People who lie about where they're from

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate explaining that I was born in TX, lived there til I was 9, moved to MI, lived there until 18, moved to Chicago, lived there 10 years, went to New Orleans for three years, and have lived in NOVA and worked in DC since. It was exhausting just typing that out. So I will often just say I'm "from here" because I don't want to deal with it and don't feel like it is anyone's business.

Say you're from (town in) Texas and (town in) Michigan. No problem whatsoever and it's the truth- how is that even complicated?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:They don’t want to tell you their personal business.

It’s none of your business where they’re from, or why they do or don’t tell you any of their background.

Maybe their parents are state senators and they’re just trying to blend in here.

Maybe they grew up in foster care.

Maybe their parents were serial killers and you would know it by the state and their last name.

Maybe their family is super wealthy and they don’t want anyone to know.

Maybe it’s NONE of your business.

So you've never asked a Hispanic Indian Asian or African where they're from?

I get asked all the time despite my family being dc natives since the 70s.

We are first gen and I do not find any of these questions odd, at all. Why are DC area people seemingly so paranoid? It is a point of conversation. Converse or don't.

How would someone do this? If you don't converse than they think you are odd for not answering a "simple question"

My point exactly. People in the DMV get so worked up about the stupidest things. People are making conversation - take part in the conversation in a non-petulant way, or stay in your damn house. People really don't care what you do, but if you think most any innocuous question is nosy or whatever, you are going to have a tough life.

My SIL is like this - looks to take offense at most anything. Then wonders why she hasn't any long term friends.

And that's exactly why most people on here are miserable and friendless and have to spend the majority of their time on message boards. They dont have the social skills to be able to navigate even the most basic questions and social situations, and it kicks up feelings of inadequacy within them so they feel the need to "hurt" the other person back. So pathological. That's why threads like this can be so revealing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A more interesting question than asking someone where they are from, is "what do you think about x or y currently in the news?" or "which book have you read recently that you'd recommend"

I lived in a lot of different places. I have an English accent and spent 20 of my 50+ years in London. I'm not "from" London but that's how people would like my existence to be framed, and I'm happy to oblige. If I've also lived in NYC for 20 years, am I not also from NYC??

Yes, let's discuss the news, that never leads to anything unpleasant. I'm a Midwest transplant who has been here for 20 years total but love finding out where people are from. It opens the door to more conversation and/or common interests or experiences we may share. If someone says they are new to the area, I can ask them how they like it or what made them come here. If someone is from the midwest we can talk about college football and casseroles and how not friendly some people are here. Hate to break it to folks, but getting to know someone requires asking and answering questions and sharing parts of your story. If you don't want to answer, thats certainly fine and I think the OP is a bit nuts, but its not an out there question especially since we live in an area where most people aren't from here. Before y'all go crazy, if a person says chicago and they aren't white, I don't press. I'll say "oh my dad is from chicago." I'm also going to probably ask you if you have siblings or kids or pets or how you know the host or what drew you to the event, you know, conversation. I probably won't ask what you do.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Assuming that people are "lying" to you and are embarrassed of their hometown or are trying to be someone they are not etc. simply because they say where they currently live, have lived for most of their live, etc. instead of where they grew up is what's actually pathological. Just so weird.

+1. Telling someone the nearby metro area instead of the small town someone hasn’t heard of is pretty normal.

Getting butthurt enough that someone said they’re from Chicago instead of Naperville that you need to start a thread about it…that’s bizarre.

OP's black and white thinking and pedantry makes me think she's somewhere on the autism spectrum.

Most people answer the "where are you from" question with shorthand answers, to avoid boring the asker with details.

I spend my formative years through high school living in several suburbs of Toronto which weren't technically part of that city back then. I'll just say "Toronto", rather going into the nitty-gritty of my family's moves between Etobicoke and Mississauga. If some weirdo at a cocktail party started pressing me on this and accusing me of dishonesty, I'd just excuse myself and walk away.

Gotta love the "Are you on the autism spectrum" question that gets inanely trotted out whenever people dont like how a thread is going. It's the number one indicator that the OP has hit a nerve The irony being the vast majority of people who use it seem to be the ones who should or would be on the autism spectrum given their inability to adjust their insults to different social situations. Their outsized overreaction and meltdown over the most basic social interactions reveal them to be people who, at the bare minimum, have some kind of social dysfunction preventing them from having deep relationships and friendships. Maybe that's why this phrase is so popular on the site- a bit of wishful thinking and projection?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A more interesting question than asking someone where they are from, is "what do you think about x or y currently in the news?" or "which book have you read recently that you'd recommend"

I lived in a lot of different places. I have an English accent and spent 20 of my 50+ years in London. I'm not "from" London but that's how people would like my existence to be framed, and I'm happy to oblige. If I've also lived in NYC for 20 years, am I not also from NYC??

