Prom Decliners

[Anonymous]

Prom is fine. Insists they go and stay to close to the end. No leaving after an hour. They really will have fun. All of my kids were saying they wanted to leave right away but all had to stay for different reasons, and all would say they really liked staying for the whole event.

[Anonymous]

I think I wouldn't think much of it if my very social kid who has no problem interacting with the opposite gender (which is the group he dates) didn't want to go to the prom. But I'd be concerned if I knew my kid wanted to go, but was too afraid to ask a date and was uncomfortable about getting dressed up to make their date proud of going with them. That's an important social development milestone but lots of kids haven't managed to hit it yet.

The thing where a bunch of socially stunted 17-yr-old boys all go play paintball with one another on prom night because they don't have teen girls in their social group is just sad.

[Anonymous]

Good point that there's no reason that A Fancy Dance With Everyone You See All The Time should be the way that you mark a big event. I loved dancing at my wedding, loved the dances at my grad school where I loved the people, but I really had no need to hang out for 10 hours with the people I ended up in a limo with and their dates. I could see my kids loving that, but it's not for everyone. I appreciate the idea that there's nothing wrong with you if you don't want to go to prom. If anything, it's using your noggin a bit and thinking about what you find fun and choosing things that aren't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are your kids not interested in going to prom?

The last two years all anyone could talk about was how sad it was that kids were missing out on these rites of passage because it was too dangerous to let them gather. Yet this year, I've heard of lots of friends' teens who aren't going to prom. What's this about?

I'm wondering how much this might be a result of stunted development caused by quarantining? Did this year's Juniors and Seniors miss out on learning how to interact with their peer groups? Did social networks fail to form, and so there isn't the normal desire to gather together with your classmates to celebrate? And do the post-covid kids never learn how to go on a date, much less how to ask someone out?

You’re way overthinking this. Maybe they just don’t want to go. Not everyone likes to dress up and spend the money or hassle trying to get a date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are your kids not interested in going to prom?

The last two years all anyone could talk about was how sad it was that kids were missing out on these rites of passage because it was too dangerous to let them gather. Yet this year, I've heard of lots of friends' teens who aren't going to prom. What's this about?

I'm wondering how much this might be a result of stunted development caused by quarantining? Did this year's Juniors and Seniors miss out on learning how to interact with their peer groups? Did social networks fail to form, and so there isn't the normal desire to gather together with your classmates to celebrate? And do the post-covid kids never learn how to go on a date, much less how to ask someone out?

The best you can come up with is stunted development? How about kids just don't want to get dressed up and pay a ton of money to go to a stupid party for no reason, especially when most of them aren't dating anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I wouldn't think much of it if my very social kid who has no problem interacting with the opposite gender (which is the group he dates) didn't want to go to the prom. But I'd be concerned if I knew my kid wanted to go, but was too afraid to ask a date and was uncomfortable about getting dressed up to make their date proud of going with them. That's an important social development milestone but lots of kids haven't managed to hit it yet.

The thing where a bunch of socially stunted 17-yr-old boys all go play paintball with one another on prom night because they don't have teen girls in their social group is just sad.

Excuse me? What about the girls who aren't getting asked b/c they aren't wearing crop tops and out flirting with boys and seeking attention?
This goes both ways.

Lots of girls won't be going to prom, either, b/c no one asked them.

[Anonymous]

It's 2023. No girl needs to be invited to prom to attend these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's 2023. No girl needs to be invited to prom to attend these days.

Of course they don't "NEED" it. But I'm not sure why girls who WANT to be asked are dismissed but socially inept boys are so deserving of our concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The pandemic, BLM, Trump, now the war in Russia - it's made my children re-prioritize what's important. FWIW, I graduated from HS in 1994 and never went to a prom.

Your kids sound mentally fragile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are your kids not interested in going to prom?

The last two years all anyone could talk about was how sad it was that kids were missing out on these rites of passage because it was too dangerous to let them gather. Yet this year, I've heard of lots of friends' teens who aren't going to prom. What's this about?

I'm wondering how much this might be a result of stunted development caused by quarantining? Did this year's Juniors and Seniors miss out on learning how to interact with their peer groups? Did social networks fail to form, and so there isn't the normal desire to gather together with your classmates to celebrate? And do the post-covid kids never learn how to go on a date, much less how to ask someone out?

The best you can come up with is stunted development? How about kids just don't want to get dressed up and pay a ton of money to go to a stupid party for no reason, especially when most of them aren't dating anymore.

Because everyone likes to blame the pandemic on any behavior that isn't what parents want their kids to do. And they don't recognize that their kid is 3+ years older now and fundamentally different than when it started.

[Anonymous]

My brother and his friends boycotted the prom because of the expense. They didn’t want to spend all that $ on tux, limo, corsage, dinner, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"My DS does not like dancing and didn't want to spend his hard earned $$$ on some "weird looking clothes". So on prom night he and his buddies went to Paintball."

I can just picture this. And we wonder why so many adult men are losers who have zero appeal to women. Can't manage to dress themselves. Can't manage to talk to a woman. And the parents do zero to nudge them into adulthood or help them out with the expense?

In high school, my friends and I always skipped prom and went bowling (though dressing up in over-the-top thrift store party dresses was part of the fun!). Shockingly, we all successfully made it to adulthood and marriage.

I would argue that there’s something to be said for young people who already know how to listen to their own drummers rather than just follow the crowd.

Yeah. My brother was the most popular guy in HS. Star athlete, always voted hottest, most fun, etc. He and his friends skipped prom. They didn’t want to spend the $$ and did t want the pomp and circumstance. They were already getting laid at that point. They certainly can talk to women

[Anonymous]

I just want to chime in and say I really love the idea that "kids these days" go to prom in groups. I did not like feeling as if I needed a date, back in the day. It changes things for the better.

I have to admit, I would be disappointed if my kids did not want to attend prom, especially given that they don't really need a date, but can go in a group.

If you enjoy dressing up and dancing, why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of them don’t want to deal with the absurdity that is “promposal” these days.

+1 Having to make a public, and potentially crushing and embarrassing, display is too far for many teens. The last thing a teen needs is a TikTok of them getting humiliated at school.

They know the person is going to say yes. It isn't like the old days boomer

I know a couple of girls that said yes as they knew it was all on camera and didn't want to embarrass the boy with others watching. But then told the boy they weren't interested but didn't want to humiliate them in front if their friends

Didn't happen. None of these boys make the ask until they have clearly gotten yes in advance. Yes, it's stupid, but nobody is getting publicly humiliated

This totally happens, not often but it happens. One of DD’s friends had this exact thing happen. She said yes in front of everyone then later spoke with him privately. You’d think people would do their homework on whether the person will say yes. But some of the big asks are to catch the person off guard.

[Anonymous]

I think prom has become too much and too expensive. If you just want to dress up and have fun dancing, then sure, it's fun.

If you have to arrive in a limo, buy $$$$ dresses and tuxes, and pay for the venue instead of having fun decorating a place in the high school, I can see why kids may opt.