I got yelled at for not buying enough gifts.

[Anonymous]

I’d ask MIL how much she enjoys her marriage to a toddler.

[Anonymous]

You have permission to ignore the Roomba-giveaway Old Yeller.

[Anonymous]

Here’s what you do:

Make a donation in each person’s name. They will mail you a card and that is your gift to each and every in-law from now until eternity. World wildlife fund, UNICEF, Doctors Without Borders, pick something—anything and refuse to play along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have permission to ignore the Roomba-giveaway Old Yeller.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I said “H buys for his family, I buy for mine”

Same for thank you notes.

Exactly.

Or: "We are opting out of the gift giving this year. Do not feel obligated to give us gifts as we are not buying any other adults gifts".

My DH was much more on board with paring way down on gift giving once I told him I was not shopping for his family anymore. I stopped caring what we give them, he can spend what he wants (within reason of course) but that I am not managing, wrapping, or contributing mentally to ANY of that. I am a grown up and I can buy what I want, so can they. Why are we all swapping multiple gifts?

Just curious if you actually have used this response before with success. I have tried limiting gifts (to 1) and got treated like a GD lunatic. MIL wrote DH letters, asking "What's wrong with your wife? No one else in the family has a problem with my gift giving. The only other person who ever said anything was Crazy Uncle Al." Uncle Al is the one they like to mock and make fun of every holiday about how pathetic and crazy he is, but they also are the closest with and are weirdly obsessed with him. And then that holiday, we got some weird large check for $1000 that was written out to every member of our immediately EXCEPT me. They got the usual 30 gifts per each grandkid, and 10 gifts for DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I said “H buys for his family, I buy for mine”

Same for thank you notes.

Exactly.

Or: "We are opting out of the gift giving this year. Do not feel obligated to give us gifts as we are not buying any other adults gifts".

My DH was much more on board with paring way down on gift giving once I told him I was not shopping for his family anymore. I stopped caring what we give them, he can spend what he wants (within reason of course) but that I am not managing, wrapping, or contributing mentally to ANY of that. I am a grown up and I can buy what I want, so can they. Why are we all swapping multiple gifts?

Just curious if you actually have used this response before with success. I have tried limiting gifts (to 1) and got treated like a GD lunatic. MIL wrote DH letters, asking "What's wrong with your wife? No one else in the family has a problem with my gift giving. The only other person who ever said anything was Crazy Uncle Al." Uncle Al is the one they like to mock and make fun of every holiday about how pathetic and crazy he is, but they also are the closest with and are weirdly obsessed with him. And then that holiday, we got some weird large check for $1000 that was written out to every member of our immediately EXCEPT me. They got the usual 30 gifts per each grandkid, and 10 gifts for DH.

DP. My thought would be this reaction from MIL is totally par for the course, right? Part of this approach is knowing this kind of blowup is a very good possibility and still moving forward with it. Otherwise, the alternative is more of the same each year, repeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s what you do:

Make a donation in each person’s name. They will mail you a card and that is your gift to each and every in-law from now until eternity. World wildlife fund, UNICEF, Doctors Without Borders, pick something—anything and refuse to play along.

I hate this suggestion but it's personal. My sister did this one year . . and then nagged my kids who were children at the time why she hadn't received a thank you note. It's not tangible to young children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I said “H buys for his family, I buy for mine”

Same for thank you notes.

Exactly.

Or: "We are opting out of the gift giving this year. Do not feel obligated to give us gifts as we are not buying any other adults gifts".

My DH was much more on board with paring way down on gift giving once I told him I was not shopping for his family anymore. I stopped caring what we give them, he can spend what he wants (within reason of course) but that I am not managing, wrapping, or contributing mentally to ANY of that. I am a grown up and I can buy what I want, so can they. Why are we all swapping multiple gifts?

Just curious if you actually have used this response before with success. I have tried limiting gifts (to 1) and got treated like a GD lunatic. MIL wrote DH letters, asking "What's wrong with your wife? No one else in the family has a problem with my gift giving. The only other person who ever said anything was Crazy Uncle Al." Uncle Al is the one they like to mock and make fun of every holiday about how pathetic and crazy he is, but they also are the closest with and are weirdly obsessed with him. And then that holiday, we got some weird large check for $1000 that was written out to every member of our immediately EXCEPT me. They got the usual 30 gifts per each grandkid, and 10 gifts for DH.

You're the DIL. YOu and your husband receive the same check. Similarly, when my FIL died, I personally received nothing but DH received a generous inheritance. Stop whining!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s what you do:

Make a donation in each person’s name. They will mail you a card and that is your gift to each and every in-law from now until eternity. World wildlife fund, UNICEF, Doctors Without Borders, pick something—anything and refuse to play along.

I hate this suggestion but it's personal. My sister did this one year . . and then nagged my kids who were children at the time why she hadn't received a thank you note. It's not tangible to young children.

First of all, you don't give a gift (even a donation) with an expectation of anything in return, including a thank you note, so your sister is the @$$ hole here.

Also, no I would not do a donation for young children. But roomba grandpa, I'm making a donation in his name to planned parenthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s what you do:

Make a donation in each person’s name. They will mail you a card and that is your gift to each and every in-law from now until eternity. World wildlife fund, UNICEF, Doctors Without Borders, pick something—anything and refuse to play along.

I mean, Miss Manners would probably disapprove, but I think this idea is great.

[Anonymous]

Set a budget, and tell your husband that if he wants to continue with this tradition, then the gift buying and wrapping is on him.

There’s no way I would take this on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I said “H buys for his family, I buy for mine”

Same for thank you notes.

Exactly.

Or: "We are opting out of the gift giving this year. Do not feel obligated to give us gifts as we are not buying any other adults gifts".

My DH was much more on board with paring way down on gift giving once I told him I was not shopping for his family anymore. I stopped caring what we give them, he can spend what he wants (within reason of course) but that I am not managing, wrapping, or contributing mentally to ANY of that. I am a grown up and I can buy what I want, so can they. Why are we all swapping multiple gifts?

Just curious if you actually have used this response before with success. I have tried limiting gifts (to 1) and got treated like a GD lunatic. MIL wrote DH letters, asking "What's wrong with your wife? No one else in the family has a problem with my gift giving. The only other person who ever said anything was Crazy Uncle Al." Uncle Al is the one they like to mock and make fun of every holiday about how pathetic and crazy he is, but they also are the closest with and are weirdly obsessed with him. And then that holiday, we got some weird large check for $1000 that was written out to every member of our immediately EXCEPT me. They got the usual 30 gifts per each grandkid, and 10 gifts for DH.

You're the DIL. YOu and your husband receive the same check. Similarly, when my FIL died, I personally received nothing but DH received a generous inheritance. Stop whining!

I didn't WANT the money. I just found her behavior purposefully vindictive, because every prior year, she gave one smaller check for $200 addressed to both my husband and me.

[Anonymous]

Good lord.

[Anonymous]

This is nuts. If your DH wants to continue to participate in this madness, he should take over the responsibility. Any questions or complaints get redirected to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Set a budget, and tell your husband that if he wants to continue with this tradition, then the gift buying and wrapping is on him.

There’s no way I would take this on.

What’s a reasonable budget for 18 people?

+ kids if any