Prom Decliners

[Anonymous]

My son is high-functioning autistic and has never been interested in prom or parties. I was hoping he'd find a friend to hang out with at prom, but he decided he just didn't want to go.

Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC goes to a private HS in VA. Yes there were promposals, but none publicly at school. They were shared privately between couples who were already dating. I agree plenty of kids have dates, but there are very few couples dating, so most go in friend groups. Some get party busses/limos, fancy dinners, tux rentals and gowns, while others do the low key suit/dress and casual dinner as PP mentioned. A good friend's son at W/L did this with his crew of guys and girls, and had dinner at Chipotle. They had a blast and took funny photos. And of course, some kids opt out of prom. We didn't do promposals, but this is no different than previous years & what kids did when I was in HS. I honestly don't understand all the vitrol. If your kid isn't into it, don't go.

Are you joking? Because it's HS and the instinct to go with the crowd, to want to be included, etc. is high. You feel like a loser if you don't go. Sure, there are the few confident ones who TRULY DGAF. But that is not most HS kids.

[Anonymous]

Are you joking? Because it's HS and the instinct to go with the crowd, to want to be included, etc. is high. You feel like a loser if you don't go. Sure, there are the few confident ones who TRULY DGAF. But that is not most HS kids.

You may be overthinking this. There's a lot of energy around dress styles, the pre & after parties, and who "hooks up," but literally no one cares who goes to the actual prom and who doesn't. These kids want to have fun and are too self absorbed to worry about what someone outside their friend group does. Have you noticed fewer kids are posting on Insta and BeReal? They share their stories via Snap to a close group of friends because they're no longer obsessed with "likes" and comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Imagine thinking any of this has anything to do with choosing to skip a lame, dated school dance. "

What should the school community replace prom with? How would you have the students mark this important moment if you were in charge? If a big party is "lame" (really not a cool term, btw) what would you suggest instead?

Oh, FFS. They don’t have to “replace” it with anything. Ridiculous adults like the PP just need to stop whining about the (many) kids who think it’s boring and overpriced and don’t want to go.

Exactly. And to address the PPPs questions, I’m fairly certain this important student moment is marked with this thing called a Graduation Ceremony.

[Anonymous]

We no longer live in the DC area, and prom is fairly low-key here in a smaller metro area. No promposals, no limos, suits are the norm (although some do tuxes), prom cost is $35. Many kids go to dinner beforehand. Lot of kids go in groups. I love that it is not some hyped-up, over-priced event that you need a date for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD turned down an invite from a boy at an all boys school. She has just come to hate these dances. It’s really all about the pictures, no one has fun at the actual event because there’s too many rules so they leave early, change into sweats and get drunk.

That wasnt very nice of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD turned down an invite from a boy at an all boys school. She has just come to hate these dances. It’s really all about the pictures, no one has fun at the actual event because there’s too many rules so they leave early, change into sweats and get drunk.

That wasnt very nice of her.

LOL. It was fine. No boy (or girl) is owed a "yes" to a date.

[Anonymous]

I had no interest in going to prom 20 years ago. It’s just not something that appeals to everyone- especially more introverted kids.

[Anonymous]

I hated prom many years back. I managed to skip it my junior year. Senior year I was forced to go. It was a total waste of my time. Prom is fine for those who want to go, but please do not make your child go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD turned down an invite from a boy at an all boys school. She has just come to hate these dances. It’s really all about the pictures, no one has fun at the actual event because there’s too many rules so they leave early, change into sweats and get drunk.

That wasnt very nice of her.

Ok? Maybe he had a bad personality. Maybe he wasn't funny. Probably he was a wonderful guy and they didn't gel. She's not obligated to accept his invite so long as she declined tactfully.

