UMC lessons to teach my children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of these are run of the mill good parenting tips.

Here are my tips that separate people with money from people who have class:

Travel internationally, and if you cannot afford to do that, be open to other cultures, languages, foods etc. For ex -- take advantage of all the embassies here in D.C. -- they open their doors to the public a few times a year. Emphasis on Europe.

Socialize with other UMC families -- dinners, card games, vacations. These should be pretty wholesome non-consumerist affairs -- think renting a house on Block Island and playing board games, or skiing over winter break -- not Vegas, or Orlando.

You should be reading the paper or listening to NPR so you can have intelligent discussions with your children and they grow up with not only a sense of the world, but the confidence to talk to adults about real topics. Not celebrity gossip. Not hyper-political stuff. They should understand how our government works, for example.

Dress simply -- clean and in luxury fabrics like linen, wool, denim and not rayon, polyester or spandex. Don't get overly tatted, or overly pierced, keep makeup nd hair to a minimum.

Read for fun. Have an opinion about books and authors, even if it's contrary. esp, if its contrary.

Learn skills that translate well into adulthood for casual fun -- like tennis.

Learn to play cards.

Get up at a decent hour in the morning-- before 7:30 -- even on weekends and holidays. Don'y spend your free time on the couch watching Netflix. Be productive. Garden, bike, museums etc.

Learn to love the outdoors -- whether it is hiking, sailing, camping, gardening or whatever. I am from the NE and went to boarding school in NE and then an Ivy. Love of the outdoors is an almost universal trait of the UMC. (Fishing is acceptable, as is duck hunting)

Be culturally literate -- know some Shakespeare, Robert Frost, Emily Dickinson etc. You should be able to nod knowingly when someone drops a line of famous poetry or mentions Ovid or cracks a joke about the unreadability of Ulysses.

I think this is pretty well thought out. I would add:
- golf and swimming lessons to your tennis

- not going overboard on holidays. It’s about family and memories, not stuff

- If you are religious, attend services. Celebrities and hillbillies might be “spiritual but not religious.” MC and UMC people either identify as atheist or go to church.

I would disagree and say you should travel far and wide. Just playing card games.in the same beach rental again and again will not expose your kids to the world.

[Anonymous]

^I think PP was saying don't go overboard on 'the holidays' in terms of say, Christmas gifts, etc.--not 'holidays' in the sense of vacation travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^I think PP was saying don't go overboard on 'the holidays' in terms of say, Christmas gifts, etc.--not 'holidays' in the sense of vacation travel.

Exactly. When I was growing up, we got necessities as holiday gifts and a couple wants. My kids don’t need socks and underwear and new sneakers for the holidays, so our tree looks a lot less full underneath and that’s okay. They don’t think it’s weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I have come to realize about UMC life, at least for UMC non-immigrant white people, is that you constantly have reinforced for you that the world just kinda “works” in your favor, that overall UMC people just seem to somehow have things work out for them. This is why UMC parents have more luxury to be able to say they their kids can “explore their passions” or “be themselves” versus doing extra homework on the weekend or having to take on a Tiger Mom role or something.

Not sure you can directly teach this or that you should, but it might be helpful to understand the subtle messaging other UMC kids receive.

This is the real UMC lesson: whatever small choices you make, your kid will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Be punctual. 5 minutes early is on time. On time is late.

Send a "safe home" note after you leave someone's house and it is drive / trip home.

Thank someone the next day when you have been over at their house the evening / weekend before.

Wear clean clothes that fit. Know what type of clothes to wear for what occasion and if you are a man, understand subtleties like not buttoning lower button, matching tie width to lapel width, having tie the right length, importance of good shoes, in-season fabrics.

When you are a guest at someone else's house, offer to help; clear your plate; make your bed; keep your belongings tidy and together.

If answering a phone, say "this is he/she;" "whom may I say is calling."

Especially important these days: Do not fill you child's head with garbage like tiktok, video games, celebrity gossip, vine, discord, social media. Make them culturally literate--watch classic movies (not animated franchise serial crap), read the classics at bedtime and for pleasure; visit museums, go to the opera / ballet / theater. Travel abroad or to nicer North American places. These are things the UMC spends money on that the MC simply does not have the budget for. Listen to classic music, public radio, public television (or its modern equivalent).

Personally I think you should avoid graphic novels and anime and that they destroy kids attention span and love of reading.

Do not play with guns, even nerf guns.

Never set foot in Chuck E Cheese, Dave and Busters, or similar.

Ski, golf, tennis, sailing, horseback riding.

Music lessons. Classical music lessons.

