Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry. When did "Where are you applying to college?" become an ultra-personal question? For decades it has been a means for adults to show interest in what is happening with a junior/senior. It is not a state secret. If your concern is that your child would be embarrassed if they don't get in to the schools they list, good news: your child will probably never see the prospective parents again. Also, that question is a way for prospective parents to get an understanding of where current students at the prospective school will be going to college (not years past data).

I guarantee no offense was intended by the question. More importantly, no offense should be taken.

I'm sorry, but now you know it's rude and obnoxious so stop doing it.

It's not. It's the adult equivalent of "What do you do?"

Please. The question itself is not rude. If a child makes it clear that they don't want to share and adults keep pushing the issue, that is what's rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC conducts tours for prospective students. On almost every tour, DC is asked where he is applying to college. He is happy to talk about the college guidance office and the process in general, but asking someone where they're applying is not okay. It's personal and absolutely none of your business. Please stop. There are far better and more relevant questions to ask.

I see your kid is well equipped to deal with life. Oh, wait.....

Honestly.. get a life kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I had no idea this would be such a controversial topic. To be clear, my son does have an answer to college (and gpa) questions which is breezy and vague. The frustration is that most of the parents who ask this question aren't satisfied with the lack of specificity and keep pushing.

OP I agree with your complaint. Many DMV parents are rude and can't read the room. Also it's increasingly common for kids to give out *no* college info until they've made a final decision in the spring, but many rising 9th grade parents don't know this yet. Your son needs to learn how to follow up his breezy and vague answers with a conversational pivot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry. When did "Where are you applying to college?" become an ultra-personal question? For decades it has been a means for adults to show interest in what is happening with a junior/senior. It is not a state secret. If your concern is that your child would be embarrassed if they don't get in to the schools they list, good news: your child will probably never see the prospective parents again. Also, that question is a way for prospective parents to get an understanding of where current students at the prospective school will be going to college (not years past data).

I guarantee no offense was intended by the question. More importantly, no offense should be taken.

I'm sorry, but now you know it's rude and obnoxious so stop doing it.

It's not. It's the adult equivalent of "What do you do?"

Please. The question itself is not rude. If a child makes it clear that they don't want to share and adults keep pushing the issue, that is what's rude.

No it's not. It's only applicable when it's decided. Then you can ask: "where are you going?" or if it's current "where do you go?" Do you tell everyone when you apply for a new job that may or may not pan out? Most people only divulge when they've accepted an offer and given their resignation.

[Anonymous]

Points to OP for good humor but really can’t believe the parents who think they are doing the kids a favor by giving them a chance to practice dealing with rude people

[Anonymous]

I would likely coach my kid to give a ridiculous over the top answer like, "Oh, well...I was accepted to Harvard, Yale, and Stanford as a Junior. I didn't even apply so I'm not really sure how it happened. Must be that I go to this amazing school. This will surely happen for your child too if they go here."

It would be more appropriate to ask the child how they feel about the support they receive from the college counseling office. Or to give examples of ways the school might help a student determine where to apply, etc.

[Anonymous]

Your DC could have a little fun with the pushy parents. "Oh, if you must know, the usual - Harvard, Princeton, Columbia, DeVry and the Maryland Bartending Academy."

[Anonymous]

I think this scenario says more about the large number of parents fixated on asking about college admissions than the student/tour guide. The obsession parents have with college admissions is not healthy and this is indicative of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DC could have a little fun with the pushy parents. "Oh, if you must know, the usual - Harvard, Princeton, Columbia, DeVry and the Maryland Bartending Academy."

This is hilarious. If I were on a tour and a student presented this response, it would for sure be the highlight of the tour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am a boomer, because it never occurred to me that this is an inappropriate question. without being sarcastic or snotty, can someone explain what is wrong with asking this?

The college application process is much less straightforward than when any boomer applied. With the introduction of binding early decision, it can be complicated and fairly personal, as a kid may be putting all their eggs in one ED basket. It is not the same process as applying to 5 or so schools regular decision and seeing where the chips fall. The admit rates are much less predictive bc the sample size can be so small, so that feels different too: it feels easier to say, I am applying to a school where I have a 50% chance of being admitted than one where the admit rate is 7%. College is more expensive than a generation ago, so it can feel like talking about personal finance as well (how a family comes up with $83k a year, which is what we are paying for our college student this year, is different than how you will pay for $14k, which is what it cost in 1989, even accounting for inflation).

College counselors often advise kids they don't have to share lists, so it is not unusual for a kid to default to keeping his list private.

Personally, I wouldn't ask it of a high school kid who I just met. I don't even ask it of my kids' friends unless they offer and want to discuss. When my kid was asked, he replied with generalities: "I am interested in going into the healthcare field, so I am looking at biology programs around the country." If he was pressed, he would say he hadn't finalized his list.

A more helpful question for everyone might be "how is the school's college counseling office? what is the process for seniors as they apply to schools?"

[Anonymous]

I encourage folks asking this question to give Basis a good look. Seems like it might be a good fit for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DC could have a little fun with the pushy parents. "Oh, if you must know, the usual - Harvard, Princeton, Columbia, DeVry and the Maryland Bartending Academy."

funny how the most elite people are such snowflakes and take offense (or feign offense) to everything, yet they have no problem making jokes about bartenders, community colleges, and others who they consider beneath them.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes people just say it to make conversation. I personally don’t feel comfortable asking it outright but I’ll mention to the tour guide that we have a HS junior in boarding school and we know it’s a challenging time. I’ll ask them how it’s been going and if they have a favorite school. That allows them to take the discussion where they want it to go without needing to share their list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC conducts tours for prospective students. On almost every tour, DC is asked where he is applying to college. He is happy to talk about the college guidance office and the process in general, but asking someone where they're applying is not okay. It's personal and absolutely none of your business. Please stop. There are far better and more relevant questions to ask.

What a waste of tuition money on failing to raise a young adult to aptly handle small talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC conducts tours for prospective students. On almost every tour, DC is asked where he is applying to college. He is happy to talk about the college guidance office and the process in general, but asking someone where they're applying is not okay. It's personal and absolutely none of your business. Please stop. There are far better and more relevant questions to ask.

What a waste of tuition money on failing to raise a young adult to aptly handle small talk.

If the rude parents asking the questions made it as far as they have, the young adult will surely be ok whether they choose to answer or not. Small talk skills aren't what they used to be.