No, you're not. You're "from" the place you grew up, as I suspect you well know. Why do people love to play dumb on this issue? So very strange.

But where did I grow up? I was in NYC from age 11. So its there, right? Or London before it up til 11. Please help me out.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A more interesting question than asking someone where they are from, is "what do you think about x or y currently in the news?" or "which book have you read recently that you'd recommend"

I lived in a lot of different places. I have an English accent and spent 20 of my 50+ years in London. I'm not "from" London but that's how people would like my existence to be framed, and I'm happy to oblige. If I've also lived in NYC for 20 years, am I not also from NYC??

No, you're not. You're "from" the place you grew up, as I suspect you well know. Why do people love to play dumb on this issue? So very strange.

But where did I grow up? I was in NYC from age 11. So its there, right? Or London before it up til 11. Please help me out.

Yeah, I would say both. NYC and London is fine to list, so long as it's accurate and truthful. Just "I grew up in NYC and then London"

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I was born in one place, grew up in another state, moved to a third for college, a fourth for law school, and now live in DC. All of those cities/states were in different regions of the country. When I am asked "where are you from" it is 100% true that different people mean different things by the same question. Some mean where were you born, some where did you spend most/all of your childhood, some mean where did you move to this place from. I'm not giving my autobiography on command so I just have a quick stock answer that omits two of the four places.

I also strongly disagree with people who say you should name the suburb instead of LA as an answer. I don't know LA suburb names. If someone said they were from LA I would have an immediate understanding of what part of the world they mean, while if they say "La Anyplace, CA" I don't know if that's by San Diego, LA, San Francisco, Sacramento. If they said LA to a Los Angeleno in LA then it would be strange, but if you're living in DC you can say you're from Seattle or LA or Cedar Rapids to get the point across even though you grew up one town over. Who cares.

It says a lot more about OP being obsessed with trying to clasify people by where they lived.

Huh? Are you always this defensive? DP here. Clearly socializing is not for you. If someone is pulling you. from your home involuntarily, to attend a social event, you need to reassess. Really, learn to get alond with your fellow humans. Not everything is about you. Some people are just trying to be civil.

Not the PP, but you think the OP who accuses people of pathology and "trying to seem cosmopolitan" for not giving her their backstory on command is a model of how to socialize? How about this: small talk is small, keep it and your expectations light, and understand that nobody is required to meet your standards for transparency when you're asking questions about their background. It's not a lie to tell someone "the East Village" when they ask where you are from if that's where you live, even if OP is going to go home and google until she can prove you were born in Hoboken (and are therefore inferior to OP, who is a cosmopolitan delight and not a sociopath using birthplace as a replacement for a personality at all, no sir).

Are people really that ashamed of where they were born and raised? Puzzled as to why this topic has been raised a couple times?

There's no reason to believe that giving a short answer to a question from a stranger is based in shame. You are bound and determined to believe people are intimidated by you, and particularly by where you lived in high school, even though dozens of people on each thread you start about this topic have explained that is not what's going on. But if this is all you've got: congratulations on never moving from where your mom's water broke. Truly, you're an example to us all.

Wow, what an angry response! PP here (NOT OP). Not sure why this subject keeps being raised, or why people get so offended at a simple question (not just this one, there are other, similar questions posted on DCUM). I guess they truly are ashamed.

Yes. You can see that they really are in the vitriol this answer produces from the liars. The shame runs DEEP.

I wasn't raised where I was born. My parents committed the crime of moving. Now what do I tell you?

Why do people love taking simple facts and trying to act like they're some insurmountable hurtle Say where you were raised, duh! That's what people are asking. No one cares where you were born and it doesnt change anything. Just say the truth, no matter how upset it makes you.

Earlier you said born and raised. Now you are saying something different. Do you know what you are asking?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I was born in one place, grew up in another state, moved to a third for college, a fourth for law school, and now live in DC. All of those cities/states were in different regions of the country. When I am asked "where are you from" it is 100% true that different people mean different things by the same question. Some mean where were you born, some where did you spend most/all of your childhood, some mean where did you move to this place from. I'm not giving my autobiography on command so I just have a quick stock answer that omits two of the four places.