[Anonymous]

I've been watching prom content on tiktok. Kids these days are going ALL OUT for prom. I could totally see opting out if this is the bar in your area:
https://www.tiktok.com/@justbeingchina/video/7222471234997472554

https://www.tiktok.com/@thelobdells/video/7227882250237496619

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We no longer live in the DC area, and prom is fairly low-key here in a smaller metro area. No promposals, no limos, suits are the norm (although some do tuxes), prom cost is $35. Many kids go to dinner beforehand. Lot of kids go in groups. I love that it is not some hyped-up, over-priced event that you need a date for.

Prom is not just a school dance. It's a reward for kids who have done what they're supposed to do in high school, and have contributed to student life as an athlete or maybe a performer or musician or in student government. It means securing a date, dressing up, conversing with the date's parents, attending a formal dinner with peers while paying attention to your date, and attending a ball where you and your date form a unit. Then you get home safely.

It's an opportunity for socializing with the other prominent people in your peer community. Hence the name "prom". Kids need to be able to do if they want to succeed as adults. The worst trend post-Covid has been the prevalence of kids going stag. They're not striving to figure out who their match is on the scale, how to figure out the best person who will go out with them. Instead they're just giving up, with the parents' and school's approval. These "stag" kids water down the experience for the kids who regularly party with each other but would like to extend their status to a formal social event for the upper levels of their (high school) community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We no longer live in the DC area, and prom is fairly low-key here in a smaller metro area. No promposals, no limos, suits are the norm (although some do tuxes), prom cost is $35. Many kids go to dinner beforehand. Lot of kids go in groups. I love that it is not some hyped-up, over-priced event that you need a date for.

Prom is not just a school dance. It's a reward for kids who have done what they're supposed to do in high school, and have contributed to student life as an athlete or maybe a performer or musician or in student government. It means securing a date, dressing up, conversing with the date's parents, attending a formal dinner with peers while paying attention to your date, and attending a ball where you and your date form a unit. Then you get home safely.

It's an opportunity for socializing with the other prominent people in your peer community. Hence the name "prom". Kids need to be able to do if they want to succeed as adults. The worst trend post-Covid has been the prevalence of kids going stag. They're not striving to figure out who their match is on the scale, how to figure out the best person who will go out with them. Instead they're just giving up, with the parents' and school's approval. These "stag" kids water down the experience for the kids who regularly party with each other but would like to extend their status to a formal social event for the upper levels of their (high school) community.

Weirdest post ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We no longer live in the DC area, and prom is fairly low-key here in a smaller metro area. No promposals, no limos, suits are the norm (although some do tuxes), prom cost is $35. Many kids go to dinner beforehand. Lot of kids go in groups. I love that it is not some hyped-up, over-priced event that you need a date for.

Prom is not just a school dance. It's a reward for kids who have done what they're supposed to do in high school, and have contributed to student life as an athlete or maybe a performer or musician or in student government. It means securing a date, dressing up, conversing with the date's parents, attending a formal dinner with peers while paying attention to your date, and attending a ball where you and your date form a unit. Then you get home safely.

It's an opportunity for socializing with the other prominent people in your peer community. Hence the name "prom". Kids need to be able to do if they want to succeed as adults. The worst trend post-Covid has been the prevalence of kids going stag. They're not striving to figure out who their match is on the scale, how to figure out the best person who will go out with them. Instead they're just giving up, with the parents' and school's approval. These "stag" kids water down the experience for the kids who regularly party with each other but would like to extend their status to a formal social event for the upper levels of their (high school) community.

Weirdest post ever.

Straight out of a 1980s teen movie

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Imagine thinking any of this has anything to do with choosing to skip a lame, dated school dance. "

What should the school community replace prom with? How would you have the students mark this important moment if you were in charge? If a big party is "lame" (really not a cool term, btw) what would you suggest instead?

Oh, FFS. They don’t have to “replace” it with anything. Ridiculous adults like the PP just need to stop whining about the (many) kids who think it’s boring and overpriced and don’t want to go.

Exactly. And to address the PPPs questions, I’m fairly certain this important student moment is marked with this thing called a Graduation Ceremony.

What comes after the Wedding Ceremony, Bar Mitzvah Ceremony, or Confirmation Ceremony?