student loan debt

[Anonymous]

I don’t know the exact amount but my BIL brought a terrifying amount of student debt into the marriage with my sister and no marketable career at all (he was in theatre). They’ve been happily married for 23 years now. He supported both of them with blue collar jobs while she got her PhD, and she eventually helped him pay off his student loans. They were able to save and pay for their daughter’s college education. This story can have a happy ending FYI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$220k of debt to be a public school teacher shows a horrific lack of judgment. She and her parents are idiots. She could have gone instate where she lived. FCPS would have still hired her.

yeah, but then she wouldn't have met her successful boyfriend with a good career....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d advise your son to wait for another 2 years post gf’s graduation. The huge debt can be an impediment in their ability to become financially stable. Are the 2 in the same page regarding budgeting and expenses? Finances can cause friction in relationships especially if there’s inequality in the debt burden coming in as a married couple. Is your son really okay with that huge debt?

+1. No harm in waiting a few years.

There is harm to the woman whose time you’re wasting. Infertility causes tension in marriage and costs as much as the young woman’s debt to address (if you’re lucky!). OPs son should break up with her so she can find an independent adult to start a family with.

She’s 24 so we’re talking 26. How many DCUMers had children before 26?

Her loans won’t be substantially altered by the time she’s 26. All she will have done is wasted two years in which she could have met someone who is marriage material.

If OP had financial expectations for her son, she needed to communicate those when he started dating, not when he was talking about marriage. All that this has accomplished— if the young couple stays together— is ensuring OP is a despised in law.

OP is male. Funny how you assumed OP was a mom.

It’s irrelevant— if dad has financial expectations for his son, he needed to communicate those who his son started dating, not when he was talking marriage. Presumably this woman has wanted to be a teacher the entire time they’ve been together it’s not like this will have come as a blistering shock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$220k of debt to be a public school teacher shows a horrific lack of judgment. She and her parents are idiots. She could have gone instate where she lived. FCPS would have still hired her.

yeah, but then she wouldn't have met her successful boyfriend with a good career....

The attraction is mutual. He's not dating a cypher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d advise your son to wait for another 2 years post gf’s graduation. The huge debt can be an impediment in their ability to become financially stable. Are the 2 in the same page regarding budgeting and expenses? Finances can cause friction in relationships especially if there’s inequality in the debt burden coming in as a married couple. Is your son really okay with that huge debt?

+1. No harm in waiting a few years.

There is harm to the woman whose time you’re wasting. Infertility causes tension in marriage and costs as much as the young woman’s debt to address (if you’re lucky!). OPs son should break up with her so she can find an independent adult to start a family with.

She’s 24 so we’re talking 26. How many DCUMers had children before 26?

Her loans won’t be substantially altered by the time she’s 26. All she will have done is wasted two years in which she could have met someone who is marriage material.

If OP had financial expectations for her son, she needed to communicate those when he started dating, not when he was talking about marriage. All that this has accomplished— if the young couple stays together— is ensuring OP is a despised in law.

OP is male. Funny how you assumed OP was a mom.

It’s irrelevant— if dad has financial expectations for his son, he needed to communicate those who his son started dating, not when he was talking marriage. Presumably this woman has wanted to be a teacher the entire time they’ve been together it’s not like this will have come as a blistering shock.

Son came to him for advice. He's supposed to know when his son is thinking of proposing? My ILs didn't know until DH told them he proposed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d advise your son to wait for another 2 years post gf’s graduation. The huge debt can be an impediment in their ability to become financially stable. Are the 2 in the same page regarding budgeting and expenses? Finances can cause friction in relationships especially if there’s inequality in the debt burden coming in as a married couple. Is your son really okay with that huge debt?

+1. No harm in waiting a few years.

There is harm to the woman whose time you’re wasting. Infertility causes tension in marriage and costs as much as the young woman’s debt to address (if you’re lucky!). OPs son should break up with her so she can find an independent adult to start a family with.

She’s 24 so we’re talking 26. How many DCUMers had children before 26?

Her loans won’t be substantially altered by the time she’s 26. All she will have done is wasted two years in which she could have met someone who is marriage material.

If OP had financial expectations for her son, she needed to communicate those when he started dating, not when he was talking about marriage. All that this has accomplished— if the young couple stays together— is ensuring OP is a despised in law.

OP is male. Funny how you assumed OP was a mom.

It’s irrelevant— if dad has financial expectations for his son, he needed to communicate those who his son started dating, not when he was talking marriage. Presumably this woman has wanted to be a teacher the entire time they’ve been together it’s not like this will have come as a blistering shock.

Son came to him for advice. He's supposed to know when his son is thinking of proposing? My ILs didn't know until DH told them he proposed.

Dad has never met his sons girlfriend who he’s ready to propose to now? Dad never asked her major? Not a chance.

[Anonymous]

My son is seriously dating someone from an extremely wealthy family that did not believe in paying for college for their kids.

The GF graduated from Columbia. She's a hard worker. Day job and walks dogs in her very limited spare time for extra money to pay back her loans. About $100,000.

And while we are extremely well off as well. I would never tell my ADULT son who to marry.

I raised him to be fiscally responsible and I have all the confidence they can figure this out and he understands exactly what that entails.

They are adults butt out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$220k of debt to be a public school teacher shows a horrific lack of judgment. She and her parents are idiots. She could have gone instate where she lived. FCPS would have still hired her.

yeah, but then she wouldn't have met her successful boyfriend with a good career....

You're a dick. And a sexist one, at that.

[Anonymous]

This is so strange. Your son came to you for advice and in response you crowdsourced his dilemma on an online forum and gave away tons of details about your son and his girlfriend in the process? I’d feel betrayed if I was your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so strange. Your son came to you for advice and in response you crowdsourced his dilemma on an online forum and gave away tons of details about your son and his girlfriend in the process? I’d feel betrayed if I was your son.

DP. This is an anonymous forum, pp.

[Anonymous]

I'd tell him he's too young to get married- to just keep dating and if in 5 years they are ready to get married- see what the situation is/how much is paid down, OR she may be long gone/they may be broken up- not his problem any more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the GF like outside of the debt? Does she seem to want an expensive lifestyle? Will she live within her means? I think that’ll be a bigger predictor to your son’s happiness than the student loans, especially if they take you up on your generous offer to repay them quickly.

+100. This right here. And is the reason OP’s son needs to live together with her a couple of years before marriage. Signing up for $220K in student loans to be a teacher IS a red flag regarding financial wisdom, but it also could easily be chalked up to a just-turned-adult not truly understanding the long term impact of what they were deciding. He needs to experience life with her, and the judgement she shows, outside of this circumstance to see if it’s a one-off or consistent across other things she decides. That will be the biggest indicator on if this will be a successful marriage or not.

So if it were my child, I would advise them to live together a couple of years, letting the rosy hue of college wear off, and see how things play out in the real world. See how she manages starting to pay off this debt or if she resists and wants him to pay it all. If things are still great and she makes great financial/other decisions in general, then full steam ahead.