If you paid for a big wedding for your daughter, would you help with son's wedding too?

[Anonymous]

We paid for daughters expensive wedding and a large part of one of our sons. He paid for the rest. It’s what you do for your kids.

[Anonymous]

I hope we’re in a position to pay for our children’s weddings. Both boys fwiw. As I’ve gotten older I appreciate the importance of family gatherings more and more and am happy to pay to celebrate the start of a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We paid for daughters expensive wedding and a large part of one of our sons. He paid for the rest. It’s what you do for your kids.

That wouldn't satisfy OP. It's not equal. Why didn't you provide exactly equally for both?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We paid for daughters expensive wedding and a large part of one of our sons. He paid for the rest. It’s what you do for your kids.

That wouldn't satisfy OP. It's not equal. Why didn't you provide exactly equally for both?

Because the old etiquette rules said that bride's parents pay for the wedding. In-laws sometimes pay for the rehearsal dinner. That's how my wedding was. Etiquette rules existed just to make things easier and understood. But today everyone wants to fight about it for 10 pages. I prefer just following the old rules and if the in-laws give some money to the bride's family then great.

And OP never said she wanted 100% from the in-laws

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you paid for a big wedding for your daughter, and your son is marrying someone whose family cannot afford a wedding, would you help them with their wedding financially? Or just say no, let them either have no wedding or put it on their credit card?

Its 2023

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We paid for daughters expensive wedding and a large part of one of our sons. He paid for the rest. It’s what you do for your kids.

No. Its not what anyone needs to do. Expensive wedding isn't a need or a guarantee for marital happiness. Its a shallow want to feel superior and to impress others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A distant nephew recently got married, he and his fiancée just finished undergrad, he'll be attending med school and she'll be joining a pharmaceutical company. His and her parents offered to split the cost to cover the wedding them. It was nice. Hopefully, once they've good income, they'll reimburse both sides of parents in some shape or form.

Really? I wouldn’t expect my kids to reimburse me for this.

Gratitude or reciprocation if you need money for health?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you paid for a big wedding for your daughter, and your son is marrying someone whose family cannot afford a wedding, would you help them with their wedding financially? Or just say no, let them either have no wedding or put it on their credit card?

Are you a time traveler from the past? Did you pay for your son to go to college but not your daughter?

You should contribute equal amounts to all of your children for their weddings and/or towards the honeymoon, down payment etc, regardless of what the other parents choose to contribute or can afford.

LOL, OP here, and I am actually the daughter in law. The "son" and I have been married for years now, we didn't have a wedding because his parents wouldn't pay for anything and at the time we were both poor. Prior to my marriage, they paid everything for their daughter to have a big nice wedding, Don't know why but this has been on my mind recently, I am curious what others think.

My husband actually paid for weddings for his sisters. He paid for part of ours (part traditionally paid by groom's parents) while my dad covered rest of the wedding so paid for like 80%. I was a new grad with first months on an intern's stipend with no savings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you paid for a big wedding for your daughter, and your son is marrying someone whose family cannot afford a wedding, would you help them with their wedding financially? Or just say no, let them either have no wedding or put it on their credit card?

Kids are still in HS/MS, but we have dedicated $50k for each of their weddings, 2 girls and a boy. We have a big extended family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you paid for a big wedding for your daughter, and your son is marrying someone whose family cannot afford a wedding, would you help them with their wedding financially? Or just say no, let them either have no wedding or put it on their credit card?

Are you a time traveler from the past? Did you pay for your son to go to college but not your daughter?

You should contribute equal amounts to all of your children for their weddings and/or towards the honeymoon, down payment etc, regardless of what the other parents choose to contribute or can afford.

LOL, OP here, and I am actually the daughter in law. The "son" and I have been married for years now, we didn't have a wedding because his parents wouldn't pay for anything and at the time we were both poor. Prior to my marriage, they paid everything for their daughter to have a big nice wedding, Don't know why but this has been on my mind recently, I am curious what others think.

My ILs also did this. Some parents take a traditional view that they are only responsible for the rehearsal dinner for their sons and the wedding of their daughters. If their son’s fiancee’s parents can’t afford to pay, they are unhappy to be asked to contribute and to have their son marry into a poor or dysfunctional family that did not put aside funds for this expected expense.

How exactly is are poor parents supposed to pay for a wedding? Are they supposed to put themselves in debt and pay with credit cards?


People who push this as a tradition that should still have relevance seem to forget that weddings used to consist of cake and punch in a church basement, in a time when women didn’t have the ability to support themselves like they do today and got married very young. The fact that we still expect the parents of the bride to pay regardless of financial ability in a time where everyone seems to think they are entitled to a wedding fit for royalty is ridiculous(not to mention is this as proof they are “dysfunctional”😒).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you paid for a big wedding for your daughter, and your son is marrying someone whose family cannot afford a wedding, would you help them with their wedding financially? Or just say no, let them either have no wedding or put it on their credit card?

