People who lie about where they're from

[Anonymous]

From a small town in MS and proudly say it when asked. People don't believe me because I don't have an accent. I was born in NYC though and didn't move to MS until I was in 3rd grade so maybe that's why I only have a tiny bit of a Southern accent if at all. I feel my formative years were in MS and I definitely identify as a Southerner despite being born in NY.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Why do people lie about the city they grew up in? I live in a major city with a very high transplant percentage and it's amazing to me how many people will beat around the bush to say they're from "here" when the truth is they grew up in Duluth, Minnesota or Astoria, Oregon or whatever. Is it because they want to seem more cosmopolitan? What is the pathology at play?

OP, I was born in Boston and moved almost immediately to Colorado until I was in middle school, followed by 10 years in Wisconsin, and then 15 years in DC. I now live in CA. Where do you think I should tell people I'm from, realistically? I tell people in CA that I moved there from DC, which is true. Arguably, I'm a lot more from DC than I am from Boston or CO. I have no affinity with or allegiance to the state of Wisconsin at all. Why should I claim those places because I was a child there?

If this is a serious question, then the answer is quite obvious. "I grew up in (city name) Colorado and (city name) Wisconsin" since that's where you spent your formative years. Going to college in DC and then spending some early working years there is largely irrelevant since you spent your time there after you had reached adulthood and were "fully formed", so to speak. Whenever asks "where are you from" theyre asking where you grew up- it's really not even a complicated answer, in your case.

Where am I from, OP? What response could I give (that won't bore people to tears) that "truthfully" answers your question?

My parents were living in Beirut but temporarily relocated to Paris for a few months when I was born for access to better medical care, but returned to Beirut where we lived until I was four. I did K-Grade 2 in Harare, Grades 3-5 in Hanoi, Grade 6 in DC, Grades 7-9 in Bogota, and Grades 10-12 in Tunis.

I spent my "formative years" in multiple countries across four continents. I went to French schools in Harare and Hanoi, public school in DC, a Swiss school in Bogota (where I learned German and Spanish) and an American school in Tunis. FWIW I have a US and EU passport (French and American parents).

What would be so bad about saying something like "I grew up all over- predominantly Hanoi, Bogota, and Tunis"? And if they want more details they can ask? Even so, it seems strange to act like this is the reality for most people, when you seem to be well aware this is an outlier. But even in an extreme case like yours, naming the three places you lived the longest wouldn't take more than 5 seconds. Why are you acting like this a crazy situation that you're truly incapable of handling?

K through second grade was pretty formative for me. So I wouldn’t leave out Harare. And I learned Arabic in Beirut, a language I now use in my professional life, so I think I would have to include Beirut as part of my “formative” experience. I did live there for 4 years, longer than the other places.

I suspect OP’s question is geared towards people like my neighbor, who tells people she’s from one area, because it matches the vibe she wants to portray, but in other conversations mentioned things that indicate she definitely grew up elsewhere (like a completely different state), and is way more pedestrian than she wants to appear. Why she’s doing this at forty makes no sense to me, because she’s interesting enough without having to lie about it. But she’s very strategic and social climby anyway, so maybe that’s the answer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP will hate me.

I was a military brat and we moved to a new base every three years. The bases were mostly in Central Europe, so that was fun, but the actual housing was nothing fancy *at all* as any military family can attest. My family was, and still is, solidly upper lower middle class.

When people ask me where I'm from, I just say "I grew up in Europe," which is 100% true, and seem much more glamorous than I actually am.

I hate to break it to you but everyone will be able to tell you're a military brat and that's why you "grew up in Europe". The vibe between a military brat type person vs someone who grew up at a German boarding school because theyre parents are wealthy is extremely different. No one is going to buy you went to Institute le Rosey, my friend. Everyone knows that military brats exist and they give off the same blue collar vibes as if theyd grown up in Alabama. That's like saying "I'm from Maryland" and just assuming people will think you're from Chevy Chase when you grew up in Hagerstown. People aren't fools and they can tell the vibe

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From a small town in MS and proudly say it when asked. People don't believe me because I don't have an accent. I was born in NYC though and didn't move to MS until I was in 3rd grade so maybe that's why I only have a tiny bit of a Southern accent if at all. I feel my formative years were in MS and I definitely identify as a Southerner despite being born in NY.