I also strongly disagree with people who say you should name the suburb instead of LA as an answer. I don't know LA suburb names. If someone said they were from LA I would have an immediate understanding of what part of the world they mean, while if they say "La Anyplace, CA" I don't know if that's by San Diego, LA, San Francisco, Sacramento. If they said LA to a Los Angeleno in LA then it would be strange, but if you're living in DC you can say you're from Seattle or LA or Cedar Rapids to get the point across even though you grew up one town over. Who cares.

It says a lot more about OP being obsessed with trying to clasify people by where they lived.

Huh? Are you always this defensive? DP here. Clearly socializing is not for you. If someone is pulling you. from your home involuntarily, to attend a social event, you need to reassess. Really, learn to get alond with your fellow humans. Not everything is about you. Some people are just trying to be civil.

Not the PP, but you think the OP who accuses people of pathology and "trying to seem cosmopolitan" for not giving her their backstory on command is a model of how to socialize? How about this: small talk is small, keep it and your expectations light, and understand that nobody is required to meet your standards for transparency when you're asking questions about their background. It's not a lie to tell someone "the East Village" when they ask where you are from if that's where you live, even if OP is going to go home and google until she can prove you were born in Hoboken (and are therefore inferior to OP, who is a cosmopolitan delight and not a sociopath using birthplace as a replacement for a personality at all, no sir).

Are people really that ashamed of where they were born and raised? Puzzled as to why this topic has been raised a couple times?

There's no reason to believe that giving a short answer to a question from a stranger is based in shame. You are bound and determined to believe people are intimidated by you, and particularly by where you lived in high school, even though dozens of people on each thread you start about this topic have explained that is not what's going on. But if this is all you've got: congratulations on never moving from where your mom's water broke. Truly, you're an example to us all.

Wow, what an angry response! PP here (NOT OP). Not sure why this subject keeps being raised, or why people get so offended at a simple question (not just this one, there are other, similar questions posted on DCUM). I guess they truly are ashamed.

Yes. You can see that they really are in the vitriol this answer produces from the liars. The shame runs DEEP.

I wasn't raised where I was born. My parents committed the crime of moving. Now what do I tell you?

Why do people love taking simple facts and trying to act like they're some insurmountable hurtle Say where you were raised, duh! That's what people are asking. No one cares where you were born and it doesnt change anything. Just say the truth, no matter how upset it makes you.

Earlier you said born and raised. Now you are saying something different. Do you know what you are asking?

I didn't say anything earlier. But "raised" is what people are asking, as everyone with a brain and some basic social knowledge knows. Either way, if you really feel compelled to throw in where you were raised, that would add approximately .5 seconds to the conversation, so why act like it's some Sisyphean task and crazy request?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:A more interesting question than asking someone where they are from, is "what do you think about x or y currently in the news?" or "which book have you read recently that you'd recommend"

I lived in a lot of different places. I have an English accent and spent 20 of my 50+ years in London. I'm not "from" London but that's how people would like my existence to be framed, and I'm happy to oblige. If I've also lived in NYC for 20 years, am I not also from NYC??

No, you're not. You're "from" the place you grew up, as I suspect you well know. Why do people love to play dumb on this issue? So very strange.

But where did I grow up? I was in NYC from age 11. So its there, right? Or London before it up til 11. Please help me out.

Yeah, I would say both. NYC and London is fine to list, so long as it's accurate and truthful. Just "I grew up in NYC and then London"

London is pretty vague. I would need a specific neighborhood. And NYC could be Staten Island. You know, those people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A more interesting question than asking someone where they are from, is "what do you think about x or y currently in the news?" or "which book have you read recently that you'd recommend"

I lived in a lot of different places. I have an English accent and spent 20 of my 50+ years in London. I'm not "from" London but that's how people would like my existence to be framed, and I'm happy to oblige. If I've also lived in NYC for 20 years, am I not also from NYC??

No, you're not. You're "from" the place you grew up, as I suspect you well know. Why do people love to play dumb on this issue? So very strange.

But where did I grow up? I was in NYC from age 11. So its there, right? Or London before it up til 11. Please help me out.

Yeah, I would say both. NYC and London is fine to list, so long as it's accurate and truthful. Just "I grew up in NYC and then London"

London is pretty vague. I would need a specific neighborhood. And NYC could be Staten Island. You know, those people.

Ok well, Chelsea and the Upper East Side. But not everyone, especially people from places like Maryland, know those areas.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:A more interesting question than asking someone where they are from, is "what do you think about x or y currently in the news?" or "which book have you read recently that you'd recommend"

I lived in a lot of different places. I have an English accent and spent 20 of my 50+ years in London. I'm not "from" London but that's how people would like my existence to be framed, and I'm happy to oblige. If I've also lived in NYC for 20 years, am I not also from NYC??

