Why would a man get married in 2023?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is generally a worse deal for women these days- especially if middle class and especially if there are kids. Women are expected to both work FT yet still do the majority of childcare and management of the home/family. Families who make more $$$ can afford to hire more assistance which helps this a lot. But usually not nearly enough to make things “equal”.

Marriage is also riskier for women because men are simply….riskier. Look at all the posts about DHs going totally off the rails- alcoholism, abuse, untreated mental illness, bad midlife crisis, or just doing absolutely zero with the kids/house for years on end etc. Women are far less likely to let things get that bad. They can go through some real sh!t yet usually find a way to keep themselves fairly together for the kids’ sake- at the very least.

Why then are there so many posts on here about women wanting men to settle down and get married? Is it that unmarried women somehow haven't gotten the message? Is it that women are unable to think rationally? It seems to me that there is no shortage of MC/UMC women who are desperate to get married. It is rarely a man who is desperate to lock down a woman in marriage, which is what you'd expect if it was such a great deal for men.

Because they have built up false expectations from society and have no idea what they’re really getting into. (And probably they want kids).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boy there are some bitter, miserable people on this board. Wow. Both men and women. Holy cow.

This!! What a depressing thread - does not reflect the real world. Most married couples I know are happy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely not a good deal for women. Men actually live longer when married. I was wishing for an early death for one of us, but then thankfully, got around to divorcing when the kids were grown.

😵😵😵😵 whoa. I couldn’t imagine being with someone wishing on my death. Spouse is lucky for that divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got married for the same reason as my parents and grandparents got married. They fell in love and wanted to make a life together. My parents have been married 45 years and my grandparents were married around 65 years.

🥰 totes adorbs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is generally a worse deal for women these days- especially if middle class and especially if there are kids. Women are expected to both work FT yet still do the majority of childcare and management of the home/family. Families who make more $$$ can afford to hire more assistance which helps this a lot. But usually not nearly enough to make things “equal”.

Marriage is also riskier for women because men are simply….riskier. Look at all the posts about DHs going totally off the rails- alcoholism, abuse, untreated mental illness, bad midlife crisis, or just doing absolutely zero with the kids/house for years on end etc. Women are far less likely to let things get that bad. They can go through some real sh!t yet usually find a way to keep themselves fairly together for the kids’ sake- at the very least.

Why then are there so many posts on here about women wanting men to settle down and get married? Is it that unmarried women somehow haven't gotten the message? Is it that women are unable to think rationally? It seems to me that there is no shortage of MC/UMC women who are desperate to get married. It is rarely a man who is desperate to lock down a woman in marriage, which is what you'd expect if it was such a great deal for men.

Because they have built up false expectations from society and have no idea what they’re really getting into. (And probably they want kids).

Why grown, educated and employed women are getting into things they have no idea about? This is 2023. Just say, NO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any woman who would be a net positive financial won't be interested, and women, more generally, only care about themselves and their kids. Cannot find a woman who would sacrifice anything meaningful for her husband. I see no reason why a man would get married these days.

Incel stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is generally a worse deal for women these days- especially if middle class and especially if there are kids. Women are expected to both work FT yet still do the majority of childcare and management of the home/family. Families who make more $$$ can afford to hire more assistance which helps this a lot. But usually not nearly enough to make things “equal”.

Marriage is also riskier for women because men are simply….riskier. Look at all the posts about DHs going totally off the rails- alcoholism, abuse, untreated mental illness, bad midlife crisis, or just doing absolutely zero with the kids/house for years on end etc. Women are far less likely to let things get that bad. They can go through some real sh!t yet usually find a way to keep themselves fairly together for the kids’ sake- at the very least.

Why then are there so many posts on here about women wanting men to settle down and get married? Is it that unmarried women somehow haven't gotten the message? Is it that women are unable to think rationally? It seems to me that there is no shortage of MC/UMC women who are desperate to get married. It is rarely a man who is desperate to lock down a woman in marriage, which is what you'd expect if it was such a great deal for men.

Religion and sex negative/shame upbringing. Familial pressures to be an honest woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boy there are some bitter, miserable people on this board. Wow. Both men and women. Holy cow.

This!! What a depressing thread - does not reflect the real world. Most married couples I know are happy!

How in the world do you know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol even my DH knows that he'd be screwed without me (though not literally). Marriage is such a good deal for men.

Ridiculous

PP is right. Men get married because they want access to sex without having to put in any effort. They also want someone to help with household things and to care for their kids. Men who are widowed often remarry right away because they can’t handle being alone.

