Small details that make a person seem more youthful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I regularly get mistaken for someone 10 years younger than I am (I am 42, often get mistaken for early 30s). Here's what I think does it:

- Athletic. I used to be a personal trainer and still work out daily. I also walk almost everywhere I go and have lots of active hobbies (biking, hiking, rock climbing). This should be obvious, but the more active you are, the younger you will appear. It's not just that it makes your body look better (though it does), it also give you more energy, keeps you more flexible, helps maintain balance, etc. These feel like intangibles but spend some time watching how people move through the world. Exercising and feeling fit will make you appear younger without having to do anything to your clothes or hair.

- Minimal makeup. Granted, I think I have some good skin genes and my skin still looks pretty good despite not always being religious about skincare (I am now, but wasn't always when I was younger). But even if I had more wrinkles, I think a good quality CC cream plus some mascara and maaaaaybe a sheer cheek tint is plenty for most women. I went through a lipstick phase but stopped it specifically because I think it makes me look older (emphasizes thinning lips and tiny lines around my mouth that you didn't notice if I just wear a lip balm). I also think eye makeup is especially aging on older skin because it settles into all the fine lines. If you have the time to really make it look right, it works, but for every day? You will look more youthful with just a swipe of mascara and a relatively clean face. I have started to do my brows daily though, but that has to do with having light hair and needing some definition. I don't think it's necessary if your brows are already darker -- just tidy them up a bit.

- Keep clothes simple. Nothing too trendy, but I also keep things fairly streamlined. Agree that updated denim is key. So many women my age are afraid of higher rises and non-skinny jeans. I get it, but once you take the plunge, you can see it looks better. My favorite jeans right now are a highish rise with a straight leg in a mid-blue. Classic and easy. With a tee or tank tucked in, a hip-length blazer, and a pair of flats, it's such an easy look that doesn't make me look like I'm trying to be a teenager, but is in style in a way that won't date me. And it's easy and the pants are comfy! There's really no downside.

- Don't overdo technical fabrics and athleisure. I have and wear leggings. I own a fleece jacket. But I do not do head-to-toe athleisure very often. I think actual young people can pull this off and still look young. But once you're in your 40s, you just look like somebody's mom (full disclosure: I am somebody's mom). But a 40+ woman wearing black leggings/joggers, sports bra with athletic top, and a fleece jacket, plus sneakers, every day? It's not that it makes you look super old, it just pegs you to a certain stage of life -- school drop off, soccer practice, Saturdays at the playground, etc. Yes, it's plenty of women in their 30s doing this too. But the point is that it wears different once you're over 40. Putting in a smidge more effort will help a lot.

Genuine question: what are the circumstances under which people are guessing your age? It truly does not come up in conversation and I’m quite confident that it’s not because I look uncommonly old or young for my age.

NP but this comes up all the time and the skepticism is sort of... Well, to be fair, I guess it's both warranted and weird.

I'm sure lots of people think they look younger and absolutely do not, even if once in a while someone is surprised at their age.

But it's sort of weird to think you're going to "gotcha" an anonymous person online with this. And there are all kinds of ways age comes up in one way or another, or it's obvious in some way that people think you are approximately whatever age (like PP who has people CLEARLY assuming she and her son are on a date).

I look at least somewhat younger than I am, and have since I was 30. There are lots of ways age can come up without anyone having to go out of their way to ask or mention it.

-Getting carded, specifically at a place that doesn't card everyone, when they're not even carding everyone at the table-- and this happens frequently-- I know it may only be that they think I am under 35, not under 21, but still

-I say I'm going to my HS reunion or it's my anniversary, and someone asks what year/how many years and then seems genuinely shocked/has to do the math-- sure, maybe they're blowing smoke, eh, IDK

-My new boss keeps making cultural references and saying I wouldn't know about them. Cultural references from... the 80s and 90s. I was born in the 1970s. My supervisor called me and told me he had to repeatedly insist upon how old I actually am, because big boss kept assuming I was a dozen years younger

-People assuming my brother, who is 10 years younger than I am, is the older sibling

-I could go on

Sure, you can poke holes into all of these things! Maybe my little brother looks a haggard mess! Maybe my boss has dementia! Maybe the servers are all flirting with me!

