My sister seems to be avoiding her 3 young kids and it bothers me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SAHM here. Not eating breakfast with your kids is sad only if you want it to be. I think adults should put themselves first unless their kids have special challenges. Kids must learn to rely on themselves emotionally and eventually find their own happiness. Parents should provide food, shelter, basic socialization, and educational opportunities. I have no criticism of your SIL. You seem to have yielded up your essence for these kids, and you know in your heart that is not best for them or you. That is sad to me.

I guess by this rationale, orphanages and foster care do a great job raising well adjusted adults.

[Anonymous]

Well-run institutions and caregivers do. Future monarchs in centuries past were not raised by their parents because the assumption was that others could care for them. Children can learn from and receive love from many different people. I stay at home for me, not my kids.

[Anonymous]

OP you feel understandably bad for her kids. The kids are the important people here. Do what you can to be a supportive and loving aunt. Your sister will look down on you for it but try hard not to GAF - she’s not going to change. The kids are the biggest losers of there is such contempt between you and your sis, but you can only control you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well-run institutions and caregivers do. Future monarchs in centuries past were not raised by their parents because the assumption was that others could care for them. Children can learn from and receive love from many different people. I stay at home for me, not my kids.

I’ve worked with foster care youth and I promise you, most children do not grow up to be well adjusted adults. I find your mentality troubling. Do you nurture your children at all? Do you play with them? Are you affectionate? Do you tell them you love them? Do you spend time with them? Do you see your job as a parent to build healthy attachment?

Having worked in “institutional” settings like nursing homes and daycares, I can tell you two things: 1) most people (young children and the elderly) prefer the home to an institutional setting and 2) no paid caregiver will ever care as much about your own family member as you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHM here. Not eating breakfast with your kids is sad only if you want it to be. I think adults should put themselves first unless their kids have special challenges. Kids must learn to rely on themselves emotionally and eventually find their own happiness. Parents should provide food, shelter, basic socialization, and educational opportunities. I have no criticism of your SIL. You seem to have yielded up your essence for these kids, and you know in your heart that is not best for them or you. That is sad to me.

OP here. I believe strongly in the importance of attachment. So yes, I think it’s important, especially with young children, for adults to prioritize this. Kids only learn emotional reliance if they have strong attachment and feel secure in their life and relationships. I have modified how I live to be a good parent and to be able to sleep at night. I will never regret prioritizing my kids over work. One day we will all be dead and it’s my relationships in life that matter to me, not material success, having more and more things, or climbing to the top of the career ladder. Being a good parent does not mean yielding up my essence, and I willl always be glad I choose baby snuggles and breakfast with my kids over being a gym rat or attending a networking breakfast.

You sound like a massively judgmental twat. Which I’m sure your kids are picking up on!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well-run institutions and caregivers do. Future monarchs in centuries past were not raised by their parents because the assumption was that others could care for them. Children can learn from and receive love from many different people. I stay at home for me, not my kids.

Guess that's why they all turned out to be so well adjusted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well-run institutions and caregivers do. Future monarchs in centuries past were not raised by their parents because the assumption was that others could care for them. Children can learn from and receive love from many different people. I stay at home for me, not my kids.

what an oxymoron!

[Anonymous]

But her kids will be more self-sufficient and better armed for life. You may change your tune when the kids grow up and the results of each style of parenting becomes evident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well-run institutions and caregivers do. Future monarchs in centuries past were not raised by their parents because the assumption was that others could care for them. Children can learn from and receive love from many different people. I stay at home for me, not my kids.

Guess that's why they all turned out to be so well adjusted.

Haha! Anyone watched Netflix this week?🤣

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But her kids will be more self-sufficient and better armed for life. You may change your tune when the kids grow up and the results of each style of parenting becomes evident.

Well science tells the opposite:
https://n.neurology.org/content/79/15/1534.short
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0167876017307134
https://psychcentral.com/health/emotional-neglect-childhood#Signs-of-emotional-neglect-in-children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MYOB and use paragraphs

Move on if reading is too hard for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I'd post a long and extremely passive aggressive screed about it on DCUM.

Wait, no. That's what I'd do if I was a bored troll and wanted to start a fight about working moms on here.

Gosh, I don't know what I'd do in your situation OP. Sounds tough.

Nothing is more pathetic than going after people in an advice forum for seeking advice.

Do you understand how these type of forums work? Or are you too stupid to understand basic things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But her kids will be more self-sufficient and better armed for life. You may change your tune when the kids grow up and the results of each style of parenting becomes evident.

Well science tells the opposite:
https://n.neurology.org/content/79/15/1534.short
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0167876017307134
https://psychcentral.com/health/emotional-neglect-childhood#Signs-of-emotional-neglect-in-children

Life doesn't tell me the opposite.

[Anonymous]

OP - You can tell by the comments here that a lot of women are rationalizing the fact that they prioritize many other things above their children.

You won't be able to change your sister, but I understand why it bothers you. On the other hand, when your sister makes comments about YOUR parenting - call her out about interfering in your life. And continue modeling good parenting. I don't understand why people who are uninterested in the sacrifice have several children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But her kids will be more self-sufficient and better armed for life. You may change your tune when the kids grow up and the results of each style of parenting becomes evident.

Well science tells the opposite:
https://n.neurology.org/content/79/15/1534.short
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0167876017307134
https://psychcentral.com/health/emotional-neglect-childhood#Signs-of-emotional-neglect-in-children

Life doesn't tell me the opposite.

Somebody feels threatened by science…