If you had an every other weekend parent growing up, what is your relationship like with them now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women put kids first. Men put sex first. Whoever the sex is coming from therefore comes before kids.

Not all men are this way but most divorced men are this way.

OP here. My mom remarried wealthy doctor (it's weird because he was actually our family doctor for myself and siblings). She ended up putting him and HIS kids first. Both of my parents ending up putting their spouses and spouses' kids first. Sometimes I feel like an idiot when I call my dad because I momentarily forget that he has a whole other family he's way more invested in than me -- including his "grandchildren" that are the kids of his wife's kids (it feels weird to call them my step siblings as there is literally no relationship there). So in my mom's case, wherever the money is coming from comes first.

Right well that also happens. Women do usually prioritize whoever is supporting them. Most men want to come first so that puts remarried mothers in a bind. It’s extremely rare to meet a man for whom a woman putting kids first is not a problem.

Then they shouldn't have kids. Kids don't come second to adults. These are some pathetic people who do this. I would never remarry if it was impossible to find a man who would be good to my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha, I could have written this.

My dad got us every Wednesday afternoon until after dinner and every other weekend. My parents also alternated holidays.

I didn't realize how much of a part-time parent he was until I was in middle school. For example, if I told him I had a band concert on a Friday evening that wasn't his Friday and he wouldn't come because "it wasn't his required time." Also as I got older, he seemed relieved if I had plans that prevented me from visiting him on his weekend or took me out of his house for large chunks of time.

He remarried and my stepmom was super petty. She didn't allow anything that they purchased for me or my siblings to leave their house. If we accidentally packed clothes that she'd purchased and took them to our mom's house, we got punished the next weekend when we returned. She also constantly said things like "well, that's why your dad pays your mom $1,200 a month, isn't it?" when I needed something while at their house, like the time I needed a ride to buy a report cover on a Sunday to turn in my report Monday. My dad was golfing and I had to literally beg her to buy it for me because I had no money. She did and then sent me home with the $1.99 receipt so my mom could send money that Wednesday to pay her back.

He and my stepmom are still together. I see them once or twice a year. My stepmom LOVES to post on social media about my or my siblings' accomplishments, though. Like she had a hand in any of it and that drives me crazy. "So proud of my stepdaughter Larla, or should I say Dr. Larla, as she graduated with her doctorate this weekend!" and then she uses a photo she steals from somewhere else to make it look like she was there. I'm convinced she has a fake account and used it to friend my mom because some of the photos she uses are ones posted by my mom only. I wouldn't put it past her at all.

This could be our story (me + siblings) until the social media part (to her friends, we likely do not exist). She and dad had their own kid, moved across the county, and reinvented their 3-person family. Have not heard from them since they no showed sibling's wedding 15 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women put kids first. Men put sex first. Whoever the sex is coming from therefore comes before kids.

Not all men are this way but most divorced men are this way.

Women who put their kids before their spouse often do end up divorced. It's exactly the wrong way to have a healthy family. The spousal relationship is the keystone and the most important. Granted, the man has to engage that way, too, but this dynamic where women put their kids first is very common. And a huge mistake.

This is right wing religious bull shite. It is the same thinking that leads some women to look away when their spouse abuses their children. Nope, you are wrong. Men who expect their relationships to work like this are man-babies. You are a weakling who expects your wife to be like your mommy and put you first all the time. The contradiction in expectations is appalling.

Sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me and my siblings had an every other weekend dad growing up since my age of 3. I’m not sure how our relationship would have been if he was just a nicer person. Since we were young (and still to this day) none of us feel like we can be ourselves around him. Any-type of conversation always feels like drawn out small talk. He would say he has to work all the time to pay child support and we never really seen him outside of his designated days. He started out with three kids and eventually made it up to 5 kids with the last two having different mothers. He did in fact have a lot of child support to pay. I don’t feel that’s an excuse to not connect with your children or see them every chance you get. We did not talk on the phone or go to events. I don’t remember him making time for many school events, other than high school graduation. My mom was not the problem in our situation, as she never had anything negative to say about my dad or withheld us from seeing him. I am currently 21 and talk to my dad every few months. I don’t feel a connection with him and a lot of times wish I didn’t have him as my dad. I see him connect with friends, girlfriends and strangers even. It’s difficult because most people would say you’re lucky to have a Dad at all, but to that I say should we praise parents who only do the bare minimum? ( providing food, shelter, clothes)

You aren't lucky to have him. There is no value in a having a parent who makes it clear they don't care about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He probably wanted more time but that’s all your mom would allow so he gave up and moved on as there was nothing he could do about it. So yes if your mom only allowed that schedule and then she wanted to go out of town she needed to make arrangements.

This is what your mom choose for you.

Oh wow. You sound very bitter, I think you should seek therapy yourself, pp.

[Anonymous]

I was with my dad every other weekend and then during the summer when he moved away.

He was very present in a lot of ways, unlike other dads here always came to events, flew in for them, called me all the time to talk. He made an effort to know me and be a part of my life.

We have had some 'have it out' fights now that I am an adult about how he wasn't around enough but I have a great relationship with him now and a mediocre one with my mom who took her anger at him (and the world, and whatever) out on me.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe there are parents who refuse to attend events, games, school programs just because it's not their night. How terrible.

[Anonymous]

What happens if the every other weekend parent ends up sick and alone when they are older? How much effort or help would they expect after being an absentee or almost absentee parent?