parents directly. Tell your daughter to ask her friends for the money, or just eat the cost.

[Anonymous]

I’d be fine getting a text asking for reimbursement. Even if a family could absorb the cost, I would want my kid to know they can’t expect others to pay for them, and if they hadn’t been told by their friend, that would be good information for them to know for the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you guys asked me for $30 I would think you were incredibly weird and cheap.

It’s not even remotely weird. Why does someone else need to cover the cost of your kid?

OP invited the kids, usually you pay if you invite. We always pay when we invite, other family pays when they invite. We always offer money. They generally only accept on really expensive things which are rare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Hi, I took Sara to ice skating on Wed but she didn’t have the $30 for admission/rental so I loaned it to her. My Venmo is Xxx when you get a chance.”

I would fine-tune this a bit, to make it clear that you were just the Uber driver and not the host. (“I took Sara skating” could sound like you invited her as a guest.)

“Last Saturday, the girls decided they wanted to go ice skating. When I dropped them off, Sara realized she had forgotten her money so I loaned her $30 to cover her admission and rental. My Venmo is xxxxx when you get a chance.”

This. I think it’s important for OP’s role to be clear. She was just a carpool parent, not a host.

At that age, the carpool parent is the host. She and her daughter choose the activity and OP is driving. That is the host. You need to ask the parents, not the kids. At that age, mine didn't have money and it came from us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just leave it. The parents likely assumed you were hosting/treating. Next time I’d communicate cost with the parents ahead of time

As a parent, I never assume someone is paying for my child. How presumptuous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you guys asked me for $30 I would think you were incredibly weird and cheap.

It’s not even remotely weird. Why does someone else need to cover the cost of your kid?

OP invited the kids, usually you pay if you invite. We always pay when we invite, other family pays when they invite. We always offer money. They generally only accept on really expensive things which are rare.

OP did not specify invite or initiate the outing. It was concocted by DD and friends. 13 is old enough to know that you don’t mooch off people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Hi, I took Sara to ice skating on Wed but she didn’t have the $30 for admission/rental so I loaned it to her. My Venmo is Xxx when you get a chance.”

I would fine-tune this a bit, to make it clear that you were just the Uber driver and not the host. (“I took Sara skating” could sound like you invited her as a guest.)

“Last Saturday, the girls decided they wanted to go ice skating. When I dropped them off, Sara realized she had forgotten her money so I loaned her $30 to cover her admission and rental. My Venmo is xxxxx when you get a chance.”

This. I think it’s important for OP’s role to be clear. She was just a carpool parent, not a host.

At that age, the carpool parent is the host. She and her daughter choose the activity and OP is driving. That is the host. You need to ask the parents, not the kids. At that age, mine didn't have money and it came from us.

Stop infantilizing teens. When does this nonsense end? If your teen has no access to money, whether from jobs, chores, birthdays, you are one heck of a controlling parent. And your kid is learning no life skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Hi, I took Sara to ice skating on Wed but she didn’t have the $30 for admission/rental so I loaned it to her. My Venmo is Xxx when you get a chance.”

I would fine-tune this a bit, to make it clear that you were just the Uber driver and not the host. (“I took Sara skating” could sound like you invited her as a guest.)

“Last Saturday, the girls decided they wanted to go ice skating. When I dropped them off, Sara realized she had forgotten her money so I loaned her $30 to cover her admission and rental. My Venmo is xxxxx when you get a chance.”

This. I think it’s important for OP’s role to be clear. She was just a carpool parent, not a host.

At that age, the carpool parent is the host. She and her daughter choose the activity and OP is driving. That is the host. You need to ask the parents, not the kids. At that age, mine didn't have money and it came from us.

No at that age the OP is just the driver. When your kids get to this age you will understand