UMC lessons to teach my children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Manners, manners, manners.

And no cars parked on the grass. We have this problem in Silver Spring. I hate it.

Manners are often a cover-up for unkindness. Manners are much less important than being truly kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did not grow up UMC and I would love to fortify my children with some of the habits and knowledge provided to UMC children. Any thoughts or ideas in this realm that might be useful to me?

thank you!

Treat everyone you meet the same way they want to be treated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only helpful posts here seem to be from people who grew up LMC and are now UMC. So many others are just listing things that sound upper class, like "learn to downhill ski". It's all very "let them eat cake" when the answer should be "don't buy the most expensive thing just bc you can".

People confuse UMC with WASPs. It's not the same thing. UMC values can be a lot of things. If you want your kids to act like WASPs that's a whole different question. (Hint: be alcoholic)

Yes. They also confuse "upper middle class" (a socioeconomic term, referring to income and wealth) with "having class" which is completely different. Having class is a mentality and a category of behaviors and it can exist at most/all income levels. Plenty of people can (and DO) have an "upper middle class" income and zero class. I personally think we should remove the word "class" from MC/UMC terminology. We should instead refer to it as "lower middle income" "middle income" "upper middle income" etc. Class has nothing to do with this.

Donald Trump and his children are text book examples of money with no class. Mules in horse harness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Manners, manners, manners.

And no cars parked on the grass. We have this problem in Silver Spring. I hate it.

Manners are often a cover-up for unkindness. Manners are much less important than being truly kind.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of these are run of the mill good parenting tips.

Here are my tips that separate people with money from people who have class:

Travel internationally, and if you cannot afford to do that, be open to other cultures, languages, foods etc. For ex -- take advantage of all the embassies here in D.C. -- they open their doors to the public a few times a year. Emphasis on Europe.

Socialize with other UMC families -- dinners, card games, vacations. These should be pretty wholesome non-consumerist affairs -- think renting a house on Block Island and playing board games, or skiing over winter break -- not Vegas, or Orlando.

You should be reading the paper or listening to NPR so you can have intelligent discussions with your children and they grow up with not only a sense of the world, but the confidence to talk to adults about real topics. Not celebrity gossip. Not hyper-political stuff. They should understand how our government works, for example.

Dress simply -- clean and in luxury fabrics like linen, wool, denim and not rayon, polyester or spandex. Don't get overly tatted, or overly pierced, keep makeup nd hair to a minimum.

Read for fun. Have an opinion about books and authors, even if it's contrary. esp, if its contrary.

Learn skills that translate well into adulthood for casual fun -- like tennis.

Learn to play cards.

Get up at a decent hour in the morning-- before 7:30 -- even on weekends and holidays. Don'y spend your free time on the couch watching Netflix. Be productive. Garden, bike, museums etc.

Learn to love the outdoors -- whether it is hiking, sailing, camping, gardening or whatever. I am from the NE and went to boarding school in NE and then an Ivy. Love of the outdoors is an almost universal trait of the UMC. (Fishing is acceptable, as is duck hunting)

Be culturally literate -- know some Shakespeare, Robert Frost, Emily Dickinson etc. You should be able to nod knowingly when someone drops a line of famous poetry or mentions Ovid or cracks a joke about the unreadability of Ulysses.

You mean bridge? This sounds like such a quaint 1950s middle class thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of these are run of the mill good parenting tips.

Here are my tips that separate people with money from people who have class:

Travel internationally, and if you cannot afford to do that, be open to other cultures, languages, foods etc. For ex -- take advantage of all the embassies here in D.C. -- they open their doors to the public a few times a year. Emphasis on Europe.

Socialize with other UMC families -- dinners, card games, vacations. These should be pretty wholesome non-consumerist affairs -- think renting a house on Block Island and playing board games, or skiing over winter break -- not Vegas, or Orlando.

You should be reading the paper or listening to NPR so you can have intelligent discussions with your children and they grow up with not only a sense of the world, but the confidence to talk to adults about real topics. Not celebrity gossip. Not hyper-political stuff. They should understand how our government works, for example.

Dress simply -- clean and in luxury fabrics like linen, wool, denim and not rayon, polyester or spandex. Don't get overly tatted, or overly pierced, keep makeup nd hair to a minimum.

Read for fun. Have an opinion about books and authors, even if it's contrary. esp, if its contrary.

Learn skills that translate well into adulthood for casual fun -- like tennis.

Learn to play cards.

Get up at a decent hour in the morning-- before 7:30 -- even on weekends and holidays. Don'y spend your free time on the couch watching Netflix. Be productive. Garden, bike, museums etc.

