My sister has asked me to adopt her baby

[Anonymous]

OP there are many many books out there for young children that talk about families and adoption. I support you doing this but you need to make the adoption part of your child story be known from the beginning. Don’t wait until they’re X age. That will make it so much harder. Just make it part of conversation. My adopted child is 10 now and has k own since she was old enough to understand, around 2-3.

[Anonymous]

OP this is a good book to read to a toddler/preschool age child if you believe in God. God Found Us You (Harperblessings)

[Anonymous]

This link won’t work ( above) but it’s called When God found us you. It’s on Amazon. It’s about a mama Fox why wanted for her baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I plan on adopting the child and raising them as my own. I do eventually plan on telling them that I am not their birth mother. I've explained to my sister that if she were to change her mind I would understand. She says that her plan is to come here and stay long enough so that I never need her for anything paperwork wise. Her child is going to college next year and she wants to travel with them. We had a heart to heart about drugs and the she swears that she hasn't touched weed in 6 years. She has just started getting prenatal care and says she looks forward to seeing me as a mother after several losses.

You need to be honest from the start that the child is adopted. You do not need to say who their birth mom is but they need to know they are adopted.

Of course you will need to say who their birth mother is. Because the kid will ask and then your choice is to lie or tell child the truth. And of course you should not lie. This will become known. Chances are good the child’s half-brother will tell him, even if no one else does. Or is OP’s sister going to hide the pregnancy from her soon to be 18 year old child also?

I guess I didn't mention it earlier but my sister's child moved in with her father a few years ago. My sister loves her child but never wanted to be a mother. My sister has decided not to disclose that to her child. My sister says she overall does not like children. She likes babies and I think she may have said toddlers. My sister's only disclose the pregnancy to the baby's biological father and a childhood friend who is more like a sister to us.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the book recommendation purchasing now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I plan on adopting the child and raising them as my own. I do eventually plan on telling them that I am not their birth mother. I've explained to my sister that if she were to change her mind I would understand. She says that her plan is to come here and stay long enough so that I never need her for anything paperwork wise. Her child is going to college next year and she wants to travel with them. We had a heart to heart about drugs and the she swears that she hasn't touched weed in 6 years. She has just started getting prenatal care and says she looks forward to seeing me as a mother after several losses.

You need to be honest from the start that the child is adopted. You do not need to say who their birth mom is but they need to know they are adopted.

Of course you will need to say who their birth mother is. Because the kid will ask and then your choice is to lie or tell child the truth. And of course you should not lie. This will become known. Chances are good the child’s half-brother will tell him, even if no one else does. Or is OP’s sister going to hide the pregnancy from her soon to be 18 year old child also?

I guess I didn't mention it earlier but my sister's child moved in with her father a few years ago. My sister loves her child but never wanted to be a mother. My sister has decided not to disclose that to her child. My sister says she overall does not like children. She likes babies and I think she may have said toddlers. My sister's only disclose the pregnancy to the baby's biological father and a childhood friend who is more like a sister to us.

She never sees her kid? I thought they had a decent relationship because you said they were planning to to travel. At any rate, my point is that your child will ask about their birth parents and you should tell the truth. My kids have asked me - did you know my birth mother? Why did she place me for adoption? Did she love me? What is her name? Do I look like her? Will I ever meet her? - not all at once, but over time. If you lie and they find out, that is a terrible betrayal of trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I plan on adopting the child and raising them as my own. I do eventually plan on telling them that I am not their birth mother. I've explained to my sister that if she were to change her mind I would understand. She says that her plan is to come here and stay long enough so that I never need her for anything paperwork wise. Her child is going to college next year and she wants to travel with them. We had a heart to heart about drugs and the she swears that she hasn't touched weed in 6 years. She has just started getting prenatal care and says she looks forward to seeing me as a mother after several losses.

You need to be honest from the start that the child is adopted. You do not need to say who their birth mom is but they need to know they are adopted.

Of course you will need to say who their birth mother is. Because the kid will ask and then your choice is to lie or tell child the truth. And of course you should not lie. This will become known. Chances are good the child’s half-brother will tell him, even if no one else does. Or is OP’s sister going to hide the pregnancy from her soon to be 18 year old child also?

I guess I didn't mention it earlier but my sister's child moved in with her father a few years ago. My sister loves her child but never wanted to be a mother. My sister has decided not to disclose that to her child. My sister says she overall does not like children. She likes babies and I think she may have said toddlers. My sister's only disclose the pregnancy to the baby's biological father and a childhood friend who is more like a sister to us.

She never sees her kid? I thought they had a decent relationship because you said they were planning to to travel. At any rate, my point is that your child will ask about their birth parents and you should tell the truth. My kids have asked me - did you know my birth mother? Why did she place me for adoption? Did she love me? What is her name? Do I look like her? Will I ever meet her? - not all at once, but over time. If you lie and they find out, that is a terrible betrayal of trust.

I don't plan on lying these are all very good questions for me to think about how to answer. She sees her kid every few months. Her child lives a few states away. I'm very close with her child and they adore my sister.

