My sister has asked me to adopt her baby

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry if this post is all over the place. My sister is gay and lost her wife to cancer in May. She is grieving and I have a feeling she hasn't been doing all that well. She got pregnant by a guy that we grew up with. The story kind of sounded off but she was basically drunk. She missed a few periods and thought it was because of stress she went to the doctor and found out that she was already in her second trimester. Abortion is illegal in the state that she is in. I have personally had several losses and she is asked me if I want the baby. She wants to come to DC give birth and just hand me the baby. She doesn't want her name on the birth certificate she doesn't want anyone to know that she is pregnant. The father knows and he's okay with this idea. She wants me to keep it from our mother. Right now she has a lot of Shame and almost sounds like she resents the child, she says that she is disgusted with herself. Is this kind of adoption simple? I don't have a lot of money and I had planned on moving out of the area next fall. My sister doesn't seem to think we need to get anybody involved but I have a feeling it doesn't work like that. Obviously one day the child will need to go to school and there will be doctor's appointments.

Sorry if this post is a mess thanks in advance for any advice.

[Anonymous]

Her name has to be on the birth certificate but yes, she can give birth, hand you the baby and then you just file in court for the adoption. If they both consent to the adoption, its very sick and easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her name has to be on the birth certificate but yes, she can give birth, hand you the baby and then you just file in court for the adoption. If they both consent to the adoption, its very sick and easy.

….and then the birth certificate is changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her name has to be on the birth certificate but yes, she can give birth, hand you the baby and then you just file in court for the adoption. If they both consent to the adoption, its very sick and easy.

Thank you

[Anonymous]

Contact Jennifer Fairfax. She’s an adoption lawyer. But just know that your sister could change her mind before the birth. If you can handle a roller coaster, you will either have a child or a niece or nephew. It’s a lot to ask but she’s your sister and in a bad place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Contact Jennifer Fairfax. She’s an adoption lawyer. But just know that your sister could change her mind before the birth. If you can handle a roller coaster, you will either have a child or a niece or nephew. It’s a lot to ask but she’s your sister and in a bad place.

2nd this recommendation. She is the best around - we tried several. However, if your sister and birthfather consent you could file and DIY it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Contact Jennifer Fairfax. She’s an adoption lawyer. But just know that your sister could change her mind before the birth. If you can handle a roller coaster, you will either have a child or a niece or nephew. It’s a lot to ask but she’s your sister and in a bad place.

Depending on what state the baby is born in, there could be a period of time in which the birth mother could change her mind a get the baby back. Definitely work with a lawyer and encourage your sister to seek counseling ahead of and after the birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Contact Jennifer Fairfax. She’s an adoption lawyer. But just know that your sister could change her mind before the birth. If you can handle a roller coaster, you will either have a child or a niece or nephew. It’s a lot to ask but she’s your sister and in a bad place.

Thank you for the referral. I have discussed this with my sister and I know it's a possibility but I don't think she'll change her mind. She reiterated that she has never wanted to be a mother she has a child already who will be 18 in a few months. That child lives with their father. She has time to change her mind she says that she is 18 weeks. My sister has been through a lot in the past few years. I

[Anonymous]

Do neither of ever see your mom? It sounds like she is engaged in fantastical thinking. Your sister will be pregnant without a baby and you will be no pregnant but with a baby and your mom isn’t supposed to know? Best practices is to tell children who were adopted their origins, so you need to navigate that.

The legal part would be easy if both birth parents consent. I think, however, there is a lot of emotional baggage; is she in a healthy enough state of mind to consent and be ok with that decision forever? particularly since she’s your sister so will see this baby grow up. I would suggest counseling for all of you and if she wants to move forward that is great but be prepared that she does have an opportunity after the birth to change her mind; the time frame varies with the state. For maryland it is 30 days. Good luck to all of you on making the best decision for the child and all adults involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Contact Jennifer Fairfax. She’s an adoption lawyer. But just know that your sister could change her mind before the birth. If you can handle a roller coaster, you will either have a child or a niece or nephew. It’s a lot to ask but she’s your sister and in a bad place.

2nd this recommendation. She is the best around - we tried several. However, if your sister and birthfather consent you could file and DIY it.

They both consent. Neither of them wants to be a parent. My sister hasn't been very stable for a few years. I suspect drugs are involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do neither of ever see your mom? It sounds like she is engaged in fantastical thinking. Your sister will be pregnant without a baby and you will be no pregnant but with a baby and your mom isn’t supposed to know? Best practices is to tell children who were adopted their origins, so you need to navigate that.

The legal part would be easy if both birth parents consent. I think, however, there is a lot of emotional baggage; is she in a healthy enough state of mind to consent and be ok with that decision forever? particularly since she’s your sister so will see this baby grow up. I would suggest counseling for all of you and if she wants to move forward that is great but be prepared that she does have an opportunity after the birth to change her mind; the time frame varies with the state. For maryland it is 30 days. Good luck to all of you on making the best decision for the child and all adults involved.

Our mom lives on the other side of the country. Because of finances they don't see each other very often and I cut my mother out of my life a few years ago. I I'm in virginia. Thank you for all of your suggestions I think that counseling for everyone is a really good idea

[Anonymous]

It will never stay a secret IMO given DNA tracing now.

[Anonymous]

The part I’d try to talk her out of is the secrecy surrounding this with your mother. I obviously don’t know your relationships involved, but that seems like an unfair ask of you. Unless of course this mother is abusive or something…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Contact Jennifer Fairfax. She’s an adoption lawyer. But just know that your sister could change her mind before the birth. If you can handle a roller coaster, you will either have a child or a niece or nephew. It’s a lot to ask but she’s your sister and in a bad place.

2nd this recommendation. She is the best around - we tried several. However, if your sister and birthfather consent you could file and DIY it.

They both consent. Neither of them wants to be a parent. My sister hasn't been very stable for a few years. I suspect drugs are involved.

If this is the case, also understand that the baby could have special needs as well. I mean, that’s always a possibility, but even more so If there is a history of drugs or drinking. Just another factor to consider (I am one of the PP’s advocating counseling).

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PPs but I do not think you should lie to your mom. It will come out later then it will be much worse. The child deserves to know they are adopted. You need to make it normal from day one. If you lie to the child then they find out later they will be devastated. This is more important than anything else imo. - adoptive parent..