No, you're not. You're "from" the place you grew up, as I suspect you well know. Why do people love to play dumb on this issue? So very strange.

But where did I grow up? I was in NYC from age 11. So its there, right? Or London before it up til 11. Please help me out.

Yeah, I would say both. NYC and London is fine to list, so long as it's accurate and truthful. Just "I grew up in NYC and then London"

London is pretty vague. I would need a specific neighborhood. And NYC could be Staten Island. You know, those people.

Ok well, Chelsea and the Upper East Side. But not everyone, especially people from places like Maryland, know those areas.

Why are you so triggered by having to specify?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:They don’t want to tell you their personal business.

It’s none of your business where they’re from, or why they do or don’t tell you any of their background.

Maybe their parents are state senators and they’re just trying to blend in here.

Maybe they grew up in foster care.

Maybe their parents were serial killers and you would know it by the state and their last name.

Maybe their family is super wealthy and they don’t want anyone to know.

Maybe it’s NONE of your business.

So you've never asked a Hispanic Indian Asian or African where they're from?

I get asked all the time despite my family being dc natives since the 70s.

We are first gen and I do not find any of these questions odd, at all. Why are DC area people seemingly so paranoid? It is a point of conversation. Converse or don't.

How would someone do this? If you don't converse than they think you are odd for not answering a "simple question"

My point exactly. People in the DMV get so worked up about the stupidest things. People are making conversation - take part in the conversation in a non-petulant way, or stay in your damn house. People really don't care what you do, but if you think most any innocuous question is nosy or whatever, you are going to have a tough life.

My SIL is like this - looks to take offense at most anything. Then wonders why she hasn't any long term friends.

And that's exactly why most people on here are miserable and friendless and have to spend the majority of their time on message boards. They dont have the social skills to be able to navigate even the most basic questions and social situations, and it kicks up feelings of inadequacy within them so they feel the need to "hurt" the other person back. So pathological. That's why threads like this can be so revealing

Only true friends are those from childhood not high school or adults. Rest are acquaintances.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:They don’t want to tell you their personal business.

It’s none of your business where they’re from, or why they do or don’t tell you any of their background.

Maybe their parents are state senators and they’re just trying to blend in here.

Maybe they grew up in foster care.

Maybe their parents were serial killers and you would know it by the state and their last name.

Maybe their family is super wealthy and they don’t want anyone to know.

Maybe it’s NONE of your business.

So you've never asked a Hispanic Indian Asian or African where they're from?

I get asked all the time despite my family being dc natives since the 70s.

We are first gen and I do not find any of these questions odd, at all. Why are DC area people seemingly so paranoid? It is a point of conversation. Converse or don't.

How would someone do this? If you don't converse than they think you are odd for not answering a "simple question"

My point exactly. People in the DMV get so worked up about the stupidest things. People are making conversation - take part in the conversation in a non-petulant way, or stay in your damn house. People really don't care what you do, but if you think most any innocuous question is nosy or whatever, you are going to have a tough life.

My SIL is like this - looks to take offense at most anything. Then wonders why she hasn't any long term friends.

And that's exactly why most people on here are miserable and friendless and have to spend the majority of their time on message boards. They dont have the social skills to be able to navigate even the most basic questions and social situations, and it kicks up feelings of inadequacy within them so they feel the need to "hurt" the other person back. So pathological. That's why threads like this can be so revealing

Only true friends are those from childhood not high school or adults. Rest are acquaintances.

So you're admitting you have no adult friends? How sad.

[Anonymous]

There are some very strange people on this thread. The combo of insisting that they're the ultimate social beings who just love a good conversation and then devolving into ANSWER ME HONESTLY! NOBODY CARES WHERE YOU WERE BORN BUT BY GOD YOU HAD BETTER TELL ME WHERE YOU LIVED WHEN YOU WERE AGES 4-17 RIGHT THIS MOMENT, STRANGER AT A COCKTAIL PARTY! I CAN SMELL YOUR SHAME! is really . . . something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people lie about the city they grew up in? I live in a major city with a very high transplant percentage and it's amazing to me how many people will beat around the bush to say they're from "here" when the truth is they grew up in Duluth, Minnesota or Astoria, Oregon or whatever. Is it because they want to seem more cosmopolitan? What is the pathology at ⏯️?

I spent the first 17 years of my life not in D.C. and have spent the last 30 here in D.C. At a certain point a person is entitled to claim to be from where they've spent their entire adult life.