Good for you. Now this is someone I would actually trust and assume is a forthright, well adjusted, non weirdo. If only more people were honest instead of trying to convey some fake persona the world would be a much better place

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP will hate me.

I was a military brat and we moved to a new base every three years. The bases were mostly in Central Europe, so that was fun, but the actual housing was nothing fancy *at all* as any military family can attest. My family was, and still is, solidly upper lower middle class.

When people ask me where I'm from, I just say "I grew up in Europe," which is 100% true, and seem much more glamorous than I actually am.

I hate to break it to you but everyone will be able to tell you're a military brat and that's why you "grew up in Europe". The vibe between a military brat type person vs someone who grew up at a German boarding school because theyre parents are wealthy is extremely different. No one is going to buy you went to Institute le Rosey, my friend. Everyone knows that military brats exist and they give off the same blue collar vibes as if theyd grown up in Alabama. That's like saying "I'm from Maryland" and just assuming people will think you're from Chevy Chase when you grew up in Hagerstown. People aren't fools and they can tell the vibe

OK

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From a small town in MS and proudly say it when asked. People don't believe me because I don't have an accent. I was born in NYC though and didn't move to MS until I was in 3rd grade so maybe that's why I only have a tiny bit of a Southern accent if at all. I feel my formative years were in MS and I definitely identify as a Southerner despite being born in NY.

Good for you. Now this is someone I would actually trust and assume is a forthright, well adjusted, non weirdo. If only more people were honest instead of trying to convey some fake persona the world would be a much better place

+1

DP here. Have to agree. So many obvious poseurs in this area.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I was born in one place, grew up in another state, moved to a third for college, a fourth for law school, and now live in DC. All of those cities/states were in different regions of the country. When I am asked "where are you from" it is 100% true that different people mean different things by the same question. Some mean where were you born, some where did you spend most/all of your childhood, some mean where did you move to this place from. I'm not giving my autobiography on command so I just have a quick stock answer that omits two of the four places.

I also strongly disagree with people who say you should name the suburb instead of LA as an answer. I don't know LA suburb names. If someone said they were from LA I would have an immediate understanding of what part of the world they mean, while if they say "La Anyplace, CA" I don't know if that's by San Diego, LA, San Francisco, Sacramento. If they said LA to a Los Angeleno in LA then it would be strange, but if you're living in DC you can say you're from Seattle or LA or Cedar Rapids to get the point across even though you grew up one town over. Who cares.

It says a lot more about OP being obsessed with trying to clasify people by where they lived.

Huh? Are you always this defensive? DP here. Clearly socializing is not for you. If someone is pulling you. from your home involuntarily, to attend a social event, you need to reassess. Really, learn to get alond with your fellow humans. Not everything is about you. Some people are just trying to be civil.

Not the PP, but you think the OP who accuses people of pathology and "trying to seem cosmopolitan" for not giving her their backstory on command is a model of how to socialize? How about this: small talk is small, keep it and your expectations light, and understand that nobody is required to meet your standards for transparency when you're asking questions about their background. It's not a lie to tell someone "the East Village" when they ask where you are from if that's where you live, even if OP is going to go home and google until she can prove you were born in Hoboken (and are therefore inferior to OP, who is a cosmopolitan delight and not a sociopath using birthplace as a replacement for a personality at all, no sir).

Are people really that ashamed of where they were born and raised? Puzzled as to why this topic has been raised a couple times?

There's no reason to believe that giving a short answer to a question from a stranger is based in shame. You are bound and determined to believe people are intimidated by you, and particularly by where you lived in high school, even though dozens of people on each thread you start about this topic have explained that is not what's going on. But if this is all you've got: congratulations on never moving from where your mom's water broke. Truly, you're an example to us all.

Wow, what an angry response! PP here (NOT OP). Not sure why this subject keeps being raised, or why people get so offended at a simple question (not just this one, there are other, similar questions posted on DCUM). I guess they truly are ashamed.

