UMC lessons to teach my children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Expose them to culture:

Take them to museums--so easy (and free) in Washington
Take them to plays--plenty of children plays in DC
Take them to ballet--Nutcracker at least
Read poetry to them
Have them take piano or similar lessons--they should be able to do basic music reading--and take them to musical performances. Tune to the classical music station while driving them around, at least occasionally.
Read children's versions of mythology and Shakespeare to them, as well as children's classic books
Sprinkle in literary quotes or lines of poetry in your conversations with them (my candle burns at both ends; miles to go before I sleep; who's that knock, knock, knocking at my door?;he who is last shall be first--note: many literary quotes like this are from the Bible or Shakespeare)
Do everything you can to make them be decent spellers, have legible handwriting, and good grammar (latter very hard when me and Larla is so ubiquitous)
Whenever possible, have sit down family dinners with good conversation--even better if it is at a dinner table with china, silverware, and napkins. Dress for dinner for special occasions like Thanksgiving and Christmas, even if it is just family.
Take them to religious services every week if possible and have them dress up a bit for them.

If you do as you suggest, and read literature and poetry to them, you won't have to "sprinkle in quotes." They'll already know a lot of this. If they don't know it, shallow efforts aren't that useful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please and thank you.
Written thank you notes.
Eating with mouth closed.
Men holding doors. (I know, I know, old fashioned, probably sexist, but it is a sign that the man has been taught manners at a young age.)
Being able to carry on a gracious (not braggart) conversation with an adult.

These seem like old-fashioned middle class lessons. MIL insists on written thank yous.

Which absolutely signals that you don't have manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of these things are just basic parenting skills, not sure how they’re umc unless it’s an activity that costs money. Every kid should learn majority of these skills.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The true sign of UMC status: Pretending it doesn't exist.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teach them how to speak up and address concerns they may encounter in their lives. Being passive aggressive is a sign of what we used to call "poor breeding." . How to take perspectives of other people and not just assume that what they believe is the only possibility. How to value the feelings and values of others, rather than believing the universe revolves around them.

How is that a UMC thing? There are plenty of UMC people who are passive aggressive or self centered. You think people who make tons of money in corporate America or big law value other people and their feelings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of these things are just basic parenting skills, not sure how they’re umc unless it’s an activity that costs money. Every kid should learn majority of these skills.

Exactly.

UMC-thinking raising kids with basic manners and skills is a sign of being UMC. This post is so DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please and thank you.
Written thank you notes.
Eating with mouth closed.
Men holding doors. (I know, I know, old fashioned, probably sexist, but it is a sign that the man has been taught manners at a young age.)
Being able to carry on a gracious (not braggart) conversation with an adult.

These seem like old-fashioned middle class lessons. MIL insists on written thank yous.

Which absolutely signals that you don't have manners.

Oh please. A nice phone call or in-person or even text message thank you is just fine. And little kid bday parties don’t even need those.

[Anonymous]

^ To add, I actually know one family who is amazing with their TY notes, but they treat their nannies like crap and can’t hold onto them for more than a few months. So no, TY notes aren’t a particular marker of kindness or good manners or whatever.

[Anonymous]

For a deeper look into this topic, read Annette Lareau's book "Unequal Childhoods"'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please and thank you.
Written thank you notes.
Eating with mouth closed.
Men holding doors. (I know, I know, old fashioned, probably sexist, but it is a sign that the man has been taught manners at a young age.)
Being able to carry on a gracious (not braggart) conversation with an adult.

These seem like old-fashioned middle class lessons. MIL insists on written thank yous.

Which absolutely signals that you don't have manners.

Oh please. A nice phone call or in-person or even text message thank you is just fine. And little kid bday parties don’t even need those.

I write thank you cards for birthday gifts my toddlers receive. And when they can write they'll do it. Rude not to.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a low caste immigrant family and one striking difference I noticed in my upper caste DH immigrant family is that they don't yell when they are mad. In my family, we act like children when we are upset, so it's been hard for me to learn to control my emotions/impulses.

[Anonymous]

A lot of these are run of the mill good parenting tips.

Here are my tips that separate people with money from people who have class:

Travel internationally, and if you cannot afford to do that, be open to other cultures, languages, foods etc. For ex -- take advantage of all the embassies here in D.C. -- they open their doors to the public a few times a year. Emphasis on Europe.

Socialize with other UMC families -- dinners, card games, vacations. These should be pretty wholesome non-consumerist affairs -- think renting a house on Block Island and playing board games, or skiing over winter break -- not Vegas, or Orlando.

You should be reading the paper or listening to NPR so you can have intelligent discussions with your children and they grow up with not only a sense of the world, but the confidence to talk to adults about real topics. Not celebrity gossip. Not hyper-political stuff. They should understand how our government works, for example.

Dress simply -- clean and in luxury fabrics like linen, wool, denim and not rayon, polyester or spandex. Don't get overly tatted, or overly pierced, keep makeup nd hair to a minimum.