It's not even a point of pride with me, per se. It's just a phenomenon that I daresay actually exists (and yes, I said 'daresay' in an online forum! ooh, no one will card me now!)

It's even more extreme with DH, who is an actor and constantly asked to audition for 30-somethings. He's over 50. Then again, not everyone is white.

You think about this alot, huh?

I think about a lot of things a lot, especially when prompted with, you know-- a question. Sounds like thinking isn't really your thing.

[Anonymous]

If you want to fake youth…


Look at your hairline, part, and eyebrows.
Thinning hair is really hard on women, but so many of us struggle with it. I have a small group of good friends and I am the only one not currently struggling with this.
I recommend rogaine. I’ve regrown my brows with it. It really makes a difference.

[Anonymous]

I'm 43 and the reason I know I look young for my age is:

- I have had doctors and dentists repeatedly ask for someone to bring them the correct chart because the age/birthday looks wrong to them.
- I was pregnant at the same time as a coworker 10 years younger than me and she kept remarking that I was having the worst "luck" with my pregnancy due to a bunch of complications and even when I said "well, it's considered a high risk pregnancy", she assumed it was due to something other than age. When I finally just said "well, I'm 41, so they approach it differently" she literally dropped her jaw. She had no idea.
- A lot of my mom friends are quite a bit younger than I am because I had my kids so late and for a while my best mom friend says she assumed I'd grown up home schooled or wasn't allowed to watch TV or something, because otherwise there was no explanation for why I didn't understand basically any of her cultural references from the 90s.

None of these are people who are trying to flatter me or blow smoke up my a$$. I've always looked young for my age. When I was in my 20s, I looked like a teenager. When I was in my 30s I looked like a recent college grad. I actually appreciate that now in my 40s people at least assume I'm mid-career because I notice I get treated better at work people seem to respect me more from the get-go instead of having to prove myself over and over. I've definitely also noticed a decline in men being interested in me, but I am not sure if that's because I look older or because I'm a mom -- they happened around the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I regularly get mistaken for someone 10 years younger than I am (I am 42, often get mistaken for early 30s). Here's what I think does it:

- Athletic. I used to be a personal trainer and still work out daily. I also walk almost everywhere I go and have lots of active hobbies (biking, hiking, rock climbing). This should be obvious, but the more active you are, the younger you will appear. It's not just that it makes your body look better (though it does), it also give you more energy, keeps you more flexible, helps maintain balance, etc. These feel like intangibles but spend some time watching how people move through the world. Exercising and feeling fit will make you appear younger without having to do anything to your clothes or hair.

- Minimal makeup. Granted, I think I have some good skin genes and my skin still looks pretty good despite not always being religious about skincare (I am now, but wasn't always when I was younger). But even if I had more wrinkles, I think a good quality CC cream plus some mascara and maaaaaybe a sheer cheek tint is plenty for most women. I went through a lipstick phase but stopped it specifically because I think it makes me look older (emphasizes thinning lips and tiny lines around my mouth that you didn't notice if I just wear a lip balm). I also think eye makeup is especially aging on older skin because it settles into all the fine lines. If you have the time to really make it look right, it works, but for every day? You will look more youthful with just a swipe of mascara and a relatively clean face. I have started to do my brows daily though, but that has to do with having light hair and needing some definition. I don't think it's necessary if your brows are already darker -- just tidy them up a bit.

- Keep clothes simple. Nothing too trendy, but I also keep things fairly streamlined. Agree that updated denim is key. So many women my age are afraid of higher rises and non-skinny jeans. I get it, but once you take the plunge, you can see it looks better. My favorite jeans right now are a highish rise with a straight leg in a mid-blue. Classic and easy. With a tee or tank tucked in, a hip-length blazer, and a pair of flats, it's such an easy look that doesn't make me look like I'm trying to be a teenager, but is in style in a way that won't date me. And it's easy and the pants are comfy! There's really no downside.