Learn to love the outdoors -- whether it is hiking, sailing, camping, gardening or whatever. I am from the NE and went to boarding school in NE and then an Ivy. Love of the outdoors is an almost universal trait of the UMC. (Fishing is acceptable, as is duck hunting)

Be culturally literate -- know some Shakespeare, Robert Frost, Emily Dickinson etc. You should be able to nod knowingly when someone drops a line of famous poetry or mentions Ovid or cracks a joke about the unreadability of Ulysses.

You mean bridge? This sounds like such a quaint 1950s middle class thing.

Doesn't have to be bridge - any of the classic 4 player card games are fine. Spades and Hearts are our family's favorites. We also like Euchre and Pinochle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only helpful posts here seem to be from people who grew up LMC and are now UMC. So many others are just listing things that sound upper class, like "learn to downhill ski". It's all very "let them eat cake" when the answer should be "don't buy the most expensive thing just bc you can".

People confuse UMC with WASPs. It's not the same thing. UMC values can be a lot of things. If you want your kids to act like WASPs that's a whole different question. (Hint: be alcoholic)

Yes. They also confuse "upper middle class" (a socioeconomic term, referring to income and wealth) with "having class" which is completely different. Having class is a mentality and a category of behaviors and it can exist at most/all income levels. Plenty of people can (and DO) have an "upper middle class" income and zero class. I personally think we should remove the word "class" from MC/UMC terminology. We should instead refer to it as "lower middle income" "middle income" "upper middle income" etc. Class has nothing to do with this.

well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teach them to accept a compliment graciously.
Teach them how to write a thank you note.
Teach them how to behave at someone else's home (no feet on the furniture, no screaming or throwing things, no food away from the table, etc.).

If you grew up with cheap furniture, you might not know that nice wooden tables need coasters. If *offered* a drink away from the dining room or kitchen table, ask the host if they’d like you to use a coaster. Unless the host makes it clear that food and beverages are allowed in a certain room, assume they are not. When you first arrive, ask if they’d like you to remove your shoes. Boys should sit to pee at someone else’s house, or be very careful.

I would also second group games that might be played at a corporate retreat, such as soccer, frisbee, etc. Obama famously played basketball with his staff. Congress ( no idea which house) has an annual softball game. Your kid doesn’t need to be amazing, but should at least know the rules. If you have the money, your kid might enjoy a season of volleyball or whatever.

Knowing how to swim is non-negotiable.

Value the knowledge that you bring to the table, too. Gratitude for what you have, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of these are run of the mill good parenting tips.

Here are my tips that separate people with money from people who have class:

Travel internationally, and if you cannot afford to do that, be open to other cultures, languages, foods etc. For ex -- take advantage of all the embassies here in D.C. -- they open their doors to the public a few times a year. Emphasis on Europe.

Socialize with other UMC families -- dinners, card games, vacations. These should be pretty wholesome non-consumerist affairs -- think renting a house on Block Island and playing board games, or skiing over winter break -- not Vegas, or Orlando.

You should be reading the paper or listening to NPR so you can have intelligent discussions with your children and they grow up with not only a sense of the world, but the confidence to talk to adults about real topics. Not celebrity gossip. Not hyper-political stuff. They should understand how our government works, for example.

Dress simply -- clean and in luxury fabrics like linen, wool, denim and not rayon, polyester or spandex. Don't get overly tatted, or overly pierced, keep makeup nd hair to a minimum.

Read for fun. Have an opinion about books and authors, even if it's contrary. esp, if its contrary.

Learn skills that translate well into adulthood for casual fun -- like tennis.

Learn to play cards.

Get up at a decent hour in the morning-- before 7:30 -- even on weekends and holidays. Don'y spend your free time on the couch watching Netflix. Be productive. Garden, bike, museums etc.

Learn to love the outdoors -- whether it is hiking, sailing, camping, gardening or whatever. I am from the NE and went to boarding school in NE and then an Ivy. Love of the outdoors is an almost universal trait of the UMC. (Fishing is acceptable, as is duck hunting)

Be culturally literate -- know some Shakespeare, Robert Frost, Emily Dickinson etc. You should be able to nod knowingly when someone drops a line of famous poetry or mentions Ovid or cracks a joke about the unreadability of Ulysses.

These are not luxury fabrics, they are natural fabrics. And denim isn't really even that, unless 100% cotton.

You are being pedantic. You know what I mean.

And wool and linen and silk, and yes 100% cotton denim are "luxury" in the sense that they are a) less widely available and b) more expensive.