Read for fun. Have an opinion about books and authors, even if it's contrary. esp, if its contrary.

Learn skills that translate well into adulthood for casual fun -- like tennis.

Learn to play cards.

Get up at a decent hour in the morning-- before 7:30 -- even on weekends and holidays. Don'y spend your free time on the couch watching Netflix. Be productive. Garden, bike, museums etc.

Learn to love the outdoors -- whether it is hiking, sailing, camping, gardening or whatever. I am from the NE and went to boarding school in NE and then an Ivy. Love of the outdoors is an almost universal trait of the UMC. (Fishing is acceptable, as is duck hunting)

Be culturally literate -- know some Shakespeare, Robert Frost, Emily Dickinson etc. You should be able to nod knowingly when someone drops a line of famous poetry or mentions Ovid or cracks a joke about the unreadability of Ulysses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of these things are just basic parenting skills, not sure how they’re umc unless it’s an activity that costs money. Every kid should learn majority of these skills.

Exactly.

UMC-thinking raising kids with basic manners and skills is a sign of being UMC. This post is so DCUM.

Agree. This is a silly, cringy post thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of these are run of the mill good parenting tips.

Here are my tips that separate people with money from people who have class:

Travel internationally, and if you cannot afford to do that, be open to other cultures, languages, foods etc. For ex -- take advantage of all the embassies here in D.C. -- they open their doors to the public a few times a year. Emphasis on Europe.

Socialize with other UMC families -- dinners, card games, vacations. These should be pretty wholesome non-consumerist affairs -- think renting a house on Block Island and playing board games, or skiing over winter break -- not Vegas, or Orlando.

You should be reading the paper or listening to NPR so you can have intelligent discussions with your children and they grow up with not only a sense of the world, but the confidence to talk to adults about real topics. Not celebrity gossip. Not hyper-political stuff. They should understand how our government works, for example.

Dress simply -- clean and in luxury fabrics like linen, wool, denim and not rayon, polyester or spandex. Don't get overly tatted, or overly pierced, keep makeup nd hair to a minimum.

Read for fun. Have an opinion about books and authors, even if it's contrary. esp, if its contrary.

Learn skills that translate well into adulthood for casual fun -- like tennis.

Learn to play cards.

Get up at a decent hour in the morning-- before 7:30 -- even on weekends and holidays. Don'y spend your free time on the couch watching Netflix. Be productive. Garden, bike, museums etc.

Learn to love the outdoors -- whether it is hiking, sailing, camping, gardening or whatever. I am from the NE and went to boarding school in NE and then an Ivy. Love of the outdoors is an almost universal trait of the UMC. (Fishing is acceptable, as is duck hunting)

Be culturally literate -- know some Shakespeare, Robert Frost, Emily Dickinson etc. You should be able to nod knowingly when someone drops a line of famous poetry or mentions Ovid or cracks a joke about the unreadability of Ulysses.

It sounds like you’re talking about wealthy families. Remember UMC households don’t need to earn much more than $100k to qualify.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of these are run of the mill good parenting tips.

Here are my tips that separate people with money from people who have class:

Travel internationally, and if you cannot afford to do that, be open to other cultures, languages, foods etc. For ex -- take advantage of all the embassies here in D.C. -- they open their doors to the public a few times a year. Emphasis on Europe.

Socialize with other UMC families -- dinners, card games, vacations. These should be pretty wholesome non-consumerist affairs -- think renting a house on Block Island and playing board games, or skiing over winter break -- not Vegas, or Orlando.

You should be reading the paper or listening to NPR so you can have intelligent discussions with your children and they grow up with not only a sense of the world, but the confidence to talk to adults about real topics. Not celebrity gossip. Not hyper-political stuff. They should understand how our government works, for example.

Dress simply -- clean and in luxury fabrics like linen, wool, denim and not rayon, polyester or spandex. Don't get overly tatted, or overly pierced, keep makeup nd hair to a minimum.

Read for fun. Have an opinion about books and authors, even if it's contrary. esp, if its contrary.

Learn skills that translate well into adulthood for casual fun -- like tennis.

Learn to play cards.

Get up at a decent hour in the morning-- before 7:30 -- even on weekends and holidays. Don'y spend your free time on the couch watching Netflix. Be productive. Garden, bike, museums etc.

Learn to love the outdoors -- whether it is hiking, sailing, camping, gardening or whatever. I am from the NE and went to boarding school in NE and then an Ivy. Love of the outdoors is an almost universal trait of the UMC. (Fishing is acceptable, as is duck hunting)

Be culturally literate -- know some Shakespeare, Robert Frost, Emily Dickinson etc. You should be able to nod knowingly when someone drops a line of famous poetry or mentions Ovid or cracks a joke about the unreadability of Ulysses.

These are not luxury fabrics, they are natural fabrics. And denim isn't really even that, unless 100% cotton.