I got yelled at for not buying enough gifts.

[Anonymous]

The in-laws still gift gifts for every member of the family. This includes non-married partners which amounts to 20 people showing up expecting gifts.
Not just a single gift per-person but some family members get at least 10 pieces per person. They always say they're going to only do Secret Santa for the adults but it just amounts to me showing up with just my secret Santa gift(s) (and gifts for kids.) All day is spent watching everyone open up their gifts one by one, so I'd say it's pretty important to them.

Well last year my mother in-laws boyfriend (of 1 year) got upset that he only got 1 gift from me last year. He ended up gifting every couple a robot vacuum ($350+?) It makes me super hesitant about gifting this year, any advice?

*My 1 gift was not as expensive as the robot vacuum, and was his secret Santa gift. He only put 2 gifts on his Christmas list! Aside from the secret Santa we also did a stocking exchange which is more gifts.*

[Anonymous]

What does your spouse think?

[Anonymous]

I would skip out on this Christmas celebration.

[Anonymous]

Your family is unusual. Just buy a lot of gifts and donate them to a local charity. Let everyone know. If they complain, then find new relatives as you can't do much worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The in-laws still gift gifts for every member of the family. This includes non-married partners which amounts to 20 people showing up expecting gifts.
Not just a single gift per-person but some family members get at least 10 pieces per person. They always say they're going to only do Secret Santa for the adults but it just amounts to me showing up with just my secret Santa gift(s) (and gifts for kids.) All day is spent watching everyone open up their gifts one by one, so I'd say it's pretty important to them.

Well last year my mother in-laws boyfriend (of 1 year) got upset that he only got 1 gift from me last year. He ended up gifting every couple a robot vacuum ($350+?) It makes me super hesitant about gifting this year, any advice?

*My 1 gift was not as expensive as the robot vacuum, and was his secret Santa gift. He only put 2 gifts on his Christmas list! Aside from the secret Santa we also did a stocking exchange which is more gifts.*

Ahh...the true spirit of Christmas. Jesus would be proud.

[Anonymous]

I'd stop enabling this madness. Go to the Bahamas for Xmas.

[Anonymous]

10 gifts for adults? From EACH other adult?? That is ridiculous and I wouldn't be there this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd stop enabling this madness. Go to the Bahamas for Xmas.

heck that'd probably be cheaper@!!

[Anonymous]

That sounds crazy! Either skip this gathering or put your spouse in charge of gift buying from your family (within an agreed-upon budget). If there are complaints from your in-laws, direct them to your spouse.

My family is nowhere near that level of gift exchange, but my 12 YO found the extended family gift exchange to be too overwhelming, so we are skipping it and just doing Christmas gifts with the immediate family this year.

[Anonymous]

I said “H buys for his family, I buy for mine”

Same for thank you notes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does your spouse think?

He also agrees it’s too much but it’s how they celebrate for the holiday.

The main drivers for the over gifting won’t stop, it’s how they like to spend their money. I’ve talked to them directly about it, they’re older, don’t vacation besides to visit family, and no kids. So the extra income gets funneled into gifts.

[Anonymous]

The one and only time someone told me to my face that I hadn't bought enough gifts was the end of that relationship. No more consideration from me.

Your husband should announce in a group email that you two are not participating in any gift exchange, and that others are free to cross you both off their gift list.

Better still, skip the family materialism and go do your own thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would skip out on this Christmas celebration.

We don’t go every year, in-laws are divorced so we already have to split the holidays 3-ways. Which means also gifting for the other side of his family.

Even when we don’t attend we’re still mailed gifts, put on the list for SS…etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your spouse think?

He also agrees it’s too much but it’s how they celebrate for the holiday.

The main drivers for the over gifting won’t stop, it’s how they like to spend their money. I’ve talked to them directly about it, they’re older, don’t vacation besides to visit family, and no kids. So the extra income gets funneled into gifts.

Giving multiple gifts is fine. Complaining about reciprocation is not. It's extremely rude to force someone to give you a gift comparable in value to the gift you have unilaterally chosen to give to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The one and only time someone told me to my face that I hadn't bought enough gifts was the end of that relationship. No more consideration from me.

Your husband should announce in a group email that you two are not participating in any gift exchange, and that others are free to cross you both off their gift list.

Better still, skip the family materialism and go do your own thing.

+1

Why on earth are adults still exchanging gifts at the family gift exchange??

For kids, adults should each pull one name. Done and done.