- Don't overdo technical fabrics and athleisure. I have and wear leggings. I own a fleece jacket. But I do not do head-to-toe athleisure very often. I think actual young people can pull this off and still look young. But once you're in your 40s, you just look like somebody's mom (full disclosure: I am somebody's mom). But a 40+ woman wearing black leggings/joggers, sports bra with athletic top, and a fleece jacket, plus sneakers, every day? It's not that it makes you look super old, it just pegs you to a certain stage of life -- school drop off, soccer practice, Saturdays at the playground, etc. Yes, it's plenty of women in their 30s doing this too. But the point is that it wears different once you're over 40. Putting in a smidge more effort will help a lot.

pp I know you've gotten some snarky responses here but I for one appreciate this detailed response since I largely agree with your points as well.
One question: which are some good brands that have the kind of high rise straight leg jeans that you're talking about? I have never found one that was quite comfortable enough for me (ex. I want as much stretch as possible but prefer jeans to look regular non-stretch)? Any models/ brands you recommend for a 40yo?

PP here and two brands I like are Madewell and Reformation. Plenty of stretch in the denim but it still holds me in. Paige denim is also good but I have to be very selective with the cuts I buy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I regularly get mistaken for someone 10 years younger than I am (I am 42, often get mistaken for early 30s). Here's what I think does it:

- Athletic. I used to be a personal trainer and still work out daily. I also walk almost everywhere I go and have lots of active hobbies (biking, hiking, rock climbing). This should be obvious, but the more active you are, the younger you will appear. It's not just that it makes your body look better (though it does), it also give you more energy, keeps you more flexible, helps maintain balance, etc. These feel like intangibles but spend some time watching how people move through the world. Exercising and feeling fit will make you appear younger without having to do anything to your clothes or hair.

- Minimal makeup. Granted, I think I have some good skin genes and my skin still looks pretty good despite not always being religious about skincare (I am now, but wasn't always when I was younger). But even if I had more wrinkles, I think a good quality CC cream plus some mascara and maaaaaybe a sheer cheek tint is plenty for most women. I went through a lipstick phase but stopped it specifically because I think it makes me look older (emphasizes thinning lips and tiny lines around my mouth that you didn't notice if I just wear a lip balm). I also think eye makeup is especially aging on older skin because it settles into all the fine lines. If you have the time to really make it look right, it works, but for every day? You will look more youthful with just a swipe of mascara and a relatively clean face. I have started to do my brows daily though, but that has to do with having light hair and needing some definition. I don't think it's necessary if your brows are already darker -- just tidy them up a bit.

- Keep clothes simple. Nothing too trendy, but I also keep things fairly streamlined. Agree that updated denim is key. So many women my age are afraid of higher rises and non-skinny jeans. I get it, but once you take the plunge, you can see it looks better. My favorite jeans right now are a highish rise with a straight leg in a mid-blue. Classic and easy. With a tee or tank tucked in, a hip-length blazer, and a pair of flats, it's such an easy look that doesn't make me look like I'm trying to be a teenager, but is in style in a way that won't date me. And it's easy and the pants are comfy! There's really no downside.

- Don't overdo technical fabrics and athleisure. I have and wear leggings. I own a fleece jacket. But I do not do head-to-toe athleisure very often. I think actual young people can pull this off and still look young. But once you're in your 40s, you just look like somebody's mom (full disclosure: I am somebody's mom). But a 40+ woman wearing black leggings/joggers, sports bra with athletic top, and a fleece jacket, plus sneakers, every day? It's not that it makes you look super old, it just pegs you to a certain stage of life -- school drop off, soccer practice, Saturdays at the playground, etc. Yes, it's plenty of women in their 30s doing this too. But the point is that it wears different once you're over 40. Putting in a smidge more effort will help a lot.