+1 MIL calls this "a nurse or a purse"

Otherwise, she says women would be stupid to get married - but in her case, she worked very part time, and had her husband's pension and unusually generous benefits, and without that, she would have had nothing (probably meaning she would have had to remarry, in her case). In her case, if she were to have remarried, she would have lost most of her benefits, that were/are irreplaceable. She has an exceptional set up, that most women who have worked their whole life 9-5 plus do not have.

So sounds like MiL spouse died relatively early and she did well.
I know many widowed young grandmothers who really blossomed as individuals after grieving their spouses death. Usually they are so busy they have to plough through

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol even my DH knows that he'd be screwed without me (though not literally). Marriage is such a good deal for men.

Ridiculous

PP is right. Men get married because they want access to sex without having to put in any effort. They also want someone to help with household things and to care for their kids. Men who are widowed often remarry right away because they can’t handle being alone.

+1. My DH thinks he's getting an amazing deal and I don't even work!

+2 Same. I think it is the men who marry lazy wives that kick themselves for having having done so.

Lol

I checked out at home to match his level of effort. Oh well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is generally a worse deal for women these days- especially if middle class and especially if there are kids. Women are expected to both work FT yet still do the majority of childcare and management of the home/family. Families who make more $$$ can afford to hire more assistance which helps this a lot. But usually not nearly enough to make things “equal”.

Marriage is also riskier for women because men are simply….riskier. Look at all the posts about DHs going totally off the rails- alcoholism, abuse, untreated mental illness, bad midlife crisis, or just doing absolutely zero with the kids/house for years on end etc. Women are far less likely to let things get that bad. They can go through some real sh!t yet usually find a way to keep themselves fairly together for the kids’ sake- at the very least.

Yep.

Women are tough. Damn tough.

Tough today, and every century going back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a happily married man I will not encourage any man to be married. Just because I am happily married does not mean I am
Getting a * good deal* like women claim. They always bring up the same set of things that they do us. Here is the deal it’s just not true. Yes our mothers offered all those perks to our dads. Our wives are not. And I am glad they are not because we should be contributing equally to everything. But women today (and in a way I feel bad) are under immense pressure from society (or maybe feminists ) to seek their own happiness (which is good) and men as a result are under a microscope.

I did everything on that list every week except meals and those we ordered from a company. I also taught the kids and earned half the money. I don't understand what men want women to be these days. Women are doing most of the working in the US now and the childrearing. What exactly do men bring to the table comparatively if and I repeat if they aren't making more than the median income? The median income is about $150k around here I believe. What does a guy making say $100k bring to a marriage compared to a woman making the same?

This actually isn't true. Reputable studies show that in married couples, men do more work overall when taking into account work outside and inside the home. Look up the Pew studies on working. Women work more hours on average in the home, which is why it seems to women that they do more work--because they don't see the greater amount of work being done by men outside of the house. Of course, this is just averages, and I'm sure we'll get lots of anecdotal responses here from women who swear they do so much more than their husbands.

Post the study. Love to know the breakdown of office work, housework, kid work, personal time, sleep, sitting on a plane, eating.

I know what it’s in our two income hosuehold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women have a massive victim complex and don’t do 90% of the things they think they do.

My wife’s main household task is making lunch for 2 children and bedroom routine. Dishes, laundry, dinner/groceries, coordinating repairs/maintenance when needed, cleaning kitchen, and pretty much everything else falls to me.

But if you ask her, I do nothing. It’s pathological.

That’s weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol even my DH knows that he'd be screwed without me (though not literally). Marriage is such a good deal for men.

Sorry to tell you this but to men, women are interchangeable and replaceable. Ask any divorced or widowed man who remarried. Yes I’m sure your husband probably loves you very much and all that, but please don’t delude yourself to thinking he can’t live without you specifically, because he sure can.

Anyone can.

[Anonymous]

My wife complains about every task. Paid work, cleaning the house, cooking, etc. I work , take care of the dishes, do most of the cooking, most of the shopping and all of the home maintenance. However, my wife handles most of the cognitive load of scheduling, medical appointments, family and friend gatherings, etc. She deals with the more stressful part of family life that I tend to think men avoid. Part of it I suspect is control issues or not trusting me to fulfill those tasks, but in general I know she can do a much better job of handling those stressful activities than me.

Modern family life is stressful especially in a place like the DMV. If partners are not able to manage and assign those stresses accordingly, it can seem “unfair”.