Ballet for girls. Not the kind of "dance" where they put the girls in spangled costumes with heavy makeup. Chess for boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be punctual. 5 minutes early is on time. On time is late.

Send a "safe home" note after you leave someone's house and it is drive / trip home.

Thank someone the next day when you have been over at their house the evening / weekend before.

Wear clean clothes that fit. Know what type of clothes to wear for what occasion and if you are a man, understand subtleties like not buttoning lower button, matching tie width to lapel width, having tie the right length, importance of good shoes, in-season fabrics.

When you are a guest at someone else's house, offer to help; clear your plate; make your bed; keep your belongings tidy and together.

If answering a phone, say "this is he/she;" "whom may I say is calling."

Especially important these days: Do not fill you child's head with garbage like tiktok, video games, celebrity gossip, vine, discord, social media. Make them culturally literate--watch classic movies (not animated franchise serial crap), read the classics at bedtime and for pleasure; visit museums, go to the opera / ballet / theater. Travel abroad or to nicer North American places. These are things the UMC spends money on that the MC simply does not have the budget for. Listen to classic music, public radio, public television (or its modern equivalent).

Personally I think you should avoid graphic novels and anime and that they destroy kids attention span and love of reading.

Do not play with guns, even nerf guns.

Never set foot in Chuck E Cheese, Dave and Busters, or similar.

Ski, golf, tennis, sailing, horseback riding.

Music lessons. Classical music lessons.

Ballet for girls. Not the kind of "dance" where they put the girls in spangled costumes with heavy makeup. Chess for boys.

Most of these are not UMC markers. And its WHO, not whom.

https://www.grammarly.com/blog/who-vs-whom-its-not-as-complicated-as-you-might-think/?gclid=CjwKCAjw46CVBhB1EiwAgy6M4jSxWwnH_6I5r_bXhxnkI4TTZV2tPci8qhoVhXF1Z7L1PDmqli5lURoCdSQQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

[Anonymous]

Many of these posts are so bizarre and archaic. The post is about "UMC lessons", not teaching kids to roleplay the 1950s. Young professionals are not sitting around talking about ballet, opera, or "the classics" and knowing about this stuff is not going to endear your precious DCs to anyone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many of these posts are so bizarre and archaic. The post is about "UMC lessons", not teaching kids to roleplay the 1950s. Young professionals are not sitting around talking about ballet, opera, or "the classics" and knowing about this stuff is not going to endear your precious DCs to anyone

Yeah, this thread is like a time warp. Or parody.

Opera? Seriously?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many of these posts are so bizarre and archaic. The post is about "UMC lessons", not teaching kids to roleplay the 1950s. Young professionals are not sitting around talking about ballet, opera, or "the classics" and knowing about this stuff is not going to endear your precious DCs to anyone

Yeah, this thread is like a time warp. Or parody.

Opera? Seriously?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many of these posts are so bizarre and archaic. The post is about "UMC lessons", not teaching kids to roleplay the 1950s. Young professionals are not sitting around talking about ballet, opera, or "the classics" and knowing about this stuff is not going to endear your precious DCs to anyone

You may not sit around talking about it but having all these things sink into your cortex gives you a base of knowledge that plugs you into the world in subtle ways. I mean do you want your child to look puzzled when someone says "patience of Job"? Or compares someone to a character from a classical piece that they feel ought to be known?

I grew up in a different country where these things were markers of education level, not necessarily wealth. I was dragged to symphonies and ballet and opera starting maybe age 7. I'd be the first to tell you it was extra boring at the time! But thirty years later...I'm so grateful for the experience. Things sink in even when you think they don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^I think PP was saying don't go overboard on 'the holidays' in terms of say, Christmas gifts, etc.--not 'holidays' in the sense of vacation travel.

Exactly. When I was growing up, we got necessities as holiday gifts and a couple wants. My kids don’t need socks and underwear and new sneakers for the holidays, so our tree looks a lot less full underneath and that’s okay. They don’t think it’s weird.

My friends who are more MC are all about getting the “it” toy or video game system plus accessories for Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Know how to RSVP to various events.

[Anonymous]

Most UMC schools (including public schools) have a cutthroat social hierarchy beginning in mid-elementary school. The “it” group can make anyone a social outcast and get even your closest friends to refuse to talk to you or be seen with you. Name brands matter more than it seems like they should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a low caste immigrant family and one striking difference I noticed in my upper caste DH immigrant family is that they don't yell when they are mad. In my family, we act like children when we are upset, so it's been hard for me to learn to control my emotions/impulses.

same.. the struggle is real.