I wear updated jeans to keep with the trends and appear more youthful so to speak, but in no way do high rise jeans and non skinny pants make someone look “better”. They are objectively less flattering.

It depends on your body. If you are very curvy with a great butt, I can see why you might prefer skinny jeans or anything that hugs your curves.

But a higher rise looks better on most people unless you are truly apple shaped. A high rise will hit at your real waist and cinch the slimmest part of your torso. High rise jeans can also give a visual lift to a small or flat butt. And straight leg jeans will create a better leg line for most people.

People think skinny jeans are flattering because we became so accustomed to being able to see the shape of someone's butt for a long time (between skinny jeans and the rise of leggings). But even if you have a great butt, skinny jeans also emphasize all your other curves. It's not as cute as you think it is, especially if you are wearing flats or sneakers. But a classic straight leg jean won't add bulk while also lengthening your leg. You look better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I regularly get mistaken for someone 10 years younger than I am (I am 42, often get mistaken for early 30s). Here's what I think does it:

- Athletic. I used to be a personal trainer and still work out daily. I also walk almost everywhere I go and have lots of active hobbies (biking, hiking, rock climbing). This should be obvious, but the more active you are, the younger you will appear. It's not just that it makes your body look better (though it does), it also give you more energy, keeps you more flexible, helps maintain balance, etc. These feel like intangibles but spend some time watching how people move through the world. Exercising and feeling fit will make you appear younger without having to do anything to your clothes or hair.

- Minimal makeup. Granted, I think I have some good skin genes and my skin still looks pretty good despite not always being religious about skincare (I am now, but wasn't always when I was younger). But even if I had more wrinkles, I think a good quality CC cream plus some mascara and maaaaaybe a sheer cheek tint is plenty for most women. I went through a lipstick phase but stopped it specifically because I think it makes me look older (emphasizes thinning lips and tiny lines around my mouth that you didn't notice if I just wear a lip balm). I also think eye makeup is especially aging on older skin because it settles into all the fine lines. If you have the time to really make it look right, it works, but for every day? You will look more youthful with just a swipe of mascara and a relatively clean face. I have started to do my brows daily though, but that has to do with having light hair and needing some definition. I don't think it's necessary if your brows are already darker -- just tidy them up a bit.

- Keep clothes simple. Nothing too trendy, but I also keep things fairly streamlined. Agree that updated denim is key. So many women my age are afraid of higher rises and non-skinny jeans. I get it, but once you take the plunge, you can see it looks better. My favorite jeans right now are a highish rise with a straight leg in a mid-blue. Classic and easy. With a tee or tank tucked in, a hip-length blazer, and a pair of flats, it's such an easy look that doesn't make me look like I'm trying to be a teenager, but is in style in a way that won't date me. And it's easy and the pants are comfy! There's really no downside.

- Don't overdo technical fabrics and athleisure. I have and wear leggings. I own a fleece jacket. But I do not do head-to-toe athleisure very often. I think actual young people can pull this off and still look young. But once you're in your 40s, you just look like somebody's mom (full disclosure: I am somebody's mom). But a 40+ woman wearing black leggings/joggers, sports bra with athletic top, and a fleece jacket, plus sneakers, every day? It's not that it makes you look super old, it just pegs you to a certain stage of life -- school drop off, soccer practice, Saturdays at the playground, etc. Yes, it's plenty of women in their 30s doing this too. But the point is that it wears different once you're over 40. Putting in a smidge more effort will help a lot.

Genuine question: what are the circumstances under which people are guessing your age? It truly does not come up in conversation and I’m quite confident that it’s not because I look uncommonly old or young for my age.

People are often surprised to hear my actual age, to find out I have kids at all or that they are as old as they are, to discover when I graduated from college or how much job experience I have. It comes up with some frequency.

[Anonymous]

It’s really not helpful to go on and on about how young everyone thinks you are. Not unless you have a tip about why that is, and how OP can do it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s really not helpful to go on and on about how young everyone thinks you are. Not unless you have a tip about why that is, and how OP can do it too.

