I got yelled at for not buying enough gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some version of this to be sent by your husband:
Family, for Christmas, we have decided to purchase gifts for the kids plus one gift each to unmarrried adults (or insert whatever you want to do instead). We understand if this changes or eliminates the gifts we receive. We are happy to celebrate without receiving gifts. Looking forward to seeing you all.
Love, Larlo”

I wouldn’t say unmarried adults. I would say childless adults. Basically, if you have a kid, my gift to you is my gift to your kid. If you don’t have a kid, I get you a gift because otherwise you’re getting a gift for my kid and you don’t get anything in return. The husband also needs to add a sentence saying, “I am completely in charge of giftgiving for my side of the family so any suggestions or comments regarding giftgiving should be sent to me.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update on this- they broke up and he
requested all gift's back / threatening mil’s life. He also bought hot tubs, etc which I didn’t have any idea about and I’m happy I didn’t.

THIS is the message that bumped the thread.
so he wanted all his robot vacuums back? Did you give it back? Mine smells like dog hair so there you go.

Holy F.

[Anonymous]

They sound like selfish, greedy, narcissistic Baby Boomers. Stop playing their game. The have lost the reason for the season. It's about Jesus, not Roombas.

[Anonymous]

The American gift giving is mostly a product of mercantile opportunism. American retail is about 29 square feet per capita compared to Europe's 5 square feet per capita.
The New England Puritans viewed Christmas as immoral, pagan and excessive. Xmas here as we know it is an import to England from Germanic Prince Albert. It didn't originate as gift heavy but became so because the US economic engine is consumerism.

This should be a time for families to spend time together instead of gift grubbing. OP's family is gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The American gift giving is mostly a product of mercantile opportunism. American retail is about 29 square feet per capita compared to Europe's 5 square feet per capita.
The New England Puritans viewed Christmas as immoral, pagan and excessive. Xmas here as we know it is an import to England from Germanic Prince Albert. It didn't originate as gift heavy but became so because the US economic engine is consumerism.

This should be a time for families to spend time together instead of gift grubbing. OP's family is gross.

Wrong. Goes back to Roman times: The tradition of gift giving extended long before the founding of Christianity, with roots in the festivals of the ancient Romans — in particular the festival of Saturnalia, where thanks were given to the bounty provided by the agricultural god Saturn. The festivities took place from the 17th to the 23rd of December, and were celebrated with a sacrifice and a public banquet, followed by private gift-giving, continued partying, and a wild atmosphere where social standings were done away with. During this feast, slaves would be considered the equal of their masters and free speech was embraced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The American gift giving is mostly a product of mercantile opportunism. American retail is about 29 square feet per capita compared to Europe's 5 square feet per capita.
The New England Puritans viewed Christmas as immoral, pagan and excessive. Xmas here as we know it is an import to England from Germanic Prince Albert. It didn't originate as gift heavy but became so because the US economic engine is consumerism.

This should be a time for families to spend time together instead of gift grubbing. OP's family is gross.

Wrong. Goes back to Roman times: The tradition of gift giving extended long before the founding of Christianity, with roots in the festivals of the ancient Romans — in particular the festival of Saturnalia, where thanks were given to the bounty provided by the agricultural god Saturn. The festivities took place from the 17th to the 23rd of December, and were celebrated with a sacrifice and a public banquet, followed by private gift-giving, continued partying, and a wild atmosphere where social standings were done away with. During this feast, slaves would be considered the equal of their masters and free speech was embraced.

Of course gift giving is an old tradition. It is, however, uniquely American to equate this holiday as an exchange of goods.
Whatever happened to Krampus? Oh, the Krampus figure doesn't work well with the commercial aspects of the holiday here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some version of this to be sent by your husband:
Family, for Christmas, we have decided to purchase gifts for the kids plus one gift each to unmarrried adults (or insert whatever you want to do instead). We understand if this changes or eliminates the gifts we receive. We are happy to celebrate without receiving gifts. Looking forward to seeing you all.
Love, Larlo”

I wouldn’t say unmarried adults. I would say childless adults. Basically, if you have a kid, my gift to you is my gift to your kid. If you don’t have a kid, I get you a gift because otherwise you’re getting a gift for my kid and you don’t get anything in return. The husband also needs to add a sentence saying, “I am completely in charge of giftgiving for my side of the family so any suggestions or comments regarding giftgiving should be sent to me.”

That’s not a gift to an adult. If you don’t want to gifts don’t but stop making excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your spouse think?

He also agrees it’s too much but it’s how they celebrate for the holiday.

The main drivers for the over gifting won’t stop, it’s how they like to spend their money. I’ve talked to them directly about it, they’re older, don’t vacation besides to visit family, and no kids. So the extra income gets funneled into gifts.

Gross. Next year how about you all go volunteer at a soup kitchen and donate the money.

[Anonymous]

Does your husband know that you can just not participate? Stay home, go on a holiday, anything but taking part in the craziness.

He can tell his family you are both out and don't want to receive gifts. If he won't do that I would rather stay home alone.

[Anonymous]

I host Christmas and stopped this madness years ago. We were exchanging crap. I know it’s the thought that counts but I don’t need a bunch of crap piling up in my house.

We do Secret Santa with a $50-75 limit. My daughter is the only one under 18 so I don’t stop relatives from giving her gifts. I tried but they didn’t listen.

My MIL will still slip us thing we don’t need and my mother gives gift cards to my daughter and her other grown grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd stop enabling this madness. Go to the Bahamas for Xmas.

+1 I thought my family was on the giftier edge of the spectrum because in addition to presents for kids, we still buy a present for each of my siblings and their spouses, but OP's scenario is nuts. I also like the donation idea because it will give them something to open ("a gift has been made in your name to XX" in a card), and should make them feel like heels if they complain. Principled and petty!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The one and only time someone told me to my face that I hadn't bought enough gifts was the end of that relationship. No more consideration from me.

Your husband should announce in a group email that you two are not participating in any gift exchange, and that others are free to cross you both off their gift list.

Better still, skip the family materialism and go do your own thing.

This. I grew up around entitled selfish jerks who complained about whatever I gave them. It was part of being the scapegoat in the family. They could give me crap but I better pony up even though for years I made much less money. I married in to a family who were worse. The time I spent trying to find gifts people would like was astounding. I tolerated my inlaws being rude to my face about gift choices. I would never complain about the junk they gave me but finally it did me in. My rule is that I refuse to exchange gifts with anyone who complains about my gift to them. It is rude and entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would skip out on this Christmas celebration.

We don’t go every year, in-laws are divorced so we already have to split the holidays 3-ways. Which means also gifting for the other side of his family.

Even when we don’t attend we’re still mailed gifts, put on the list for SS…etc.

No you don't. You don't HAVE to do anything. Disembark the crazy train OP.

Exactly. Tell them you're stopping and stop. Dh and I did the same to both of our families. The amount of money wasted on things that people didn't want was sickening. People continued to send us gifts or try to rope is in to being at gift exchanges but we didn't budge. Just because someone sends you a gift, you aren't obligated to give them one back.