Yes. You can see that they really are in the vitriol this answer produces from the liars. The shame runs DEEP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From a small town in MS and proudly say it when asked. People don't believe me because I don't have an accent. I was born in NYC though and didn't move to MS until I was in 3rd grade so maybe that's why I only have a tiny bit of a Southern accent if at all. I feel my formative years were in MS and I definitely identify as a Southerner despite being born in NY.

Same here. I’m from TN and DO have the TN accent and have lived in DC area for 20+ years. This accent is not going anywhere and absolutely do not want it to. For some reason, people around here think I am from England or Australia When I go back home to TN and sometimes the locals think I am also from another country (not another state) because I am tall and lean. Love it!

[Anonymous]

Sometimes because it’s shorthand/easier - they don’t feel like explaining what their unheard of town is near.

Because of the cool factor sometimes.

To hide wealth (or exaggerate wealth)
sometimes, depending on context.

I work in art and have heard more than one trust funder from grosse pointe, birmingham or bloomfield hills (very white, very wealthy michigan suburbs) as being from Detroit. It’s puke. But in the art world, Detroit is cool, and being a basic white girl with a dad high up at General Motors is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP will hate me.

I was a military brat and we moved to a new base every three years. The bases were mostly in Central Europe, so that was fun, but the actual housing was nothing fancy *at all* as any military family can attest. My family was, and still is, solidly upper lower middle class.

When people ask me where I'm from, I just say "I grew up in Europe," which is 100% true, and seem much more glamorous than I actually am.

I hate to break it to you but everyone will be able to tell you're a military brat and that's why you "grew up in Europe". The vibe between a military brat type person vs someone who grew up at a German boarding school because theyre parents are wealthy is extremely different. No one is going to buy you went to Institute le Rosey, my friend. Everyone knows that military brats exist and they give off the same blue collar vibes as if theyd grown up in Alabama. That's like saying "I'm from Maryland" and just assuming people will think you're from Chevy Chase when you grew up in Hagerstown. People aren't fools and they can tell the vibe

Oh please! Jealous much!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I was born in one place, grew up in another state, moved to a third for college, a fourth for law school, and now live in DC. All of those cities/states were in different regions of the country. When I am asked "where are you from" it is 100% true that different people mean different things by the same question. Some mean where were you born, some where did you spend most/all of your childhood, some mean where did you move to this place from. I'm not giving my autobiography on command so I just have a quick stock answer that omits two of the four places.

I also strongly disagree with people who say you should name the suburb instead of LA as an answer. I don't know LA suburb names. If someone said they were from LA I would have an immediate understanding of what part of the world they mean, while if they say "La Anyplace, CA" I don't know if that's by San Diego, LA, San Francisco, Sacramento. If they said LA to a Los Angeleno in LA then it would be strange, but if you're living in DC you can say you're from Seattle or LA or Cedar Rapids to get the point across even though you grew up one town over. Who cares.

It says a lot more about OP being obsessed with trying to clasify people by where they lived.

Huh? Are you always this defensive? DP here. Clearly socializing is not for you. If someone is pulling you. from your home involuntarily, to attend a social event, you need to reassess. Really, learn to get alond with your fellow humans. Not everything is about you. Some people are just trying to be civil.

Not the PP, but you think the OP who accuses people of pathology and "trying to seem cosmopolitan" for not giving her their backstory on command is a model of how to socialize? How about this: small talk is small, keep it and your expectations light, and understand that nobody is required to meet your standards for transparency when you're asking questions about their background. It's not a lie to tell someone "the East Village" when they ask where you are from if that's where you live, even if OP is going to go home and google until she can prove you were born in Hoboken (and are therefore inferior to OP, who is a cosmopolitan delight and not a sociopath using birthplace as a replacement for a personality at all, no sir).

Are people really that ashamed of where they were born and raised? Puzzled as to why this topic has been raised a couple times?