I agree, it's getting old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s really not helpful to go on and on about how young everyone thinks you are. Not unless you have a tip about why that is, and how OP can do it too.

But every time someone provides tips on how they look more youthful, everyone attacks them and says "you don't actually look young! you just think you do! you're delusional!"

Y'all can go on looking decrepit then. I don't care if you think I look young or not!

[Anonymous]

Thick hair--I can think of a lot of women with lineless faces but skimpy thin hair that gives away their age. Obviously this goes triple if there are gray hairs.
No glittery eyeshadow that emphasizes crepey eyelids.
Push up bra is a must plus girdle if necessary to create a young-looking figure.
White, well-polished teeth.

[Anonymous]

Well-fitting bra wardrobe and great posture. I say this as a 33F. I have a tiny frame and the wrong bra makes me look heavy. I sometimes wear a very expensive running bra under business clothes in offer to not show cleavage and to be able to button a favorite blouse.

So many women walk around with saggy, dropping breasts. I get it but this is an easy fix. Truly transformative for me!

Also - the wrong shoes can ruin an otherwise fashionable look. No old lady shoes. Even a ballet flat or converse low tops are better than giant Clark’s comfort shoes.

Energy is another. I love to laugh and am a high energy person. I don’t take life too seriously and earnestly try to laugh so hard that I howl or cry daily. Sometimes, I get my laugh fix via silly YouTube videos pr stand up comedy radio on my commute. I’m very smiley with the laugh lines and eye crinkles to prove it at 53.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I regularly get mistaken for someone 10 years younger than I am (I am 42, often get mistaken for early 30s). Here's what I think does it:

- Athletic. I used to be a personal trainer and still work out daily. I also walk almost everywhere I go and have lots of active hobbies (biking, hiking, rock climbing). This should be obvious, but the more active you are, the younger you will appear. It's not just that it makes your body look better (though it does), it also give you more energy, keeps you more flexible, helps maintain balance, etc. These feel like intangibles but spend some time watching how people move through the world. Exercising and feeling fit will make you appear younger without having to do anything to your clothes or hair.

- Minimal makeup. Granted, I think I have some good skin genes and my skin still looks pretty good despite not always being religious about skincare (I am now, but wasn't always when I was younger). But even if I had more wrinkles, I think a good quality CC cream plus some mascara and maaaaaybe a sheer cheek tint is plenty for most women. I went through a lipstick phase but stopped it specifically because I think it makes me look older (emphasizes thinning lips and tiny lines around my mouth that you didn't notice if I just wear a lip balm). I also think eye makeup is especially aging on older skin because it settles into all the fine lines. If you have the time to really make it look right, it works, but for every day? You will look more youthful with just a swipe of mascara and a relatively clean face. I have started to do my brows daily though, but that has to do with having light hair and needing some definition. I don't think it's necessary if your brows are already darker -- just tidy them up a bit.

- Keep clothes simple. Nothing too trendy, but I also keep things fairly streamlined. Agree that updated denim is key. So many women my age are afraid of higher rises and non-skinny jeans. I get it, but once you take the plunge, you can see it looks better. My favorite jeans right now are a highish rise with a straight leg in a mid-blue. Classic and easy. With a tee or tank tucked in, a hip-length blazer, and a pair of flats, it's such an easy look that doesn't make me look like I'm trying to be a teenager, but is in style in a way that won't date me. And it's easy and the pants are comfy! There's really no downside.

- Don't overdo technical fabrics and athleisure. I have and wear leggings. I own a fleece jacket. But I do not do head-to-toe athleisure very often. I think actual young people can pull this off and still look young. But once you're in your 40s, you just look like somebody's mom (full disclosure: I am somebody's mom). But a 40+ woman wearing black leggings/joggers, sports bra with athletic top, and a fleece jacket, plus sneakers, every day? It's not that it makes you look super old, it just pegs you to a certain stage of life -- school drop off, soccer practice, Saturdays at the playground, etc. Yes, it's plenty of women in their 30s doing this too. But the point is that it wears different once you're over 40. Putting in a smidge more effort will help a lot.