Are you a time traveler from the past? Did you pay for your son to go to college but not your daughter?

You should contribute equal amounts to all of your children for their weddings and/or towards the honeymoon, down payment etc, regardless of what the other parents choose to contribute or can afford.

LOL, OP here, and I am actually the daughter in law. The "son" and I have been married for years now, we didn't have a wedding because his parents wouldn't pay for anything and at the time we were both poor. Prior to my marriage, they paid everything for their daughter to have a big nice wedding, Don't know why but this has been on my mind recently, I am curious what others think.

My ILs also did this. Some parents take a traditional view that they are only responsible for the rehearsal dinner for their sons and the wedding of their daughters. If their son’s fiancee’s parents can’t afford to pay, they are unhappy to be asked to contribute and to have their son marry into a poor or dysfunctional family that did not put aside funds for this expected expense.

How exactly is are poor parents supposed to pay for a wedding? Are they supposed to put themselves in debt and pay with credit cards?


People who push this as a tradition that should still have relevance seem to forget that weddings used to consist of cake and punch in a church basement, in a time when women didn’t have the ability to support themselves like they do today and got married very young. The fact that we still expect the parents of the bride to pay regardless of financial ability in a time where everyone seems to think they are entitled to a wedding fit for royalty is ridiculous(not to mention is this as proof they are “dysfunctional”😒).

Someone has to pay. If the couple wants a fairy tale wedding, and can’t afford it, they either need to go into debt or plan a simple affair. They won’t be any less married. The in-laws aren’t obligated to foot the bill for an outrageous party.

[Anonymous]

Both of our daughters had pretty grand weddings. Our son’s ILs paid for a grand wedding but we also gave him a large cash gift which was a big surprise to him and his wife. We do our very best to make sure each child gets the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on if you want any kind of relationship with your son and his future children. It would be really hard to say that we paid for your sister and you get nothing and then expect him to be fine with that.

10000. What if you only paid for your son to go to college? Would your daughter be ok with that? Gender based anything is stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you paid for a big wedding for your daughter, and your son is marrying someone whose family cannot afford a wedding, would you help them with their wedding financially? Or just say no, let them either have no wedding or put it on their credit card?

Are you a time traveler from the past? Did you pay for your son to go to college but not your daughter?

You should contribute equal amounts to all of your children for their weddings and/or towards the honeymoon, down payment etc, regardless of what the other parents choose to contribute or can afford.

LOL, OP here, and I am actually the daughter in law. The "son" and I have been married for years now, we didn't have a wedding because his parents wouldn't pay for anything and at the time we were both poor. Prior to my marriage, they paid everything for their daughter to have a big nice wedding, Don't know why but this has been on my mind recently, I am curious what others think.

My ILs also did this. Some parents take a traditional view that they are only responsible for the rehearsal dinner for their sons and the wedding of their daughters. If their son’s fiancee’s parents can’t afford to pay, they are unhappy to be asked to contribute and to have their son marry into a poor or dysfunctional family that did not put aside funds for this expected expense.

How exactly is are poor parents supposed to pay for a wedding? Are they supposed to put themselves in debt and pay with credit cards?


People who push this as a tradition that should still have relevance seem to forget that weddings used to consist of cake and punch in a church basement, in a time when women didn’t have the ability to support themselves like they do today and got married very young. The fact that we still expect the parents of the bride to pay regardless of financial ability in a time where everyone seems to think they are entitled to a wedding fit for royalty is ridiculous(not to mention is this as proof they are “dysfunctional”😒).

Someone has to pay. If the couple wants a fairy tale wedding, and can’t afford it, they either need to go into debt or plan a simple affair. They won’t be any less married. The in-laws aren’t obligated to foot the bill for an outrageous party.

So why didn’t they tell that to their daughter? This reasoning only works if it’s applied to all children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We paid for daughters expensive wedding and a large part of one of our sons. He paid for the rest. It’s what you do for your kids.

That wouldn't satisfy OP. It's not equal. Why didn't you provide exactly equally for both?

Because the old etiquette rules said that bride's parents pay for the wedding. In-laws sometimes pay for the rehearsal dinner. That's how my wedding was. Etiquette rules existed just to make things easier and understood. But today everyone wants to fight about it for 10 pages. I prefer just following the old rules and if the in-laws give some money to the bride's family then great.

And OP never said she wanted 100% from the in-laws

But the rules were predicated on women not being able to earn an income or being full members of society. Do you want to give up the vote too? Oh no. You just want to follow gender based “etiquette” that serves you because it’s easier for you.