Do you think the mean kids get their comeuppance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. “Karma” isn’t real. It’s something people tell themselves to feel better.

Focus on making your kid the best they can be. Living well is the best revenge.

I could not disagree with this more and I am a pragmatic person.

Here is what I think karma is. How you treat people will come back to you in unexpected ways. That girl you were mean to in middle school might show up in your college dorm or move into your neighborhood as an adult and tell your friends what you're like. The boy you picked on might show up as your boss. The other girl you were mean to works in the place you just applied and you never realize it but she tells the hiring manager not to even consider your application. As a practical matter, this is the most basic reason not to treat people like shit. People pop up all over the place in your life unexpectedly and can influence the course of your life in obvious and less obvious ways. Unless you plan to move across the continent as an adult, don't be a complete dick is a pretty good life plan.

Sorry, but that stuff almost never happens. The mean kids are actually more, not less, socially competent than their victims. They tend to succeed and land in leadership positions, while most of the victims don't.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry this is happening. But life doesn't work that way. Find something else that will come out of this terrible experience. Maybe your son is really resilient. Maybe you are resourceful because your trying different things.

Maybe try some compassion. Maybe he's a man kid bendy hood family is mean to him

[Anonymous]

I mostly agree with the no’s.

However I think sometimes they will coincidentally. Not directly related but bad things to happen and statistically it might happen to your bully.

The boy who used to sexually harass me in 10th grade died early in his 30s of brain cancer. My FB page was flooded with condolences for him. I felt weird about that. I wasn’t happy about it but I didn’t feel sad for him either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I know I need to focus on my kid, I do, and I know that hoping for "payback" is fruitless, but I'm mostly curious. Why do they keep getting away with it? Will they have repercussions?

Hopefully not - ideally they will receive empathy and guidance from trusted adults.

Your fixation is really misplaced here!!

It's not a "fixation" and it is also not misplaced. I would want them to feel some consequence, too. And, finally, one can focus on your own kid AND want to see the bully get his/hers, at the same time.

Yes, it is, and yes, it is. And it’s not going to happen. Sorry.

(and no, my kids aren’t bullies, so don’t bother with the predictable “found the bully’s mom!”);

Oh well if you say so, Mr./Ms. Anonymous Internet Poster, then it must be true. The parenthetical and eye roll was especially convincing. LOL.

[Anonymous]

I think they do. Sometimes it happens quite immediately… in the moment or even within a few years. But I think a lot of the time it doesn’t happen for decades… or it could even be someone who until their death lives this picturesque life but inside their is turmoil. It isn’t something that as an onlooker we can see if obvious.

In Middle School I spent a couple years as a mean girl of sorts. There were others too. I definitely reaped my fair share of consequences with an ED and severe depression for a decade thereafter.

I know a guy who is in his 40s now but growing up he was a classic 90s kid bully. Just taunting people, beating them up, picking on someone and screwing with them until they broke down. He had a total mental collapse in his mid 20s where he couldn’t leave the house. He ended up calling up many of these kids and apologizing to them.

I have many other examples but I think unless someone is a straight up sociopath the past comes back to roost one way or another. As an outsider we probably won’t know it though. I only know about the examples I know about because they are people I’ve known for 30+ years and I grew up in a small community of sorts but in a big city where whether you want to or not you are going to know a ton about everyone else. Things are hardly ever what they seem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is totally natural to wish that someone was at least talking to the mean kids about what they’re doing! Rather than just issuing directives about kindness.

My DD5 is having a horrible kinder year because of one mean child she can’t disentangle from. At this age it’s not bullying but it also really sucks. The parents seem like lovely people and go through the motions of being responsive, but at the end of the day they don’t care if it stops—that’s what hurts and what enables the behavior to continue. They’re sure it will stop by age 6 or 7. Praying my child will be in a different class by then and I wont have to find out!

Request/insist/beg the principal that your child NOT be in the same class next year. Tell them what is happening now, make sure you are being very clear with teacher and principal, and really tell them - I know you can't solve all of this, but honestly, I really cannot have my child and that child in the same class next year for 1st grade, it's absolutely not ok for my child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think they do. Sometimes it happens quite immediately… in the moment or even within a few years. But I think a lot of the time it doesn’t happen for decades… or it could even be someone who until their death lives this picturesque life but inside their is turmoil. It isn’t something that as an onlooker we can see if obvious.

In Middle School I spent a couple years as a mean girl of sorts. There were others too. I definitely reaped my fair share of consequences with an ED and severe depression for a decade thereafter.

I know a guy who is in his 40s now but growing up he was a classic 90s kid bully. Just taunting people, beating them up, picking on someone and screwing with them until they broke down. He had a total mental collapse in his mid 20s where he couldn’t leave the house. He ended up calling up many of these kids and apologizing to them.

I have many other examples but I think unless someone is a straight up sociopath the past comes back to roost one way or another. As an outsider we probably won’t know it though. I only know about the examples I know about because they are people I’ve known for 30+ years and I grew up in a small community of sorts but in a big city where whether you want to or not you are going to know a ton about everyone else. Things are hardly ever what they seem.

+1 NP