Genuine question: what are the circumstances under which people are guessing your age? It truly does not come up in conversation and I’m quite confident that it’s not because I look uncommonly old or young for my age.

NP but this comes up all the time and the skepticism is sort of... Well, to be fair, I guess it's both warranted and weird.

I'm sure lots of people think they look younger and absolutely do not, even if once in a while someone is surprised at their age.

But it's sort of weird to think you're going to "gotcha" an anonymous person online with this. And there are all kinds of ways age comes up in one way or another, or it's obvious in some way that people think you are approximately whatever age (like PP who has people CLEARLY assuming she and her son are on a date).

I look at least somewhat younger than I am, and have since I was 30. There are lots of ways age can come up without anyone having to go out of their way to ask or mention it.

-Getting carded, specifically at a place that doesn't card everyone, when they're not even carding everyone at the table-- and this happens frequently-- I know it may only be that they think I am under 35, not under 21, but still

-I say I'm going to my HS reunion or it's my anniversary, and someone asks what year/how many years and then seems genuinely shocked/has to do the math-- sure, maybe they're blowing smoke, eh, IDK

-My new boss keeps making cultural references and saying I wouldn't know about them. Cultural references from... the 80s and 90s. I was born in the 1970s. My supervisor called me and told me he had to repeatedly insist upon how old I actually am, because big boss kept assuming I was a dozen years younger

-People assuming my brother, who is 10 years younger than I am, is the older sibling

-I could go on

Sure, you can poke holes into all of these things! Maybe my little brother looks a haggard mess! Maybe my boss has dementia! Maybe the servers are all flirting with me!

It's not even a point of pride with me, per se. It's just a phenomenon that I daresay actually exists (and yes, I said 'daresay' in an online forum! ooh, no one will card me now!)

It's even more extreme with DH, who is an actor and constantly asked to audition for 30-somethings. He's over 50. Then again, not everyone is white.

You think about this alot, huh?

I think about a lot of things a lot, especially when prompted with, you know-- a question. Sounds like thinking isn't really your thing.

DP. Did your parents encourage your narcissism?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really not helpful to go on and on about how young everyone thinks you are. Not unless you have a tip about why that is, and how OP can do it too.

But every time someone provides tips on how they look more youthful, everyone attacks them and says "you don't actually look young! you just think you do! you're delusional!"

Y'all can go on looking decrepit then. I don't care if you think I look young or not!

People here are equating looking young with being attractive. I have a coworker who is thirtyish and could easily pass for a high school girl -- a plain Jane high school girl. So people saying they look young seem like they're bragging about also being BEAUTIFUL which isn't necessarily the case.

[Anonymous]

At some point, let the short shorts and trendy looks go. Something's just really give away your age when you wear them; one of my friends looks really young, then wears shorts that show off wrinkly knees and totally ruins it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really not helpful to go on and on about how young everyone thinks you are. Not unless you have a tip about why that is, and how OP can do it too.

But every time someone provides tips on how they look more youthful, everyone attacks them and says "you don't actually look young! you just think you do! you're delusional!"

Y'all can go on looking decrepit then. I don't care if you think I look young or not!

People here are equating looking young with being attractive. I have a coworker who is thirtyish and could easily pass for a high school girl -- a plain Jane high school girl. So people saying they look young seem like they're bragging about also being BEAUTIFUL which isn't necessarily the case.

This certainly is true. It can be a backhanded complement, or just putting someone in their place. For awhile our ES had a skeevy principal who came out of retirement to take the opening. I always disliked the way he introduced staff at meetings, etc., something condescending about him. One mother said he told her he'd mistaken her for a student. If true, he certainly should have kept it to himself, nothing charming about telling an adult they look twelvish.