[Anonymous]

As the sister of two sisters who my mother had to give up for adoption….please remember that your niece deserves to know and have a relationship with her sister. If you have a loving relationship with your niece, the best thing would be if you could have an open adoption and raise the child from infancy knowing that you are her mother, her aunt was her first mother, and her sister is her sister. She can have a cordial, distinct, friendly relationship with her aunt/birth mom to whatever extent your sister is able to extend her love in that way. Her sister may well want to have a closer relationship, though, and the most beautiful thing about this kind of kinship adoption is that it is possible to retain those natural kinship ties. Her grandmother can be her grandmother, too. I hope you can do this, OP, and hope that it can be done without secrecy or shame!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I plan on adopting the child and raising them as my own. I do eventually plan on telling them that I am not their birth mother. I've explained to my sister that if she were to change her mind I would understand. She says that her plan is to come here and stay long enough so that I never need her for anything paperwork wise. Her child is going to college next year and she wants to travel with them. We had a heart to heart about drugs and the she swears that she hasn't touched weed in 6 years. She has just started getting prenatal care and says she looks forward to seeing me as a mother after several losses.

You need to be honest from the start that the child is adopted. You do not need to say who their birth mom is but they need to know they are adopted.

Of course you will need to say who their birth mother is. Because the kid will ask and then your choice is to lie or tell child the truth. And of course you should not lie. This will become known. Chances are good the child’s half-brother will tell him, even if no one else does. Or is OP’s sister going to hide the pregnancy from her soon to be 18 year old child also?

I guess I didn't mention it earlier but my sister's child moved in with her father a few years ago. My sister loves her child but never wanted to be a mother. My sister has decided not to disclose that to her child. My sister says she overall does not like children. She likes babies and I think she may have said toddlers. My sister's only disclose the pregnancy to the baby's biological father and a childhood friend who is more like a sister to us. [/quote

If she does not want to be a mother, she should be sterilized. Or at least have a longterm contraceptive surgically implanted. Then she won't keep producing humans that other, more responsible adults, have to care for over a lifetime.

[Anonymous]

As the sister of two sisters who my mother had to give up for adoption….please remember that your niece deserves to know and have a relationship with her sister. If you have a loving relationship with your niece, the best thing would be if you could have an open adoption and raise the child from infancy knowing that you are her mother, her aunt was her first mother, and her sister is her sister. She can have a cordial, distinct, friendly relationship with her aunt/birth mom to whatever extent your sister is able to extend her love in that way. Her sister may well want to have a closer relationship, though, and the most beautiful thing about this kind of kinship adoption is that it is possible to retain those natural kinship ties. Her grandmother can be her grandmother, too. I hope you can do this, OP, and hope that it can be done without secrecy or shame!

We adopted siblings and I would second this observation. Our kids were older at the time of the adoption and being able to remain a family (they were originally going to be separated) was so important to their stability. Being able to maintain a relationship with siblings is incredibly important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi op. Please do some reading on adoption and it’s impacts even when done at birth. Not because you shouldn’t do it, but because if you want to parent this child it’s up to you to really learn about how to do this in their best interest. Most folks that work I. This area encourage open adoptions in the sense that even if your sister doesn’t want to be involved the child knows from the beginning that they are adopted - it’s not a surprise later. It’s just something that is a part of their reality and life. It can be very traumatic to learn at a later age tbag one was adopted and isn’t recommended to keep it a secret. And it is normal that processing the adoption at different developmental stages can look differently for different kids and be hard at some stages. There are many good books that can help. The connected child by Karen purvis is usually recommended though will gear a little towards kids who were adopted later, but some of it can still be relevant and it’s important to know that even when done at birth it can and often still feels like a loss for the child and can be traumatic for all. Again, that doesn’t mean it’s not the best path and can’t be wonderful, it sounds like it probably is. But it will go better if you are open to acknowledging and walking through the complexity of this with your child throughout their life.

Thank you. As an adoptive mother, I second this.
Please read up on adoption trauma for both the child and the birth mother. I truly believe that even when adopted at birth, the children carry the trauma with them (and as I said, I have an amazing adopted son). Adoption is so hard but it is also so wonderful but you need to be prepared for a life time of questions and possible outcomes that you may not expect. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This link won’t work ( above) but it’s called When God found us you. It’s on Amazon. It’s about a mama Fox why wanted for her baby.

In addition to the book the PP suggested, you might also want to look at Todd Carr's "We Belong Together". I read it to my (adopted) kid and it started the talk about how families can be strong but different at a young age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Contact Jennifer Fairfax. She’s an adoption lawyer. But just know that your sister could change her mind before the birth. If you can handle a roller coaster, you will either have a child or a niece or nephew. It’s a lot to ask but she’s your sister and in a bad place.

2nd this recommendation. She is the best around - we tried several. However, if your sister and birthfather consent you could file and DIY it.

They both consent. Neither of them wants to be a parent. My sister hasn't been very stable for a few years. I suspect drugs are involved.

Could this baby be born exposed to drugs? That is a whole other thing to c consider a potentially exposed baby, limited/late prenatal care, etc. It is a lot to take on.

[Anonymous]

Even given all the concerns raised, it think in general this sounds like a good solution. You get to be a parent! Albeit w more complexity but still!