There's no reason to believe that giving a short answer to a question from a stranger is based in shame. You are bound and determined to believe people are intimidated by you, and particularly by where you lived in high school, even though dozens of people on each thread you start about this topic have explained that is not what's going on. But if this is all you've got: congratulations on never moving from where your mom's water broke. Truly, you're an example to us all.

Wow, what an angry response! PP here (NOT OP). Not sure why this subject keeps being raised, or why people get so offended at a simple question (not just this one, there are other, similar questions posted on DCUM). I guess they truly are ashamed.

Yes. You can see that they really are in the vitriol this answer produces from the liars. The shame runs DEEP.

I wasn't raised where I was born. My parents committed the crime of moving. Now what do I tell you?

[Anonymous]

The long replies are really dull. People being nasty about those with varied backgrounds and people listing their standard upbringings. How does everyone survive such blandness I wonder…

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was born in one place, grew up in another state, moved to a third for college, a fourth for law school, and now live in DC. All of those cities/states were in different regions of the country. When I am asked "where are you from" it is 100% true that different people mean different things by the same question. Some mean where were you born, some where did you spend most/all of your childhood, some mean where did you move to this place from. I'm not giving my autobiography on command so I just have a quick stock answer that omits two of the four places.

I also strongly disagree with people who say you should name the suburb instead of LA as an answer. I don't know LA suburb names. If someone said they were from LA I would have an immediate understanding of what part of the world they mean, while if they say "La Anyplace, CA" I don't know if that's by San Diego, LA, San Francisco, Sacramento. If they said LA to a Los Angeleno in LA then it would be strange, but if you're living in DC you can say you're from Seattle or LA or Cedar Rapids to get the point across even though you grew up one town over. Who cares.

It says a lot more about OP being obsessed with trying to clasify people by where they lived.

Huh? Are you always this defensive? DP here. Clearly socializing is not for you. If someone is pulling you. from your home involuntarily, to attend a social event, you need to reassess. Really, learn to get alond with your fellow humans. Not everything is about you. Some people are just trying to be civil.

Not the PP, but you think the OP who accuses people of pathology and "trying to seem cosmopolitan" for not giving her their backstory on command is a model of how to socialize? How about this: small talk is small, keep it and your expectations light, and understand that nobody is required to meet your standards for transparency when you're asking questions about their background. It's not a lie to tell someone "the East Village" when they ask where you are from if that's where you live, even if OP is going to go home and google until she can prove you were born in Hoboken (and are therefore inferior to OP, who is a cosmopolitan delight and not a sociopath using birthplace as a replacement for a personality at all, no sir).

Are people really that ashamed of where they were born and raised? Puzzled as to why this topic has been raised a couple times?

There's no reason to believe that giving a short answer to a question from a stranger is based in shame. You are bound and determined to believe people are intimidated by you, and particularly by where you lived in high school, even though dozens of people on each thread you start about this topic have explained that is not what's going on. But if this is all you've got: congratulations on never moving from where your mom's water broke. Truly, you're an example to us all.

Wow, what an angry response! PP here (NOT OP). Not sure why this subject keeps being raised, or why people get so offended at a simple question (not just this one, there are other, similar questions posted on DCUM). I guess they truly are ashamed.

Yes. You can see that they really are in the vitriol this answer produces from the liars. The shame runs DEEP.

I wasn't raised where I was born. My parents committed the crime of moving. Now what do I tell you?

Why do people love taking simple facts and trying to act like they're some insurmountable hurtle Say where you were raised, duh! That's what people are asking. No one cares where you were born and it doesnt change anything. Just say the truth, no matter how upset it makes you.

[Anonymous]

Telling people on DCUM they cant lie in order to social climb is like kicking a hornet's nest. You've never seen people get so angry and enraged

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A more interesting question than asking someone where they are from, is "what do you think about x or y currently in the news?" or "which book have you read recently that you'd recommend"

I lived in a lot of different places. I have an English accent and spent 20 of my 50+ years in London. I'm not "from" London but that's how people would like my existence to be framed, and I'm happy to oblige. If I've also lived in NYC for 20 years, am I not also from NYC??

No, you're not. You're "from" the place you grew up, as I suspect you well know. Why do people love to play dumb on this issue? So very strange.