I’m not being pedantic at all. Luxury and natural are not synonyms. And you can’t even justify your inclusion of denim. Everyone and their grandma wears denim.

Denim is for farmers.

[Anonymous]

If you grew up with cheap furniture, you might not know that nice wooden tables need coasters. If *offered* a drink away from the dining room or kitchen table, ask the host if they’d like you to use a coaster. Unless the host makes it clear that food and beverages are allowed in a certain room, assume they are not. When you first arrive, ask if they’d like you to remove your shoes. Boys should sit to pee at someone else’s house, or be very careful.

I would also second group games that might be played at a corporate retreat, such as soccer, frisbee, etc. Obama famously played basketball with his staff. Congress ( no idea which house) has an annual softball game. Your kid doesn’t need to be amazing, but should at least know the rules. If you have the money, your kid might enjoy a season of volleyball or whatever.

Knowing how to swim is non-negotiable.

Value the knowledge that you bring to the table, too. Gratitude for what you have, etc.

This is the most insane thing I've ever read on DCUM and that's saying something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teach them to accept a compliment graciously.
Teach them how to write a thank you note.
Teach them how to behave at someone else's home (no feet on the furniture, no screaming or throwing things, no food away from the table, etc.).

If you grew up with cheap furniture, you might not know that nice wooden tables need coasters. If *offered* a drink away from the dining room or kitchen table, ask the host if they’d like you to use a coaster. Unless the host makes it clear that food and beverages are allowed in a certain room, assume they are not. When you first arrive, ask if they’d like you to remove your shoes. Boys should sit to pee at someone else’s house, or be very careful.

I would also second group games that might be played at a corporate retreat, such as soccer, frisbee, etc. Obama famously played basketball with his staff. Congress ( no idea which house) has an annual softball game. Your kid doesn’t need to be amazing, but should at least know the rules. If you have the money, your kid might enjoy a season of volleyball or whatever.

Knowing how to swim is non-negotiable.

Value the knowledge that you bring to the table, too. Gratitude for what you have, etc.

what?

[Anonymous]

I am UMC but grew up LMC. I rarely feel like there is something I couldn't learn as I "moved up" TBH.

I think the values I learned as a LMC/poor person - hard work, not being arrogant about work being "beneath" me, doing housework myself (not using a cleaning person), figuring out public transportation, learning to make do without major luxuries or conveniences - this is important to life. Its been helpful for me when things haven't gone as expected. Its something I am trying to teach my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am UMC but grew up LMC. I rarely feel like there is something I couldn't learn as I "moved up" TBH.

I think the values I learned as a LMC/poor person - hard work, not being arrogant about work being "beneath" me, doing housework myself (not using a cleaning person), figuring out public transportation, learning to make do without major luxuries or conveniences - this is important to life. Its been helpful for me when things haven't gone as expected. Its something I am trying to teach my kids.

Me too. I find it insulting all of the posters suggesting that only UMC people teach their kids manners. I grew up LMC but you bet my parents taught me how to be polite and respectful (much more so than some UMC kids I met in college, TBH).

What they didn't teach me was less of a "value" and more of a skill, and that is how to invest money. I knew how to budget and save money for emergencies, but my parents did not have the luxury of being able to invest in the stock market, so I never learned that. My husband had to teach me the basics of investing, 401ks, tax consequences, etc.

[Anonymous]

What I have come to realize about UMC life, at least for UMC non-immigrant white people, is that you constantly have reinforced for you that the world just kinda “works” in your favor, that overall UMC people just seem to somehow have things work out for them. This is why UMC parents have more luxury to be able to say they their kids can “explore their passions” or “be themselves” versus doing extra homework on the weekend or having to take on a Tiger Mom role or something.

Not sure you can directly teach this or that you should, but it might be helpful to understand the subtle messaging other UMC kids receive.

[Anonymous]

"What I have come to realize about UMC life, at least for UMC non-immigrant white people, is that you constantly have reinforced for you that the world just kinda “works” in your favor, that overall UMC people just seem to somehow have things work out for them. This is why UMC parents have more luxury to be able to say they their kids can “explore their passions” or “be themselves” versus doing extra homework on the weekend or having to take on a Tiger Mom role or something.

Not sure you can directly teach this or that you should, but it might be helpful to understand the subtle messaging other UMC kids receive."

THIS!!!

That ease and willingness to take risks enables you to become all you could be. It's really an important part of success that is rarely acknowledged. Knowing that you have something to fall back on is so valuable. Kids who grow up with this have so much more going for them than those who learn to play it safe.